人生はクレイジーです。 (1/1)

Jonghyun and I are new to love.Completely unprepared, we jumped into the depths of the ocean. Clinging to each other and barely breathing, we wandered along, trying to stay afloat. But we’re drowning together. We’re being pulled down by waves into the bottom of the ocean where the water just holds us in perfect stillness. We’re encased in pure, silent coldness where we don’t have room for even thoughts. We’re so far down into this love where the thought of swimming back to the surface, back to the sunlight, is gone. We can even see the glints of sunlight on the surface of the water above us, but we don’t even miss it. As long as we are together in this serene coldness, we can keep each other warm enough to live. That’s all we need.At this point, I feel like I’ve been so misguided by everyone. I’m so tired of following all these rules and laws the world has made for me. I’m so tired of people telling me you can’t do this and you should be this way. I’m so tired of everything. It feels like these ghosts haunt me always reminding me of everything I can never be. No matter how I try, I will never be perfect or good enough for everyone. But now, I just want to be good enough for Jonghyun. I want to be someone Jonghyun will see and just be so proud to know. I want him to just absolutely adore me because to him I will be perfect. But the ghosts just keep whispering all the imperfections I have. They echo in my ears and it never ends.Why is it so evident in my life that pain is something unavoidable? Why can’t I just be happy without consequence? I am not asking for much. I just want a cup of tea in the morning and a few good books to read. I just want a small apartment and a job to go to in the morning and Jonghyun to come home to at night. I don’t want a mansion. I don’t want diamonds and pearls and gems. I just want to live simply and kindly. Why is it that I can never seem to get that? There are just so many things that seem to get in the way. One obstacle after another line up before me and laugh as I trip over them. I just can’t be happy. Happiness is something I must fight for every day. I am just too weak to fight this battle much longer.But, it seems that if I have to fight to help Jonghyun be happy, I will fight until the end. I will work as hard as I can until my knuckles bleed and my fingers are worn down to the bone and tears are in my eyes and my teeth are gritted to nothing just so Jonghyun will smile. I would search the Earth and swim miles. I will do absolutely anything he wants, anything he needs. I guess, that’s true love. When you care about someone so much you would do anything to make them happy. Even if Jonghyun tells me to go away, if that would please him, I would leave without a second thought. I would do anything to make him pleased.“I have to go home soon, hyung,” Jonghyun said with a pout. I pouted a bit myself.“Really? It’s only 5 though,” I stated while glancing at my watch in surprise. Normally he stayed until 7 or 8.“Yeah, but my dad gets home early today, so I have to go home to make dinner,” he said thoughtfully. I was sure he was probably thinking about what he wanted to make. Jonghyun is that kind of person.“Oh, well, I’ll just see you tomorrow then, right?”“Of course!” he said happily. I smiled at him. I liked when he got so excited over little things. It made me appreciate them more.“Good,” I said softly. There wasn’t much more to say.“Do I at least get a good bye, Jinki Hyung?” he said cheekily. I blushed a little. He always asked weird things like that.“I guess…” I mumbled softly.He smiled at me and started leaning closer to me. I began to get that nervous fluttery feeling in the depth of my stomach. I got that weightless feeling you get when you fall. His lips touched mine softly. They conformed to one another and meshed gently. I felt Jonghyun’s hands hold my face in place as he turned his head to the side. His tongue swiped against my lip quickly and my mouth fell open. Without a second of hesitation, he was already delving into my mouth and his taste flooded in.I don’t know how it happened, but soon I was lying on back on my bed. Jonghyun was over me, his tongue still exploring my mouth. So, I started his body with my hands. They slid down his chest slowly. They traveled up his back just as slowly. He felt so strong. I felt really alive in that moment. For the first time I could feel myself just as I could feel him. His presence was all around me, circling and thickening the air. I savored the feeling of his tongue against mine, his body against mine. Shivers went up my spine. My hands just kept searching and memorizing every part of him. My tongue was dancing with his. I felt a fiery feeling going up and down my chest. I was simply alive.I didn’t want to let go, but everything has to end. His hair fell in his face as he pulled away from me. He looked down at me with such gentleness, such kindness in his eyes, that it almost brought tears to my own. I know it was childish, but I didn’t want him to leave me, ever. I grabbed onto his shirt quickly. In a silent plea, he seemed to know that I didn’t want him to go.“I can stay a little more, just a little more,” he mumbled. His arms circled around me so easily. I just wanted to hold onto what I was feeling. I was sure that besides the feeling of just warmth and living, it was also the feeling of love.My hands bunched up in his shirt, he stayed beside me, giving my soft kisses on my cheeks and neck. I didn’t mind. I just let him do as he pleased. But everywhere he touched me, felt skin felt like it was on fire.“I’ll never leave you, Jinki,” he said softly. I believed him. He’ll never leave me.“Because you love me, right?” I mumbled almost incoherently, but somehow he comprehended my ramblings.“Exactly. Because I love you.” I felt more kisses get scattered across my face. I welcomed them all.He’ll never leave me. Even when he has to go, he’ll have to stay with me. He whispered he loved me over and over. I smiled softly. I was alone with him, but it was the first time I didn’t feel lost. I knew exactly where I was. I was in his arms and it just felt good. It felt safe and secure and calm and quiet and right. It felt right.If I never met Jonghyun, I would still feel so cold. I would still be alone. I would still feel empty and hollow. I would still cry sometimes. I would have nothing to look forward to. I would have nothing.But now, I was simply alive. (A/N): Hello beautiful♥OMFG GET IT? IT'S A WAVE! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. BEST PUN EVERRRRR.♥Omg. I got in trouble today guise. ;A;I've never gotten in trouble before. I'm pretty devastated.It's pretty serious because Kenny yelled at me.YELLED AT ME. LOUD WORDS CAME FROM HIS MOUTH AND IT WAS NOT OKAY.When I get excited I make loud squealy noises. And today on tumblr, there was a lot of cool gifs. THERE WAS A LOT! And, so Kenny got really mad at me and yelled because he said I am "only allowed to scream if you are dying or I am being mauled by bears." There was no bears and I am living so I can not make loud noises any more. Then... something horrible happened. KENNY TOOK MY LAP TOP SO I WOULD HAVE TO THINK ABOUT MY ACTIONS.I mean, I still had my ipad so that did nothing but I am still a little upset. But, I GUESS I'LL SURVIVE EVEN IF KENNY IS A JERK.I got in trouble you guys, am I a bad person? OMG NOOOooOOooOOOoooOOOO I AM A GOOD BOY RIGHT?Freaking out you guys I am freaking out omg noooooooo.okay, but wait a second I found this gif and I need to show you guys, wtf is this. like someone made this gif... what is it.... OMG LOL I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. LOL THIS GIF WHHYYYY!?!?!It goes to fast for me to read. But I know that the part with him crying is saying "PLEASE COME BACK" but my korean is just too sucky for this and other than that... I dunno what this is... OMG STAHP THIS GIF.LOOK AT IT.and again.I just can't stop staring.....ANYWAY. I'm going to answer questions.... next update... yeah.. I'm that kind of person now. THE LAZY KINDDDD.OMG YOU GUYS I'M A LAZY BAD BOY. NOOOOoOOoOOOooOOoOOOOooo. THAT IS NOT HOW MY PARENTS RAISED ME.I do not deserve to even be in your presence. wah.This update is even really short. I dunno, it was one of those times where I just felt like writing so I did but I didn't know what to write so I was like, LET'S WRITE FEELINGS BECAUSE I'M GOOD AT FEELINGS OK YUS. So, I didn', But... feelings aren't even like coo or anything soooo.... that was useless. ;A; okay. I'm so sorry. AH.So, I read your responses to your childhood memories and a lot of people's memories were either, things they did with their family that was really memorable or a time where the kind of got through something difficult. It just made me feel really happy and uplifted to read things like that. I really missed my family after I read your comments as well! It was just really touching. So, thank you for sharing your memories with me. It was really enjoyable for me!NOOOWWWW FOR THIS UPDATES QUESTIOOONNN!!So, what I would like to know is,If you were an animal, what would you be and why?I would be a penguin because I like them.I hope someone knows my reference.... someone... please.....because... Onew... wants... to be... yeah... okay.ANYWAY OKAY I LOVE YOU.Thank you forcommentingand subscribingand readingand being beautifuland cuteand sweetand perfectand wonderfulandgreaattttt.♥Okay, baiii!latah!I LOVE YOU.OKAY BYE.