私は間違いを犯す。 (1/1)

I hate this feeling of falling. I hate that sick feeling you get in the stomach and that tingling you feel that makes you curl up your toes and ball up your fists. I’m clumsy though, so I guess I got used to that sensation of weightlessness. But, I’m starting to feel that mind numbing tingling in my stomach even when I’m not tripping over my own two feet. I’m starting to just fall apart. It’s all because of this idiotic dinosaur.“Hyung, it’s cold~” jonghyun whined in my ear. I grumbled softly because of the disturbance.“Here.” I mumbled as I shoved some of the blanket I was using towards him. When I looked out of the corner of my eye, I could see his pout.“No, hyung. I want you, not the blanket,” he said with a small chuckle. My back remained to him and I didn’t move. He sighed softly and I could feel the mattress shift from his weight. His chest was pressed against my back in a matter of seconds. His hand slid up my chest, and I gasped softly. I instinctively grabbed his hand in my own to pull it away.“What are you doing!?” I whispered; my voice still weak from sleep.“yah, hyung, it’s okay. You’re too tense all the time,” He said while patting my chest with his hand. It didn’t make me relax.“If you stopped doing things like this I wouldn’t be so tense!” my voice grew in power.“Really? I don’t think so,” he said, and I could hear his smile. I don’t even know if that’s possible. But, I just knew by his tone that he was smiling.“What makes you think that?”“h’m. If I wasn’t here, there wouldn’t be anyone for you to be annoyed with,” he said thoughtfully. I was a little speechless at that.But, he seemed done with the conversation. His hand continued to be placed firmly against my chest with my hand covering it. His head rested against my shoulder. I had never been this close to someone before. I didn’t really know what to do in this kind of situation. So, I just let my body relax and let all my tension leave in waves. Soon, I felt warm and almost comforted by Jonghyun’s heat that was radiating into my body.“You know, I can feel your heart beat, jinki hyung,” he said softly. His voice felt like feathers.“Stop being so greasy.” He chuckled softly. I could feel his whole chest vibrate against me. It felt strong and just…. Good.“Turn around,” he almost demanded. I hadn’t really heard his voice like that before.“Why?”“I want to see your face.” He said it like it was obvious. So, I timidly turned. I mean, who could it hurt anyway? So, I lay facing him, our chests brushing a bit. I wouldn’t allow myself to be that close.I didn’t know what to do. He just looked at me. So, I just looked at him back. Then he did that stupid smile that makes his eyes squint up a little bit and his head always tilts to the damn side. That smile is so stupid I hate it. But it gave me that tingly feeling that made me absolutely sick and absolutely joyful at the same time.He hand held my face and his thumb traced up and down my cheek. I just held my breath, completely unable to respond in any other way than being absolutely still.“Can I kiss you, hyung?” he said, his voice was so timid and soft. It felt like silk to my ears. I didn’t think I could handle another second of this gentle touches and loving glance. But for some reason, I wanted him to kiss me. Disgusting. I know.“Okay…” I mumbled. Then, it just felt appropriate for me to close my eyes. So, I did.I felt his lips against mine. They were just as warm and soft as the first time, but it was different now. Maybe it was because Jonghyun had kissed me first, but I felt this over whelming feeling of something wash over me. I don’t know what to call it. But, I could feel us falling. That tingling feeling of weightlessness came in my stomach and my fingers balled up in fists.Jonghyun’s lips started moving against mine. So, I moved mine against his. I wondered if his eyes were closed too. But, I was too scared to open my eyes and see. So, my eyes stayed shut tight. Then, I felt something warm and wet swipe against my lips. I didn’t know what to do. The realization that his tongue was touching my lips hit me like a truck. But, I slowly opened my mouth, unsure of how these kinds of things work.His tongue was cautious. I think he didn’t know what to do either. But, slowly he entered my mouth and I could taste him. It wasn’t that he tasted wonderfully good, but he tasted amazingly different. It’s something that I can’t truly describe. But, it was a somewhat addictive taste. So, my tongue met his and they awkwardly touched and mingled and tasted each other. After a while, Jonghyun tongue retreated to his mouth and he pulled away for a minute. He just looked at me with a look of wonderment. I looked back equally as shocked that this had happened.Then, he did that stupid smile with his big stupid dinosaur head. My heart kind of speed up a little bit and I could feel myself blush.I know that this probably won’t be the best kiss I ever have. It wasn’t even my first kiss. Technically Jonghyun already stole my first kiss. But, I know I’ll remember it. I’ll remember it because Jonghyun asked for it. And also because it was the first kiss that I’ll ever have that I would ever such a deep feeling with.It gave me that type of feeling your read about in books. It was the type of kiss that made you feel shy and blush and made you want to sing songs on top of a mountain. I felt the kind of feeling you hear about in movies and songs and tv shows and fairy tales. I felt that nauseating feeling of utter bliss for just one second. I felt like all the air in the world was all gone.I couldn’t even comprehend anything. Jonghyun had suddenly become so much to me. It was almost pathetic. I really hope that he felt all these kind of things too. I hope he felt all these things that I felt. I hope he thought about me like I think about him. I hope he feel that weightless feeling of us falling deep down into the depths of whatever this is.I decided that if this is love, than love is weird. It gives you all the power and feelings and emotion and dreams. But at the same time, I feel so damn horrible all the damn time. I feel so scared and ashamed and shy and sick. But, I like it. I like feeling this way because it almost seems worth it.“I love you,” he said. I felt his breath against my face.“I know,” I whispered back.“Say it back,” he demanded it. I wondered in that moment what he was thinking.“Jonghyun…” I pleaded with him. I can’t say it. It will be too real then. You can’t run away from things like this after you say it out loud.“Say it.” His voice was so strong.“I love you,” my voice cracked and sounded so broken. Jonghyun didn’t smile or laugh or seem even happy that I had told him I loved him. He looked just as serious as before.He kissed me again, a bit rougher this time. Maybe with more passion if that’s what you call it. This time, when he slipped his tongue against my lips, I opened my mouth immediately, ready and prepared for him. His hand knotted up into my hair. He pulled my head back a bit which caused my mouth to open up more. He took advantage of that. I’m not sure if he knew what he was doing or just winging it. But, it was still nice. So, I really didn’t care that much.When he pulled away, his grip on my hair loosened a bit. He pecked at my lips a few more times. I was in a daze. He kept repeating that he loved me. It sounded like a chant. Over and over again, the words were beaten into my mind. Jonghyun loves me. I don’t know how much or how long it will last. But, in this second, he loved me.That’s enough for me right now. Because right now I know that I love him to. I don’t know how much or how long it will last, but I do love him.Maybe I love him more than he loves me and maybe he loves me more than I love him, but it doesn’t matter. I just know that people that in the end people choose to love someone like them.  In the end of the end of the fairy tale, the prince ended up falling in love with the poor girl because deep down he know that she was really a princess. So, it means one of two things. Jonghyun either knew deep down, under my newly made princely exterior, I was a pauper just like himself or I knew that deep down, no matter how much Jonghyun denied it, he was even more princely that I was myself.But whatever it was, it didn’t matter.Because right now Jonghyun loves me. (A/N): Hey dere cutie. How you doing?Let me please express my feelings for you with this gif.Okay. wow. anyway.The writing flow came back full force you guys. FULL FORCE. I've been wanting to write THIS chapter since I even thought of writing this story. I have been waiting and waiting...and now it has come... FINALLY.Today, something magical happened to me. I teach Japanese at the high school. For fun. I'm not a real teacher or anything, I just teach this group of kids in Japanese club. ANYWAY. I was there at this school and I was skipping happily down the hallways, and I SAW A COUPLE. Like, you know, a little couple of lovey dovey kids. BUT. PLOT TWIST. THEY WERE BOTH GUYS.this little couple was there in the hallway being perfect. I have never seen another gay couple before. Like, I don't have any gay friends and  I was just dying slowly. Where I live, it's a really religious place so homosexuality is not excepted at all. So, seeing them was just so shocking I couldn't even comprehend it. I was kind of proud of them for being so open and perfect about life. Me and my boyfriend would never ever in our entire lives even HUG eachother in public because people here would just flip tables. So, please don't find me creepy but I was like I MUST STALK THEM. I MUST WATCH THIS GOLDEN MOMENT IN LIFE.SO I hid behind lockers and stalked these poor unaware children.  THey were all holding hands and like flirting and being perfect and I was just there behind the lockers creeping on them.Then they kissed and I was just in peril. PERIL. I CANNOT EVEN I WAS JUST DYING AND I WAS LIKE OMG AND THEY WERE LIKE OMG AND IT WAS JUST SO OMG."Total oh my god moment."..... That's a To the beautiful you reference....anyway.....But apparently one of the guys is Thai or something and he's friends with my friends in the JAPANESE FREAKING CLUB I WILL BE HIS FRIEND AND OMG. I WILL HAVE CUTE GAY FRIENDS THAT ARE JUST LIKE ME. SOMEONE JUST KMS I CANNOT EVEN. WOW.Anyway.SO. OMG GUISE. GUISE. OMG.I just read your comments and I was like. WOOOOoooOOoooOOOooooow. I love you.Just the feels you make me feel. I can not fanboy any longer. I will COMBUST.So, According to your comments, everyone wants to go to korea mostly. But I got some interesting answers like Peru and France and just the mountains in general and Egypt and someone said hell but the reasoning was pretty cool for the Hell answer.  Someone said they want to go anywhere with someone they love. That was cute!AND A LOT OF PEOPLE SAID JAPAN SO SHOUT OUT TO MY JAPAN LOVERS. LETS GO BBYS. WE SHALL GO TO MY HOME COUNTRY AND DANCE AMONG MY PEOPLE! But all your answers were just really cute and I really like this kind of Q and A stuff. It makes me SMILLLEEE♥ Excuse me while I fanboy!But, shiningangelmel asked me, "when did you start liking Kpop?"Okay. So, the first time I heard a kpop group was in 2005 when i was on a trip in Japan to visit family and I heard a song by DBSK on the radio. It was a song in japanese. But, I ended up kind of liking DBSK. But, I got over it and forgot about it and then like two years ago, I started dating this HORRIBLE LITTLE JERK FACE named Bae hyo. And he's korean and his mom loved kpop so I got into it again because of her. But then we broke up like 5 monthes ago. But, I have no bitterness towards kpop at all.♥And LukaLovesOnew asked "What movies do you like?"I like a lot of movies. But, my favorites I guess is "Drop" which is a japanese yankee movie. I like martial art, gang, mafia, kind of movies. So, boy movies. But, I also like funny movies. And "Drop" is both. It really is a good movie though. It made me have a HUGE crush on the main character. UNF. He's really cute.DAEBAKmama asked "Do you like milk?"This question made me laugh a lot actually! But, I don't like milk becuase I'm actually allergic to milk.... so.... I don't really know if I don't like milk. But, I don't drink it. So, yeah. I don't drink milk and I don't eat anything with sugar. So I only eat like 3 food groups. That's so unhealthy!So, that leads up to the question I would like to ask you!So, this updates question is,What is one food you could eat everday and never get tired of?Leave your questions to me and your answers in the comment section below.♥Okay. So. I love you.You're cute.you're hot.You're the one I like a lot.♥okay.bai.okay.wonderful.great,fantastic.baby.BAI BBY.♥♥♥