The end at the start. (1/1)

I saw you.  Under the booming music, my music, I saw you.   White, your skin so white and clear, your eyes so clear. Under my shades, I see you perfectly, your face glowing and flushing with the light shooting out thousands of colors. They say there's no such thing as love as first sight, but I stuttered. I forgot my lyrics.   You laughed, covering your mouth. You find it cute.  I am mesmerized.  As my members sang, I strutted over to your section, determined to get a clear view of your face. You shrieked, together with hundreds of others, covering your pretty lips with the familiar yellow lightstick. Remove it, I want to see you better. But as I approached you, you shoved a camera up my face.  You are cruel.  I blinked, my "what's up" becoming quieter than usual. Like the others, you didn't noticed that.  You responded with excitement, screaming with the hundreds.  I still think you looked beautiful.  You cried out to me. You screamed my name. Jiyong, you yelled, thinking its impossible for me to hear you in the crowd. I did. You have a unique voice. How weird is it that the first word you ever said to me is my name?  I wanted to know more than that voice. I wanted to see what kind of videos introduced you to me. I wanted to know what is your favorite song of mine. I wanted to test if you really know every little detail of mine.  But more than that, I wanted to know your favorite color at that moment. I would consider decorating the whole stage lights in that color just for you to watch. I wanted to know if you know how to cook. I wanted to know when was the first time you ever cried in school. I wanted to know if your job was bothering you before your worries were temporarily relieved by our presence tonight.  I wanted to know all about you.  I bent down on the stage and ripped my shades of my nose. You shrieked even shriller. It's frustrating, remove that camera. I just want to look at you. But you didn't.  You screamed and screamed and held the camera even firmer. Just like the others.   I know what that is for. Tonight, somewhere on the Internet, you'll probably post a picture of me staring directly at your lens, with the caption of "G-Dragon caught my camera!". That's what everyone does.  I can almost feel your hysteria.  I wasn't. I was trying, trying to stare at you. Trying to establish a connection.  But you didn't get it. And that cold silver mechanic in your hand remained a stone hard barrier between us.  I will never get to know you better.  I turned around, each of your screams piercing into my disappointed heart. This is all we can be, idol, and fan.  You shrieked "I love you!" as I leave.  Then why didn't you gave me a chance?     The lights are shining, the noise is deafening. Sweat streaked people were shoving me in all directions. But that's okay, I'm not new to the crowd, it's my fourth time here.   Here to see you.   The boys looked amazing as usual. Their vocals were as if it was pre recorded. Perfect. And then there's you. You never failed to bedazzle me, and once again I find myself screaming with thousands of people like me for you to look over.   The heart I have for you is the same as the heart I have the first time I saw you sing on TV.   Seeing you sing, it took my breath away. Even when you forget your lyrics, like you just did, it's lovable.   You're the love of my life and I'm just another fan in the crowd.  You came over. Our screams must've worked. Seeing you upfront is like a pure dream. Those type that's so beautiful it suffocates people in their sleep and they're found dead in their beds in the morning with a smile on their face.  You're so beautiful. How can we both be humans yet so different?  I waved my lightstick as hard as I could. All that I can do for you is to be part of the beautiful ocean of brilliant yellow glow that gives you the strength to continue.   You're my only star but I'm just another spot of glitter in your galaxy.  You bent down and we cheered even louder. How can you always look so flawless? What ability do you have to be able to make your imperfections even more perfect? All I could think of doing is to fumble for my camera. To you, this show may be just another show in your tour. And you would never remember bending down to us here tonight. It's just another scripted action. A meaningless fan service. I know it. But to me, it's a once in a life time opportunity. I won't forget it. I cannot allow myself to forget it.  I tried to snap a close up look of you.

It's the only solid memory I can bring away. Before I go back to my normal daily life. Before you end the concert and leave this country behind you.  I'm absolutely starstruck and you're that star that struck me.  You took your shades off. I could almost not believe it, but you stared into my camera. You looked at me. My eyes blurred as I struggled to keep my camera steady. Out of the hundreds of flashes in the crowd, you chose to look at mine. It feels like a miracle. I screamed your name, hoping, begging that you can hear me.   Please hear me, just like how I hear you whenever I'm crushed beneath all the stress and demoralization. You stood up and turned around. No, don't go. Please, even if it's just for another second, please stay. This is the closest I ever got to you before. You didn't stop. And I yelled "I love you" for a last time, hoping that you know how grateful I am for everything. All the support you gave me through your music, your spirit. Your existence.   I love you, Jiyong. I'm so in love with you but I am just a stranger.  Inside, I begged for you to turn around. Just one more time. Let me get another picture of your face. Give me another photo to stare at whenever I'm down. But you didn't, and I watched with a bittersweet feeling as you rejoined the members, sliding the sunglasses back onto your perfectly sculpted nose.  Please give me a chance.                                                                                              --------------------------------------------