GUYS IM SORRY READ THIS! (1/1)

AN:Guys, look.... I just can't...can't keep writing. Really. For some reason....             I TROLLED YOU! Okay, so apparently this is the fourth chapter I typed down today and for some reason I feel like there is more to come. Right now I'm so friggin full of energy for writing and all :D (I was inspired by Seungri's new album *.*)Okay, so chapter title is: LostJonghyun bit into his lower lip as he glanced at his reflection. Dark circles were present under his eyes that once were full of happiness, his lips were pale, his cheeks sunken.He could barely sleep now, all his dreams he had being sweet, sweet posion he wanted none of. He would refuse to fall asleep, gradually pushing himself to the edge of collapsing until he would allow his body to rest, but only for short while.Why would he want to dream of such luxuries where Kibum was alright, smiling, giggling, breathing, when it would all shatter the moment he'd open his eyes?Such cruel mind he had, such a cruel, cruel mind.He hated himself how he never went to the hospital anymore.Kibum was barely kept alive by the machines now, his body weak, his mind obviously never there anymore...Jonghyun wished he was brave enough to visit him, to tell him all would be fine, that he would wake up soon, that he would never be harmed again.But the blonde would never open those beautiful eyes of his again. Merely because of his parents money had the strings that connected him to Earth not been severed yet...It was like he had given up all fight...Jonghyun let out a soft, soulless life as he quickly fixed his hair. The mess on top of his head seemed so dull, so colorless, as if everything about him had turned gray.He hated gray. He detested it with all he had, more than anyone could have imagined. But it was present in his life now... All color had been drained from his life, leaving a gray mass of objects, nothing else.His clothes though, were all black.Even if he by no means was grieving Kibum yet, the last rays of hope sometimes still warming up his heart, he felt like he somehow had to show the world how he had lost something so important to it... But he was waiting for it to return."He would hate me."He chuckled, remembering how some years ago, Kibum had pretty much yelled at him one time when he was wearing all black because he felt like so. The blonde had never been so terrifying, a scowl tainting his feautes although those sweet lips should have always curled into sweet little smiles.Jonghyun wished that the younger would suddenly appear and yell at him again. He would have loved to hear anything from him, any whisper, cry, laugh... Anything.Just a sound to confirm that he was there, that he was alright.Sighing, a bitter smile playing on his lips, Jonghyun slowly went to the kitchen. His parents said nothing to him, only looked at him with sorrow, knowing how they were losing their son slowly.They could do nothing about it though, and it pained them."At least eat something."The boy's mother whispered as her son simple poured himself some black coffee, gulping it down quickly."Not hungry."No traces of the cheerful boy he used to be was present as the teen tossed his cup into the sink, not even flinching as it broke into many pieces from the impact."Jonghyun!"His mother exclaimed."You're not going anywhere today."She added, her voice stern yet laced with so much worry the boy couldn't help nodding just a bit.School was haven for him. Given how it was a place that held so many memories, the boy could go there to remember, to pretend that Kibum was still there...At his locker, in the cafeteria, in his seat... Maybe at the library or near the gate, bending down to get what he had dropped. Those memories though, differed from his dreams. By no means were they more real, yet somehow, they gave him more hope and rarely ever shattered it. As if Kibum would really come back soon, giggling, smiling, joyful as usual.That was all Jonghyun wished for."Just, go and sleep a bit, baby."His mother continued slowly, walking to the sink to clear the mess. She knew the heartbreak her son was experiencing, she knew how hard it was to him..."I don't want to."For a moment, Jonghyun's voice was like that of a young child's. Almost as if he was back to when he was little, refusing to sleep even after taking a long bath, playing with his many toys. Yet he was different now.At those times, he wished to stay up in order to play, because the world was so exciting for him, so thrilling. But now, he didn't want sleep to plague his mind because he didn't want to once again be captivated of his fantasies.So many dreams he had of Kibum, all of them haunting them even if they were all happy, sweet.Many times before, he had wondered why... Why would he feel so hurt, so betrayed when waking up, when his happiness would be replaced by the agony of loss? Why didn't he feel like sleep was a safe place for him, where he could dream free because his dreams would come true?Even now, as his mother gently guided him to his bed despite all his efforts to gently push her away, not willing to sleep, he couldn't help wondering about such things.It all seemed to hurt so much, his heart, his very soul, yearning for his love. He was feeling like an addict, like someone who was obsessed by something, a stunning treasure that was suddenly not there, taken, destroyed.He wished all his thoughts could be cleared sometimes. He yearned to forget, to erase all his memories of Kibum, all his adoration towards the small blonde.And he couldn't.He was an addict without his drug, a child without his toy, an animal without its mate...He was empty, broken, lost.And only Kibum could help him.But how could he, when he was nearly gone?Sorry for the amount of angst and trolling xD I'm just...hyper xD o.o