One (1/2)
Youngjae's morning couldn't have gone any worse.If he hadn't woken up an hour late, he would have missed the rain. If he had missed the rain, he wouldn't have crashed his car and it wouldn't have flipped over. If it hadn't flipped over, he wouldn't be wearing a cast on his left arm and a scratched cheek. If he hadn't crashed his car, he wouldn't have ran to catch the subway since he was three hours late to his job. If he hadn't caught the subway on time, he wouldn't have bumped into an old friend, which is funny because fate has a way of making Yoo Youngjae's life a living hell after everything that had happened these past two years. Yoo Youngjae would have gone by unnoticed though, if he had kept his mouth shut but couldn't considering a six year old girl had kicked his cast slightly causing Youngjae to throw a fit of Korean cusswords.
"I' am terribly sorry, sir." The little girl's mom bowed, "I really am.. I didn't--"
Youngjae put a finger near her face to shut her up before closing his eyes. Youngjae used to be nice, hell he would get laughed at before but now everything changed. He wasn't as nice, sure he could be sometimes, but it was rare or usually when he didn't speak. That is why he refused to say anything back to the lady because he knew his attitude would get the best of him.
"Sir," He heared the little girl speak, "May I know what ha--"
"No, you may not." Youngjae gave a bitter smile before turning his back towards the mom and the girl. He gripped his hand on the pole, leaning a bit into it as he chose to close his eyes for the remaining time. His body muscles were aching, and he started having second thoughts of not staying at home. He started thinking about the accident, and how fast it all happened. If only he had been going a little faster, if only he had crashed into a semi truck, or if only he hadn't been wearing his seatbelt, he wouldn't be there right now full of physical and emotional pain. He wouldn't be regretting his life, he wouldn't be as lost. He wouldn't be as depressed and bitter as he was. He also wouldn't be abusing his antidepressants and Alprazolams. Youngjae wondered why he even abused his antidepressants since they didn't really do anything but make him more numb, but did Youngjae wanted to feel anything again? He didn't even know anymore. He didn't even know himself either. He had lost himself that night and he still hadn't been able to find himself. He didn't have the energy to. All the effort he once had to get his life in order vanished the second he moved to Japan. He thought his life would be wonderful and it would go back to normal but he knew he was lying to himself. His life was never going to go back to normal, not after everything that happened. He had betrayed his friends, his family, he had betrayed the people he dearly loved. He had betrayed him. He always wondered why he didn't just quit his job and ran away with them like they all had planned.
The subway came to a stop, which made Youngjae slightly stumble on his feet, lost in his thoughts. He grabbed the rail of the train and made a quick dash for the door that opened up and cold air breathes in his face. As he made his way towards the stairs he thought he heard his name being called, but did he turn? No, he though he was hearing things and being delusional. No one in Tokyo even knew him, aside from his brother and a few coworkers.
Youngjae, is that you?
That time, he stopped in his tracks, heart beating fast, and he felt his body slowly shaking. He knew he hadn't been imagining it this time. That voice sounded to oddly familiar for his liking. He didn't think he'd ever hear that voice again. He turned slowly around searching the crowded place until his eyes landed on someome familiar looking back at him, equally as shocked as if he couldn't believe he had said his name outloud.
The only thing Youngjae could do was have his mouth slightly agaped, wanting to say something but nothing comes out. Youngjae stared at him for a bit longer before he turned his back towards him and lost himself in the crowd, not wanting to turn around, not wanting to believe what he had just witnessed.
What is he doing outside of jail? Does that mean everyone got out? Are they going to come after me now?
Youngjae's head was spinning, not knowing what direction to go to. He couldn't comprehend what had happened a few seconds ago. He quickly rushed to the nearest bathroom, and splashed water on his face as he tried to calm himself down.
"Oh fuck." He whispered to himself as he tried to regain his breathing, "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
He grabbed his satchel with a shaking hand and pulled out a small container that contained his abused pills. He put two into his mouth and chugged them down with a water bottle he had inside his satchel. he liquid ran down the corners of his onto his chin, but Youngjae didn't care. He was supposed to take his pain killers but his Alprazolams worked just fine. Mental pain was stronger than physical pain. He could deal with physical pain. Bang Yongguk hadn't believed his eyes when he first saw him on the subway. At first he thought it was someone who resemboed him considering the person on the subway was skinnier, and paler. Youngjae had never been that skinny. Yongguk decided to let it go, but that was until he heard cuss words being thrown in his native tongue who happened to come out of a mouth that sounded familliar. His snapped his neck immeditley to the person who was now facing his way. His eyes widened and hoped not to be seen. He had wondered if he ever encountered him again, how he would react but now that Yongguk had him right in front of him all the anger vanished. All the good memories came into his mind, and he wondered how he had been doing. He also wondered if Youngjae even regreted doing what he did. That was always his number one question to everything since the incident.
"Youngjae, is that you?" He said without thinking.
It was him, but before anyone could say anything Youngjae ran away leaving a very curious Yongguk to struggle about it. Normally old friends would hug each other, cry, or catch up. Not run away, but their friendship wasn't anything like normal people. Did Yongguk want to cross paths with him again? He did but he wasn't sure how the others would react, especially Daehyun. Although he did not want to tell them, he had to. It was important, even if it meant Daehyun living in constant of fear of bumping into him. He could imagine Daehyun bumping into Youngjae, throwing a few punches before walking away like nothing happened. That's what he was afraid of. He didn't want any of his family to be sent back to jail.
Yongguk walked down the streets of Tokyo as his mind brought him back to a few minutes ago. Youngjae looked different, and he had a cast on his arm. Yongguk wondered if he was still doing undercop missions considering he looked pretty beaten up back there.
Would the others be able to forgive him, forget the betrayal, the pain like me?
But Yongguk knew his members weren't like him. They didn't think like him, they had their own battles and emotions to deal with.
"I'm back." He shouted into the apartment complex, "I got the job!"