SUHO: Chapter 8 (1/1)

The tables have turned. The morning after Mr. Kim’s rather frosty attitude nearly freezed the few love cells I even had out of me, I had expected the “sweet and loving” Mr. Kim to come back. To come back and recharge me with the love cells I had lost.  But no. Something is clearly wrong, and no matter how many times I say that, I can’t bring myself to question the matter. I’m such an idiot. How hard is it to say, “Mr. Kim, I don’t understand why you’ve changed like this. Did I do something wrong?” Apparently for me, very hard. And now it’s me who follows Mr. Kim around everywhere, waits for his calls, and asks him things he used to ask me.   “Have you had breakfast, Mr. Kim?” “Yes.” “Do you have plans this evening? If not, do you--” “I have plans. Sorry.” “Mr. Kim, do you feel unwell? You look worn out. Maybe I should check--” “I’m fine, thank you. You can head on home now.”  Indeed the tables have turned. There is now 0 grams of intimacy between Mr. Kim and me, and a part of me aches at that. How can someone change so suddenly?   It’s been nearly four days and Mr. Kim is still the frosty man I now strongly dislike. I need to know what’s going on. I’m going to ask him today. I have to, before things become irreversible. There’s no turning back.  “Ms. (y/n), I’m going to meet up with Mr. Choi for lunch today, and I won’t be back until late afternoon,” Mr. Kim briefly knocks on my desk, and I lift up my head to meet his eyes. He looks away as soon as my eyes meet his, and the ache in my heart grows. “I didn’t see that in your schedule,” I begin but Mr. Kim shakes his head as he says, “It came up on a short notice.” “Oh,” I reply. There’s a moment of silence before I remember the meeting Mr. Kim is supposed to attend that’s scheduled for today. “Should I postpone the board meeting you have later today?” “No, I’ll be back in time for that,” Mr. Kim answers and begins to walk towards the door. He gives me a small smile as he adds, “Have a good lunch, Ms. (y/n).”  And with that, he’s out the door and out of sight. Will I even be able to bring up the matter at this rate? Our conversations now last less than five minutes, and with him working late, I hardly see him back at home too. Ugh. Even his constant “baby” is now replaced with “Ms. (y/n)” and I know I said I wanted that back when I first started working here...but I miss being called “baby.” And I’m not going to hide that fact anymore.   I walk to the lounging room with a sigh after grabbing a sandwich from the nearest cafe. I take a seat by a table near the window. As I look out and try to gain some comfort from the vast, blue sky, I realize coffee might do me better. I quickly get up and grab a cup. After using this place a few more times, I find myself comfortable here. It’s now my official hang out place; a place that gives me a breather and good coffee.  “Why the long face?” I hear a voice and my head jerks to the right. I let out a laugh as I come face to face with the owner of the voice, with his fluffy brown hair and soft green knit sweater.  “Mr. Byun,” I say.     “I hope I didn’t interrupt you or anything, but you looked so solemn I had to say something,” he looks at me and I’m surprised his face isn’t his usual, playful one. It’s more...concerned looking, despite the tiny smile it still has. I guess I can’t keep a poker face, seeing how Mr. Byun can see my worries right through me.  “Well…” I start to say as I grab my coffee mug.  “Well..?” Mr. Byun looks at me expectantly as he grabs a cup himself. The lounging room is empty, and I can only hear the low humming of the fridge in the background. “Would you care to join me?” I ask, as I walk to the table I was at. Mr. Byun smiles and nods, as he makes his way towards me. He slides into the seat in front of me and watches me take a bite out of my sandwich. “Don’t tell me that’s your lunch again,” Mr. Byun eyes me. I laugh sheepishly. It’s weird how I run into Mr. Byun every time I eat lunch alone, which is most of the time now that Mr. Kim makes other plans on his own. And every time, I’m always eating a sandwich.  “What? It’s cheap,” I take another bite as I add, “And tasty.” Mr. Byun shakes his head as he chuckles, “Fair enough. Who am I to judge?” I smile at that and he sets his mug down. He gives me that concerned face again and he soon opens his mouth, “So what’s up with you lately? Why are you eating alone? And why do you look like you lost your dog every time I see you?”  “I don’t have a dog,” I say. He raises an eyebrow, “You know what I mean.”  When I don’t say anything, he continues, “Look, Ms. (y/n). I know you can be cold and I know you’re hard to approach.”“Thanks,” I say sarcastically and Mr. Byun laughs slightly before he looks at me intently.  “But I know you’re a warm person, now that I got to know you a bit. I know you can smile and and I know you can laugh. But lately, you haven’t been either one of the Ms. (y/n)s I know. You’re neither cold nor smiley. You’re...dispirited,” he shrugs at me and takes a sip. “...” I set my sandwich down but I don’t know what to say. Is it that obvious?    “Come on, Ms. (y/n). Is there anything you want to tell Dr. Byun?” Mr. Byun says in a teasing voice and I laugh at how he can’t keep a serious moment for more than ten minutes. “How can I trust you?” I shoot back. “Oh please, I’m a certified counselor, ma’am,” Mr. Byun places a hand on his chest as if he’s offended at my doubtful question.  “Alright,” I give in. Mr. Byun looks satisfied as he folds his hands in front of him, waiting for me to go on. “I don’t know how to solve conflicts,” I say vaguely.  “What do you mean?”  “Well, there’s someone…” I decide not to give the name, “...that used to be quite close to me and always treated me well. But all of a sudden, I wake up to find that person turning their back on me and now I almost feel like we’re strangers.”  “All of a sudden?” Mr. Byun asks. “Yes,” I nod, feeling tears forming the more I think about it. “I feel like it’s my fault, but I can’t remember anything that might be the cause of the problem.” “Is this person important to you?” Mr. Byun’s voice is soft as he hands me the box of tissues by the shelf. I thank him and soon nod yes.    “And are you just as important to him?” he asks again. I look up at him. “I didn’t say it was a he,” I sniff. “Just a guess,” Mr. Byun shrugs. He then reaches across and places a hand on my shoulder, “Look. I highly doubt you’re the only one suffering on this matter. If that person cares about you just as much as you do, they’re probably also struggling to bring up the matter.” “You think so?”  “I know so,” Mr. Byun assures me before adding, “And I can almost bet he cares about you more, so trust him and give him time. He’ll come around and tell you why he’s behaving like this when he’s--or maybe you’re ready.” “Okay…” I feel myself nodding. But wait. “I didn’t say it was a he!” I exclaim and Mr. Byun laughs. He puts up his hands in surrender and says, “Okay, I’m sorry for being so good at guessing.” I give him a light punch and he grins. I then look at him and smile, “Thank you, Mr. Byun, for listening to me. And...I admit, you do make a good counselor.”  “See?” Mr. Byun winks and continues, “And anytime. Feel free to tell me anything. I’ll be your lounging room buddy.”  As we’re about to part, Mr. Byun turns and faces me. I look at him questioningly. “...?” “Don’t beat up yourself too much, okay? It’s most likely not your fault anyway. Trust each other on this one,” he gives me pat on the shoulder before waving goodbye. I wave back and thank him again. I’m glad I got to know Mr. Byun. Despite his negative first impression, I now find myself being comfortable around him. He has this odd charm that makes it easy for people (even like me) to open up to. Plus, I’m laughing more around him, and that’s always a good sign.    I make my way towards the elevator but stop when I hear my phone buzz. I look to see that there’s a message. And it’s from Mr. Kim. My heart beats faster as I swipe to read the message.   I can handle my afternoon schedule on my own. You’re done for today so feel free to head on home now.  I feel my heart sink. Then I feel anger. Okay, putting aside personal matters, this is not okay. I am his secretary. He’s not even giving me the chance to do my job properly. After my counseling session with Mr. Byun, I changed my plans and decided not to bring up the matter today. Like he said, I want to trust Mr. Kim on this one. But my day with Mr. Kim is not going to end like this. It can’t.   I aggressively press the elevator buttons and storm to my office as soon as I get to my floor. I push open the door and rapidly pack my bag. I then take a deep breath before knocking on Mr. Kim’s door. Silence.  I gently open the door and peep inside, only to find the room empty. I groan in frustration. He’s not even here. I rummage through my bag and yank out my phone.   “Hello?” “Okay, I get that you’re clearly upset about something, but that doesn’t mean you can just remove me from my job,” I start ranting as soon as I hear Mr. Kim’s voice. I’m too emotional to even care about how flustered he might be at this. “I’m not removing you from your--” he starts. But I cut him off, “Yes you are. You’re even excluding me from important meetings now. Look, Mr. Kim. I don’t want to push you in any way but this is absurd. Why are you distancing yourself from me? At least tell me…” my voice starts to break and I hate myself for not being able to control my own tears.  “At least tell me whether or not it’s my fault that you’re behaving like this,” I say after a deep breath. My voice is shaky and I roughly wipe a tear from my cheek.   “Let’s talk about this in person. I’ll come to you. Where are you? Don’t cry,” Mr. Kim’s low yet frantic voice reaches my ears, “...please.”  “Forget it. You’re busy today. I can wait for another time,” I tell him, realizing how I’m such a nuisance. I’ve let my emotions get in the way of his work. I feel more tears streaming down, as I find myself in utter frustration from this whole situation. Why is he like this? Why am I like this? Why are relationships so complicated? “No, I’ll be there--” Mr. Kim begins to say but I quickly hang up. I wait for my tears to stop and feel my phone vibrate. I look to see an incoming call from Mr. Kim. I ignore it. I decide to go home now, just as Mr. Kim told me to and slowly make my way towards the doors.   I’m standing outside, staring at the red signal light. Swarms of people and cars surround me, but all city noises are muted out as my puffy eyes stay fixed on the signal. The signal soon turns green, cueing me to begin walking across the street.  I feel another buzz from my phone. It’s Mr. Kim again. I already have nine missed calls from him. Should I just answer? But what would he say? What would I say?   Honk, honk, honk! The loud sounds of a car horn snap me out of my thoughts. But it’s too late. I find myself in the middle of the road, the signal lights for pedestrians already back to red. I look to my right, and see the car that honked at me coming towards me, its lights blinding. Oh no...   Screech.Thump. I’m on the ground, but I don’t feel any pain. My only view is the vast sky, tinted with pink and orange from the sunset. I hear screams and murmurs of people around me, but everything’s a blur. I gently move my head to look to my side, and see the car stopped inches away from me. I squint at its lights, and immediately a powerful headache surges through me.  I scream, grabbing my head.    “Baby,” I hear a voice. Mr. Kim?   “Baby,” it repeats.    I shut my eyes and hold my head in pain, but the voice doesn’t stop.    “Hey miss, are you alright?”    I blink as the man I’ve dreamt about finally comes into focus. The pain in my head increases and I squeeze my eyes tighter.     “Can I call you ‘baby?’”       “Well let me check, baby. You never know when you’re sick.”       “Baby, don’t look at me like that. Okay okay, I’ll go.”       “Even if you use this room occasionally, that’s good enough for me, baby.”        “Will you promise me that you’ll never leave me?”        “Is my baby going to forgive daddy?”        “Baby, do you really have to go to that party? I’d rather you not.”        “Five more minutes please. Unless you wanna give daddy a kiss.”         “I thought I made it very clear that I won’t be responsible for what happens to Kim Jongdae if I see him with you again, especially this late at night.”        “I’m glad you’re in my life, (y/n). I really am.”

“I love you.”   A panorama of memories flood my view, one frame after another. Everything falls into place, the fragmented pieces of my flashbacks finally puzzling into one massive picture. I finally remember who Mr. Kim is. And what our relationship is. The four years of my long lost memory are back, hammering into me the fact that I need that one person more than ever right now. I need to see him. The man I can finally call out to with the same love I had for him years back.   “Daddy,” I breathe out.   Then blackout.  *** Author's Notes:          Okay we're almost done and I'm still recovering from the amount of cheese this chapter has... XDDDI hope everything makes sense, but I wanted to congratulate my dear readers for finally getting your memory back (hope that was clear)!!! And as for Mr. Kim's "frosty behavior..." we're going to get inside his head next week and start to resolve things.Thank you so so so so much for reading and I hope you have a good rest of the week!Love you all <3