[M] Looking for you (1/1)

“How much longer are you going to stay here as a coward, Daehyun?” Yongguk’s raspy deep voice cut through the silent apartment before Daehyun was able to see his face, peering over the couch of which he was lodging on with the thin grey blanket pulled up the his chin.Daehyun looked away and sniffled, pulling the blanket up to his nose as he pulled his knees closer to his chest as he continued to watch the flickering screen of the television.“Daehyun.”Daehyun continued to ignore the older before he was attacked by the cold air as his blanket was pulled away from him, making him curl further into a ball to keep whatever remaining warmth that was left with his flimsy pajamas. He sat up and reached out his hand to grab the material back while glaring at his hyung. “Hyung, give it back!”“No.” Yongguk pulled the blanket out of Daehyun’s reach and glared down at the younger, “Stop moping around and do something. You’ve been hiding here for two weeks. You haven’t been going to your classes, you haven’t been working at your part time job, and I’m surprised they haven’t fired your pathetic ass yet. Not to mention, you haven’t done anything to fix your relationship with Youngjae.”Daehyun lowered his eyes as tears were brimming the edge once more, his voice cracking as he spoke, “I-I can’t, hyung. I h-hurt him too much by saying what I said…” He pulled his legs to his chest as he wrapped his arms around the knees. “You never saw his face, hyung. He l-looked so broken, like…” He couldn’t finished the sentence, not when the image of the younger’s face from that night flashed through his mind and fresh tears were running down his face again.Yongguk’s face soften as he saw the distraught boy in front of him before making his way around the couch and taking a seat to the shaking form. Gently, Yongguk reached for an arm for Daehyun’s hand and pulled at it lightly, urging the boy to come closer to him. Daehyun did, unwrapping himself to wrap his arms around his hyung’s thin waist and pressing his face against the strong chest; the sound of him crying vibrated throughout the apartment. Yongguk returned the embrace with one hand resting on the younger’s back while the other was stroking Daehyun’s soft dark strands. Few minutes later, Daehyun pulled away, satisfied after bawling his eyes out and sniffled, his hands letting go of Yongguk’s waist in favor of wiping away the tear stains on his cheeks.“Daehyun.” Yongguk called out softly as he gripped onto Daehyun’s shoulders, “Look at me.”Daehyun hesitated at first, but he did it, pulling Yongguk’s heart strings as he did so when the older saw the watery brown orbs looking back at him; eyes were red from the crying earlier.“Do you love him?”Daehyun sniffed and nodded, “So much for so long, hyung.”“Would you do anything to get him back?”Daehyun nodded again, “Anything, hyung. I’ll do anything.”“Then, Daehyun, go back to your apartment and talk to him. Tell him that you are sorry for saying all those when you were drunk. Say that you never mean any of it and that you love him.”Daehyun shook his head wildly as he whimpered, “I can’t, hyung! He hates me! I know he does!” He lowered his eyes again as he felt new tears coming in again, “He has every reasons to hate me, hyung. I can’t…”“Daehyun, I can assure you that Youngjae doesn’t hate you at all. I’m sure that he was hurt, but he won’t hate you. He loves you, too.”Daehyun scoffed as he wiped the tears that are sliding down his cheeks. “He loves me as a best friend, hyung. Nothing more.”“Daehyun.” Yongguk used one hand to cup Daehyun’s chin and tilted his head upward, “He loves you a lot more than that. Everyone else knows it, except for you because you were so blinded in your own insecurity of him not returning your feelings that you failed to realize it when it was right in front of you.”Daehyun sniffled, “R-really, hyung? He loves me too?”Yongguk smiled as he saw how the younger’s eyes sparkled with renewed hope. He cupped the younger’s face in his hands and wiped any remaining tears gently with his thumb. “He does, and I’m not lying. You can ask anyone, and they would say the same thing too. From the way he looks at you, the way he deals with your bullshit, the way he take cares of you. Honestly, if he wasn’t in love with you, he’d be insane to stick with you for this long.” Yongguk removed his hands away and flicked Daehyun’s nose, causing the younger to yelp at the stinging pain. “Now, will you get your sad ass back to your apartment and talk things through with him?”Daehyun smiled brightly at the other as he nodded his head, “Yeah! I’ll go see him right now!” Just as he stood up from the couch, he was held back by Yongguk who had grabbed his arm and was looking at him with a grimace.“No, you’re not. Not when you are looking like shit and smelling like it. Get yourself clean up, kid before you go off and kill Youngjae with your stench.” Yongguk teased and released the younger as he pouted. “Go take that shower, and I’ll lend you some of my clean clothes.”Without any further delay, Daehyun rushed to the direction of the common bathroom, slamming the door shut once he was in. It wasn’t long before the sound of the shower head being turned on was heard and Yongguk stood up, making his way to his bedroom with the intention of preparing the clothes that he had promised the younger.~Dressed in fresh clean clothes with his body and hair washed and properly styled, Daehyun quickly ran out of his hyung’s apartment the moment he was allow to do so. Just as went he had reached the elevator down the hallway, he heard his hyung again, “Daehyun, aren’t you forgetting anything?” He turned and stared confusedly at the older, his mind wasn’t actually trying to remember what he had forgotten. No, he was excited to see and make things up with his Yoo Youngjae.“I don’t think so, hyung.”“You’re sure, Daehyun?” It hit him when Yongguk showed his wallet, apartment keys and his cellphone. Daehyun chuckled as he ran back to his hyung to collect his forgotten items. “Not forgetting anything, eh?”“Shut up, hyung. I can’t think straight right now.” Daehyun smiled as he slipped his wallet and cell phone into his jeans pockets while his apartment keys went into the pocket of his hoodie. “Thanks, hyung! Wish me luck!” With that, he dashed to the elevator, managing to get inside before the door of it closed.  His feet automatically taking him back to the familiar path of his apartment and the familiar happy feeling of returning back home where the love of his life was waiting for him kept on growing until he swore that it would caused his heart to explode. He abused to elevator button of his building complex and once he has reached to his floor, Daehyun ran to the familiar door of his home, yelling, “Youngjae! Youngjae! I’m back!”His fingers shook as he pulled his keys out of his jacket and he struggled for a moment to push the key into the lock, but once he managed to, he twisted it and pushed the door open, smiling widely as he was expecting to see Youngjae sitting on the couch watching random local program or in the kitchen preparing dinner. But the smile slowly disappeared when he was greeted with silence, the place where he once called home didn’t felt like home anymore. The warmth that was usually there was gone, leaving behind that dreadful feeling of cold and solitude. “Youngjae?” He called out as he stepped inside the apartment and closed the door without locking it. “Youngjae-ah, where are you? I’m sorry for what I said the other night.” He made his way, peering into the kitchen and making his way to Youngjae’s room, the echo of his footsteps was the only thing that can be heard. Pressing his ear against the wooden door to eavesdrop on what the other was doing, but he couldn’t hear anything. Thinking perhaps the other was still mad at him and was giving him the cold shoulder, Daehyun tried again. “Youngjae-ah! Please, don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I know I was an asshole, but really, I didn’t mean it.” He knocked on the door lightly, his heart beating repeatedly within his ribcage. “Youngjae-ah, please…” His voice cracked slightly as tears started to gather in his eyes, threatening to fall anytime soon as Youngjae kept silent. Why was Youngjae ignoring him? He knocked harder, “Youngjae-ah!” He cried and he couldn’t stop the tears from slipping down his pink cheeks, “I’m really sorry, Youngjae! Please forgive me. I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t do this to me. Don’t ignore me, Youngjae-ah…” Silence was the only thing that had embraced him and he couldn’t stand it anymore. Daehyun grabbed the doorknob and with a twist of his hand, he pushed his way in, “Youngjae!”He was stopped at his tracks when he saw the empty bedroom, aside from the clean bed, empty desk and the closed closet. “Y-Youngjae…?” He whispered out the name as he took in the scene before him, making his way to pull the closet door open, revealing the empty hangers. “No…no, Youngjae…No…” He twirled his body around, making his frantic way to their shared bathroom. “No…” All was left there was his own personal items. Every trace of Youngjae was gone. He walked back out before turning his direction to his own bedroom. He has only one hope left, perhaps Youngjae had missed him so much that he had slept in his room instead. Regardless of how silly it sounded, Daehyun held onto it as if that is the only thing he has left. He approached the door slowly; one hand was shaking as it reached for the door knob. Slowly turning it, Daehyun had already imagined seeing his beloved sleeping on his bed, curling around his bolster with his blankets covering the young, providing him with comfort and warmth. However, his heart dropped to his stomach and more tears came down as his eyes laid on his empty bed, it was in the same state as he left his two weeks ago. “Youngjae-ah…no…why?” He dropped onto his knees in the door way, his hand that was gripping the knob tightly loosen before dropping next to his side limply. “No, no, no. Youngjae! Come back, please!” He yelled as he bawled his eyes out, sitting on the floor as he pulled his legs to his chest, hugging them tightly. His body shook as he cried, repeatedly calling for the other to miraculously return to his side, with a big smile on his lips that will forever whisper words of comfort and love and a hug that will provide him with warmth and protection. He knew that won’t happen though. He knew that he had already lost his best friend. Sniffling and wiping his tears away with one hand, he reached for his cell phone with the other, wanting nothing more to call his hyung. Just as he got to the home screen, he saw that he has a voice message.His eyebrows furrowed as he clicked on it to see who had left it and his heart started beating repeatedly again as he saw the name. Youngjae Babo. Pressing the buttons to play the voice messge, he quickly pressed the device to his ears, his eyes were wide and his heart was beating so quickly in anticipation. “Youngjae-ah…” He whispered softly before the sweet voice of his beloved was heard, and with each word that he heard, the words that were laced with sadness and the tone that sounded so broken, he could feel his heart breaking into pieces and life doesn’t seemed to be as dull and bleak as it does now.“You…You have no idea what you do to me, do you…?” “Youngjae…I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, please…”  New tears slide down his cheeks as he whispered softly.“Do you remember your promise, Daehyun…? Of course you wouldn’t, why would you? You…do you even know how much you’ve hurt me…?” “I do remember, Youngjae-ah. Of course I do. I made it when we were only 7…I’m sorry, Youngjae-ah. Please, forgive me…I’m an asshole, I know that but I love you. I love you so much…”“…It’s all my fault though, isn’t it…? To believe that you actually cared about me still…”“I still do, Youngjae! I love you…please…”“I’ve watched you slowly hate me, and I don’t know what made you start to…” “No…no, Youngjae, I never hated you. I love you so much…but I was scared to show it…to tell you…”“I told myself that I would leave once you didn’t want to protect me anymore, so I guess it’s finally time…” “I do still want to protect you, Youngjae! …Please come back, Youngjae-ah. I miss you so much…I’m sorry for being such a coward…please, forgive me and come back, Youngjae…”“I’m moving out. Even if you say you can cover the rent, I’ve left my half of the rent for the next 12 months on my bed.” “No…Youngjae…why would you leave me here…?”“If I forgot anything, give it to Himchan-hyung, he’ll bring it to me.” “…Himchan-hyung?”“Good bye, Jung Daehyun.” “No! Youngjae, don’t say that, please! Come back here…I love you. I love you.”“I’m sorry for making you waste all those years on me. I’m sorry for believing all those lies about you caring about me.” “No…no…no, Youngjae, don’t say that. I love you and all the times I spent with you. I never lied about caring about you. I meant it, I really meant it, Youngjae…please, believe me…”“But now you can finally erase me, and I can finally erase you…” “NO! I don’t want to do that, Youngjae. Please, no! I love you, Youngjae-ah! I love you so much, don’t do that, please…please Youngjae…”“Don’t worry, this is the last time you’ll hear my voice. I won’t bother you anymore.” “No, Youngjae!”And the message ended there and Daehyun hanged up his phone as he leaned against the closest wall, his eyes starting at the wall opposite of him mindlessly. He took a shuddering breath in and closed his eyes, his mind buzzing with what Youngjae had said. Pressing the palm of his hands against his eyes to relieve the pain of crying so much only to pull them away a second later to dial the familiar number of the hyung he was closest to, exhaling loudly as he waited for Yongguk to pick up the call.At the fifth ring, Yongguk picked up and his familiar raspy deep voice invade Daehyun’s ear. “Daehyung? How was it?”“H-hyung…” Daehyun took a deep breath in again to control himself from crying as he spoke the next sentence, “He’s gone.”“What do you mean ‘gone’. Gone where?”“I don’t know hyung! All of his things here are gone. He said that he left half of his rent to cover this apartment’s one year rent, and that if he forgets anything, pass it to Himchan-hyung…and…he’ll…pass it to him. Hyung! Himchan-hyung knew about this?” Daehyun’s eyes widen as realization hit him and anxiety consumed him as the thought that his closest hyung knew about it but never told him. Betrayal has slowly made its way to pierce its knife into his heart until…“I didn’t know about it, I swear. He never told me anything.” Yongguk’s deep voice spoke firmly; his tone was assuring and Daehyun could feel the honesty that radiating from that tone. He smiled softly when his hyung spoke again to ensure him further, “I’d never do that to you, Daehyun. You know that I wouldn’t keep something like that away from you when all I want is to help you two get together and be happy.” With those words, betrayal was gone as quickly as it came.“I know, hyung.” He took a shuddering breath in before exhaling softly, wiping any remaining stains of his tears off his cheeks, “What should I do now, hyung? Should I go to Himchan-hyung and talk to him about this?”“No, come back here first and let me hear that voice message first. We’ll decide later on. If Himchan knows something about this, we need to approach him carefully since Himchan never really did favor you. He’d know why Youngjae wanted to leave, and to know the cause of it wants to find him again, I don’t think he’d be too keen in giving you anything information. Come back here, Daehyun.”“Okay, hyung. I’ll leave now...”“Don’t worry, Daehyun. It’s not the end yet. We’ll find him again, okay?”“I hope so, hyung…I miss him so much.”“Then come back here, the sooner you do, the sooner we can talk to Himchan about this, the sooner you can have Youngjae back.”~It didn’t take long for Daehyun to be here; lounging on his hyung’s couch while Yongguk was listening to the voice message that Youngjae had left him, pacing around the living room slowly. When the message ended, Yongguk sighed softly before glancing at the younger male who was pulling the loose thread of his jacket, looking as depressed as he did on the night two weeks ago where he came here bawling his eyes out while muttering non-stop “I’ve hurt him, hyung. He hates me, he hates me!” It took a slap to the boyish face to calm the other down and a hug of continuous rocking the boy back and forth to put him to sleep on his bed.“So…” Daehyun piped up, peering upward to his hyung, “What should we do now?”Yongguk gave the younger his signature gummy smile as he pat on the younger’s shoulder; his heart tugged painfully at the lost look on the younger’s face with his eyes brimming with more unshed tears. “Now, we’ll pay a visit to Himchan and see what does he knows about Youngjae’s whereabouts. Let me call him first to see if he is available now.” He disappeared into his own room as his fingers dialed the familiar number.Daehyun nodded his head and leaned back against the couch, tilting his head back to rest his head on the back of the furniture. His head was aching and his body felt weak after all that has happened, all he want to do now is just go back home with his Youngjae and sleep while cuddling the other boy. He felt a painful squeeze to his heart as he was reminded that Yoo Youngjae is gone; alone somewhere in South Korea without him around. He closed his eyes, trying to force his mind to clear itself from all the painful memories as he inhaled before exhaling struggling to listen to the conversation that his hyung was having on the phone. Few seconds passed by before Yongguk called for him and Daehyun immediately perked up; his chest hammering inside for any good news.“Daehyun, let’s go. He will be waiting for us at the café nearby here.”“Did he say anything on the phone?”“Yeah, he did. He said that he hates your guts for hurting his baby Jae and that he better not see you ever again.”“Oh…” Daehyun deflated as he slumped back on the couch, pouting slightly, “Well, I can’t blame him. I hate myself too for hurting baby Jae.”“Come on, Daehyun. He doesn’t know that you’d be coming along now, but I’m sure that I can convince him to tell us something.” Yongguk winked at the younger before grabbing him by the arm and pulling him onto a standing position. “Let’s go. No point moping around.” He dragged the younger to the door, grabbing his keys and wallet along the way before pushing Daehyun out of his apartment. Yongguk slammed the door shut and locked it, grinning as he pocketed his keys.The walk to the café was a lot quicker than what Daehyun had expected as the infamous café of their town came within his line of vision. His stomach was queasy with dread of meeting up with his Himchan-hyung. He has always fear this hyung more because this hyung have the tendency to go into ‘umma’-mode over Youngjae and Jongup, protecting these two as if they were his own children. It didn’t help either when he know that Himchan have a strong dislike toward him ever since he has picked up his bad habit of going out every night, sleeping around and drinking. How was he going to face Himchan now to beg for information of where Youngjae is so that he could get him back?  He shuddered as he already imagine the verbal abuse that he’d receive from Himchan and wrapped his arms around his stomach, as if it would help comfort and ease the queasy feeling.Yongguk caught the shudder, and he wrapped an arm around Daehyun’s shoulder. That simple touch has given Daehyun the sense of comfort and protect, easing the discomfort in his stomach. “Don’t worry, kid. I’ll help you with Himchan.” Smiling warming, Yongguk pushed the door of the café open and lead Daehyun in, his eyes scanning the area before they landed onto the familiar dark haired ulzzang who was sitting crossed legged nearby the window with his arms crossed as he watched the scene outside. Daehyun hesitated to walk toward the sitting male, but Yongguk won’t have any of it and removed his arm from the thin shoulder only to grab the younger’s thin wrist and pulled him toward the ulzzang. “Channie!”Himchan tore his eyes away from the window and smiled warmly once he saw Yongguk, but that smile flattered and a snarl curled on his lips as his eyes narrowed once they landed on Daehyun, “What the fuck is he doing here?” He turned his glare to Yongguk as the oldest casually took a seat next to him and forced the younger to sit opposite of the pissed off ulzzang. “I thought I told you that I don’t want to see him again.”Yongguk sighed softly, eyeing the bowed head of the youngest before looking at Himchan, “Ya, Himchan, don’t be like this. This is all a big fucked up misunderstanding between the both of them.”“Misunderstanding, my ass!” Himchan growled before directing his glare at Daehyun, “Oi, you got some nerve to come and see me after what you had said to Youngjae. What the fuck do you want now? Did he forget something?”Daehyun peered up at Himchan, and the angry man scowled as he saw the watery brown eyes looking into his own pair, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “Tsk. Don’t show me those crocodiles tears, Daehyun. Crying over him in front of me won’t do you any good.”Daehyun’s pale shaking hands reached out to hold onto Himchan’s hands that were resting on the table, but Himchan withdrew his limps away from Daehyun’s fingers with a mild look of disgust. Daehyun didn’t bothered to hide the hurt displayed on his face, his voice quivering slightly as he spoke, “Please, hyung…tell me where Youngjae is. I-I need to see him and talk to him abou-“Himchan snarled as he cut off Daehyun mid-way, “For what, Daehyun? To hurt him again like the couple of times you did before with your mouth but this time when you’re sober?”“NO!” Daehyun exclaimed, his body tensed and his fingernails clawing onto the wooden surface of the table as frustration was slowly building up in his mind. His exclamation had earned him several curious glances at their table, which Yongguk had deterred it away with his signature gummy smile as he pat the distressed boy’s back gently.“Daehyun, calm down…” Yongguk muttered softly as he continued on patting the boy’s back gently. Daehyun looked at his hyung and both shared a look which the older smiled softly at him, causing Daehyun to be visibly calmer.Himchan hissed at the youngest, his eyes narrowing even more with annoyance, “Watch it. Yelling at me like that won’t get you anywhere either.” Daehyun kept silent for a while with his head bowed before his quivering voice spoke softly, “Himchan-hyung, please…tell me where he is. I need to find him. I love him, hyung. So much…please hyung…” The youngest peered up at the angry uzzlang, and Himchan was taken aback by the raw emotions that swirled around those watery brown eyes with tears filling to the brim, falling down as the Daehyun closed his eyes. Himchan could feel his strong resolve weaken at such raw sorrow, pain and sadness displayed in front of him before the youngest shocked him more when he suddenly stood up, his hands gripping the edge of the table as he cried out, “I’m sorry, Himchan-hyung! I really didn’t mean to hurt him, I swear!” Daehyun’s shoulders shook as he bowed his head down, and soon the surface of the table were littered with little droplets of tears, “I didn’t mean it when I said it…I was drunk…I love him, Himchan-hyung. I swear I do!” He snapped his head up and as in his last resort to convince the ulzzang that he really meant what he said, he walked over to the other, dropping on to his knees and his hands gripped onto the frozen older’s thighs as he looked up desperately at him. “Please, Himchan-hyung…I really love him. I love him since we were seven, I fell for him when we were in junior high up until now, but I didn’t have the courage to tell him because I thought he only saw me as his best friend. “Himchan had already snapped out of his shock and looked down at Daehyun cynically, “Yeah? You love him for that long, and yet you went out drinking and sleeping around every night? Did you know how much he was hurt whenever he saw new bite marks on you and your soiled clothing?”“I know my actions of the past cannot be justified for the pain that it caused hyung…and I know that I’m still at fault for using poor choices to cope with my own feelings and for being such a coward…but hyung…” His voice suddenly lowered down; the desperation in his tone tenfold as his hands tighten its grip on Himchan’s thighs, “Please, give me the chance now to see him again and tell him how I really feel. Let me show him that all this time I’ve love him just as much and apologize for being too much of a coward to do anything about it.” His eyes watered up again and he looked down, tearing his gaze away from Himchan as more tears slipped down his cheeks.Himchan jumped slightly as he felt a hand brushing up against his back and he turned his head to see Yongguk looking at him with a small smile, “Channie, don’t you think he deserve a second chance to tell Youngjae? You can’t say that it was his entire fault. They are two kids who love each other but fear to show or say anything.”Himchan sighed before reaching out to ran his fingers through the dark strands of the sobbing boy in front of him gently, “Stop crying, Daehyun. I’ll tell you where he is.” ~ Daehyun had wasted no time to get where he was at now after taking KTX from Busan Station to Seoul. Within 3.5 hours after the sun has set, he has arrived to Seoul Station where he immediately dashed out of the train and made his way to the entrance to fetch a cab with the location of the cheap motel where Youngjae was resigning in for a couple of days written on a small piece of paper clutched tightly in his left hand. Darkness covered the city and Daehyun couldn’t help but think that the area of where the motel was at seemed to be as dangerous as the ones he has seen on the television. He paid the fare with a polite ‘thank you’ and step out onto the pavement, feeling the cold wind blew as the taxi drove away. He straightened the crumpled paper within his hand and took in the motel unit of where Youngjae was staying, and made his way cautiously around before grinning widely as he spotted the room. Without waiting any further, he rushed over and knocked on the door eagerly, calling out, “Youngjae-ah! Please, open the door!”He was greeted with silence. Unsatisfied, Daehyun pressed his ear up against the door, closing his eyes as he concentrated on picking up any sign or noise from the other side. Unable to capture anything, Daehyun pulled away and looked at the door dejectedly before pulling back, looking at the window which was seen as dark through the light-colored curtains. “Maybe… he went out.” Daehyun muttered under his breath as he looked around, his eyes scanning around the area to see where the younger male could have gone. He blinked when his eyes landed at the stretch of small shops that was within walking distance of the motel. ‘Perhaps…he went to get something to eat.’ His legs lead him to the main road and toward the shops, his mind taking note of how dark the walk-way was and it seemed the only place with a good amount of lighting was the shops are located at. He stopped and his heart skipped a beat when a familiar voice was heard when he passed by an alleyway.“Here, take it.”‘Youngjae!’  Daehyun struggled to breathe for a moment, his heart beating rapidly in his ribcage with happiness and glee flowing throughout his body as he knew that he has found him and now his has the chance to confess everything that he has been hiding for so long.  “I’ve given you my wallet. Now, leave me alone!”Dread froze his body as he heard a rough chuckle echoing throughout the alley way. The way it sounded; low, dark with hinted lust, caused a shudder to trickle down his spine. It wasn’t until he heard the underlying perverse tone of the words that slurred out that caused him to regain control of his body and made his blood boiled with growing fury and disgust.“Not a chance, sweet cheeks. There is something else that I want that you can give.” _____Chocolate_Cream:I suck at angst. Update on 13/09/2012;Toxical: Harro. To keep it short and simple, I'm pulling myself out from this fanfic. Thank you so much to those who've shown their support in this fanfic, (especially for my part since akljfklsd shit is still shit) and do continue supporting Despar and her fics. ^^ <3