[M] 4. (1/2)

It started with a cuddle.

You pushing your nose into the crook of his neck, vaguely breathing in the faint cologne on his warm skin. You were crying, and you needed the comfort. And Kyungsoo was just there. He’s always there.

So you leaned onto him for support, feeling his strong, steady heartbeat in the middle of the bustling street as he rubbed circles on your back to calm you down and a short, “Let’s go, that jerk’s not worth it.”

That was your first heartbreak. And the first time you pressed yourself so keenly into your best friend’s embrace.

You’ve known each other since middle school, being classmates and then matchmakers when one of your girl friends fell for his best friend. Not that the two of you were of much help, simultaneously making things worse with the snickering at the sidelines. They didn’t get together in the end, but your friendship forged through.

Unlike your awkwardness with most of the opposite gender, you’ve always had a strange camaraderie with Kyungsoo. He’s affable without being overly eager, thoughtful with a dry humor, and definitely more mature than most of his peers. Mostly, you just felt comfortable with him. But it’s never gone past that.

It’s not that Kyungsoo’s not attractive, because he is.

Even during middle school, he’s got his fair share of admirers and when the two of you went on to high school, he lost his baby fat, accentuating those doe eyes and full lips. Suddenly, girls (and even boys) were falling for him left right center. It was amusing, seeing your best friend panicking because he spotted one of his admirers and squeaking to run away.

Eventually, he did develop feelings for one of those admirers, around the same time you had your crush on your orientation group leader. But those feelings didn’t last, and the guy you crushed on was a two-timing jerk.

Kyungsoo held on to you while you cried that night, your tears staining his black tee. For the first time, you wondered why you haven’t tried it with your best friend. He’s sweet, an awesome cook and sarcasm aside, totally husband material.

But as much as you are fond of him, you’ve never had those legendary butterflies whack your internal system that others say defines romance.

Because being with Kyungsoo is always calm, sometimes funny, but never jittery.

So even though you shuddered when he pressed a light kiss on the top of your head, you didn’t think much about it. You felt his chest rose and fell a little more slowly as the night rode on and you slept like that, curled up in his arms.

The second heartbreak wasn’t as bad, since the guy already had a girlfriend in the first place.

He said he was considering a break up.

It never happened.

You stopped waiting.

It still hurt though, and you sought refuge in the noreabangs with Kyungsoo. The boy’s a fantastic singer, good enough to sign with a record company, but he’s also terribly shy with strangers, and so he was contented with being a behind-the-scenes music producer.

Your job as media editor coincides with his crazy hours, so it’s only natural that the two of you get together during one a.m. in the mornings, singing for three hours straight until your throat edged on raw and Kyungsoo coaxing you to put down that third bottle of soju.

It was during one of these sessions that the usual friendly banter dwelled into something like flirting. Hands lingered a bit longer on skin and faces inched close enough to smell the alcohol in each others’ breaths.

He first leaned in to press a kiss on your lips when he sent you home that night. Short and simple as he braced you against the door.

There’s no fireworks, just a slight breathlessness.

"I’m not…" You started.

"I know." He gave you a reassuring smile. "It’s just a kiss. From a friend."

You broke into a grin and corrected. “Best friend.”

After that night, the kisses continued, but neither of you talked about it anymore.

So they ran longer, deeper.

It was during your last birthday when it happened. You had just stopped pining after a three weeks crush on a colleague.

The guy was married.

Kyungsoo was a total sweetheart, waltzing you out of the office right after 7 p.m. and promising you dinner at your favorite restaurant and a singing session after that.

He delivered all his promises.  And more.

The birthday gift was a matchbox toy cat you’ve been eyeing over the internet for a few weeks, but the price was too steep for something as juvenile as that. You only posted it passingly on Instagram and you’ve never expected him to come across it. He’s more of a  Twitter person anyway.

"At this point, I’m starting to think I’ll end up being one of those spinsters with ten cats in a small apartment. Or maybe matchbox toys work too." You lamented.

"You won’t be." He eyed you with a lop-sided smile.

There wasn’t any alcohol involved that night, but somehow you felt a little giddy, and when he was about to say goodbye, you pulled him into the house, letting out a childish giggle.

"Why?" He uttered, a lazy smile visible even in the dim lighting.

"It’s my birthday." You answered, like it’s supposed to mean something, but you didn’t.  Heck, you didn’t even know why you’re doing this in the first place.

But you felt reckless, and Kyungsoo was close. He smelled nice and he felt warm. Eyes twinkling like a secret you wanted to keep.

Just for tonight.

"As far as I’m concerned, it’s already past midnight and both of us need to work tomorrow." He said with slight exasperation but you knew he’s not going anywhere.

"I know."

You’re the first one to lean in this time. The kiss slow and languid as you took time to feel each other. But feet shuffled and a hand dragging you closer by the waist made bodies press impossibly closer and your breath hitched.

He groaned softly into the kiss and suddenly both of you seemed to realize this was steering dangerously into a direction that neither of you were entirely sure of.

But instead of stepping on the brakes, it accelerated.

Even if you wanted to stop, you couldn’t. Not when his mouth was so eager on yours and those touches felt like fire burning across your skin.

_____________

When he came out of the bathroom later, realization came crashing down upon you.

What had the two of you done?

"You… Okay?" His voice was a whisper, a tad hoarse from the singing session prior and even at that point, you couldn’t help but think it’s all rather sexy-sounding.

"Yeah… " There was a pause, before you continue with, "You’ve got work tomorrow."