Lovely Monologue (1/1)

Dear Diary,Minhyun would not talk to JR for days. JR had to continuously apologize for days, and I had to interfere and convince him that JR’s tongue slipped and that he was sincerely sorry.My relationship with Minhyun still did not change. Minhyun still pretended like none of it ever happened, and neither JR nor I ever brought it up again.It’s been more than two weeks since Yooyoung had rejected him, since I confessed my own feelings. Slowly, Minhyun seemed to be getting over her. I was still the only one that knew about his feelings for her. He never mentioned her again to me, but I did catch him looking at pictures of her on the Internet today.I sighed and I asked him is he still feels the same way about her. He answered honestly and said that he still kind of liked her.Then Baekho, Ren and JR came into the room. JR winked at me before telling Baekho and Ren that he wanted to play video games with them and so dragged them away into one of the bedrooms.Minhyun sighed and shook his head, obviously understanding JR’s motives. “Hyung, if anyone’s making it awkward, it’s JR,” Minhyun told me. “Can you tell him to stop being so suggestive?”“He’s trying to help me,” I replied.“He’s not helping anyone.”“I think he is. I told him about what happened between me and you…”“Hyung, stop bringing it up please! Didn’t you tell us to forget about it? Didn’t you forget about it? Aren’t you over me already?”It hurt me to think that he thought I had forgotten about him so easily. “Over you? You’re not over Yooyoung, why would you think I would be over you?” I responded aggressively with a frown on my face.“But your love is different than mine.”“Why is it different?” I yelled back.He hesitated to give an answer.“Because it’s gay love?” I answered for him.“Well…”“Minhyun, do you think gay love doesn’t exist? It exists you big idiot!” I yelled, suddenly hurt by what he said. He implied that my love wasn’t real because it was gay love. It made me so angry and I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.“That’s not what I meant,” Minhyun said submissively when he saw how angry I got. “I’m sorry hyung, please don’t be offended,” he then laid his head on my shoulder and grabbed my arm. I pushed him away slightly, still angry for what he said.Minhyun sighed and then poured his heart out to me: “I’m sorry. You love me and I’m acting ungrateful. I’m sorry if it hurt you that I pretended nothing happened, but it’s only because I didn’t want you to feel that you lost me after confessing. And hyung, I did think about it, believe me. I considered accepting your heart, but it makes me shudder thinking about it. I love you for confessing and I love that you love me so severely. Your love for me makes me happy but no matter how hard I try, I can’t love you in the same way. I don’t think it’s even possible for me to love you like that. I’m sorry, Aron. If it makes you feel any better, I love you as a brother. I love you a little less than you love me, but I still love you. More than I love JR and Baekho and Ren. You’re like a real brother to me and you’re one of the most important people in my life, but I can’t imagine myself in love with you. Please, don’t be sad. I don’t want to break your heart like Yooyoung broke mine. Tell me hyung, are you heartbroken?”I put my arms around him and hugged him tightly kissing his forehead and pulling him closer to me. How ironic is it that his little speech made me fall deeper for him? He’s kind and considerate and that speech was flattering beyond flattering and just want to hug him forever and ever. I knew that this speech was ultimately a rejection, but it didn’t feel like one. For some reason, I loved hearing him tell me how much he cared about me.I told him that I wasn’t heartbroken and that his speech made me feel special and put me in a good mood. We agreed then that we wouldn’t let the confession change our relationship.Baekho and Ren then came into the living room, and so we had to stop talking. But when JR came in and saw Minhyun cuddling so close to me he flashed on of his mischievous smirks which made Minhyun shift uncomfortably and pull away from me. Nice move, JR. I suddenly felt so exposed and so cold without his warmth against me.I talked to JR later and told him to stop interfering. He asked if we made a couple yet and I answered, “not yet.”Not yet. But just you wait. I will make him mine some day.