Ten (1/1)

“Do you need a shower?” Joon asked. “Or… whatever… you do…” Jinki almost felt a little happy at the way Joon said it. Finally, the man had one weakness; he couldn’t speak to someone about their fears very well. Then again, that harshly disproved Jinki’s theory that Joon had to be afraid of something. “I’ll figure it out,” Jinki answered, getting up from the couch. Joon told him where the bathroom was, but remain seated on the couch Somehow, it seemed like the air in the apartment had changed. Jinki managed to get himself clean relatively easily; Joon’s bathroom had the same basic functions as most. Then again, Jinki didn’t know why he should expect any different.  When Jinki left the bathroom, Joon was still on the couch. “You didn’t move?” Jinki asked. Joon looked a little startled. “Are you done?” He asked. Jinki nodded, indicating the towel on his damp hair. “I forgot to move,” Joon finally laughed. He smiled at Jinki. “You know, I’d say you look cute with wet hair, but you probably don’t wanna hear that.” Jinki felt a blush creeping up his cheeks, and tried to cover it with a frown. “But you said it anyway,” he pointed out, trying to dry his hair as quickly as possible with the towel. Joon nodded. “I guess I did,” He hummed. Jinki slowly returned to the couch and sat next to Joon, pulling his knees up to his chest. He couldn’t keep himself from yawning. “Are you tired?” Joon asked. Jinki nodded. “Didn’t you sleep last night?” “Spiders,” Jink reminded him. Joon frowned. “What do you usually do when you can’t sleep?” He asked. “Not sleep,” Jinki answered with another yawn. “You don’t do anything about it?” Joon pressed.

”Am I supposed to?” Jinki asked, leaning against the back of the couch. Joon stared at him for a moment. “Do you ever look out for yourself, Jinki?” He asked. Jinki was a little taken aback, yet again. His eyes locked with Joon’s, and they had a brief staring contest. Suddenly, Joon stood up and went to the window. He peeked out the blinds. “It’s stopped raining,” He said. “You could go home at any time, if you want.” Jinki felt like he had been punched in the gut. It may have just been him, but it sounded like Joon wanted him to go. “But you don’t have to,” Joon added, turning back to Jinki. “There are still puddles on the ground.” How on earth did he do that? But now that the idea of leaving was brought up, there was only one thing on Jinki’s mind. “Are you going to tell me why you left?” Joon looked completely despaired. He sighed and walked away from the window. “Listen, Jinki,” He said slowly. “I’m leaving to grab some stuff in a minute. I’ll be gone for about half an hour. I’ll tell you why I left, and then I’ll leave the apartment. If you’re angry, gather your stuff and feel free to go. If not… it’s your choice.” Jinki had wanted to know Joon’s answer for so long. Now it seemed too frightening. He almost didn’t want to hear it. Joon sighed again and sat down on the end of the couch. He looked like a child, trying to apologize to his mother for stealing a cookie from the jar. “Jinki… I…” Joon almost seemed to choke on his words. He eyed Jinki, but Jinki couldn’t provide him with any solace. “I… was the one who overheard your confession.” Jinki froze. “I…I didn’t go to your school… but I knew someone who did. It wasn’t malicious, Jinki, I promise. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Gossip equaled popularity in my mind, so I told my friend… and he told his… and it got back to your mom.” If Jinki thought he had been close to throwing up on Joon’s shoes before, he couldn’t have even imagined this nausea. Jinki brought a shaking hand to his mouth, willing himself to calm down. Joon’s breathing was harsh and strained. “All of it was my fault,” He said softly. “You’ve been blaming yourself, Jinki.” Jinki began to move away from Joon out of natural instinct, but Joon grabbed his hand. “Blame me, Jinki,” He begged. Jinki pulled his hand away, and Joon stood up. He went straight to the door and grabbed his coat. As he slipped on his shoes, he looked back at Jinki, who was in shock on the couch. “I’m sorry,” He said before leaving. Jinki couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. He almost couldn’t breathe. It took a minute for it to really sink in. How stupid he had been. How his heart had led him to someone that turned his life so sideways. How he hadn’t even known. Hadn’t even considered it.  Jinki knew he had to leave, and he had to leave fast. He found his clothes, cleaned and folded, in the laundry room. He changed into them and searched for his phone, wallet and keys. Joon had left them all on his nightstand, and Jinki hastily shoved them into his pockets. His shoes and coat were at the door, and he threw them on without a moment’s hesitation. Jinki left the apartment, fuming. He didn’t even care about the puddles riddling the street. He wanted to create as much distance between him and Joon as possible, as quickly as he could. He was a man scorned, more angry with himself than anyone. Jinki didn’t know where he was going, but his feet seemed to. They led him into a convenience store with a bored-looking woman reading a magazine behind the counter. “Noona!” Jinki addressed her. The woman jumped a little, startled. “What is there to do here that gets out frustrations?” The woman stared at him as if he were crazy. Which at this point was likely. “Um,” She mumbled. “There’s a pigeon feeding park nearby.” Jinki looked around himself and located a loaf of bread. He slammed the appropriate amount of money on the counter and thanked the woman profusely. It didn’t matter if Jinki looked close to eating one of the pigeons in the park. He felt stupid enough that he didn’t care. He sat down on a bench and began taking out his anger on the loaf of bread. He tore it to shreds, clawing it open and throwing it at the ground as hard as he could manage. The birds were clearly having a hard time eating and avoiding the bread meteors at the same time. By the time Jinki was half-way through the loaf, he gave up and threw the remaining chuck on the ground. Wracked with disappointment and defeat, Jinki crossed his legs on the bench and hid his face in his hands. How could he have been so dim? Eventually, Jinki decided to go home. It wasn’t terribly difficult finding a bus to take him to his apartment. He fell asleep the moment he hit his bed.  “And he was telling the truth?”  Hyoyeon asked. “Of course he was,” Jinki sighed. “To think, I thought it was special.” “Who said it wasn’t?” Hyoyeon mused. Jinki took a moment to consider that. “Hyoyeon, are you eating right now?” “I haven’t eaten in an entire hour! Can you tell?” “You’re a loud chewer,” Jinki reminded her. Hyoyeon laughed. “Aaah, C’mon Jinki, let’s be serious!” She said. “I don’t know, noona,” He sighed. “I guess I was just hurt.” “Understandably,” Hyoyeon told him. “You do deserve to be upset. He should have told you directly after you told him instead of bolting.”  “I overreacted,” Jinki groaned. “Did you scream at him and punch him in the face?” “No,” “I think you’re good.” “I just wanted to get close to him,” Jinki mumbled. “I’ve made things even worse.” “He made things worse.” “It’s my fault for liking him.” “It’s his fault for being so handsome and alluring.” “Hyoyeon, if I were there right now, I might have to take your food and smear it in your hair.” “You wouldn’t!” Hyoyeon cried. Jinki laughed. “How are things going over there?” He asked. Hyoyeon sighed. “Well, he’s not dying right now. But it’s so… I’m worried, y’know?” She told him. “I understand,” Jinki said. “I wish I could be there.” “Same,” Hyoyeon agreed. “I have to go. Take good care of yourself, Jinki.”  “I will, noona,” He promised. “Bye.” “Bye.” Jinki hung up the phone and set it on his bedside table. He stared at it for a while before giving up and getting out of bed. Jinki was still having bad luck when it came to finding a job. He was beginning to just smile and nod when employers turned him down. He knew he was a bit of a bad worker if he only did good work around Joon. Slowly, the money in his wallet drained. He dreaded having to dip into his savings account, but it would become necessary soon enough. Jinki spent two days on his own, regretting the fact that he left. He considered simply going back, but he wouldn’t have a good enough excuse. Sorry I left. I forgot that I left the dryer on. Silly me! Anyway, you make me blush like a schoolgirl so here I am. It was a dreadful thought. Eventually, out of boredom, Jinki found himself returning to the café he used to visit. He was stressed out, and he needed some coffee very badly. Sunyoung seemed ecstatic. “Oppa!” She cried. “You came back! Oh thank god!” Jinki managed a smile. “No hard feelings, right oppa?” She asked. “Sorry,” Jinki sighed. “That was not a good day for me.” Sunyoung giggled girlishly. “The usual?” She asked. Jinki nodded. Sunyoung was gracious enough to let Jinki go to the roof like he used to. He didn’t bother to ask why her name was in Joon’s phone. He really just wanted to be alone. The air was filled with a pleasant breeze on the rooftop. It cut through the warm sunshine like a knife through butter. Jinki felt like he was drinking coffee in heaven. A lonely heaven, but it would have to do. Jinki leaned his elbows on the barrier. Thinking about it, he really had overreacted. He shouldn’t have left. Joon never meant any harm. He only left because… well, why did he leave? It still didn’t fit together so well in Jinki’s mind. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal to begin with. Maybe it was the fact that Joon hadn’t told him. Maybe he just felt entitled to be able to trust Joon unconditionally. Maybe he was just being selfish and irrational. By the time Jinki returned home, his mind was buzzing. He wanted so badly to just go and apologize. Joon simply meant so much to him, and hell, maybe he wanted Joon to know that too. He wanted to let Joon know how much Jinki loved his smile. How much he thought about him. How much he wanted to be around him. Jinki wanted to let Joon know how much he wanted to drown himself in his scent. How he couldn’t stand it when he left. How much he was really curious just what his lips felt like.  Jinki stuffed his face in his pillow at night. Told himself quite a few times not to fall so deep and so quickly. But it was too late. He knew it was. Like it had been for so long, Jinki could only fall asleep clutching his pillow, childishly pretending it was Joon. Childishly wanting to be in his arms again. He couldn’t stand it. The second day that Jinki went back to the rooftop was different. It felt more familiar. More casual. Instead of doing any serious thinking, he simply drank his coffee, watching the world go by. But like everything in life, the casual familiarity didn’t last. It was interrupted by footsteps. Jinki turned around. He felt his heart skip a beat.    Oooh, drama drama drama! XD Are you shocked yet? :O Don't worry, this won't be a shocky fic XD Let's get to some fluff soon, huh?  Thanks for all your comments and subs! I la la la la lave you! X3 See you Thursday! :D