私の犬はちょうど屁をしました。私はガス室に住んでい (1/1)

Some of those popular kids insisted on giving me a ride home. I really just wanted to ride the bus and be left alone. But, they insisted and practically begged me to let them give me a ride. So, in the end, I sat in practically a strangers car and forced myself to smile and talk to them.In all honestly, I feel like my life has been invaded. It was like this moment where someone has climbed into my skin and lived my life. but this all happened while I wasn't paying attention. It was that type of vacancy I felt. it was like took me over without my permission but refused to tell me who they were.I guess everyone has dark thoughts like that. The feeling of knowing Jonghyun knew who I was, or used to be I suppose, was haunting. THe thought of it was eerie enough. I could feel it crawling around in the back of my mind like some disease ready to infect me. But at the sametime, I felt almost a relief. It was like sitting in front of some flood gates and knowing they are about to break. When they finally do break open, you are at least free of worrying about when you are going to drown.I knew someone would find out. I knew someone would recognize me. It's like I'm some super hero who is hiding behind a mask and waiting for someone to find out my true identity. Most of the time though, I'm pretty sure a cute girl is supposed to find out who I am. Jonghyun is close enough. I could opt for a cute guy.Even though I don't know him, I still trusted him. I still felt safe knowing that he's the one who found out first. I should be scared and begging my parents to let me move away again. But, I feel so eerily safe. Maybe this is just the eye of the storm.When I woke up the next morning, I felt really cold. Maybe it was because I didn't wear socks to sleep. But it didn't feel like I was cold in temperature. I guess, it could be described as feeling cold hearted. My dad always told me that when something scares you, you get colder and colder. It's because people want to be tough as ice. But, people shouldn't do that. Ice melts so easily and even though it is strong, it's brittle. One strong blow shatters it. People aren't meant to be so cold. That's we freeze to death.I rode the city bus to school. An old women entered the bus and there wasn't any more seats. I gave her mine.Upon entering the school, it seems that everyone had heard about my near death experience on my first day of school. A few people asked me if I was okay, and a few others joked about it to me. I was a little too in shock to answer because I had never been in a situation were that many people knew my name. My real actual normal name.In reality, they didn't even know my real name. But hey, Onew was close enough for me. I have no objections.Classes went quickly, yet it still didn't seem fast enough. By time lunch came, I wasn't even hungry. I didn't even feel anything. I felt complete void of anything at all. My body just felt numb. I guess it was just because I didn't get enough sleep.When I was walking down the hall, I could see Jonghyun's little head bobbing up and down through the crowd. For some reason, seeing him make this little shock go through me. It was almost like a heat wave.went through my body. It warmed me to the core. I could feel my cheeks heat up and a blush come. It's sad that one person could do this to me.I guess this feeling would be called nervousness, anxiety even, for most people. But for me, it felt like you took a colorless room, freezing and dry, and set it on fire.I'm a sadist everyone. I am ready to declare it to the world.When Jonghyun walked down the hall, I noticed that he didn't walk with anyone. He was all alone. Soundless. It was almost like he was a ghost. No one was saying anything to him. He didn't seem to notice anyone else either. It felt like the world was numb to him and he was numb to the world. I wanted him to feel the exact same burning livliness. I wanted him to feel anxious and nervous and excited.But, from the outside, it looked like he felt nothing at all.At lunch, everyone around me was loud and bustling. Endless amounts of feelings and energy flowed out of the people around me. I felt like I could drown in it. THese people were excited about dances and clothes and parties and day trips and dates and boys and girls and all these things. I felt like all those years of not having friends caught up with me.I didn't know about these kinds of things. I couldn't even force myself to be excited about going out with them or going out to do things in general.Being alone really makes you introverted.To be excited to hang out with friends for me, was like being excited to go out into the middle of space alone. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew for these people, I didn't feel anything.It's so sad. I finally meet people. I finally meet people who are interested in me. But I end up feeling like an outsider.After lunch, I guess you could say my mood didn't get much better. In fact, that eeriely numb feeling came back. I didn't try to fight it off either. I just let it cloud around me. I was in the middle of a cold rain, and I jsut let it fall without trying to find shelter. "Hyung..."I turned around. I already knew who it was. In this moment, I knew there were two roads I could go down. Either, Jonghyun would tell me he knew who I was and make fun of me for it. He would tell everyone and I would be back to being a loser, or I would walk away right now. I would go as far away as I could, I would run away. Then I would tell everyone he was crazy. I would make him look like an idiot and I could keep all my friends that I felt nothing for.I didn't know which were worse.But, before I could make a descion, I felt Jonghyun's warm ahnd gripping my wrist, keeping me in place."We need to talk, hyung."I couldn't refuse. I let myself get dragged away.When we were safely out of ear shot of the halls, and cowered into the boys bathroom, he spoke again."I'm really sorry."I didn't know how to respond. I didn't even know why he was apologizing."I didn't want you to find out that way. I should have thought this through." It was more like he was talking to himself. I suddenly thought  of myself as a third party."How do you know who I am? You didn't even go to my school at the same time as me." I couldn't contain my curosity anymore. I don't even kow if you can say I was curious at this point. I was just longing to know what my fate will be.Jonghyun looked at me, straight in the yes. He cleared his throat. For some reason I thought our lives were about to become a musical and he was going to sing a song about our lives or something.Thankfully he didn't and our lives didn't turn into Highschool Musical."My sister was in choir. I was still in middle school, but I would walk up to see her practices. I noticed you there a couple times. I asked my sister about you, she said you were really nice but she didn't talk to you because no one... liked you. I got really mad at her. The more I went, the more I noticed you. I saw you everyday, but you didn't notice me at all. I was going to talk to you one day, but when I went to follow you after my sister's practice, I saw you get pushed down some stairs. You never came back to practice after that. You were gone. But, when you came back, I almost didn't think it was you. But, when I saw you smile, I knew it had to be you, Jinki hyung. Now, I'm happy I got to talk to you. So, before something happens that takes this moment away, I really think you should know that I've liked you a lot even before you became even more handsome, Jinki hyung. I don't expect you to return my feelings, but please at least try to like me back!"In that moment, all my former worries were confirmed.Really, this school was nothing but trouble.   (A/N):こんにちは。私は英語が嫌いです。