Dreams (1/1)

Jaejoong wakes up to the feeling of arms all wrapped around him. It’s so foreign. So different, and his eyes fly open, and he breathes in the familiar scent of his two band members. Yoochun snoring on the left, Junsu mewling in his sleep on the right. And he’s in the middle, being embraced, and his breath hitches, wondering why this is happening.It reminds him of their earlier times, under the roof and between thin walls as they whispered words of comfort and held hands, assuring each other that one day, everything would be much better. Those moments were gray, so, so long ago—and with Yoochun’s soft breathing hitting his neck and Junsu’s arms tightening around his waist, it feels like he’s reliving his memories all over again.He feels the prick of tears hit his eyes, and he closes his eyes with a shuddering breath, turning to bury his face in Yoochun’s neck as he holds Junsu close. Everything feels so right. His brothers. His family. They’re here with him.What used to be an empty bed with sheets of tear stains, surrounded by alcohol bottles and with the stench of cigarette smoke is no more. Now the bed feels smaller than it is, and he’s surrounded by the scent of his members, surrounded by their warmth, their love, their soft caresses.But why today? He carefully sits up, and smiles softly at his sleeping babies, in deep slumber. He hopes they’re dreaming of him, dreaming of things that make them happy, he hopes they’re dreaming of a place where there are no worries. He takes a moment to stare at the two brothers who have been with him for years—so many years, and he feels the warm rush of tears again and he holds his breath to contain them, slowly slipping out of the bed.His shirt is wrinkled and his hair is messy. He combs through it as he opens the door, feeling like he was living the old dorm life all over again. He almost expects their maknae to be outside, eating and using his laptop on the kitchen counter, face lighting up as he eagerly waits for Jaejoong to prepare some dishes.His lips crack into a sleepy smile and when he steps out into the living room, his eyes land on someone sitting right there. Right there on the barstool, arms on the kitchen counter as he faces Jaejoong’s directions. And his eyes brim with tears, yet he holds a soft, but strong smile as he whispers, “Jaejoongie hyung, you’re going to make me food, right?”Jaejoong’s world spins as he stands, completely still. His lips part, wanting to say something, but no words are coming out. He wonders if everything is a dream. He wonders if he has died, and gone to his desired heaven. He doesn’t want this to be a dream—because when he wakes up, reality comes crashing down on him and then everything hurts. So he brings a trembling hand, as he pinches himself harshly.It brings the most richest, genuine laughter out of Changmin. “You’re not dreaming. Calm down, and make me some food?”Why are you here. What are you doing here. Don’t you have a schedule. You don’t talk to me anymore. You hate me, why are you here—so many questions. Yet he won’t get an answer for any of them, because he can’t find his voice. He silently nods, and forces himself to move into the kitchen. Changmin’s scent is nostalgic. Vanilla, and the fresh smell of his shampooed hair. It hits him all at once and he inhales deeply, preferring this more than the smell of expensive leather and brand new gold.He doesn’t even have to ask what the hungry maknae wants. His hands move on their own, remembering familiar movements of picking up pans and stirring hot water. Kimchi jiggae, is what Changmin wants, and by the pleased smile on his handsome face, Jaejoong knows he is right as he prepares the desired dish.Everything feels so surreal. He feels like he was the twenty year old Hero Jaejoong again, cooking for his band members with a bright apron, as he hums to their own latest song. He feels like any minute, Changmin would—“Feed me, hyung.”His breath catches in his throat, fingers trembling as he turns to see the teasing, and almost shy smile of the taller man. His lips part, wanting to know why everything seemed like they were going back in time. But yet, it seems like yesterday that he brought food to the impatient maknae’s mouth, and yelping when he threatened to bite.He picks up a piece of meat, hesitating before lifting his shy eyes onto a man who he used to tease and mock confidently. A man who he would practically hit and laugh, a man who he would give advice to as he combed through soft hair and hummed comfortingly.But it feels like Changmin is the man now, and he is just a fragile boy in a big world.  Changmin has grown up so well, tall and handsome, his lips full and arms muscled. He looks so much better than himself at his current state, with disheveled hair and eyebags. His fingers shake as they bring the food to Changmin’s mouth, watching as his long lips open and take in the meat. He lets out a surprised, breathless laugh as Changmin chomps his teeth threatingly, yapping at his fingers. The sound is so foreign to himself, even. He hasn’t laughed genuinely after so long. And Changmin’s eyes soften at the beautiful melodic sound. They stare at each other for a while before Jaejoong turns shy, almost uncomfortable at being gazed at so fondly as he turns back to the food.And then it hits him.This—this place isn’t his apartment. It’s not the apartment where he brings beer bottles over and gets drunk at 2PM. It’s not the apartment where he sheds tears every night, where he curls into a pathetic ball, wanting to fill the empty void of his heart that hurts so badly. This apartment doesn’t reek of cigarette smoke and the smell of old food containers littering about.It smells like the faint scent of Dong Bang Shin Ki.The kitchen layout—the bed… it doesn’t take him a second to realize that he’s back in the dorm of their youth. And he drops the knife he’s holding, turning around, lips parted in stun. And when Changmin sees his reaction, a slow, knowing smile makes it’s way onto his face.Because every morning, right after waking up and making food, he goes to leader-ssi’s room to tell him that breakfast is ready.“Changmin—“ He rasps, and the sound of his heart slamming in his chest is so loud that the waves burst through his ears, and he feels so alive. All of his senses are on, and everything is so bright and surreal and he just wants to do the last step. To see if this really is a dream.  “Changmin—“ He whispers brokenly, almost desperately, frantically.Changmin gently touches his shoulder, nodding comfortingly. “Go do it, hyung.”He doesn’t waste a second before he rushes past, the air hitting him in waves as he takes the familiar route to the room they used to share. The room they used to cuddle in, the room where their lips met and their hands brushing in soft caresses. The room where they would whisper secrets and words of love, away from the public and the eyes of the displeased.He stands in front of the wooden door. His fate, the rest of his long life will depend on what is behind the wood.And he doesn’t know if he’s brave enough. He doesn’t know if he can do it. He’s scared of seeing an empty black hole and the world spinning before he wakes up from the dream like reality, just to be hurt all over again.But then at the corner of his eyes he sees his two sleepy band members, shuffling over and smiling encouragingly. Changmin at the other side, still sitting, and his eyes tell Jaejoong to do it. To make his future and life better. To smile again. To breathe freely again.And Jaejoong takes the risk.He opens the door.Right there, in the middle of their own little room, stands Jung Yunho, wearing a soft smile and the shirt that Jaejoong had given him. It’s stretched, wrinkled but yet, even standing away, Jaejoong can smell the familiar scent of warmth and cologne and he inhales, and this time, the tears fall freely.“Jaejoong.” He whispered, and Yunho’s deep, masculine voice sends welcoming shivers down his spine. He trembles, feeling like he was going to burst just at the sight of who he once called his. “When you left me, you said you were going to wait for me. You said you would wait all the years in the world for me, no matter how long it took.”He hiccups, chest aching with a different kind of pain. It’s the pain of having happiness after all those years, and he loves it. It hurts so good and he cherishes it.“I think I’ve made you wait enough. And I think I’m ready to be with you again.” He spoke, voice warm, holding all the love in the world. And Jaejoong feels his heart bloom, feeling cherished and loved after feeling like a nobody for all this time. The empty void in his heart is stitching itself up again, and Jaejoong can practically taste the rush of happiness that overcomes him.And then stun. Absolute stun as Yunho kneels down, and brings out a red box. He opens it, revealing a simple, yet the most beautiful ring Jaejoong has ever seen. It reflects beautifully with the ray of sunlight falling through the dorm windows and Yunho opens his mouth, looking nervous, but determined. And it reminds him of all those times their special leader stammered with nerves and the rush of excitement on stage whenever their eyes would lock. He looks more mature, yet still holds the handsome, childish youth that Jaejoong loves so much.“And I don’t want you to wait ever again.” Yunho murmured, voice shaking slightly, and then he lifted his eyes, staring right into Jaejoong’s brown, stunned  teary orbs. “Kim Jaejoong, I love you and only you. Thank you for always being patient, thank you for loving me all these years. I can’t imagine my life without you… will you marry me?”And at that moment, Jaejoong knows that he isn’t dreaming. Because dreams can only go so far, and dreams will never fulfill you with the actual happiness of being alive. And he doesn’t have to think, bursting into tears as he screams, “Yes! Yes I will marry you! Yes!”He is in Yunho’s arms before he knows it, back in that familiar, loving embrace that he had missed so much. He sobs hard into Yunho’s chest, releasing all the pain and stress into the arms of a man who would make him hurt no more. He feels the cold slip of the ring on his finger and smiles tearfully, the first smile that is actually genuine as he wraps his arms back around his new fiancé. They stay in the embrace for a long time, and Jaejoong loves the feeling of Yunho’s nose brushing against his hair, and their hearts beating in sync.“I love you,” Jaejoong whispers, arms tightening as he hears the adoring clapping of his band members behind him. “Yunho, I love you so much—““I love you too,” Yunho leaned down, and pressed their lips together. Jaejoong lets out a sob as he kisses harder, and knows that life is finally looking better for him. Because he has his family, his husband. He has everything he could wish for and so much more. And Jung Jaejoong feels no more pain. Just endless happiness of wedding vows and driving to their honeymoon. Of future years of cooking for his children, as his husband hugs him from the back, whispering soft words of warmth and love in the crook of his neck.Of watching their old concerts and variety shows together, the five of them on a sofa, cuddled up and reminiscing of the old times. But now is the present. And they have so much more to do. So much more dreams to achieve and so much more love and happiness. And as Jaejoong rests in the arms of his husband one night after putting their playful children to bed and coming home from a sweet date, he knows one thing. Dreams can sometimes turn into reality, too.