[M] Chapter 42* (1/1)

Chapter 42Taemin POVI have to leave and I don't want to wake Hanna. She looks really tired lately and I'm sure it's because she's torturing herself about us. She needs to rest. So I place a soft kiss on her forehead and quietly get dressed before leaving the apartment. I wish I could stay all day in bed with her. I wish we could talk about us, I know I can convince her to give us another chance. She only needs to trust me. But for now I have to go, so I'll have to be patient even if I really don't want to go away and ruin all our progress. This trip to Japan is such a bad news for us. I couldn't even tell her about it. At least I left a note.I enter the SM building and find Aron waiting for me, sitting on a couch in the lobby. He jumps on his feet when he sees me :- So? What did she say?I want to smile but I can't shake away my grumpy mood. I know I won't be with Hanna for three days and I'm not used to give details of our relationship to other people. Especially people like Aron, even if I have to admit I appreciate his concern. I just mumble : - We're good.- So you apologized? She's not mad at you anymore? I hush him down as I push him into the elevator. I quickly glance at my phone, I'm already running late and I have no text from Hanna, which makes me anxious and upset. Damn this trip is a nightmare. I could have spent three days cuddling with Hanna, making up for the time we missed together but instead I have to go perform in Japan. It was so good to finally be reunited, to feel her against me, her skin, her hands in my hair, her lips on me, her body wrapped around mine, God I want to go back to her. - Hey sunshine! I look up at Aron waving at me. - I understand if you don't wanna talk but at least try to be nice. - Not in the mood.- Come on. Hanna loves you beyond reason, no need to sweat it. I'm sure everything will be fine.I scoff. If only it was that simple. I know Hanna loves me and I love her even more, I'm sure of that. I love her to the point that it hurts and that I do stupid things.  But I have the feeling that theses three days away from each other won't do us any good. The situation is already so complicated... - Do you want me to talk to her?I point a finger at him as the elevator stops and the door opens :- No, you stay out of it. - As you wish but Taemin... (he grabs my wrist and I'm forced to turn around to look at him) Are you sure that's all there is? - What? - I mean, since her accident, Hanna has been acting weird. I don't answer because I'm not sure I want anyone to know about her memory loss and because I don't feel like talking about it right now. Aron adds :- I know she quit to go back to college but I thought she would want to hang out with us so I'm a bit surprised...- What do you mean?- She hasn't tried to reach any of us and she was really cold last time we saw her. - She's just going through a hard time.I shake his hand away from my arms and head for my bedroom to get my suitcase. I can hear Aron following me.- Can you pass a message to her?- Why don't you call her yourself? Aron scoffs and walks faster to keep up. - You asked us not to. Right. I was adamant about the fact that Hanna needed some rest and that I didn't want anyone to call her. I'm surprised they obeyed by the way. I stop and sigh :- Ok. What do you want to tell her?- Just that we're here for her if she needs us. - Simple enough. I speed up until I reach my bedroom and luckily, Aron gives up on his stalking and leaves me alone. Now I have 3 days to mull over Hanna and the situation. Hanna POVI was whining about spending three days without any news from Taemin who was in Japan but it was for the best eventually. After I met Chul and after he told me everything he knew, which wasn't much but enough to change my vision of my relationship with Taemin, I just wanted some time alone to think and process everything. So I spent the three days at home, filling out the application form for the University and trying to take a decision about me and Taemin. He had been honest, he told me he had left some "details" of our relationship out and he told me that if I knew all of it I would probably reconsider being with him. Well he was right. Because after Chul told me about the bet, about Taemin's relationship with Jimin and their illegal "activities", about his inconstance in relationships and all the flirts and bets with his assistants, when he told me about Jimin's attempt to go after me and the video he made of me then used to threaten Taemin and blackmail him, I had already hit rock bottom and lost all hope that things would ever be normal. - He really loves you Hanna. He tried everything to protect you. That bet... it was just a fucked up game we had but he fell for you and tried everything to put an end to it. It's just that Jimin wouldn't let it go. Chul's words come back to me but it's not enough. If Taemin is or was so in love with me, how could he do that? The bet, the lies to meet Jimin, the secrets, putting me in danger... This doesn't make any sense. - Jimin had a CCTV video of Taemin with a gun in a store, he was blackmailing him, you have to understand he couldn't get out of the situation. He was trapped. This video could have destroyed his career, his whole life. Chul was talking about the CCTV video he erased. The one that made me meet Jimin the night of my accident. And I understood why I was willing to do anything to protect him. Even if it was totally dumb and reckless. - He really fought for you. He did everything he could, he told Jimin he would give him money, pay him anything he wanted, do whatever he wanted just to protect you. But Jimin is complicated and impulsive, he didn't want to let Taemin go. Everything Chul was telling me sounded so insane and unreal that at first I just couldn't believe him. It was worst than in a drama, a succession of ups and downs and betrayals then reconciliations... I got dizzy just by thinking about it. This guy, Jimin, is a real psychopath and I can't believe that Taemin would actually befriend someone like him. All this was really scary. And I started to think that my mother is right. Taemin isn't good for me, we aren't meant to be with each other and I don't belong to his world. I feel pressured by Taemin all the time, pressured to remember, to act as though nothing has changed, pressured to be the girl he knew, pressured to pretend in front of him and everyone else that I'm fine but I'm not. I'm not fine. I hate all this. I hate the situation, the guilt, the fear, the feeling that I'm doing everything wrong. Taemin tells me one thing, my mom tells me another, everyone I meet seems to be against my relationship with Taemin and I don't know what to believe or who to believe.By the end of the third day, I was actually afraid of seeing Taemin again. I had this little warning voice in my head telling me that life made it right when I lost my memory and that I simply should take this as an opportunity to break free from his spell and start fresh away from him.If only it was that easy. *******************************I am at home when my phone starts ringing next to me on the couch. I read Taemin's name written on the screen and pick up reluctantly.- Baby it's me. I'm downstairs.I hate myself, but the second I hear his voice, my heart starts racing in my chest again. I clear my throat :- You're back?- Hum. Can you come? We hang up and it takes me a minute to pull myself together. I'm confused. I was determined to end things. I wanted to put an end to everything because the situation is way too complicated and because I hate the fact that he has been keeping all this from me. But I don't trust myself around him. I understand that he might want to start fresh with me and hide his mistakes and everything that went wrong the first time. My memory loss has been giving him a second chance. When I reach the lobby, I spot him, standing against the wall in the dark and I have to take a second to pull myself together  again before going to him. The light turns on when I cross the room and trigger the motion detector. It blinds me for a second but I keep walking until I'm a meter away from Taemin. He looks better, still a bit tired, but he's smiling and just the sight of his beautiful face breaks down my resolutions. I feel the hole I've had for three days now, spreading in my chest, swallowing me as I fight my urge to jump in his arms. I hate that. I hate that whenever he's around I just can't help but be drawn to him. Why can't I just hate him? Why can't it be simple? And the fact that now he's reaching out to take my hand in his and pulls me in his embrace just makes it even harder for me to resist. I let myself lean against his chest and I close my eyes. I feel appeased now that he's here in front of me, now that I can smell his scent and feel his warmth. Now that he holds me in his arms, Chul's words don't seem so scary anymore.