[M] games (1/1)

Jeongguk liked hurting girls. He didn’t hurt them physically, per se, but he liked breaking their hearts. He got off on it. There was nothing he found to be more thrilling than watching them fall apart at his hands, becoming marionettes with every soft caress and whispers of I love you’s. He liked it when his name was branded into their rib cages. Jeongguk was a liar, but his lies gave the women he preyed upon a taste of heaven. A taste of love that was too good to be true. In Jeongguk’s eyes they all should be thankful, because in this bullshit world, he had pampered these girls like puppies and practically kissed their asses. And in the end, they were all so goddamn ungrateful. Jeongguk had long mastered the art of playing the role of the perfect boyfriend. He had a chiseled jawline with doe-like eyes that portrayed false innocence that made girls fall for him all too quickly. He played the shy and bashful role all too well and his bunny smile made girls swoon. Girls really were too easy. Jeongguk had built a routine of some sort to ensure that his victims fell for him. Charming: tell her she’s beautiful, and flash her fleeting smiles as if you’re shy around her. She’ll think that your nervousness is adorable, and it will speed up the whole trust process if you seem genuine. Jeongguk found that girls liked it when he blushed, but he often found it difficult to do so because the man felt no affection towards his temporary girlfriends (thinking about all of the things he’d do to them in bed afterwards helped) and a blush often begot a blush. Sympathy: When she finally decides to give you a piece of herself, pretend to care. She’ll tell you some tragic story from her past at 1 a.m as you both sit on the living room couch, some cheesy romance film playing on the T. V. mere background noise. Jeongguk learned that nodding his head and furrowing his eyebrows as if he was drinking in her every word was the second step into worming his way into a woman’s heart. Soft touches of comfort and an affectionate kiss to the forehead always made them shudder. He didn’t have to care, just convince them that he did. Look at her like she’s the only person in the world. Jeongguk’s favorite type of girls were the ones who fell hard and fast, because those were the ones he really killed (their souls, that is) and the way that the light in their eyes went out when he broke their hearts excited him. But what really got Jeongguk going was when they’d break down into a mess of snot and tears. They really looked ugly then. That’s when they were raw and exposed and Jeongguk could stab them until blood splattered against the white walls and seeped into the carpet. Jeongguk liked breaking hearts because it was legal murder. He also liked the bloodstains on the front door the best, because the sound of the door slamming followed by broken sobs and the screech of tires against pavement was like music to his ears. Jeongguk relished evoking emotions when he broke them, but then there were those who reacted in a fit of rage and it could be a nuisance at times. Sometimes their yelling would go on for too long and they'd curse incessantly, to which he would merely pick at the dirt beneath his fingernails and ask are you done yet? Jeongguk had never hit a girl before, but there were a few times that he was more than tempted to. Sooyou had slapped him when she caught Jeongguk sucking faces with some random chick that smelled of cheap perfume whom he had met at the bar before calling him a son-of-a-bitch and stormed off like a hurricane. She had made sure to make a mess in her wake, to which Jeongguk had simply rolled his eyes in annoyance before taking the nameless girl back home and fucking her into the bed until she disappeared- talk about weak revenge. Mina had thrown freshly brewed coffee onto his face, to which he had let out a string of curses because it was fucking hot, but luckily it left no marks . Jeongguk had gone through more girlfriends than he could count in his short twenty years, but out of all the broken hearts and lost lovers, Jenny was his favorite. Her dam had broken open so easily and she had collapsed on her knees before him and cried until her face turned bright red and her eyes were swollen. She was Jeongguk’s favorite because she had begged him to tell her that it wasn’t true, that he loved her and that it was all some shitty joke.   Jeongguk had told her that their relationship was a joke and that she was the punchline. She was the most pathetic out of them all. His masterpiece. She really wanted to believe in her heart that Jeongguk was a good person, (he wasn’t) and for this, Jeongguk felt bad for Jenny. He had liked her a little, and she wasn’t rotten like the rest. She was pure and maybe she didn’t deserve it. Jeongguk had no concept of love, or what it felt like to feel heartbreak because he had been broken long ago and had probably been born with a heart made of stone. Jeongguk didn’t know what love was until it came in the form of Kim Taehyung. And god, if there was one memory that would be forever burned into the deepest parts of Jeongguk’s mind like the end of a lit cigarette against skin, then it would be the fact that loving Taehyung had hurt like hell. It had broke all of his bones and afterwards he had wondered if this was how all of the girls he had murdered had felt. It was a pain worse than death. Jeongguk liked hurting girls, but he had never hurt another man before. Jeongguk liked hurting girls, but he didn’t like hurting Kim Taehyung. ---Jeongguk met Taehyung in the late summer at the start of his sophomore year of college. Yoongi had somehow convinced him to go to the start of the year party that Beta Omega was hosting, but it was more like Hoseok had begged Yoongi to go and the latter refused to suffer alone, therefore dragging Jeongguk to the overcrowded frat house with him. “Hyung, I really don’t want to go.” “Neither do I, but we can’t always have what we want, can we?” Jeongguk wasn’t exactly sure when he and Yoongi had become so close. It was some unspoken rule that whatever party one boy attended the other was always close behind. The two were oddly attached at the hip and people often questioned how Jeongguk and Yoongi could be best friend’s when they appeared to be so impossibly different from each other. A fact that became quite apparent when placed side by side at any party. Yoongi leaning against a wall with a permanent frown on his face and red cup of unknown liquor in his hand and phone in the other. If his eyes weren’t glued to the blue screen then he was scowling at Jeongguk’s antics, but Jeongguk was impervious to the famous glare that made Yoongi unapproachable. He would laugh and pat the elder on the back before going back to talking animatedly to other party goers.   Jeongguk was popular and well loved by nearly the entire student body. He was nice to everyone and seemingly a reliable friend. He laughed at the right moments and smiled bashfully whenever complimented. He was a straight A student who studied diligently and partied hard. He was quick to move up the ranks of Alpha Pi, despite being a N.I.B and had been put in charge of charity events the second half of his freshman year. He had recently been promoted to Vice Captain of their school’s varsity soccer team and Hoseok had joked about the younger being from a different planet because there was nothing that Jeon Jeongguk wasn’t good at. He excelled at many things- acting included. Jeongguk was good at pretending to be the picture perfect Christian college boy who raised money for the less fortunate and came from a good background. He had been valedictorian for his graduating high school class of 2015 and everyone was sure that he would claim the title once again because Jeongguk was perfect and nothing was unattainable for him.   Except that he wasn’t, and Yoongi was the first person to ever see through his facade. “No offense, but you seem fake as hell.” It was one of the first things that the elder had said to Jeongguk. He had been a freshman who had just survived the nightmarish week of hazing and Yoongi had been designated as his Big Brother slash roommate. Jeongguk had been so shocked and fumbled for a response because he had never quite met anyone as blunt as Min Yoongi; the still half asleep man who had been slouched against the doorframe lazily but steadily held his gaze with seemingly such awareness beyond his years.   In the end, he had laughed and said, “I think we’re really gonna get along, hyung.” And surprisingly so, they did. Yoongi had told Jeongguk that he was a no bullshit type of guy so the younger had been quick on the uptake to stop playing pretend around him. He didn’t try to act superficially kind to get on Yoongi’s good side and get me something to drink was always met with a blunt, go get it yourself. The elder had scolded Jeongguk about how Little Brother’s were supposed to do whatever their Big’s tell them to. In response, Jeongguk would always roll his eyes and remarked snidely with, you told me that you didn’t do bullshit, hyung. Yoongi had put laxatives in Jeongguk’s protein shakes as revenge. Jeongguk had never been honest with anyone in his life, much less to himself. So having one person who knew the real side of him without hating his guts was somewhat of a relief to him. A relief to what, the boy did not understand. All he knew was that it things felt a bit easier not having to lie as much. Jeongguk had never told anyone what he did to girls and admittedly, it had taken some time for him to tell the elder about that. It wasn’t as if he was ashamed or anything, but Jeongguk also knew that what he did wasn’t normal. Normal people don’t hurt people.   “Who are you texting?” Yoongi had asked as he stepped into their shared room, mint colored hair damp from a shower. “Lisa,” Jeongguk remarked absentmindedly from his sprawled out position on his bed. “She has great tits, y’know?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow, moving to sit at the edge of his own bed as he fished for a cigarette and pulled out a lighter from the pocket of a pair of jeans that had been thrown haphazardly on the ground. His friend was messy and Jeongguk hated messy. “You’re gonna die,” he remarked disinterestedly, smirking at the suggestive message that Lisa had just sent. “Plus, you’re not supposed to smoke inside.” Yoongi shrugged. “What’s the point of living if you’re just going to die anyways?” He lit the end of the stick and Jeongguk scrunched his nose at the smell. “I thought you were dating Hyeri?” “I am,” Jeongguk confirmed as he sent a text asking Lisa for some pictures. “Then why…?” he let the question hang in the air. “Because she’s getting boring,” Jeongguk deadpanned. “She’s not that good in bed and Lisa does this thing with her mouth that-

“Okay, TMI. I did not need to know that.” Yoongi looked thoroughly disturbed. “You asked.” “So you don’t like her anymore?” “Nah. She talks too much in bed. Like, my dude, my man, I’m just tryna put my dick in her but she’s talking about fucking biology. It’s annoying.”   “Then break up with her?” Yoongi phrased it as if Jeongguk was an idiot, and the boy could feel his friend’s judgmental gaze on him but he’d been much more interested in the voluptuous curve of Lisa’s ass on his screen. He was already half hard. Jeongguk snorted. “But that’s no fun.” He had practically felt Yoongi’s judgment radiating off off of him. “You’re completely contradicting yourself, asshole.” Yoongi moved to open the window, blowing a puff of smoke out as he flicked the burning ash outside. “You say that you’re bored of her but then say that breaking up with her wouldn’t be any fun? You’re making no sense here, dude.” Jeongguk finally spared Yoongi his attention, setting down his phone and scooting up in a sitting position to lean against the wall. The elder had given him a quizzical look, obviously wanting to know all of the juicy details but never one to ask because he had a facade of indifference to keep up. “I have to wait until she’s completely in love with me before I do it,” Jeongguk finally said. “I have to wait until she starts thinking so far ahead into the future that she can’t imagine being with anyone else and everything around her reminds her of me. Gotta wait till I’m all she thinks about.” Yoongi stared blankly at him. “Dude, that is seriously so fucked up.” Jeongguk laughed, “I know. You’re the first person I’ve ever told.” “Why do you do it?” Yoongi’s voice had been genuinely curious and there wasn’t a hint of malice in his tone. Jeongguk had shrugged. “Cause it’s fun, I guess? I don’t know how to explain it, but it makes me feel good- the control, I mean. Being able to control when a girl falls for me and when I’ll break her heart feels nice.” “Do you do this often? To girls, that is.” “Yeah.” “How many?” “I stopped counting after number nine,” Jeongguk admitted. “That’s seriously so fucked up,” Yoongi repeated. “So basically, you just have some shit self esteem issues and project it onto others by being a fake ass bitch to make yourself feel better?” Jeongguk had glared. “No. It’s just ‘cos I like to.” Yoongi looked amused. “Psychology major, remember?” “Right.” Yoongi stubbed out the cigarette on the windowsill before throwing it out onto the lawn below. He had turned to Jeongguk with a disapproving frown marring his features. “I hope you stop doing that shit, though. It’s not healthy for you and one day karma will bite you in the ass. Don’t come crying to me when that happens, kid.” Jeongguk grunted in response. That had all been over a year ago and Jeongguk would be lying if he said that he heeded his Big’s advice. If anything, Jeongguk had gotten worse. University was full of stupid girls with daddy issues that were easy to take advantage of. They took any affection they could get and no girl could resist the perfection that was Jeon Jeongguk. And although he was seen in generally a positive image, the boy had built a reputation for not being able to keep a steady relationship. It never got out that he cheated on all of the girls he dated though (he made sure of that). But Jeongguk became known as some sort of enigmatic prince and every sorority girl wanted to be ‘ the one ’ to finally tie him down. Except, Jeongguk didn't want to be tied down to anything or anyone. It takes a lot of blackmailing on Yoongi’s part to finally get Jeongguk out of bed and dressed. He complains on the entire way to the neighboring frat house, petulant pout puffing out his cheeks. But by the time they arrive, the younger plasters on a friendly smile and looks far too eager to be there. Jeongguk laughs at some shit joke that some nameless freshman made in an attempt to impress him. He glances at Yoongi who is pressing himself against the wall to avoid being touched by a pair of sweaty bodies that pass him. Jeongguk smirks. “Having fun, hyung?” The elder looks about ready to strangle him. “Shut the fuck up.” “Jeonggukkie! Yoongi hyung!” The two boys share a brief glance of annoyance before redirecting their attention on their friend who had practically harassed them into in attending, pushing his way rather forcefully through the crowd. Jeongguk plasters on a smile. “Hey, Hobi hyung.” Yoongi merely greets him coolly with a raised brow. Hoseok beams, throwing an arm around the younger’s neck. “So glad that you could make it my dear Gukkie.” Jeongguk grimaces at the nickname. Yoongi grunts in annoyance, sloshing the clear liquid in the cup in around. “You only asked me to come ‘cos you wanted to see Jeongguk.” Hoseok laughs rather dramatically, drawing Jeongguk closer into a near chokehold. “Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite hyung.” “Gross.” “I’m gonna go get something to drink,” Jeongguk announces as he pries himself away from Hoseok’s death grip, who pouts but let’s him go anyway. “Don’t run away,” he warns. “I’ll light a bag of dog shit on fire in front of your door if you do.” The younger rolls his eyes in response. “You don’t even have a dog, hyung. But don’t worry, I won’t.”   He honestly just needed a few drinks to get him buzzed enough to get him through this god awful party. He needed the alcohol to make his smiles feel less like stretched skin and muddle his thoughts so that he didn’t feel like he was suffocating. The boy was good at pretending to fit into the party scene, but if there was anything that Jeongguk hated more than people, it was a bunch of drunk and loud assholes all jammed into one house. Jeongguk begins to push his way through the crowd and nearly blanches as a girl who’s piss wasted in an outfit that should be considered illegal, falls onto him and nearly grabs his dick through the tight fabric of his skinny jeans in the process. Jeongguk can’t hide his disgust at this as he shoves her away rather roughly. She ends up stumbling into another girl who yells fucking watch it, skank! Jeongguk didn’t hit girls but this was definitely one of the times that he was more than tempted to. Yeah, he definitely needed that drink right about now. He needed alcohol amongst other not so legal substances that Yoongi would kill him for taking if he ever knew. So for now, Jeongguk for goes his more destructive habits for a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels from the kitchen and pours himself a bit too much before bringing the red cup to his lips and downing as much as he can without throwing it back up. The smell burns his nose and it tastes like shit, but the warmness he feels in his stomach is probably going to be worth it later tonight. Or not. “Woah. No chaser? You sure that’s a good idea, dude?” Jeongguk blinks, lips parting from the plastic as his eyes scan the room to find the owner of the voice. There’s only one other person in the kitchen. A tall guy with olive skin and a head of brown a shade darker than Jeongguk’s hair that has grown too long and now nearly brushes his lashes that are long and full. His nose is angled perfectly and lips glossed a light pink. Jeongguk has never considered himself homosexual in any way, shape or form, but the stranger was breathtakingly beautiful and right now, he was feeling pretty fucking gay looking at him. “Nah,” Jeongguk says after a moment, realizing that the stranger was waiting for an answer. “I’ll probably regret it tomorrow, but you only live once, right?” The stranger, which Jeongguk has deemed as quote unquote “Hot Guy”, looks amused. “Isn’t that all the more reason to not die of alcohol poisoning at some shit frat party that smells like puke and McDonalds?”   “I’m guessing that parties aren’t your thing?” Jeongguk hopes that he sounds nonchalant. “Not really, but my best friend is hitting a midlife crisis at twenty-two, so here I am.” Hot Guy gestures to himself rather unamused at his own predicament. “What about you? Parties don’t seem to be your thing either.” Jeongguk swallows, forcing a pleasant smile. “Parties are my thing,” he says. “They’re nice.” Hot Guy grins knowingly. “So then, why are you here alone chugging Jack Daniels like it ain’t shit? Doesn’t look like it’s your thing .” “Um,” Jeongguk’s not sure what to say because he’s not used to being caught mid bullshit. “If I said that I was Irish would you believe me?” Hot Guy laughs and Jeongguk might be being overdramatic when he says that it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. But amidst the blasting of some shitty American rap music that Jeongguk can’t understand and the loud voices blending into one incoherent mess; to Jeongguk, his laughter sounds heavenly. “You’re funny. I like that. But I saw that chick nearly grab your dick and you looked ready to K.O. her, so yeah, you definitely don’t give off the party type vibe.” “Oh,” he says lamely, fighting the flush that’s creeping up his neck because Jeon Jeongguk doesn’t know embarrassment and Yoongi would be having a field day if he saw how awkward the boy was being. It was like he was seventeen again. Hot Guy’s smile reminds Jeongguk of Hoseok’s. It was all white teeth and gums but he didn’t have the urge to grimace in annoyance- which was strange. Jeongguk didn’t like bright smiles and even brighter eyes. He much prefered the crying faces of the girls he broke. The thought of being so flustered over a smile makes him want to slam his head against the island counter. “It’s cool,” Hot Guy reassures. “I think that I’d also want to bleach my brain with that shit if some random chick grabbed my dick too.” Jeongguk can’t help but snort in amusement. “Definitely not on my list of the top ten things I want to happen to me at a frat party.” “What’s the first?”

Jeongguk raises his cup. “To bleach my brain with this.” Taehyung laughs again. “Well good luck with that. I have a best friend to go and baby sit. He’s probably puking his guts up in a plant somewhere right now if he hasn’t barfed all over himself and that’s never fun to clean up.” “Yeah, you better go save him before it’s too late,” he jokes. For a minute, neither of them move and Jeongguk doesn’t want to be the first to break whatever the fuck is between them. Hot Guy is staring at him a little too intensely and for a moment, Jeongguk wonders what flavor lipgloss he’d taste if he reached over to kiss the stranger. “See you around?” Hot Guy asks with a smile. Jeongguk nods. “Yeah, see you around.” The former pushes himself off of the island, flashing Jeongguk one last smile before exiting the kitchen and being swallowed by the mass of moving bodies. Jeongguk doesn’t leave the kitchen for the rest of the night.

Jeongguk doesn’t see Hot Guy for the next four days after the party and even though the encounter was brief and they hadn’t exchanged more than simple pleasantries and light jokes, he can’t stop thinking about olive skin and a velvety deep voice that fell from kissable lips. It’s dumb really, but Jeongguk is intrigued and hopes that by some unforeseen force he’ll meet the stranger again. The week continues to roll on and Jeongguk goes through the monotonous motions of attending classes and parties and soon, four days turns into eight. Jeongguk throws himself into studying 24/7 and having sex with his current girlfriend, Ana, a shit ton to distract himself. But when it’s 2a.m. and the only sound in the room is Yoongi’s light breathing as he sleeps, Jeongguk’s mind always wanders back to the guy from the party. He doesn’t even know his name and it’s frustrating. It’s so frustrating when Jeongguk closes his eyes only to be greeted with some attractive guy he had a three minute conversation with without a name. Maybe if he fucks enough girls the face will disappear along with the name. But it doesn’t. Instead, the earth must be working in his favor or against him (he hasn’t quite figured that part out yet) because it’s on a Thursday when Jeongguk sees him again. His first class in the morning is Calculus and Jeongguk hates Calculus. It’s not as if he’s bad at math (he’s quite good at it actually) but being a pledge in a frat house means that he’s dragged to one too many parties and the last thing he wants to deal with is numbers when his head is pounding from the night before. He’s wearing a random pair of black sunglasses he had plucked from Yoongi’s dresser when the sound of the classroom door turning has everyone but Jeongguk turning their heads in curiosity, who is too busy trying to nurse the headache with  his head in his hands and eyes closed behind the dark lenses. “Can I sit here?” It’s the familiarity of the voice that nearly jerks Jeongguk out of his chair as his head snaps up and- “No fucking way.” The words are out before he can even stop himself because Hot Guy is standing right in front of him looking even more beautiful than before. Jeongguk removes the shades to observe him more closely. His hair is hidden underneath a snapback that has been placed backwards on his head, revealing eyebrows that had previously been hidden and boy does he have nice eyebrows. This time Jeongguk isn’t seeing him under the faded yellow light of a kitchen and when he grins at Jeongguk in recognition, the latter feels his chest tighten. “Oh, it’s you!” Hot Guy says a little too loudly, drawing attention from the class. He gives a silent apology to the professor who shoots him a dirty look. “So, can I sit here?” Jeongguk just nods because he’s not sure if he can find trust his voice now. Hot Guy plops himself into the chair next to Jeongguk, bag thrown haphazardly on the table as he pulls out a notebook and pen. “Never got your name, which kinda sucks cause then I couldn’t find out if you had died of alcohol poisoning or not,” he jokes. Jeongguk laughs lightly. “Jeon Jeongguk. Twenty-year-old sophomore and a business major.” “Business major? Thought it’d be something more exciting,” Hot Guy teases. Jeongguk shrugs. “Yeah well, sorry to disappoint.” “Kim Taehyung. Twenty-two-years old. I’m a junior and I’ve changed my major like three times but my current interest is being a teacher.” “Taehyung,” Jeongguk repeats and he can’t help but feel pleased at the way the feels on his tongue. “Do you like children?” “That’s Taehyung hyung to you,” he corrects. “But yeah, children are really cool and I’m good with them. What about you?” I hate them. “They’re pretty nice.” Jeongguk moves to place the shades back onto his face because the lights in the lecture room are starting to make his head hurt again. “Wild night?” Taehyung asks. Jeongguk lays his head on the desk, face turned towards Taehyung and cheek pressing against the cool surface. “Ugh, don’t even mention it.” Their soccer team had recently won a game and even though Jeongguk was exhausted and just wanted to take a hot shower and crash, Hoseok had begged him with crocodile tears to go out and celebrate with a few drinks. But of course, there was never such thing as a few drinks when it came to their little rag tag group and it had ended with a too sober Namjoon dragging Hoseok (who was a loud as fuck drunk) back to their frat house. “Who drinks on a Wednesday night?” Taehyung questions quizzically. “Alpha Phi,” is all he gives as an explanation and that seems to be all Taehyung needs. He places his elbow on the desk and rests his chin against his open palm to observe Jeongguk who is currently very much dead inside. “I didn’t peg you for a frat boy with how you looked at the party last week.” Jeongguk really wishes that Taehyung would just let that awkward incident go. “But it makes more sense now. You do look kinda fuckboyish.” The boy mutters out an offended hey in response, to which Taehyung laughs at. “I bet you play football.” “Vice Captain of the soccer team, actually,” Jeongguk rectifies. Taehyung beams and the sight nearly blinds the younger. “Well, Mr. Vice Captain of the soccer team, I think we’re gonna be great friends.” Jeongguk closes his eyes because staring at Taehyung’s smiling face makes him feeling nervous. “Yeah,” he says. “Why not?” Jeongguk didn’t think that he’d be seeing much of the older boy outside of class, but he learns how wrong he is when they exchange numbers and Taehyung texts him during third period with some morbid joke about being so bored that he could hang himself. Jeongguk learns that the reason Taehyung had been absent from class up until now was because his grandma had passed away and he had to return home for the funeral. Jeongguk quickly realizes that Taehyung is someone who opens his heart for anyone who’s nice enough to pay him any attention. He tells Jeongguk that he was really close with his grandma over lunch and that her death had been really hard on him, but it was okay since she was in a better place now and Jeongguk just nods and listens, even if he think that the idea of heaven is bullshit. “Do you really believe in that?” Jeongguk can’t help but voice the next day as they sit in a booth by the window at Panera’s, sipping lattes and eating bread bowls. Taehyung asks what he means and Jeongguk says, “heaven.” Taehyung shrugs. “I dunno. I would like to think that there’s more for us after death. It puts my mind at ease, y’know? Do you believe in it?” Jeongguk wants to say no. He wants to say that he’s been playing the role of God since he was sixteen when he decided that breaking girls hearts was fun and that there is probably nothing but darkness after death, especially for people like him. But instead, he smiles softly and says, “yeah. I come from a Christian family and went to church every Sunday when I was younger.” He’s never been to church. Jeongguk also learns that Taehyung talks a lot. He talks a lot and so fast to the point that Jeongguk struggles to keep up with what he’s say half of the time and there’s never a moment of silence in his presence. Which means that silence becomes a rarity in Jeongguk’s life because Taehyung starts hanging around him a lot, and when they’re not with each other, Taehyung is sending him a slew of text messages with an unnecessary amount of emojis. He’s not quite sure why Taehyung pays him any attention. There is no incentive for them to communicate beyond simple conversations in class. He wasn’t his roommate like Yoongi was or part of any frat like Hoseok and Namjoon, and they didn’t even belong to the same social group. Taehyung was beginning to get too close for comfort and it was starting to become a dangerous game. A game of lies; one that Jeongguk intimately plays with girls. And although Jeongguk had told Yoongi the truth once upon a time and their friendship had blossomed despite his borderline psychotic practices, he’s not sure if he can tell Taehyung. He’s not sure how close he wanted to allow the older boy to get and he’s trying to take baby steps and figure things out, but Taehyung only knows how to moves in bounds and leaps, barely giving any time for Jeongguk to breathe. Jeongguk has encountered many people in his life, but never someone quite like the boy with a boxy smile and deep voice.    Tuesday is one of those rare days where Taehyung isn’t around to badger the younger boy because he actually has responsibilities to attend to as an intern at some elementary school. He had been quite animated when describing his job to Jeongguk. “The kids are great, you should really come with me sometime.” Jeongguk had told him that he was busy but promised that if their was ever a time when their schedules didn’t conflict, he would be more than happy to tag along- which was a lie, of course. Jeongguk hated children with their small hands that had yet to be dirtied and their big round eyes that still were as bright like a cluster of a thousand stars. Jeongguk became uncomfortable in their presence because he could not relate to their childish naivety and obliviousness. No, all that had been taken away from him a long time ago. He knew little of nurture and compassion and the oldest memory the boy had had definitely not been of dragging his mother to the park or playing baseball with his father in their backyard. No, Jeongguk’s first memories of his childhood had been a lot more sinister than that. Days without Taehyung consisted of sneaking into his girlfriend’s sorority house and having quick fucks that were usually no more than a brief rush of pleasure that he could never quite remember clearly because most of the time they had sex neither were sober. Today was no different. “Do you have any more of that shit?” Jeongguk questions as he shifts his position so that he can bury himself deeper inside of her, pumping in and out rather languidly. “Y-yeah,” she breathes out, teeth snagged on her bottom lip as she suppresses a rather draw out moan  because Jeongguk knows how to hit her sweet spot just right. “It’s in the left pocket of my jacket. But we can do that later, first let’s-” But Jeongguk was already pulling out and crossing the shared room to reach the denim jacket that had been hung up on the closet door. He fished around in the left pocket and grunted in annoyance because Ana had a habit of stuffing wrappers in them until he found what he was looking for. Jeongguk pulled out the small baggie and held it up to his face with a grin. “This shit looks pure.” Ana made a noise in agreement, her naked form still sprawled out on the bed. “That’s cause I got that shit from Mark and you know that he doesn’t deal those chemical laced strains. Those are the ones that’ll really fuck you up.” Jeongguk walked back to sit at the edge of the bed and opened the baggie, dipping his index finger in the white crystal substance to experimentally taste it. It tasted like shit of course. It was sour and caked on his tongue and it wasn’t long before his tongue started to feel numb. “Yeah, this shit’s good.” The boy then snagged his jeans from the floor and pulled out his wallet to retrieve a single won and credit card. “Where do you want it?” Ana giggles, “anywhere you’d like, baby.” Jeongguk flipped her over so that she was laying on her stomach, hands roaming down her back only to stop at the cheeks of her ass and give it a resounding smack to which she whimpered at. He tilted the baggie to let a controlled amount of the white substance to fall onto the curve of her back, right onto the ridge of her spine before using the card to conform the powder into a somewhat straight line which was damn near difficult to do on skin. He rolled the single won to resemble a straw before leaning over and bringing the bill to his nose and inhaling deeply, the powder shooting up the rolled up paper and into Jeongguk’s nostril. He then tilted his head back, feeling it turn to liquid and drip down his throat. The high hit the boy almost instantaneously. “Fuck,” he moans. “Remind me to thank Mark.” “We have plenty of time to do that later,” Ana replies in a low voice before taking Jeongguk in her hand and pumping him with jerky flicks of her wrist. Any pleasure before was intensified tenfold with the drug flowing through his system, and as he presses his current toy into the bed and fucks her into oblivion for nearly an hour, Jeongguk is lost to the world. He’s lost to the world until an hour of fucking and three more lines later, Taehyung calls him. Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate to pick up. The older boy has called him while he was blasted off his ass far too many times to count. “Hello?” he’s aware that he sounds a little breathless. “Hey!” Taehyung chirps through the receiver. “Are you busy right now?” Jeongguk looks to Ana who is too preoccupied mouthing at his cock and trying to get him hard again. “No. You done with work?” “Yeah. Twas a long day.” He let’s out a dramatic sigh, “meet me at that burger place across from the arcade? I’m starving.” “You’re gonna get fat if you keep eating that greasy shit,” Jeongguk chides. Taehyung laughs and promises that it’ll be his treat. “I’ll be there in twenty,” Jeongguk says. The older boy gives an enthusiastic goodbye before the line cuts. Ana lifts her head. “You have to leave?” Jeongguk nods. “Yeah. I’ll text you later though.” She looks disappointed but doesn’t voice it. “Okay.” Jeongguk gathers his clothes, slipping into his boxers and zipping up his jeans before pulling the thin sweater over his head. And because he’s the perfect boyfriend, he leans over and gives Ana a rather long and passionate kiss and even through his drug induced haze there is no lingering warmth. “I love you,” he says and the words feel like lead on his tongue. Her cheeks tint a faint red and Jeongguk knows that it should take his breath away and that he should find her current expression endearing, but he doesn’t. Jeongguk feels nothing, not even when she whispers back a shy I love you too . But Jeongguk does feel something when he’s with Taehyung. It’s not the same gnawing emptiness that is only satiated by broken hearts. No, it’s something else entirely but he still hasn’t quite figured out what it is. All Jeongguk knows is that when he arrives at the fast food joint and sees Taehyung waving him over from a booth, he doesn’t feel so empty. He’s crashing down from his high and Taehyung asks him if he’s fine but Jeongguk just smiles and says, “just tired is all.” Taehyung believes him.