[M] test the water (1/1)

also on ao3 (i recommend reading on ao3 because they don't censor s*x related words)   Jiwon is tired. He usually sleeps a lot but it's much worse when his heat is around the corner. It's like his whole body refuses to function just because he's not willing to jump on the first alpha he sees. It's ing ridiculous and he hates it. He used to be angry. It's not for him, it's never been for him- finding someone, mating, starting a family. It's too much trouble and he's not interested. Music is all he cares about. People say that being an omega is a privilege, that it's rare these days, that he's lucky to be able to really bond and mate, unlike most people. But he never asked for that privilege. He'd swap places with any beta if he could. So he was furious with his body for betraying him like this, with fate for making him someone he never wanted to be. But these days, he's just tired. Not just physically, like usual, but mentally as well. He's resigned, he supposes. Maybe he got used to it, suffering for a few days every month. Heat suppressants barely help, the best way is to just knock yourself out with sleeping pills. Maybe that's why nowadays he gets drowsy even before his heat starts. His body got used to it. Smoking also helps a bit, puts his mind at ease if nothing else, that's why he's here now, crouching on the dorm balcony, a cigarette in hand. He stares at the night sky as he inhales the smoke. It's disturbingly dark. No stars, just vast darkness. He can’t remember the last time he saw stars. He's not surprised when the balcony door opens and someone walks out. He smelled Donghyuk even over the scent of smoke. His senses are especially alert now, and even though Donghyuk is a beta, he often smells a lot like his mate. Like Hanbin. The only alpha in their group. It would be convenient, Jiwon thinks, if he and Hanbin were mates. He wouldn't have to look for an alpha among people he doesn't like and trust. But Hanbin fell for Donghyuk, imprinted on him, and even though betas can't fully experience the mating bond, it doesn't make it any less real on Hanbin's part. Hanbin won't leave Donghyuk for any omega- or anyone for that matter, ever. And that's good. Jiwon hopes Donghyuk won't fall out of love. It's risky for alphas and omegas to bond with betas. Betas don't bond for life. On the other hand, if he trusts anyone to make Hanbin happy, it’s Donghyuk. "You're going to catch a cold." Donghyuk drops a sweater on his shoulders; Jiwon clumsily wraps it around his shoulders with his free hand. It really is chilly out here. And the sweater doesn't smell like Hanbin. It's a faint but sweet, soothing scent. Completely Donghyuk. "Thanks," he mumbles. Donghyuk crouches down next to him and gives him a gentle smile. "Your heat is soon, huh?" "Mmm." "Your heats have been rough recently." Jiwon shrugs. "The longer I don't , the more my body demands it." "You know, the… the offer still stands." "And my answer hasn't changed." Jiwon stubs the cigarette out against the stone flooring. "But Hanbin is the only alpha-" "Listen.” Jiwon turns to him to meet his eyes, tone serious. "I know you. You care for us all. You love us all. But you love Hanbin with all your heart and it'd hurt you. And you would act like it didn't but it would and I would feel like . I don't want any of it." Donghyuk withstands his gaze for a few seconds but then he looks away. "I just don't want you to suffer." Jiwon reaches to ruffle his hair. "I'm tough, I can handle it," he assures, giving Donghyuk the brightest smile he can muster. Donghyuk hesitantly smiles back. "I know. I just… wish you didn't have to." Jiwon has no answer to that. ___ He's been considering it. Having with an alpha he knows, someone in the industry, so he can be sure they will keep it a secret. He has a few days left and he's almost made up his mind. But he's antsy and he wishes he could talk to someone about it. He's not usually the type to seek advice, he prefers making his own choices by himself. When he does need it, he goes to Jinhwan. But Jinhwan is a beta, and he's not interested in relationships. He wouldn't understand. In the end he decides that maybe talking to the person he has in mind is the easiest option. He's a hyung. Maybe not the wisest person he knows but… "Hyung, you're up?" Chanwoo walks into the kitchen and flashes him a grin as he passes by. Jiwon glances at him briefly before returning to typing on his phone. "Yeah. I might be meeting Mino hyung later." Chanwoo doesn't respond or react in any other way, he just opens the fridge and grabs a can of Pepsi- but somehow Jiwon can sense it. The sudden tension in the air. "Your heat starts soon," Chanwoo says, tone casual, as he leans against the counter. He opens the soda can with a pop that makes Jiwon flinch; right now he's sensitive to sound as well. "And Mino hyung… he's an unmated alpha." It's not safe is what Chanwoo is trying to say. Jiwon knows, but it doesn't matter. He's going to ask Mino to him anyway, he has no reason to be worried about him doing it earlier than planned. It doesn't matter. Besides, he's strong. He can protect himself if necessary. "I know," he says softly. "That's why I'm meeting him." "You mean…" Chanwoo sounds surprised. Jiwon can't blame him. He's not that close to Mino, they get along well but they're not more than colleagues. But there's literally no one else he can think of, no one else he can trust. The only other alpha he knows fairly well is Tablo but for 's sake, he's much older and married with a kid. "Yeah," Jiwon confirms giving Chanwoo a reassuring smile. "It should be fun, right?" But the frown on Chanwoo's face only intensifies. He doesn't inquire further, though, and Jiwon has nothing more to say, either. ___ He's already by the door, slipping his shoes on, when Chanwoo finds him again. He approaches him and grabs his wrist. His eyes are dark, intense, when Jiwon looks up at him. "Don't go, hyung," he says softly. Jiwon stares at him for a moment, and then, to Chanwoo's surprise as well as his own, he nods. "Okay." "Okay?" Chanwoo blinks. Jiwon nods again and smiles. Strangely enough, he feels relieved. He never really wanted to do it but he already made up his mind so he doesn't understand why just a word from Chanwoo made him reconsider. But… it makes him feel better, even though he knows the heat won’t be easy to go through alone. Chanwoo still seems confused and there's worry in the look he gives Jiwon. It's strange. Their relationship- it's mostly playful. When it's serious, Chanwoo is just… someone he treats like a younger brother. He doesn't expect or want Chanwoo to look after him. Or maybe he's just not accustomed to concern, unless it comes from Donghyuk or Yunhyeong. "Hyung, if you need anything…" "I'll be fine," Jiwon assures with a grin. "I've got lots of experience in sleeping through it, don't worry." "Right." Chanwoo finally smiles. He's still holding Jiwon's wrist- they seem to notice at the same time because just as Jiwon thinks about it, Chanwoo quickly withdraws his hand. Jiwon finds he misses the touch. Weird, but it made him feel better somehow. Calmed him down. He has no idea why. He finds out soon enough. ___ He wakes up with a groan, feeling hot all over. He lies there for a moment, wishing for sleep to take over again, but when it doesn't happen, he slowly opens his eyes. He glances at his phone and that's when he realizes- his heat should be there in two days. Not now. But he feels like it's just started. He tries to sit up and another wave of this hot, sticky dizziness washes over him. He curses under his breath. He's always hated the feeling but it seems even more intense now. Why? And then he senses it. The scent. Strong, alluring, overpowering, it pulls him in. Unmated alpha. Hanbin used to smell like that to him, before he and Donghyuk mated. Other alphas as well. But this smell is different, somehow. More intense but at the same time… safer? Alpha scent always alerted him, made him feel like he had to either submit or run. It's different now. It's a smell that makes him want to just- be close to it. To just give in. What the hell? It takes effort but he manages to get up and leave his room. It's completely quiet- it seems like everyone is asleep. Or still working, in Hanbin's case. The scent is stronger here. Jiwon follows it, pushed partly by curiosity, partly by instinct. He ends up in front of Yunhyeong and Chanwoo's room. Impossible. They're both betas. And neither of them would invite an alpha over. Yunhyeong is dating a beta- a cute, short, chubby girl. Jiwon has met her a few times and he can tell they're not going to break up anytime soon. And Chanwoo is single, definitely not the type to sleep around. Unless. It suddenly hits him. Chanwoo is not that young but some people present late. Maybe… could it be that he's not a beta after all? He almost enters the room, just to smell it, to make sure- but then he realizes it's his heat talking. He already know it's Chanwoo, he doesn't know how but he can feel it. And it's not safe. If he goes in, his smell is bound to wake Chanwoo up and then… Chanwoo has just presented, he has no experience dealing with a rut. It would surely make things awkward. Not to mention, Jiwon feels too hot and dizzy right now to be able to do anything that’s not, well, ing. He needs a cold shower- or a long bath. ___ His heart nearly jumps out of his chest when he emerges from the bathroom, wearing only a bathrobe, and almost bumps into Chanwoo who walks out of his room at the same time. Great. Just what he needed. The bath made him feel a little better but now he feels hot all over again and he just wants to… no, Jiwon, he thinks. No. "Hyung…?" Chanwoo is staring at him wide-eyed like he doesn't understand what's happening. He probably doesn't. He's flushed and- Jiwon lowers his eyes. There's a visible tent in his sweatpants. He bites his lip, feeling even hotter. His body certainly has formed its own opinion about Chanwoo's . What the ? It's never been that bad with Hanbin around. It's almost like in those videos where the alpha and omega really can't control each other. Bull. They're not animals. "Chanwoo-yah…" Jiwon says. His throat feels dry, his voice comes out quiet, raspier than usual. "I think you… you presented." "What? But I…" he pauses, frowning. "Sometimes… it happens late." "I know, but...." Chanwoo trails off, balling his hands into fists. So hard his knuckles turn white. "That's why you smell so…" He flushes, clears his throat. "Are you in heat, hyung?" Jiwon suddenly feels weak in the knees. If he doesn't leave he's really going to do something embarrassing. Pounce on Chanwoo or just collapse where he's standing. "Yeah. That's why it's better- I gotta go to my room." He's afraid Chanwoo will stop him. If Chanwoo tried to do something, Jiwon is sure he wouldn't be able to resist. God, right now he just wanted to press himself against Chanwoo and feel him everywhere. But it's not right, Chanwoo might regret it later and Jiwon- he's not sure what he really wants. But Chanwoo doesn't attempt to stop him and a moment later Jiwon is locked in his room, curling up in his bed as another wave of heat washes over him. ___ He's still awake half an hour later when someone knocks at the door. They don't wait for his answer- the door opens and Yunhyeong walks in, a plate in his hand. "Brought you some fruits." Jiwon is usually the meat kind of a person but when on heat he can hardly stomach anything apart from fruits and cooked vegetables. Yunhyeong places the plate on his desk and sits on the edge of the bed. "Messy as always…" he sighs, looking around the room. Jiwon glares at him. He actually cleaned up a few days ago. It's not bad, just clothes scattered here and there- but well, it's Yunhyeong. Hard to please him when it comes that. "Jiwon-ah…" Yunhyeong says softly, expression filled with concern. "Your heat came early, right? And Chanwoo, he's…" "An alpha, I know," Jiwon whispers. Yunhyeong watches him for a moment then gently touches his forehead. "You're really burning up." "It's worse than usual. The sleeping pills aren't helping." He doesn't mention that it's hard to sleep because all he can think about is Chanwoo ing him. How embarrassing. Yunhyeong pets his hair for a moment. It's soothing, even though Jiwon feels pitiful like this. But it's nice, having someone care about you, and Yunhyeong has always had that warm, calming presence. Too bad, Jiwon thinks drowsily, that he's not an alpha, that he can't help him now. "How do you feel about Chanwoo?" Jiwon gives a lopsided grin. "He's an alpha and I'm in heat. You don't want to know." "I'm serious," Yunhyeong huffs, but there's a smile in his voice. "I was thinking- maybe he triggered your heat. Maybe you two are…" "It's kind of different," Jiwon says slowly, "than how I felt around other alphas. Do you think he…" It's unthinkable. That out of all people Chanwoo would imprint on him. And right after presenting too. Maybe even earlier? But why him? "If he really imprinted on you, maybe you two should try- you know. It'd make things easier for you." Maybe it would but does Chanwoo want that? Why would Chanwoo imprint on him? Jiwon knows he's not exactly an alpha's wet dream. He never aimed to be one. "Try you know? You mean ing?" Yunhyeong doesn't respond and Jiwon cracks his eyes open just to laugh at his flushed face. "You're really like an old person sometimes." Yunhyeong tries to look offended but he's grinning so it's not convincing. "Shut up and eat something." Jiwon obliges- he's not hungry but he doesn't like worrying others, and especially not Yunhyeong. ___ As his heat intensifies, Chanwoo's scent becomes more and more difficult to withstand. And Jiwon's imagination helpfully presents him with even dirtier images. He's hard and he's wet and he desperately wants to have an alpha's buried deep inside him. And while he knows touching himself should help a bit, he can't stop imagining it's Chanwoo touching him and he's ashamed. Maybe Chanwoo doesn't want him, maybe he'd be disgusted.   So Jiwon doesn't do it. He hopes Chanwoo will have the sense to avoid him so he's really startled when he drags his not very cooperative body to the kitchen to grab some more water and, a moment later, Chanwoo walks in. Just a look from Chanwoo is enough to make him feel weak and dizzy. Chanwoo probably wouldn't have to do much to make him come the first time. Jiwon would be putty in his hands. He's this close to whining and begging Chanwoo to do something, but he just bites his lip and, forgetting about the water, heads to the door. And, like before, Chanwoo grabs his wrist. "Hyung," he says softly, stepping closer to him. "Let me help you." Just the close proximity is enough to make Jiwon's head swim, and Chanwoo's fingers on his skin, the look of determination he gives him… Jiwon's resolve is too close to melting completely. And his body urges him to give in, to let the alpha do what he wants. But does Chanwoo really want to or does he just feel obliged to help him? "Only- only if you want to," he whispers. Chanwoo gives a breathless laugh and backs him up against the wall then wraps his hands around his waist and pulls him closer. Jiwon feels trapped, but in the best way possible. "Of course I want to. You're so hot, hyung." Jiwon shivers and presses a little further into the embrace, hiding his face in Chanwoo's shoulder. He's tired. So ing tired of avoiding alphas, of resisting, of suffering through his heat every month. And unlike around other alphas, he feels safe with Chanwoo. He relaxes against him, lets his scent and warmth take over his senses. , he wants to feel him everywhere. He wants this, he really does. So he tilts his head up, parts his lips- Chanwoo gets the message. He kisses Jiwon, and it's rough and messy and hot and makes him completely let go. He doesn't care anymore, he just wants Chanwoo to him, right now, and he lets him know by pressing closer to him, letting him feel how hard he is. They stumble through the hall and end up in Jiwon's bed. They don't even bother with clothes, except for getting rid of Jiwon's pants as quickly as possible. Chanwoo's warm hands on his hips and legs drive him crazy. He wastes no time in getting on all fours, presenting himself to the alpha, ready to be taken. He's so wet the slick is dripping down his thighs and he should be embarrassed but he doesn't care at this point. And Chanwoo seems to like it, if the noise he lets out is any indication. ", hyung.. " he hisses. Jiwon feels his fingers prod at his opening, the touch curious, unsure. He whines, pushing back against Chanwoo's hand. He's so wet and so ready and the last thing he wants is for Chanwoo to be gentle. Chanwoo's fingers go in easily, two at once, but Jiwon can definitely feel the stretch. It's been too long since last got ed so even on heat, when he's naturally relaxed and slick, it burns a little. He doesn't care though. All he wants is to feel Chanwoo's inside him. "Chanwoo please… please hurry." He shivers in excitement when he hears Chanwoo his pants. And a moment later he finally feels it. Chanwoo slides into him, slowly stretching his body with his , and Jiwon wants to cry at how good it feels, pressing against his inner walls, filling him up. Chanwoo moans when he bottoms out, and he stays still for a moment, panting. Jiwon can't think he just feels, his muscles clenching around the pulsing length inside him. He rolls his hips a little, gasping at the sensation of Chanwoo's shifting inside him, feeling more slick run down his thighs. He's so ready to himself on Chanwoo's , so desperate to feel more, but Chanwoo grips his hips, hard. "Stay still, hyung." He obeys, can't help it really, and it's embarrassing but he comes seconds later, just from how deliciously full he feels. Chanwoo curses at the way he clenches around him and pushes him further into the bed. ", you're so…" Jiwon feels oversensitive but his heat is strong still, and so is the need to please his alpha. So when Chanwoo starts ing him he doesn't protest and lets him use his body how he pleases. Moments later, he's hard again, his hips moving to meet every . It feels so ing good, the way Chanwoo's fills him up, he never wants it to stop. It's not long before Chanwoo is coming; his teeth graze against Jiwon's nape as he does and Jiwon shivers because he wants it, even if it's just a heat of the moment thing, he wants so badly for Chanwoo to mark him. The warm feeling of Chanwoo's come inside him tips him over the edge; the is so intense he blacks out for a moment. He wakes up to Chanwoo smiling at him; sweaty, panting, sated. He smiles back but even though his heat has calmed down for now he can't shake off that need, the need to be marked, to belong. ___ The first day of his heat is very tough on him. Chanwoo s him a few times, until he's so full of come it's dripping out of him along with the slick. He feels filthy and used but he can’t say he doesn’t like it. Then Chanwoo asks him to finger himself and he learns what he likes and then he s Jiwon with his fingers, massaging his prostate until he's crying from the sensations. The last time Chanwoo s him that day, Jiwon is so tired he can only cling onto him, panting, feeling completely boneless. Chanwoo comes inside him then pumps Jiwon's until he's coming too, feeling like the was ripped out of him. The second day is not much better, and neither is the third. Chanwoo teases him a bit for being so needy but he's very patient, helping him anytime he needs it, and not just with , he helps him clean up, wash, makes sure he stays hydrated. He's so serious about it that Yunhyeong, who usually looks after Jiwon, is surprised, but apart from one joking comment about Chanwoo growing up too fast, he doesn't say anything, just watches them with curious eyes. But despite all Chanwoo's efforts, Jiwon is exhausted. The heat lasts longer than usual and Jiwon knows it must be because they imprinted on each other but he doesn't know how to bring it up. Hey, by the way, I hope you like the because we might be destined to mate for life. Doesn't sound good. And Jiwon can be blunt but not when it comes relationships. If he'd try to talk about it he'd probably blush and stutter and laugh nervously and make a complete fool out of himself. So he's lucky that Chanwoo mentions it first. Jiwon hasn't let any other alpha knot him before, it just seemed too intimate, but he let Chanwoo on the second day. Or well, more like begged him for it, because he needed to feel it so badly, and he was sure then, that it was different with Chanwoo. It's still a bit embarrassing to stay like this, but he doesn't mind now, and he's too tired to care, and having Chanwoo spoon him with his buried deep inside him somehow feels just right. It feels warm and safe and good, especially when, after some time, Chanwoo starts ing him again, slow and deep. And that's when he says it. "Hyung, I want to… can I mark you?" Jiwon doesn't even think twice about it. "Yes- yes, please…" Chanwoo doesn’t do it immediately. Instead he presses soft kisses to Jiwon's neck as grabs Jiwon's leg and lifts it, s into him harder, until Jiwon is gasping and writing in his embrace, the pleasure clouding his mind. Chanwoo only bites him when he comes. It hurts, it hurts a lot, but it's the kind of pain that reminds Jiwon of the way his heart hurts when it feels like it's about to burst from affection sometimes, like when Chanwoo looks into his eyes and asks him if he's alright. It's the kind of pain that marks new beginnings. After it's over Chanwoo wraps himself around him, hugging him tight, his lips gently brushing against the fresh mark. And Jiwon is alright, he's safe and he's happy and though he is still a little afraid, he thinks he's ready for a new beginning.