.NAMJOON. (1/1)

Just staying is not enough.Namjoon does not consider staying as doing work, so staying is useless when it’s just staying. He realized it the first time when staying in Bangtan became merely staying, and nothing could be done to bring the group further when Jeongguk’s solo album sold more than they had expected, and Taehyung started to get more drama roles than he could handle and Yoongi’s idol mask was slipping and Namjoon’s sleepless night were filled with dreams about Hongdae again.The reaction was not all pretty – some fans accused him for using the members as stepping stones, and the news definitely made a lot of them cry – but then, life is not all pretty, anyway; especially when you return to the underground scene after years of being an idol.Nevertheless, staying, in that case, was fruitlessly futile so Namjoon chose not stay.There is a sense of comfort, though, to see his members all together in one room. It makes him feel like he can do anything and everything – and he knows he actually can, for he has gone through all of it. He doesn’t tell anyone, but he wants them to be there at his first official showcase with DNH more than anyone else. A part of him wants their approvals; another part is simply clinging for their supports, even if the line between the two is obscure.Taehyung’s absence is most regrettable, for the younger member has always liked his raps, continuously cited the Cyphers as his favourite tracks of their albums, and while Seokjin not attending is more expected – a man with a family, with a job to uphold, and expecting wife – it is no less disappointing. They make it up with countless messages on their KaTalk group, so Namjoon is consoled somehow.After the show, he makes way to the little corner where the rest are catching up with each other, Yoongi notices him first with a proud smile on his lips, nudging Hoseok next to him and there goes the sunshine-like smile that makes Namjoon all warm inside. Jimin gives an excited yelp when he realizes and proceeds to swing an arm around Namjoon’s neck before tightening the hold playfully. Namjoon splutters exaggeratedly and in the corner of his eyes he sees Jeongguk, whose chic smile can’t hide the shine in his eyes.And somehow it seems like a day hasn’t passed since their debut.Of course, when they start talking, it becomes apparent how much time has passed since then. Hoseok are full with praises for their hoobaes, and updates them all with the recent news of the people from their former management, while Jeongguk and Jimin are in charge of the closed door gossips on their fellow idols. Namjoon laughs at everything as he drowns down the beer, contentment bubbling in both his heart and mind.In the middle of conversation, Jimin sways a little on his seat, and leans on the maknae to avoid smashing his face on the table. Hoseok shakes his head and tactfully removes the beer from Jimin’s hand.“Still a lightweight, I see.” Yoongi snorts as he drowns his fifth glass.Namjoon might miss the way Jimin got all tense at the snide remark, muttering a quiet ‘shut up hyung’ onto Jeongguk’s shoulder – but he doesn’t miss how wrong those words sound as they fall carelessly from Yoongi’s lips.Namjoon, for one, happens to know that Yoongi should know if Jimin is still a lightweight. He happens to know that Yoongi is the one responsible for Jimin’s songs.When they laid out their respective plans for post-disbandment, Yoongi had listed out continuing the night radio DJ thing he has been doing for half a year while working on his own mixtapes. There was no talk about producing songs for other people at all, so when Namjoon first listened to Jimin’s debut song he immediately called their former producer for confirmation.(Even now he still questions himself on why he chose to call Bang Sihyuk over Yoongi himself, but he decided he has done the right thing.)Bang Sihyuk called him out for a drink later that day, and spilled everything. He seemed to think that Namjoon, out of everyone else, and regardless what Yoongi is thinking, deserves to know.It is beyond Namjoon why would Yoongi want to hide that single piece of information – Yoongi has produced quite a number of their songs, and written and composed a lot more; the fact that he has started writing for other people should not be that surprising – especially if it is for a former member. It would generate much interest, on the other hand; and it would do so much good to both Yoongi and Jimin.But it seems like Yoongi doesn’t want that. Namjoon fails to see the reason, even after all these while. Even after Jimin wins his first award, even after the sales buy Jimin the condo unit he is living in now, and the royalties for Yoongi’s new studio. It doesn’t make sense to Namjoon, who’s sharing an apartment with fellow DNH members now, spending the saving he’d earned from Bangtan days bit by bit as he does some freelancing, writing lyrics between gigs.There is no regret in his choice; just Yoongi is not making any sense.      Like right now when Jeongguk starts a conversation about Jimin’s songs and Yoongi changes the topic quite effortlessly, unabashed. Namjoon almost wants to call him out for that, because it is apparent even for the oblivious Namjoon that Jimin is offended.But this moment is precious. Just being here, talking together is something that should be appreciated and Namjoon would not do anything to ruin it. Because staying with each other is no longer possible, this little time they can spare for each other should be spend peacefully.It seems like the rest of them understand that, too; because Jeongguk drops the subject – almost unwillingly, and with a completely necessary roll of eyes – and Hoseok picks up the mood again and Jimin has a smile for them on the way already.Yoongi turns his head carelessly to Namjoon’s direction and their eyes meet for a split second before Yoongi gazes down to his drink instead.Namjoon might be mistaken, but for that split second he thought he has seen a flash of familiar look in Yoongi’s eyes.It is not unlike the look in his own eyes, albeit red-rimmed, on the mirror after a particularly hard, fruitless day; when he is frustrated by his own choices.Choices, however, are of own responsibilities. Namjoon has always lived with such a belief, so, no regrets are allowed.