[M] Outside (1/1)

Jiyong stands in the center of his closet, suitcase open and empty at his feet.  They’re going to be in Japan a few days, and he has to figure out what all he wants to pack.  He’s been really off his game lately.  He didn’t even realize they had a promotional event to do before their first concert; he’d thought that he and Seunghyun would be in Korea for their anniversary.  It doesn’t completely ruin his plans, but it certainly changes them a bit.Jiyong wasn’t joking about sleeping with Seunghyun on that day.  He’s made arrangements.  And he’s made it a point not to do anything sexual with him since the impulsive blowjob he gave him in the studio, just to make their first time after getting back together special.  It’s a cheesy, outdated concept, he knows, but the romantic inside him still can’t help wanting it to be perfect.Jiyong’s still not sure what came over him in the studio that day.  He was just…done.  Done running, done fighting, done resisting something he was powerless to resist.  The moment he gave up, gave in, he dove headfirst in the other direction.  No sense in doing anything by halves.  If he’s going to get his heart broken, he might as well commit to it.Jiyong pulls a few shirts off the hangers, adds a pair of jeans to the pile.  His eyes land on his bracelets, sitting neatly on a shelf with his other accessories.  He picks them up and runs his fingers over the smooth surface of the beads.  He can’t wear them, not while Seunghyun’s still wearing his, but Jiyong feels the compulsive need to pack them anyway.When it comes to relationships, Jiyong only has one setting: wide open, full throttle.  Now that he’s given in to this thing with Seunghyun, he’s all in.  He’s going to see it through.  Only he’s not so blindly optimistic this time.  Things are going to blow up in his face again.  He just knows it.  He’s resigned to it.  But if it’s going to happen, he might as well enjoy their time together for as long as it lasts.  How many times did he curl up in bed and think to himself what he wouldn’t give for them to have one more day? It feels like he and Seunghyun are on borrowed time, like every day is precious, something to be savored.  It makes Jiyong want to hold him longer, kiss him harder, smile just that bit brighter.  Just in case.  Of all the things that have changed, there’s one thing that’s still completely the same.Jiyong is a tease.All five of them meet at the YG building before piling into two separate vans to head to the airport.  Jiyong tugs him into the very backseat of one, and when Seungri tries to follow them back and sit with them, Jiyong stares him down until he gets the message and chooses a different seat.The whole way to the airport, Jiyong stays pressed against his side, fingers dancing along his thigh, whispering suggestive words in his ear.  “Our anniversary is tomorrow.  You know what that means.”Seunghyun swallows, tries to keep his eyes straight ahead.  He carefully glances around to make sure no one else in the van is watching them. Jiyong’s hand slides higher and higher up his thigh.  “I’ll let you do anything you want to me.”  He bites down gently on the lobe of his ear, hand sliding the rest of the way up to cup him through his pants.  “Anything.”Soonho turns around in his passenger seat at the front and catches Seunghyun’s gaze.  His mouth is open like he means to say something, but then his eyes flick down, and he blushes and turns back around in his seat.When they start getting close to their destination, Jiyong looks out the dark tinted window and says, “We’re almost there,” and then he drags their mouths together and shoves his tongue insistently into Seunghyun’s mouth.  Seunghyun tries to pull back on instinct – they’re in a van full of people, people who know about them, sure, but still – but Jiyong’s hand catches the nape of his neck and holds him in place, kisses him hard and desperate and deep.And then Jiyong lets him go.Seunghyun looks around to see if anyone noticed because surely they must have.  That kiss hadn’t exactly been quiet.  But no one’s even looking at them.  Not even Seungri, whom Seunghyun had half expected to call them out and scold them.  He’s just looking pointedly out the window, pretending nothing happened.When the van finally pulls up along the curb, Jiyong gives his thigh one last gentle squeeze before pouring out.  He’s the first one to exit the van even though Seungri and another one of their managers are sitting in the captain chairs in front of them.  Seungri just waits calmly while Jiyong can get out and then follows behind him.Once Seunghyun’s feet are back on solid ground, he takes a step toward Jiyong, but then Seungri steps right in between them, smiling and attempting to tell Jiyong some lame joke.  Seunghyun smirks and tries to catch Jiyong’s eyes, but he guesses Jiyong doesn’t notice.A few moments later, they’re joined by Youngbae and Daesung, and they all wait while the managers get their luggage sorted.  And then when they start heading to customs, Seunghyun falls into step with Jiyong, but Daesung catches him about the crook of his elbow, smiles wide up at him, and then subtly slows their pace.  He watches as Jiyong tries to hurry through a mass of fans with their phones trained on him, Youngbae and Seungri strolling at his sides.He wants to ask Daesung about it, figure out what’s even going on, why he’s apparently not even allowed to walk with Jiyong, but when he turns toward him, Daesung just smiles even wider, gaze quickly darting at the crowd and then back, reminding him they have an audience.When he boards the plane, he sees that Jiyong’s already sitting with Soonho, so he looks around helplessly until he notices Seungri patting the empty seat beside him.  Seunghyun sends a wistful look in Jiyong’s direction, but Jiyong has his hat pulled low over his eyes and doesn’t see.At a loss, Seunghyun slides into the seat beside Seungri. “People sometimes film us on the plane,” Seungri murmurs, like that should mean something to him, like that should explain everything.  But it doesn’t explain anything.  It only makes him feel more agitated.  Are he and Jiyong not even supposed to look like friends?It’s the same when they finally arrive in Japan.  Jiyong stays away from him, and the other members fill in the gaps.  They head straight for this Samsung promotional event, some panel interview they have scheduled, and it’s not until they’re tucked away in the waiting room that’s doubling as their dressing room that Jiyong even looks at him at all.Jiyong comes over to stand by him, phone in hand.  “Soojoo’s flying in tonight.  I think Seungho is, too.  Do you want to hang out with them later?”Seunghyun just stares at him.  He’s going to get whiplash if today continues like this.  Before he can answer, one of the stylists gestures him over; it’s his turn, now.Hair and makeup finally done, they all head out for their interview.  There’s a long, narrow table set up on a slightly raised stage, a sea of cameras and flashing lights in the audience.  Seunghyun doesn’t even bother trying to sit beside Jiyong this time; there seems to be some unspoken rule that he’s not allowed.  Instead, he takes a seat on the end beside Daesung.Seungri takes the lead in the interview, answering questions even when he’s not the one who’s asked.  Seunghyun doesn’t remember Seungri’s Japanese being quite this good, but the maknae’s obviously been practicing.  Daesung seems just as at ease in this environment, laughing at things before the interpreters have a chance to translate them.He rarely gets nervous performing, but he seems to always get nervous giving interviews, at least a little bit.  Because he never knows what to say, and he often finds himself talking in circles as he tries to come up with something.  But he figures the others are doing a good job so he’ll just sit back and let them have at it.  He likes it better that way. But then a question is inevitably directed his way.  He hears the interviewer says his name but has to wait for the translation of her words before he can answer.  “This one’s for Top.  We’re all curious about your condition.  Have you managed to get any of your lost memories back, yet?”Seunghyun shakes his head.  “Not yet.  I’m still working hard to remember.”“What’s it been like?  Not being able to remember the last three years?”“It’s hard, sometimes.  I couldn’t even use my phone at first because I didn’t remember the passcode.”  He chuckles to himself, feels good when the audience chuckles with him once they understand what he said.  “Everyone’s been really supportive, though.  That’s made it a loss less hard than it could’ve been.”“Who’s been the most supportive?”“My mom?” he laughs.  “She comes over and makes delicious food and looks at photo albums with me.”  He smiles at the way everyone else is smiling at him.  There’s no reason to be nervous after all.  “And GD,” he adds.  “He helped me relearn all our songs.  I’d be lost without him right now.”Jiyong looks over and catches his eye but then quickly looks away.“We’ve all tried to be there for him,” Youngbae interjects.  “We’ve all been practicing together every day, trying to bring you all a better stage.”Seungri’s nodding along to Youngbae’s words.  “Honestly, I think his accident brought us all even closer.  Just like GD taught him the songs, I taught him the dances.  We’ve all been trying to do our part.”Seunghyun’s not sure what he did, but he’s getting the distinct impression that he made a mistake.  Jiyong doesn’t say a word until the subject changes.Once the panel’s over, their photos snapped a dozen more times, they all finally head to their hotel.  The concert isn’t for another couple days, but the staff is busy building the stage right now, which is good because Seunghyun really needs the opportunity to practice just that little bit more.Seunghyun enters his room, tugs his luggage in behind him.  The room is pretty standard.  A large mattress with white bedding, a nightstand sitting on either side.  There’s a huge panel of windows behind the floor-length curtains, and a modern looking sofa in the sitting area.He’s only been in his room a couple moments when there’s a knock on the door.  He heads over to see who it is, opens the door to see Jiyong on the other side.  Jiyong looks down one side of the hall and then the other before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.Seunghyun opens his mouth to say something, but Jiyong’s already on him, pressing their mouths together and pushing him back toward the sofa.  When the back of his legs hit the edge, Jiyong gives him one more push, and Seunghyun sinks heavily down onto the cushion.  Jiyong crawls into his lap, straddling him, before kissing him again, hands cupped around his jaw to keep him close.Yeah.  Seunghyun’s definitely getting whiplash.“I can’t wait till tomorrow,” Jiyong breaths hot against his ear, rolls his hips hard against Seunghyun’s.Seunghyun tightens his grip around Jiyong’s hips, keeps them pressed firmly together.  “We don’t have to wait,” he suggests.But Jiyong shakes his head, lips curling into a coy smile.  “Yes, we do.  It’s your present.”He nudges his nose against the apple of Jiyong’s cheek.  “And I’ll like it just as much if you give it to me early.”Jiyong lets out a soft giggle, presses his face into the crook of his neck and shakes his head again.  “You can wait one more day.”Honestly, Seunghyun doesn’t really mind waiting.  He’s pretty chill about it.  Besides, Jiyong probably has some huge event planned for it with champagne, imported bubble bath, and a painstakingly crafted music playlist, and Seunghyun doesn’t want to spoil it for him.  So he just curls his hands around Jiyong’s thighs and lets him keep teasing him.Finally, he pushes Jiyong down into the couch and settles over him, makes a home for himself between Jiyong’s thighs, and Jiyong curls around him eagerly, laughing when Seunghyun playfully skirts his fingers under the waistband of his pants.  “Stop that,” Jiyong smiles, tugging his hand back up into safer territory.  “I told you, you have to wait.”Seunghyun pretends to pout.  Jiyong’s eye sparkle before pulling Seunghyun back down to him and kissing his pout away.Seunghyun kisses him for ages, long past the time his jaw starts aching.  He doesn’t try to push for more, doesn’t even hint at it again.  Even when Jiyong starts rolling his hips beneath him, Seunghyun just presses his pelvis hard up into him, pinning him back down against the cushion and putting a halt to his motions.  He kisses him like it’s the first time or maybe like it’s the last.  If the rest of this trip is going to be anything like the first part, he needs to soak up as much of Jiyong as he can before he’s cut off again. Jiyong’s phone goes off several times until he finally gets frustrated and turns off the ringer.  They spend forever wrapped up together like that, in their own world, kissing just for the sake of kissing, like they’ve wound the clock all the way back to when they were barely more than teenagers, when they used to do this in their dorm rooms, only with way more alcohol and far less coordination.  Back when Seunghyun wasn’t even sure if he liked guys, just told himself over and over again that Jiyong was the exception.He’s come to terms with his sexuality since then, but Jiyong’s still his exception.He’s just found a really good spot at the base of Jiyong’s throat when the knocking starts.  Seunghyun groans and slumps against him, but Jiyong’s hands slide up to his face and guide him back into their kiss.  “Ignore it,” he pants.  “Maybe they’ll go away.”But the knocking continues, getting louder as the seconds tick by, until it’s finally drumming out the beat of some cheesy pop song that he can't remember the name of just now.  Jiyong sighs, dropping his hands uselessly down to his sides.  Seunghyun slowly eases himself up.  “I’ll go see what they want.”He takes a few steadying breaths before he goes, adjusts himself in his pants, and when he finally opens the door, he wants to break something over Seungho’s smirking face.  Seunghyun narrows his eyes at him.  “If you say cockblock, I’ll kill you.”Seungho’s smirk just deepens.  “That mission’s over with.  Besides, I heard you’re not getting any till tomorrow, so it’s not like my services are even needed today.”  But then Seungho looks him over.  “Or are they?”Seunghyun licks at his tender lips, knows that they must be red and swollen from use.  His hair is probably standing on end after all the times Jiyong ran his fingers through it, and he doesn’t even want to think about how wrinkled his shirt must be.“I mean it,” Seunghyun adopts a stern voice.  “One more time, and you’re dead.”Seungho raises his hands in a pacifying gesture.  “No worries.  I have no intention of interrupting whatever romance novel scenario he has planned for you tomorrow night.”Oh god.  There’s going to be rose petals.  And mood lighting.  Seunghyun just knows it.Another voice enters the conversation.  “I care less about tomorrow night and more about tonight.  I need a drink after that flight.”Seunghyun finally notices Soojoo standing a few paces to Seungho’s left, Soonho at her side, and now he remembers Jiyong’s comment from earlier, about hanging out with them tonight.  Realizing that they’re not going to go away any time soon, Seunghyun finally takes a step back and lets them come in.When he turns back around, he sees that Jiyong’s already sat up and done his best to straighten out his clothes and hair, but he still looks like he spent the better part of an hour being kissed.  Seunghyun feels strangely pleased with himself for that.Soonho and Seungho both plop down on the edge of the bed while Soojoo takes a seat in the swivel chair in front of the desk.“What do you guys want to do tonight?” Jiyong asks.Soojoo answers, eyes on her phone, “Yoon’s having people over.  She wants to know if we can make it.”“I don’t know,” Jiyong hedges.  “I don’t really think that’s Seunghyun’s scene.”That catches his interest.  Not his scene.  Like clubbing is no longer his scene?  Seunghyun wonders if it’s something like that, something he used to do but stopped, something that would mean a lot to Jiyong if he agreed to do again.  “It’s okay,” he says.  “I don’t mind going.”Jiyong still looks hesitant, but Soojoo takes his words at face value.  “All right,” she says, already keying a message into her phone.  “I’ll let her know.”When they finally arrive at what is apparently Yoon’s place, the party is well underway.  People are laughing and drinking, dance music thumping.  There’s a guy wearing a feather boa over by the bar, and two others with a twin set of kitty ears making out in the corner.  Seunghyun remembers what Seungri said about this particular subset of Jiyong’s friends: Gay.  It feels like he’s back in that bar in Itaewon Jiyong made him sneak into when they were kids.Jiyong and the others are greeted with warm, boisterous smiles and the occasional hug, but Seunghyun doesn’t receive any such welcome.  He feels like something’s slightly off the moment he walks through the door, but he’s not quite sure what. People stare at him curiously, nodding at him politely when Jiyong introduces him.  One guy with long, flowing hair tries to talk to him in English of all things, but Seunghyun has no clue what he’s saying.  At a loss, he turns to Jiyong.“He’s asking who your tailor is,” Jiyong says.  “He says your shirt’s a good fit.”  Seunghyun mumbles a soft thanks, one of the sentiments he does know in English, and then listens awkwardly as Jiyong answers the question for him in words he doesn’t understand.A girl he recognizes finally heads his way, sipping at some unknown concoction in a plastic cup.  “Hi, Seunghyun.”  She smiles tentatively at him.Kiko.  He remembers meeting her in Japan, going shopping with her.  She was fun and outgoing, someone cool to hang out with in a country where they barely knew anyone.  He also remembers when rumors started about Jiyong dating her, how he and Jiyong had a good laugh over it, how Hyunsuk thought it best not to deny it too vehemently.“Hi,” Seunghyun greets her.  “It’s nice to see you and Jiyong remained friends.”Kiko smiles awkwardly, and then a pretty woman with a rough edge comes over and catches her about the waist.  “Yoko,” she introduces, grinning at him in that same awkward way.  Then she looks down into Kiko’s cup and says, “Let’s go get you another drink.”  Kiko smiles at him one last time as Yoko tugs her away.That was weird.  Seunghyun turns back to Jiyong to see if he has any insight, but Jiyong’s expression looks just as awkward as theirs did.  Jiyong looks away.  “I told you,” he says.  “I had to do a lot of damage control.”Seunghyun doesn’t know what Jiyong means by that, and it doesn’t seem like Jiyong wants to explain; Jiyong just takes him by the hand and leads him over to an empty couch.  Soonho brings them over a couple of beers before sitting down beside Seungho who’s conversing with some guy wearing way too much black eye shadow.Jiyong leans forward in his seat to hear what they’re talking about, but Seunghyun doesn’t bother.  He knows he wouldn’t understand the conversation even if he tried.  So he just kicks back and drinks his beer.When Seungho pulls out a pack of cigarettes, he offers it out to him and Jiyong.  Seunghyun takes one gratefully, watches as Jiyong takes one, too.  After lighting his own, Seungho tosses the lighter his way.  Seunghyun catches it easily, lighting his cigarette and taking a deep drag so the end glows good and hot.  Jiyong looks at him, waiting, but instead of using the lighter again, Seunghyun leans toward him, offering up the tiny ember at his cigarette’s end.  Jiyong smiles to himself before leaning in to meet him, pressing the end of his Marlboro to Seunghyun’s, holding it there and sucking in until there are two cigarettes lit instead of one.Seunghyun doesn’t know why he did it this way, where he got the urge.  It’s just that Jiyong’s felt distant all day, ever since they left their bubble and stepped out into the world.  Out here, it feels like Jiyong doesn’t belong to him anymore, and he wanted some small something to remind himself that that wasn’t true.It’s not long before a woman with tall, strappy shoes and bright orange lipstick comes over to see them.  She looks down her nose at him like he’s an insect.  “Excuse me,” she says to him, smile completely devoid of the friendliness her words imply.  She reaches out and takes Jiyong by the hand.  “I’m just gonna steal him for a bit.”  Jiyong shrugs helplessly as she leads him away.Seunghyun’s left on his own then, in a crowd of people he doesn’t know, speaking in languages he hardly understands.  He taps his fingers awkwardly against the top of his knee, looks around at the garish art hanging on the walls.He needs another drink.   When Yoon steals him away, Jiyong keeps looking back over his shoulder, feeling the need to make sure Seunghyun’s okay.  It’s stupid, he knows.  Seunghyun’s a grown man.  He’ll be fine by himself.  But Jiyong had underestimated how awkward it would feel bringing him along for this.Yoon drags him all the way over to the opposite corner of the considerably large room before she finally starts talking to him.  “I can’t believe you,” she says.  “You’re back with him, aren’t you?”Jiyong smiles at her ire, shrugs because he doesn’t know what else to do.  Yoon tosses her head back in exasperation. Shun comes over, sipping on the straw of something fruity and pink, feather boa looped about his neck.  “What are we talking about?”  Yoon huffs and looks Seunghyun’s way.  Shun follows her glare.  “Top?”Yoon turns back to Shun.  “He’s the one who broke Jiyong’s heart.  The one who’s going to break his heart again.”Shun looks Seunghyun over, lets out a low whistle.  “He can break my heart.”Jiyong snickers while Yoon scowls at him. “What?” Shun says in response to her glare.  “Have you looked at him?  People spend a fortune on plastic surgery and still don’t come out that hot.”Yoon’s glare only intensifies.  “If you’re not going to help me talk some sense into him, go away.” Shun catches his straw back between his lips and gives them a little wave before wandering off. Yoon turns her full attention back on him.  “Why would you put yourself through this?  We’ve been over this.  He’s a jerk.”For whatever reason, her words rub him the wrong way this time.  It’s nothing Jiyong hasn’t said himself, but it irritates him coming from someone else, now.  Maybe Seunghyun is a jerk, but he’s his jerk.  And Jiyong’s feeling less and less sure about the jerk part the more he learns.“You don’t know him like I do,” Jiyong says, but Yoon just looks at him like he’s said something incredibly naïve.  “I mean it.  It’s different.”  But that just makes her arch one brow at him, completely unconvinced.Jiyong doesn’t know what else to tell her though, doesn’t know what he could possibly say to get a different reaction out of her.  He doesn’t know how to explain that it really is different, that they’re mostly back to how they used to be, before life and fame drove them apart and ruined them.  Helpless, he finally says the only thing he can think to say, “I love him.”Yoon’s face softens then.  “You can find someone else to love.  Someone who won’t hurt you.”But that’s no use.  Jiyong’s dated plenty.  But he’s only ever been in love once.  “There is no one else.”Yoon sighs in defeat.  “Okay.  Fine.  It’s your life.”  But then her expressions hardens again, and she starts to take off Seunghyun’s way. Jiyong’s brows fly up, and he catches her before she can get too far.  “What are you doing?”“I’m gonna go make sure he knows what’s going to happen to him if he hurts you again.”Jiyong laughs and pulls her back over to the bar.A while later, Jiyong tries to make his way back over to the couch, back over to Seunghyun, but he keeps getting stopped by people who want to talk to him, to catch up, ask him how he’s doing, and Jiyong doesn’t want to be rude so he lets himself get caught up.By the time he’s finally able to make it back to the couch, Seunghyun’s no longer there.  Jiyong scans the room but doesn’t see him anywhere.  He leans down toward Seungho and Soonho.  “Do either of you know where my boyfriend is?”They both look at each other and shrug.  “Bathroom?” Soonho offers up.Jiyong waits a few minutes, but when Seunghyun still doesn’t turn up, Jiyong heads toward the bathroom in search of him.  He turns a corner and sees Yoon standing in the hall, staring into the open doorway to the bathroom.  Jiyong comes up to stand beside her to see what’s caught her attention.There’s a large, jetted tub in the corner of the room, empty except for Seunghyun.  His hyung is sitting in the dry tub, a bottle of shampoo in one hand and a bottle of conditioner in the other, growling and crashing them together like two battling dinosaurs.Yoon just stares at him, unimpressed.  “This is the great love of your life?”Seunghyun roars as one bottle triumphs over the other.  Jiyong smiles, besotted.  “Yeah.  That’s mine.”Yoon just shakes her head before strutting off.Slowly, Jiyong crosses the room, and when he gets to the edge of the tub, Seunghyun finally realizes he’s not alone.  He looks up with wide, innocent eyes.  Jiyong smiles to himself.  Just how much has Seunghyun had to drink tonight?Jiyong steps into the tub and lowers himself down so he can sit facing Seunghyun.  He ruffles his hair affectionately.  “Dinosaur,” he teases.Like a little boy, Seunghyun offers up one of his bottles, an invitation to play.  Jiyong reaches out like he means to take it but grips Seunghyun’s wrist instead, drawing him in, drawing him closer, till he can catch his lips in a kiss.  Seunghyun responds eagerly, dropping both bottles so his hands are free to clutch at Jiyong’s waist.When Jiyong finally pulls away, he gives Seunghyun a gentle look.  “You’re not having much fun here, are you?”Seunghyun blinks at him.  “The world has too many people,” he says, voice small. Jiyong’s not sure what that means exactly, but he thinks he gets the gist.  “Yeah.  I like it better when it’s just us.”