almost (1/1)

DescriptionI am still in a state of shock, awe, or whatnot. I did see my best boys, the reasons why I keep waking up every day and why I save up every cent that I could. I just saw Seventeen right in front of me; perform, sing, dance, talk, and play on stage. I saw him after how many years. How long has it been? Five years? Eight years? Not sure really but I’m not lying when I say that remembering everything about him just feels like yesterday. “Ma’am, the show ended 30 minutes ago and this is the third time I’ll be asking you to leave the concert hall”, I looked at my side and was shocked at his words. My eyes roamed the hall just to realize I am the only one left, “Y-yeah. Sorry. Thank you, I’ll be going now”. I started walking towards the exit of the hall with a very slow pace. I can’t still absorb everything that had happened hours ago. Did he see me? He was wearing his glasses during encore and I am sure I am right in front of him. Did he see me? Or he did see me and chose to not look at me again?  If that’s the case why? Did he forget about me?

“Toni,” I froze as I heard someone call my name. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I saw a man in a jacket and sweat pants. God, I know this man. I’ve known him for the past 10 years. And I miss him every day. “Toni is that you?”, he tilted his head to make sure. Tears are forming as I meet his eyes. “N-nonu”, dumbhead why did you stutter? He smiled upon hearing my voice. I am not dreaming am I? Jeon Wonwoo is really in front of me. The actual love of my life whom I didn’t get the chance to be with because I know, I know I can ruin him and his life, I know I can ruin his dreams. “Toni, how are you!”, he said with gleaming eyes and hugged me that very moment. Peaches. He smelled like fresh peaches. But I prefer the scent of strawberries back then. “I’m completely fine! I-I am your fan, yay!”, I awkwardly said while showing  him my lightstick and banner. He was shocked to see his name written on my banner, “Perhaps, am I your bias?,”  he teasingly asked and a smirk written on his face. I can feel my blood rushing to my face, duh dumdum that’s what the banner suggests, “Ugh! Of course not, this is my sister’s. She didn’t get to go tonight because of some stuff”, I said trying to hide the redness visible on my face, “Toni, you’re an only child, right?”, he confusedly asked. “How many years have you ghosted me, Jeon?”, I asked him with a straight face. He was shocked with the question but it was quickly replaced with an apologetic look. Sorry is written all over his face. “Kidding, Dumdum! We were blessed with another baby girl after you left”, I did not realize I was saying the latter part with small fonts. “And she’s a fan of yours! But she didn’t know we’re friends before. I don’t want that nugget to annoy me for the rest of my life. Plus, I know you don’t want to be bothered”, we sat on the chairs and faced the stage which they used just hours ago. “But we’re friends until now, right?”, Yeah, after eight years of not having any communications and whatever,  and me fucking my head every day because I am not sure if you still remember the girl you used to eat ice cream with eight years ago, yeah we’re friends. “Duh! Of course we are!”, he hooked his arm with my arm and smiled, “So, I can meet your sister, right? Does she look like you? Is she loud like you as well? Is-“, he was cut off as I look at him, he looked at me like a scared kitten, please don’t look at me like that, my heart is soft and fragile for you, Wonwoo. It always has been. “I think it will be better if my sister knows nothing about our friendship, it’s for her sanity and well-being”, I laughed and he laughed with me, he’s laughing and scrunching his nose. Jeon Wonwoo is laughing with me. Jeon Wonwoo is here with me, just like the old days. My Wonwoo, my nonu. He’s never mine but I know I want him to be mine. I want him to be mine since eight years ago. “Congrats on another sold out concert, Wonwoo”, I looked at him and gave him my fondest smile while fighting the urge to cry my eyes out, “Thank you, Toni. I never thought I would see you again. And  I’m deeply sorry for the unanswered mails, I just want to let you know I’ve read them all. Thank you for supporting me even from afar”, Wonwoo looked so overwhelmed and I know he wants to say more. But knowing little Nonu, I guess you’re still the same. Little Nonu doesn’t know how to use words well and so is Wonwoo. “I know and you’re welcome, Wonwoo. I am so happy for everything that you have now. You’ve reached so far and I am so proud of you, Nonu”, I choked on my words and tears and he’s wiping them away. Jeon Wonwoo is wiping my tears away. “Anyways! Aren’t you going back? I mean, you should go back, right? They are surely waiting for you, Dumdum”, I chuckled while jokingly rolling my eyes. He smiled at me softly, “Y-yeah, I’m sure the kids are all looking for me now. Don’t you want to go with me? I mean, don’t you want to meet them? Meet your bias?”, he wriggled his brows to provoke me. Yes, of course I am provoked,  Jeon Wonwoo. I met my bias 30 minutes ago and I’m bidding good bye now. “No, thanks. I know there is a very big possibility of me losing my consciousness, Jeon”, he scoffed, “Yeah, right. Whatever”. I smiled while looking at him walk backwards. This may be the last chance that I can say what I feel for the past years but I am choosing him again. “Mail me again, Toni! Let’s keep in touch from now on. I love you!”, It’s my fault for suppressing all my feelings for you. Thus, I own all the blame. They are all on me. I am the sole reason why I’m suffering every day. I am the reason why I can’t get my hands on genuine happiness because my happiness is your downfall. “Wait, what?!”.