Tidal Waves Destroy Sandc (1/1)

He had been sitting there for an hour, just staring at the opulent 5-star hotel that is The Palace. Owned by Actor, Director, Business Extraordinaire Shun Oguri, the hotel was busy all year round as fans regularly came, hoping to catch a glimpse of the superstar. No one was ever so lucky, owing to the fact that Shun had his own private and secured way of getting in and out. Now, knowing what he knows, it made sense that he never ran into Clara despite having stayed at the hotel several times. Chae’s insistence to book at the Sheriton instead merits another look too. He would bet his bottom dollar she did it to keep him away—just in case. A million questions plagued him and yet only one kept repeating itself: why didn’t she go to him?After a rather short conversation with Chae about her telling him the truth—he honestly expected a much longer negotiation—he found out everything. Why she disappeared. How she disappeared. Who caused her disappearance. Everything. Which sent him into a frenzy. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to find his hyung and pummel his face. He wanted to do everything and nothing at the same time. He thought it was because of anger. How come Chae was allowed to keep the secret and not him? How could Chae keep the secret from him? All these questions that stroke the burn of his embarrassment. For more than five years he’d been looking for her. It had caused many arguments with Chae, fights that ended up in shouting matches. It got so bad one time they almost broke up. Until one day it stopped. She turned supportive. He thought he had won. Only now, he knows, that wasn’t the case. He had every reason to be furious.

But he couldn’t.

Because at his very core, he knows he trusts Clara. She had a reason for not telling him, or for not going to him for help. She had a reason. And he trusts that reason.

He just wanted to know what that was. So now he was there, waiting for nothing, but hoping for something. He doesn’t really know what he wants to happen. He just knows that he wants something to. Before his head explodes with information overload. The last time he felt like this, it was Clara who pulled him out of the dark side. Which was how their friendship started and flourished. Maybe that’s why he was feeling out of sorts. Clara helped him out during his lowest point. He was hoping he could have somehow returned the favour. He was still feeling out of sorts when a guy in a suit approached him. “The Miss wants to see you. Follow me.” He never got off a chair so fast. They didn’t go through the hotel lobby like any normal person. No, they got into a car, which then drove to the basement parking where a secret garage opened for them. Inside they proceeded to an elevator that took them directly to the topmost floor, which he quickly found out is where Clara, her kids and Shun lived. He wanted to clap with glee, seeing the luxurious life Clara was now living. He knows how much she deserves such a life with how hard-working she is. The guy in the suit led him to a room with a view. He could see Tokyo for miles, but the view is lost on him. His hands were shaking. He’s actually quite nervous. But then she stepped into the room. “Hey Seungri,” she called out to him. And he was lost. —-It wasn’t about it being the worst time of his life anymore. He’s had enough of those to know nothing is ever the worst time of his life because come next Tuesday, well, on to the next. For some reason the media LOVED to paint him as the bad guy. Because he liked to party. Because he liked to have fun. Because he’s an entitled asshat who could care less about the little people – their words. He was used to controversis. What he wasn’t used to was the loneliness. He wasn’t alone. He had his family and his friends. And he had Chae. But it still felt like he was floating all the time. Just a touch out of reach. He can’t pinpoint why he felt that way. But he’s aware it started a while ago and it grew, and grew, and grew until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He had everything in life he could ever wish for, but he was lonely. Tonight is another party. A celebration for the group for another successful release. Everyone was there. The rooftop of a prominent building in the middle of downtown Seoul was rented out for the event. There was music and booze. People were socializing. Somewhere in the middle he knows Chae is with her girls while his brothers are probably with their Sajangnim and producers. He told Chae he’s going to the bathroom, but he found himself on an empty balcony instead. It was overlooking the entire city. It was peaceful. Quiet. Not like the cacophony of media practitioners shoving their mics to his face, asking about yet another scandal he’s supposedly involved in. God, couldn’t they give him one night? One night to let him breathe and enjoy the fruits of their hardwork? One night to not seek the bottom of a bottle? He just wants to breathe. The horizon looked inviting. He hadn’t noticed how close he was to the edge until he heard someone moving to his side. A shuffling of some sort. When he looked he saw Clara, his hyung’s stylist, struggling with the cap of a beer bottle. When their eyes met, she smiled at him helplessly. “Can you open this thing? My hands are all slippery from the hair gum I used earlier.” She held out the bottle. He looked at it. Stared at it. He wasn’t all there, if he was being honest. His mind was already flying. She looked relaxed but her eyes were pleading. Don’t. Stay. Stay here. I’m here. He could feel the tension between them. Knew she wasn’t just asking him to take the bottle and open it. Knew it was a rope, a proverbial rope that he could hold on to, a rope she will pull just to tether him.“Please?” It was almost a whisper because she was afraid it’ll startle him and push him away. But her strength was palpable and maybe that’s why he reached for the bottle. The moment his hand was on it, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a tight hug. “I tried that once. It’s not the answer,” she whispered to him. The shock from her words brings him back to the present. To what he almost committed. To how close he was to the edge. And he gasped lungfuls of air, as if he was underwater for a long time and could not breathe but now he’s breathing, gasping, struggling because the moment has passed and he’s back, he’s alive—and he wants to, oh dear god, he wants to. Be alive. He wasn’t aware that he was crying, not until he heard Clara’s gentle humming in his ear. She wasn’t saying anything particular, just making comforting noise, which he realized he was thankful for. He doesn’t know if he can handle false promises at the moment. But they clung to each other for several moments. Until the pounding in his chest has ebbed. Until the pull was completely gone. Only then did Clara release him from their hug, although she kept her grip on his wrist. “Is it the first time?” her voice was calm and steady but he could tell, from her grip, that the moment hasn’t passed for her. He looked her in the eye and gave her a small smile. “Yes. I don’t know what came over me.” “You need to talk to someone about this.” He wanted to brush it off and deny. He almost did. But he saw the painful but sincere truth in her eyes. There were no lies there, not even patronizing ones. He could feel how vulnerable she was, as vulnerable as he was feeling. And in that fleeting moment he didn’t feel quite as lonely and alone. He nodded at her. “Okay.” “I’m here too,” she nodded back. And he believes her. ---Looking at her was like looking at a long lost sibling. A plethora of deep and powerful emotions, bursting out of him in drones he was scared he wouldn’t be able to contain them. An overwhelming threat, just waiting for him to explode. But then she smiled at him and he knew, all at once he knew, whatever she has to say, however this day turns out, that he’s already forgiven her for not speaking to him. He was in her arms in a heartbeat. He hasn’t cried like a kid since he was an actual kid. But there he was, ugly crying because after 5 long years, he finally knows what happened to the only person who stood by his side that one fateful night. He knew she had been a lifeline, but he didn’t know just how much his sanity has depended on her presence in his life until this moment. Her arms around him was like a security blanket he’d lost and found. Finally, a breath of relief. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he sobbed. Because that was the only thing that mattered now. He just wants to know. “Because I didn’t know how to,” was her simple reply. Honest. Bare. It was all he needed to hear. And yet, it all made sense. He saw her struggling with the pregnancy, struggling to tell Seung Hyun, struggling to survive. He undersood how hard it must have been—who was he to become another burden? He took a deep breath and when he exhaled, all the heaviness he’s been carrying for years came out with it. He nodded at her all his understanding. None of that mattered anymore. “I’m sorry,” she said when the silence has stretched enough. She always knew what and when to say the right things. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he looked at her. “You don’t owe me anything, although I’ll admit I was a bit hurt that Chae knew but I wasn’t allowed to.” “She only found out by accident. And I asked her not to tell you because I didn’t want your relationship with Seung Hyun to change.”He shook his head, snorting. “You didn’t trust me to handle it.” It wasn’t accusatory, but he knew Clara would still taste the bitterness in his words. “You were right to think that though. I don’t know how I would have handled that.” He quickly continued. He looked at her contemplatively. “You’re okay now, right?” “Yes.” He smiled. “Then I’m good. I could live with this.” She smiled back at him, hugged him again. “It was me who didn’t know how to handle things. But nonetheless, I’m glad you finally know.” “Can I meet them? Your kids?” And just like that, the room brightened and the darkness that has been clouding in his mind dissipated into thin air. He’s an uncle who’s about to meet his niece and nephew for the first time. “Of course! I’ve told them all about you.” He felt giddy and serene at the same time. Clara grinned at him, a pensive smile on her eyes. Things are changing and changing fast. But he was not afraid anymore. Because this time, no matter what, he’ll be there to protect Clara, something he wasn’t able to do the first time. This time, he’ll be the one to pull her away from the precipice into the unknown.