Three (1/1)

It’s 2:37 AM and Youngjae’s sound asleep when Yongguk’s loud cries pierce through the air, threatening to deafen him. In hindsight, it wasn’t very smart to put the baby’s crib right next to their bed when they already had a nursery ready for him, but they were just so in love with that screeching little angel that they felt like leaving him in the nursery every night would be an actual crime. They were okay with waking up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby, they really were; they just wished the wake up call could be softer.Youngjae groans and hits Daehyun’s back weakly, too sleepy to even open his eyes. “You’re on milk duty tonight,” he reminds his husband tiredly. “I made a bottle before going to bed, so just warm it up a little.”

A few seconds pass before Daehyun sighs and gets up, picking up the screaming Yongguk and cradling him softly in his arms. Youngjae’s relieved when Daehyun takes Yongguk to the kitchen and the ear-piercing screams stop; he’s so relieved, actually, that the moment silence dawns on him once again, he falls asleep right away. He’s been on milk duty for the past two days, so he feels like he earned his sleep. The sheets are soft and warm and he makes a happy little sound; he couldn’t remember the last time he felt so happy to be able to sleep.He wakes up after a few hours, feeling oddly cold and alone. He feels around the bed and realizes- Daehyun hasn’t returned to bed ever since he took Yongguk to the kitchen. For a minute Youngjae’s slightly worried; Daehyun tended to be clumsy when sleepy, and he may have tripped on a toy or something else could’ve happened and maybe he’s dead—It takes him about two seconds to get out of bed and sprint downstairs with his eyes wide open and his heart beating so fast he may just have a heart attack. It’s not that Youngjae doesn’t trust his husband, of course he does, but as a father he can’t help but feeling worried about the fate of his family; he remembers that his father told him something similar to that when he was young. He cringes and curls his fingers in the material of his shirt, stopping just at the end of the staircase; he tried not to think about his parents (and especially his dad) for the past two years. They weren’t very supportive of the way Youngjae chose to live his life, and ever since his and Daehyun’s wedding he hadn’t even spoken to them- the invitation they sent came back with the “will not attend” line checked in brutal black ink.It’s been terrible, really, especially since Daehyun’s parents were so supportive; while Daehyun got to have his parents’ full support, all Youngjae got was endless silence from his parents. He didn’t even tell them that he had a son now- he figured he had caused them enough pain for a lifetime.A soft snore emits from the living room and he jumps and whispers out an incredibly rich string of curse words, swallowing thickly and curling his toes against the wooden floor. “You have to calm the fuck down,” he whispers to himself as he enters the living room carefully, only to find Daehyun sprawled on the couch with Yongguk lying on his chest, both of them fast asleep. The sight is so adorable that Youngjae feels like taking a picture; but he left his phone on his nightstand and it’s too late to go get it now. Instead he just stares at his family fondly, a warm, proud feeling spreading in his chest. His husband and his son; his boys."Dae," he whispers eventually, kneeling down next to the sleeping man and shaking him gently. "Honey, wake up."Daehyun opens one eye very, very slowly, looking at Youngjae as if he just popped out of a fairytale. He looks so adorable and confused that Youngjae leans down to kiss the tip of his nose, lingering for just a bit. “You fell asleep,” he says when he pulls back with a smile smeared all over his face. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”It takes a few seconds, but Daehyun gets up (Youngjae holds Yongguk in his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead) and they go back upstairs in a small, snuggly bunch. Youngjae tucks Yongguk in and then joins his husband in their bed, cuddling closer to his chest and inhaling his musky scent."I love you," Daehyun murmurs against his hair, and Youngjae smiles and closes his eyes."I know."———"Higher, daddy, higher!" Yongguk yells happily, and Daehyun laughs and pushes the swing with a bit more force, sending the squealing Yongguk up into the sky’s lap and back down in a blink of an eye. Youngjae watches them quietly with a fond smile gracing his lips as his eyes and thoughts wander far away. It’s a crisp autumn day and Yongguk is three now, running around on tiny feet in their back yard. Nothing much has changed, really; Youngjae still paints and Daehyun still jokes around and time moves on just as it did three years ago. It’s all good."I’m gonna go and rest a little, okay? Maybe you can try to use the swing yourself like I taught you, huh? Won’t that be fun?" Daehyun asks the toddler with his eyes expressing his own childlike excitement, and Yongguk nods furiously. "I’ll swing so high I’ll go to space!" He promises his daddy, and Daehyun smiles and ruffles his hair."That’s the spirit," he says before making his way towards Youngjae, sitting down in one of the plastic chairs with a heavy sigh. Youngjae laces their fingers together and Daehyun leans his head against his shoulder. It’s warm and familiar and Youngjae kisses the top of his husband’s head as a warm breeze breathes by and summer collapses into fall. It’s golden, Youngjae thinks; this very second is the color of pure gold that can only be found in honey. It drips and glides and suddenly he feels very brave as he looks at his son swinging all by himself.It takes a few seconds, but finally he decides to share his thoughts with Daehyun. “I want another one,” he says quietly, and time stops dripping for a moment. Then Daehyun nods and lifts his head to look into his husband’s eyes so Youngjae will know that he truly means what he’s about to say."Me too."The first golden leaf of autumn glides through the air, landing on the grass silently. Youngjae smiles. “We’re going to adopt another baby,” he confirms with the slightest bit of excitement in his voice. Daehyun nods so hard his head almost falls off."Yes. Yes, we are," is all he says, and then they’re hugging and kissing and maybe Daehyun cries, they don’t really know. What they do know is that suddenly Yongguk struggles to climb into Youngjae’s lap and they spring apart with wide smiles smeared all over their faces. Daehyun wipes at his eyes."What’s happening, daddies? Why’s dad crying?" The toddler asks innocently, and Daehyun makes a small horrified noise in the back of his throat and sniffs wildly. "I’m not— I’m not crying, what are you talking about," he lets out, and Youngjae rolls his eyes and turns to their son.

“Gukkie,” he says very seriously, “how would you like a baby brother or sister?”There’s a nerve wrecking moment in which Yongguk considers the question very seriously and Daehyun almost chews his finger off. Then the toddler nods and smiles his gummy smile. “I would love one!” He exclaims loudly, throwing his chubby arms around Youngjae’s neck and hugging him tight. “Can I please please please have a brother, daddy?”Youngjae chuckles and pats his son on the back, holding him close as Daehyun wraps his arms around them both."You got it, baby."———Himchan was an adorable baby with chubby cheeks and beautiful eyes that looked at the world with wonder. He was a most welcome addition to the family, as Yongguk never failed to show his baby brother every day by showing up at his crib every morning and placing a wet kiss on Himchan’s cheek. He called him “my Himbunny”, and that amused Daehyun to no end; in fact, it amused him so much that he actually started to use the nickname himself, which soon affected Youngjae as well. It was an unstoppable roller-coaster that they were happy to be on; at least no one threw up on this ride.Yongguk was now a proud student in preschool, having reached the ripe age of four. He admired his teacher, Ms. Addams, and he talked about her and the wonders she showed him so often that Youngjae started calling her “Yongguk’s crush” behind their son’s back. First experiences came and went: Yongguk’s first day of preschool, Himchan’s first few steps and words, Yongguk’s first fallen tooth, and each and every new event was documented and carefully photographed.Time flies when you’re having fun, they say, and Daehyun and Youngjae learned that it’s true; before they knew it Himchan was nine and Yongguk was thirteen, and they were well into their thirties. It didn’t really matter, but suddenly Daehyun realized that he wasn’t quite done with being the father of a baby. Yongguk was already an almost-teenager and Himchan was following close behind, but Daehyun still wanted a baby."I just want someone to be there when Guk and Himchan won’t need us anymore," he says to Youngjae one night when they’re getting ready for bed, and Youngjae sighs."I know what you mean, but…" He hesitates for a second, and Daehyun raises an eyebrow. They almost never disagreed about anything; they were a team, a solid one, and they rarely ever fought. Youngjae buries his face in his hands and sighs again, his shoulders sagging. "I’m just so tired, Dae."Daehyun scoots closer to him on the edge of their beds, nudging his husband with his shoulder. “I know you are, but don’t you think having a baby is worth being tired? Do you remember how much fun we had when Yongguk was three? Those times will never come again, unless we adopt another baby, Jae. Think about it.”"I am thinking about it, and it scares me, Daehyun," Youngjae snaps, glancing at the closed door of their bedroom and lowering his voice to a whisper. "We’re not— I’m not as young as I used to be, and maybe you are ready for another baby, but I’m not. I’m terrified of it, actually." Youngjae’s eyes twinkle in the dim lights, and the air in the room is heavy. "I’m not sure I can do this again. I mean— heck, my parents don’t even know about Yongguk and Himchan, and just," he stops for a moment to take a shaky breath, tears escaping his eyes. Daehyun wraps an arm around his shoulders and kisses his temple as his clenches. "I don’t know. Look, I’m tired right now, let’s talk about it tomorrow or something, okay?" Youngjae’s voice is so hopeless and small that Daehyun simply cannot say no. They slide under the covers and Daehyun presses his chest against Youngjae’s back as the younger relaxes into him, sniffing quietly as the tears keep falling."Thank you for understanding," he whispers brokenly, and Daehyun kisses the back of his neck."No problem, Jae."———It took a lot of time and convincing and endless nagging, but in the end Youngjae caved in and agreed to adopt another baby. What they got, though, were two babies in the price of one; Jongup and Junhong were a handful of squirming limbs and grabby fingers with the power to make even the seemingly indifferent Himchan smile and coo at them. Now that’s a record.They adopted three times, and each and every time was its own different roller-coaster ride; but roller-coaster rides are fun as long as you have someone to hold on to.