Red Carnation (1/1)

My Heart Aches For You

Hello world, what are you thinking right now?

Me? I’m thinking… just last night, I nearly  r ape  my precious hyungWhat have I done?

Sehun was kissed by Luhan first.The way his lips fit perfectly on Luhan's, the faint smell of soap and flowers around his hyung that he barely breathed in, the slight taste of beer his mouth has. That was all it took for Sehun to leave all those f ucking morals he incorporate for himself."... want me to comfort you?" Luhan looking at him as if he need him to say 'yes' and asked with a tempting voice he heard the first time for real, with the voice sounding so familiar on his dreams. Oh crap, these happen a lot on his dreams! He could be hella dreaming and that explains everything!"Yea." Sehun swallowed before he answered despite knowing that it's the alcohol that's acting up. On his part? No sweetheart, he's 100% lucid at the moment; it's on Luhan's. He knew Luhan is already and only drunk but he doesn't give a damn on it anymore.He didn’t know what happened to him but before he realized it, he was already kissing Luhan... hard and pining. And he knocked the smaller guy down on the sofa, his weight is just as Sehun had imagined--- light and easy. But despite the messy thoughts he can't figure out what to ponder first in his mind, he didn't stop kissing, he didn't go with just kissing, his tongue tapped Luhan's lips and let it enter inside his mouth, tasting him extensively. Yet he wanted more. He can’t resist it. The desire that Sehun long handed down hurried back rapidly without holding back, fluently it was like a natural feeling, like a water flowing, a bird flying, and a dream reaching. His hands just started to move on its own as he was blinded by his own sensation. He exactly what to do at the same time he doesn't. Both confused and elated and certain--- he's as if high and poisoned and intoxicated.But he is not acting out of just lust.He slid his hands under Luhan's shirt. Hands trailing against Luhan's chest while kissing deep on his neck like a vampire hungry for blood, biting. Luhan covered his mouth with the back of his hand but he can’t help it, he moaned a bit.It's Luhan's voice that brought Sehun back to his consciousness. He got shocked and finally came to his senses. He stopped. Shifts further to see the man under his chest, lips swollen from intense kissing, shirt half unbuttoned almost crippled from grasping and touching, neck and other parts covered with hankering marks, making Luhan appear adulterated by none other than him. Terrified by his own actions, he broke away.What am I doing…He stood up and looked at Luhan who doesn't appear to be lucid and sighs.… this is stupid…He left Luhan without saying anything and without turning just one more time to notice that the latter looked as if he’s about to cry.It was because of alcohol… He defended. But even if we’re not drinking that time, I’ll still most likely pounce unto him. He admits.He can’t help it, Luhan is pretty seductive, it’s not Sehun's fault that he lusts for him… hah, who is he kidding, he said to himself. He sounded just like a perverted old man making excuses. When a pretty goes kissing you, you'll definitely kiss back as a man.But given that person is the one he loves, it's f ucking painful to withdraw.

~♦~ Sehun's father is a politician with a good name… and the bodyguard adjussi who is always with him whenever his father sees him already stood as his second father. He may not remember it but he already knew Luhan even before he met him the first time. Adjussi has been telling him tales about his beloved son. Luhan became a legend to Sehun until he finally saw him. But when his father and adjussi both died in an accident, It was so sudden that Sehun's mind can’t catch up with the flow of events. He was only seven at that time. He cried when he saw his mother cried. But he didn't know the feeling of never having to see his father anymore that moment. He can't cry for that purpose. He wasn't able to think about that. All he knew is that it feels painful to see his mother cry and so he cries for her too. He wasn't capable of mourning that time, but even so, one thing is sure, he'll always miss his father in the future.Who would have thought that one day, he'll have to say goodbye to his father already? During the wake when Sehun was playing on his own on the hallway of the room, he heard some of the guest talking about the son of the bodyguard who also died. He turned to look at the direction of the people's eyes, on the room beside where his father lies, fewer people are inside, he recognizes the picture of bodyguard adjussi on the front area surrounded by white flowers and he spots a guy in black suit, palms covering his face sitting on the first row.An 11-year old boy crying and sitting beside his father’s coffin, honestly, it’s out of curiosity that Sehun approached him. Was there even a pull? At that early stage? Who knows, there probably has been a red string wrapped on one of their fingers connecting them.Things just happened naturally as if it’s already written. The color of Sehun's world before has been as dull as gray. He was loved by many but he couldn’t feel it. It’s the same as he knows how to love but still it’s the feeling that he can’t grasp. He longed to be loved like how he could give the love back to that person.Years had gone by. At first, he found it really amusing, it was the first for him to have someone following him around and playing with him despite being the younger one.From empathy, Sehun grew fond of Luhan until he treats him as a real family. As years passed by, of course they became even more closer. He was like an irreplaceable close friend to him. As if Luhan is just as his age, not older and Sehun not younger. They get along so well that they didn't even bother to look for other friends. No one gets in between their world. They even push away, if you can call it like that, all that try to get close to them. Especially Sehun. For some reason he developed a sense of protectiveness, if not possessiveness, around Luhan. He hissed all the people who try to be Luhan's friend. So he can be the only one for Luhan. So Luhan will only be his.Sehun was intimidated by Luhan's beauty, the latter is like a Chinese doll, which is not really surprising as Luhan is actually a Chinese blood. But he is far from that, he is simply striking, stunning, graceful, and delicate. He grew more beautiful with each passing day. Sehun always keeps on thinking how come a beauty Luhan is when he’s actually a guy… but then he realized that it was not only admiration that he feels… He's starting to love Luhan.It’s increasing steadfastly and uncontrollably that it makes him commit a sin every night… subconsciously dreaming of Luhan doing far from pure things with him, consciously imagining of Luhan's tainted appearance beneath him to the point that Sehun was disgusted by himself with this sinful desire.He miraculously held it in throughout college. Just as he thought he'll be caught and dead the next moment of them both, Luhan suggested he'll be living away on his own. Luhan explained it to them theoretically yet his voice doesn't sound convincing. But that's not the reason why he didn't want to send Luhan off. His mother is also reluctant on the thought of Luhan leaving the house. Yet still, that's not the reason why he didn't want Luhan away. It was simply because he right then realized that he can't do it. Simple as that. He can't part from Luhan. He feels like he'll die or he'll be sick or he'll be mad. He can't choose between the three. But when Luhan smiled purely at him and tells him that he'll be fine himself, he knew Luhan meant for him to let him go.That’s why to end this foolishness, he married Eri. Eri is not just a random girl. He first met her on his Humanities 101 class. First talked to her when he left his working papers to pass and first kissed her in front of her house one starry night. Eri is a college buddy who is very approachable friend and with a wits lovely enough to be his lover. Despite those, he was a little sad… but he feels like it would be for the better. That it’s the time to let Luhan go.As time passed by, Sehun realized that he learned to love Eri and he doesn’t desire for Luhan anymore… he doesn’t think of him frequently… as he thought, a year would be enough to move on.. And for 3 years, he finally got over his feelings. But then, Eri said that she never got to hold Sehun's heart…He said he had moved on already by a year but… even after 3 years, he still long for Luhan as much as before, no less!

How did he manage to be more beautiful even after 3 years? He thought the moment he saw him again.

~♦~

What the m style="font-family:cambria;">f uck did he just mess?Sehun thinks while staring at the ceiling for thirty minutes after he woke up. The thing is he couldn't turn back to see Luhan on the couch so he just rushed towards the bedroom and occupied his bed. Rude much? Considering that he's not the owner of the place and he's doing anything that he please, pretty bratty that is. But he's used to being spoiled by Luhan so it didn't matter. The bigger problem is the one that happened this dawn.How will he be able to face Luhan now? How will Luhan talk to him normally as if nothing happened? Thinking about it sucks so he got up and walk towards the kitchen where Luhan is cooking for breakfast and the latter greets Sehun with a smile soon as the younger walked near him.Uh... as if nothing happened?Luhan's expession is pretty normal. So flat he can't even read him the slightest emotion.He felt idiotic when he realized his jaw is actually dropping. He cleared his throat and replied with a lazy smile, "Morning.""Please wait, I’m cooking breakfast." Luhan immediately cuts.The sound of Luhan cooking breakfast for him is very refreshing. Why does it have to be ruined by the next issue he'll bring up?"Hyung, last night I.." Sehun started feeling weird by suddenly calling Luhan as hyung. Being wary of the things he'll say."What happened last night?" Luhan asked with his back facing him. Sehun held up his stare studying Luhan's but even with the piercing gaze, Luhan didn't turn around.Could it be he has forgotten? Sehun thought, caught in the middle of relief and disappointment. What does he want to happen really? What does he expect Luhan to react? Clearly, the thing Luhan forgetting or acting like he's forgotten about the kiss they shared last night makes Sehun sad."Huh?""Kidding. You can’t be talking about the kiss, right?" This time, Luhan whirled around facing Sehun with his hands on his hips flashing a bright-almost-fake smile.At least one person is trying hard to make it unawkward."Umm…" What now? "Actually I--"Luhan cut his words before he finished."It’s ok. We could just forget about it. It’s also my fault, we’re both drunk last night so no big deal." he concluded as he turned back once more to continue his cooking suggesting he won't take another rebuttal from Sehun.The younger guy just proceeds on watching his hyung's back. How many times has he done this? Watching Luhan's back, fighting himself not to reach for it. Not to crush the only connection they have. Not to lose Luhan for some insane emotion he feels for him. Actually I’m not that drunk… and how could I just forget? I really regret what I did last night…‘Cause once again, I frantically yearn for this man and it’s no joke. It’s more severe this time.

_author's corner_

2nd chapter is sehun's pov...

actually, I've written this kind of story from by blog years ago, i don't remember..

but a friend of mine keeps bugging me, telling me I should make it hunhan version

so i editted and revised some stuffs and made it this way..

thank you for giving some of your precious time in reading this fic...