Chapter 8 (1/1)

(Shim Changmin's P.O.V)I was bathing in my misery when a drawling voice crept its way back into my mind set." Ya know~ Crying ain't gonna solve nothing.. " drawled GD." And what do you suppose I do? " I yelled." Umm.. fly to LA? " suggested T.O.P.I shut up. How much stupider could I have got? I mentally slapped myself for not having thought of that sooner.I straightened up and walked to the stairs but ran back to GD and T.O.P" What now~? " whined GD." Could you guys give me a lift to the airport? " I asked sheepishly.GD let out a frustrated groan before punching me in the shoulder." Sure, " he said with an exasperated smile. " But you do realise CL won't wanna see you and your very expensive plane ticket to LA will be a complete and utter waste right? "I laughed." What? " cried GD." You talk too much, " I said jokingly.We laughed.But I became serious on the way to the airport. T.O.P was driving his sports car at a speed that didn't seem to exist. We were practically flying! But that still didn't seem fast enough.At last we were there. And again I required GD and T.O.P's assistance.This was France and my French was limited to "Bonjour" and "Bonsoir"!GD spoke in rapid French to the lady at the counter. I stood there, clueless as to what they were saying. They were talking so fast for all I knew they could have been swearing at me and I wouldn't have known!" Says there's no flight to LA till tomorrow afternoon, " sing-song-ed GD." Just my luck.. " I muttered clenching my free fist. In the other hand I was still holding my suitcase handle. " I'll take it. "I sighed with resignation as GD had them print my flight ticket. It was at 15:00 or 3:00 pm (noon) Paris Time. I'd land the day after tomorrow at 3:00 am Paris Time, which was 18:00 LA time!I looked at my watch." Guys, I've got like 18 hours till my flight takes off! Where am I gonna stay? " I gasped." Na-uh! You are not staying with us! " hollered T.O.P." But I don't have enough for a hotel room right now! " I whined, which was highly uncharacteristic for me. But desperate times called for desperate measures. I needed rest, bad. Even a clean floor would do!" I know~ " squealed GD with a smirk. He tossed a key at me. " We'll drop you at CL's place. "" Wha-? " I began." Zip it. You're a jerk and all but I don't believe a guy like you would play a girl. I dunno. My conscience may or may not be right, but I've got a pretty good intuition, " bragged GD. " Take the keys. We'll drop you at her place and pick you up at 12:00 pm noon, okay? "" Thanks, " I said quietly." Quit moping, " commented T.O.P. AT CL's PLACEI turned the key. I knew she wasn't in there but I also knew this wasn't right.  How could I barge in to her apartment like this? I was on the right track but half an hour in the Paris night cold was enough to make me run into her apartment.I closed the door slowly behind me as though expecting someone to come and give me a flying kick in the face.I laughed at my joke. That would be typical of CL. She'd burst out in anger, rarely. But when she did it would be all of a sudden for no apparent reason. And it would dissapear as quickly and as suddenly as it had appeared in the first place!But behind her bright image I knew she was hiding something.. She was always hiding something.. Her hurt. She'd bottle it up. Everytime I hurt her she'd smile and wave it off until finally she'd keep thinking about it and one fine day - BOOM! She'd explode and I'd tell her I was sorry.. But I can't say I "always" apologized. One day, she told me to stop apologizing so much.. It made me feel guiltier but still, if that's what she wanted.. I couldn't say no.Way before we started going out she told me she didn't like it when a guy said "I love you." She said that if a guy keeps saying it, those three words lose their meaning. And so I only said them to her occasionally. But sometimes, I noticed something in her words.. both spoken and written.. She always seemed so naive. Yet, heartbroken in a way I couldn't fix her. She always seemed to be afraid of losing me..Well, she did...But the way she behaved even when we were together.. It was almost as though she knew she was going to lose me. But that's just stupid! She was like that in Grade 10! This "situation" began eight years after Grade 10!I snapped out of my reverie to look around.On entering I found myself in the foyer which was a step lower than the rest of the apartment. She must've have got it altered. It wasn't a common feature in Europe. I slipped off my shoes and put on one of the pairs of black "Hello Kitty" slippers she'd kept at the doorway for guests.I laughed. She was still childish. I counted. There were five pairs. But there was one pink pair, probably for her. It was kept separately in a corner.HELLO KITTY SLIPPERS:  www.shopping.com/hello-kitty-hello-kitty-plush-slippers/info( In the story: 5 black pairs, 1 hot pink pair) I looked around. Her apartment was simple. Everything was the latest and the most expensive but she stuck to the neccessities. No extravagant decor. White walls, white doors. The floor was of smooth white tiles. The balcony was draped with thin veil like white curtains.It was then that I noticed everything was white! Her leather sofa, her dining table, her chairs.. Even her plasma TV! I made my way to the living room. There was a huge - and I mean HUGE - bookshelf in the left corner that extended about 8 feet in height and about 13 feet in length. It was practically a library. CL had always been fond of books.I quickly scanned through the books on the shelves.. Textbooks, encyclopedias, language books, atlases... Novels and more novels.. All fiction as usual. But the top shelf piqued my interest. Her diaries..I opened one. Last year's. Around when I lost contact with her.. " May 25Max hasn't called me lately I'm worried... " I skipped a few more. " May 30I wonder if Max is alright. It's not like him to not call me, let alone not IM me. I better pray for him, maybe something's happened. Please don't be his parents! Sometimes I wonder if they see him as the amazing person I see him as.. " I couldn't read it anymore. I skipped the page. CL always thought I was 'amazing'. She'd always tell me I was the best, her #1, the best thing in her life... not that I took any of it seriously. But here it was as plain as daylight written in her diary.. I didn't deserve the stuff she said about me..  I skipped to her most recent diary. This year's." January 25.. "This was, no - IS our anniversary date! She must've been furious..I cannot believe this! How could he?!... "This was it. I'd finally see some of her anger and it scared me." We were together for so many years.. We were so close.. "Yep. It was nearing. I grimaced as I proceeded to read. CL could make words hurt. I knew the next few lines were going to kill me.." After all we've been through did he have to spoil it this way?.. "I held my breath as I read the last line." Taeyang proposed to me.. "