JIN: Chapter 4 (1/1)

After that, Jin’s been constantly eating with me for the past days. He makes breakfast every morning and although he doesn’t eat every dinner with me, he tries to make it home most of the time. And before I know it, I’m enjoying his company. He still sleeps on the couch, though. Today I wake up to find Jin gone, but a note is waiting for me on the fridge:  I have an important appointment today so I’m leaving early. But don’t skip breakfast; I left a sandwich on the counter for you. See you.  I smile at the note before walking to the counter. I spot a covered plate and when I lift up the cover, sure enough, there’s a sandwich. I grab it and take a bite. It’s good (of course it is). I flip through my planner and realize I have two things today: a meeting with Grace and Jimin at noon and then dinner with my in-laws. It’s already Friday. Wow.     I spend the rest of the morning reading a book and watching Suga’s activities online.  I glance at the clock after awhile and almost scream at the time. 11:30?! I hurry to the bathroom and start to wash up. After getting fully dressed, I grab my bag and run out the door. I grab a taxi and manage to get to the cafe I’m supposed to meet Grace and Jimin at.      “Whoa there, slow down,” Jimin catches me as I almost slide across the floor.     “I’m not too late, am I?” I ask after catching my breath.     “(y/n), it’s okay to be a little late. Like 10 minutes late,” Grace says sarcastically but ends up grinning. “Aren’t you hungry? Let’s grab something to bite,” she says as she leads us to a table.  The cafe is pretty large, and I see that there’s a lot of people enjoying their lunch hour. We go at a table near the window and as Grace and I slip into seats across from each other, Jimin pauses and looks as though he’s deciding who to sit next to: me or Grace. We both stare at him and Grace rolls her eyes before grabbing his arm and pulling him next to her. His face turns slightly pink as he settles down. Hm?       “What do you guys want to get?” Grace asks, her eyes twinkling.      “Maybe the wrap they have here? Oh, and lemonade!” I say, matching her enthusiasm. Grace nods and turns to Jimin. “What about you?” she asks him.     “I don’t know. What should I get?” he asks back and as soon as he makes eye contact with Grace, who is quite close to him, he looks away fast. His face turns more red. What’s wrong with him? Wait a minute. Does he...like Grace? “How about you get a burger and I get a pasta? We can share if you want,” Grace tells him and Jimin agrees. I smile at them before getting up. “Alright, I’ll go order. It’s my treat today so tell me if you want anything else,” I say, waving my wallet.  “Wait what? You don’t--” Jimin starts. “Really? (y/n), no. You shouldn’t,” Grace interrupts as she holds out money. I shake my head and assure them that I really wanted to buy lunch for them. I knew how much of a burden college was. It’s not much, but I want to do at least this.  “Okay…” Grace says, convinced. Then she claps her hands together and almost shouts, “Thank you!” I nod at her and Jimin thanks me as well, but his gaze is towards Grace. He’s smiling at her and his eyes are affectionate. I raise my eyebrow, sure of the fact that he has a crush on her. Since when though? I mean they do stick around each other most of the time. I grin at the thought of them together and walk towards the counter to order and pay for the food.  After we get food, the three of us chat, laugh, eat, and don’t notice time go by. I guess that’s why I’m so surprised when my phone rings and I see that it’s Jin. Was it time for me to go already? I look at the clock and see it’s half past 5.  “Hello? Jin?” I say, picking up the phone. Grace and Jimin stop talking and look at me. “Hey, are you home?” he asks. “Uh no, I’m out with my friends,” I say back. “Friends?” his deep voice reaches my ears. “The same friends you went out drinking with?”  “Yeah, they’re great,” I tell him with a smile. I know he’s teasing.  “Well sorry but you’re going to have to say bye to your great friends. Can you tell me where you are?” he asks and when I tell him where we are, he says, “I’m going to pick you up right now so we won’t be late to dinner with my parents. Is that okay?” “Yeah, I’ll be waiting out on the block,” I reply before hanging up. I turn to Grace and Jimin, who are now back to joking around. I clear my throat and the two of them face me.  “Hey, I have to go now, so you two feel free to hang out more,” I say as I grab my stuff.  “What? So soon!” Grace says, disappointed. “You have plans?” Jimin asks. I nod and then remember a coupon I have that I didn’t use. It’s from that radio station. Even though they sent me one, which I used at the BH mall bar with Grace and Jimin early this week, they accidentally sent me another one. They had told me to just use it when I tried to return it.  I had been wanting to give it to someone (because no more alcohol for me after what I did) and decide it’s the perfect time to give it. “Here. You two go have some fun,” I say as I hand Jimin the coupon. He stares at me confused but I wave at the two of them and run out. As I walk out, I text Jimin:  Go spend time with Grace. I’m your wingman. Or wing-woman. (wink)  I begin to walk away from the cafe and spot Grace and Jimin waving at me through the window near our seat. I wave back and although I’m not sure, I think I see Jimin mouth two words at me: “Thank you.” He then holds up his phone to almost guarantee his thanks.   It’s already pretty dark even though it’s not even 6 pm. I wait on the block and see Jin’s car approach.  But I almost can’t recognize him.     “...Jin?” I ask with large eyes. His hair...it’s black.  “Are you just going to stand there? Get in,” he says. I get in the car quickly and Jin waits until I’ve buckled up my seatbelt before moving the car forward. I can’t help but stare at him. He notices my gaze and runs his hand through his hair sheepishly. “Is it that bad?” he asks. I shake my head fast. “No, not at all. It’s just…” I tilt my head. “When did you dye it?” “Today,” Jin says and I laugh. Well duh. It was ash grey since the last time I saw him, which was yesterday. I remember his note this morning and teasingly ask, “Is this the “appointment” you had early in the morning?” “Did you eat the sandwich?” Jin changes the topic and I can’t help but laugh even more. He stares at me. I’m right, aren’t I? “Oh yeah, it was super good,” I just play along. He nods silently before saying, “Of course it was.” He grins at me.  “Yeah well, I kinda miss the grey hair now that I think about it,” I say, breaking a short pause and not letting go of the hair topic. I reach out and fix his hair. Jin flinches and looks surprised.  “I thought you said you liked black haired guys bet--” he stops himself. “Forget it,” he says and continues driving. I hold back laughter. Aw, he dyed it black because of what I said? I feel rather touched because I know how hard Jin is trying. First he starts eating with me, and now this. I pat his shoulder. “I’m kidding. I like this color the best on you. It makes you look ‘worldwide handsome,” I say (ARMY ALERT). Jin’s ears turn red enough to be seen in the dim car and he clears his throat as he continues looking straight ahead. I can’t stop smiling the entire car ride.  ***  “Welcome,” Mother says as we walk into the house. I thank her and so does Jin. Father comes out of the room with a newspaper in his hand. “How are you two?” he says as he embraces Jin and gives me a pat on the shoulder.  “We’re good,” Jin responds.  Mother leads us to the dining hall, and I’m surprised as to how luxurious this house is: red carpets, crystal chandeliers, marble sculptures, and golden picture frames. Whoa. As we sit down, three housemaids enter with trays of food. They begin setting the table and I watch them until I feel a small tap on my shoulder. I turn to see Jin. He gestures for me to give him my bag, which I’m still holding, and I hand it to him. He places it on a small shelf near the wall next to him. I then take a seat and scoot in my chair in comfortably.   “So can we expect grandkids anytime soon?” Mother says as we’re eating. I nearly choke on my salad.  “We can take our time, can’t we?” Jin says nonchalantly as he hands me a glass of water. I nod to him in thanks and Father speaks up. “Yes, but not too much time. It’s better to have kids while you’re young and full of energy,” he says with a smile. I cough.    “Father, have you checked the contract SM sent to us this morning yet?” Jin changes the subject, noticing how uncomfortable I looked. I silently thank him. “Yes I have, and I have one minor adjustment we should consider…” Father responds. Mother rolls her eyes and leans towards me. “All they ever talk about is work,” she whispers. I smile at her and agree. She shakes her head and mutters, “Men.” I laugh and she does too. She then asks me as to how I’m finding my time at home.   “It’s alright. I’m getting used to it,” I tell her. “Hm, I can imagine it’ll be lonely with Jin gone half the time,” she says, “And all your friends are in universities, is that correct?”  “Yes,” I nod. And I can only imagine what that’s like.  “I’ve been talking about it with my husband, and we both thought it wouldn’t be fair for you to live as a housewife while Jin goes to work,” Mother says as she cuts up her steak. She continues, “Which is why we’d be more than happy to support you if you were to attend a college of your choice.” I blink at her. Pardon? “Yes, (y/n),” Father speaks up. I turn to see that him and Jin had finished their conversation and were now both staring at us. Or me. “Uh, thank you but I’m fine with staying home,” I say after a while. The three of them look unconvinced. I add, “No really. I like staying home. I’ll find a hobby soon anyway.” “Well let us know if you change your mind,” Mother says when she sees that my mind can’t be changed and I nod. I’m glad I have such nice in-laws. I always see in soap operas the rich mother-in-laws being terribly mean to their daughter-in-laws. I guess that’s not the case. At least for me, anyway. Father nods and Jin slightly smiles at me. We continue eating.  It’s past nine by the time Jin and I say goodbye and hit the road. It’s fully dark outside and I stare out the window. I’m so full and the car is so warm that my eyelids start to get heavy. I glance at Jin, who’s silently driving and I turn my gaze back to the window.   “You should reconsider college,” Jin speaks up after some time. I face him, and he continues to look straight ahead. “I know you want to attend with your friends.”  “I don’t know,” I say back. I really didn’t. After marriage, I haven’t even had the time to fully think as to what I want to do in the future.  “I just…” Jin starts. He looks at me briefly and takes a deep breath. “I just feel sorry you have to live like this. I know...you never chose to marry me.” “What?” I blink. Why should he feel sorry? I mean, it’s true that this marriage isn’t what I personally wanted, but I’m not dreading it. Was he? “I tried my best to make you happy, knowing that you didn’t necessarily want to live with me. But…” his voice trails off. There’s a moment of silence. I’ve noticed Jin trying so hard to be the best husband he could and in all honesty, I’ve been starting to appreciate him and even have feelings for him. But maybe Jin was just doing all this out of courtesy.   “Do you love me?” I ask and Jin looks at me with large eyes. I do admit, that was quite sudden.  “What?” “Could you love me?” I change the question, scared that the answer to the first one is a no. Jin continues to drive but his expression is dark.  “...” “Jin…” “I don’t know. I certainly like you. But ‘love’ is just a word I can’t use easily,” his deep voice flows through the car. My heart sinks and I turn away from him. So he doesn’t. He couldn’t even if he tried. I guess it’s silly of me to think there was a chance this marriage could be “normal” and at least have two people who loved each other. But then again, could I love him? Do I love Jin?  “Like ‘Seokjin?’” I ask him after some time. He flinches at his name. Why does he hate it so much? I want to know at least that. I guess it’s the fact that I know he doesn’t love me that’s making me want to at least know one secret about him. Can’t he trust me? I’m still his wife, after all.   “Is ‘Seokjin’ a word as hard to use as ‘love?’” I repeat. I know I shouldn’t push him or touch on such a sensitive topic, but I need to know.  “...yeah.” Jin says eventually. I wait for him to continue but he doesn’t.  “I see,” I mutter as I turn back to the window. I give up. I’m just not going to even try. And I know I can’t force him to tell me anything. I’ll just leave this as it is. But just as I close my eyes to sleep, I hear Jin’s voice softly.  “It’s the name only my mom called me by.” I peek at him. What? Mother calls him Jin… “The mother I have now is not my real mom,” Jin says slowly, after a deep breath. “She’s my dad’s first wife and he wasn’t faithful to her. He met my mom and she had me.” “...” I’m so shocked I can’t believe what he’s saying.  “I’m grateful that after she passed away when I was in middle school, mother and father decided to take me in. And they were both so kind I almost hated myself for despising them for leaving my mom in the dark to raise me alone. Especially my father.” “Jin…” I start to say but he cuts me off.  “But Seokjin is something she’d call me, and I can’t bear with anyone else calling me that,” Jin leans back in his seat. “It brings back too many painful memories.”  “I’m so sorry,” I say softly, realizing that that’s why he hates it when people call him Seokjin. I feel a pang of guilt for making him talk. I had no idea this topic would be so serious and heavy. He shakes his head and weakly smiles at me.   “Don’t be. I’m glad I at least told you about this. No one besides my family knows,” he says before adding, “And I guess you should know since you’re a part of our family now too.”  I nod at him in thanks and his dark eyes sadly smile. I then look out the window and silently hope that someday I can be someone who can call him by his real name, Seokjin.  *** Author's Notes:Yes dear, that time will come... (speaking to all my (y/n)s out there). I just want to thank all my readers (especially my commenters even though there's only 2 of you--I am so very extremely grateful for you both)! Honestly, I am so sorry this story is so poorly structured, I don't know what to say to redeem myself. And yet, for all of you who take the time to read it and be casted as my main lead, THANK YOU I LOVE YOU <3 We have just a little more ways to go with Jinnie Jin, so bear with me! (I mean, you don't have to but... XD) Have a wonderful rest of the week!