Chapter 4 (1/1)

~Jaejoong P.O.V~ I really don’t know why I am crying.  I guess just hearing someone else say that they have nowhereto go like me…… just made all of my emotions I have been keeping inside for so long came out.  Itried really hard to not cry but I just couldn’t help myself.  I silently cried as Junho held me close tohim not saying a word.  I pulled myself together somewhat and pulled away just enough from Junhothat our eyes met.  I smiled at him and rubbed my eyes.  “I’m sorry Junho.  I really don’t know whyI am crying.  I guess keeping a lot of stuff inside for too long is pointless since you’ll just eventuallycry one day for no reason.”  Junho took his thumbs and wiped the tears from my eyes lovingly.  “It’sok Jaejoong…… I know we don’t really know each other but……if you want I’m here for you if you wantto talk, cry, hit, hug, or whatever you want to do with me.”  When I looked into his dark almond shapedeyes…… I saw that he was being sincere with his words.  I feel like I can really trust him but…… I don’tknow if I can open up to him just yet. “Thank you Junho.  I really appreciate your words, but I don’t really don’t feel ready to open up to anyoneright now…… I’m sorry.”  He just gave me a smile and patted my head lightly.  “I understand.  If you everneed to talk I’ll be here for you.”  I continued to smile while I nodded my head approvingly.  GROWL!  Iquickly wrapped my arms around my stomach and gave Junho an apologetic look.  “Sorry all this talkingand stuff has made me really hungry.  I’ll go and make us some soup……  since that is all I really have……”I lowered my head in shame because all I could offer Junho to eat…… was soup……  I felt the tears threatento fall from my eyes again.  Junho placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently.  “It’s alrightJaejoong.  You don’t have to feel bad at all.  I’m sure your soup will taste amazing.”  I gave him a smallsad smile and brushed my hand over my eyes.  I got up from the bead and headed towards the doorwayof my bedroom.  Stopping before I walked out completely, I turned around so that I was facing Junho. “I’ll go and make food so just lay in bed and try to relax.”  He nodded his head and laid back on my bed. I turned back around and made my way into the kitchen.  I went over to my cabinets and pulled out thelittle vegetables I had left and began to boil water.  After a while the soup was done cooking and I dividedit out into separate bowls.  Placing the soup filled bowls on a tray, I carefully walked back to my bedroom.My heart warmed up and a smile found its way to my face.  Lying in my bed was Junho and my baby boycuddled up to each other.  They were both fast asleep and looked like little angels.  Junho had Karam lyingnext to him while he had his arms around his as if he was protecting him.  Junho was snoring lightly whileKaram made little sucking noises from sucking on his tiny thumb. I inched closer to the bed little by little and placed the tray of food on a small side table.  I lowered myselfon the bed slowly, hoping not to stir the two from their sleep.  Junho must have felt my presence becausehis eyes lazily fluttered open as he yawned.  I softly whispered to a half awake Junho “I’m sorry I didn’tmean to wake you.”  He shook his head groggily and pulled the corners of his mouth into a lopsided smile.“The soup is done so if you are hungry you can eat.”  “Thanks Jaejoong.  I hope you don’t mind that I tookKaram out from his cradle.  He started to cry and I didn’t want to disturb you so I took him out from hiscradle and well…… I guess we kind of fell asleep.”  Junho looked over at Karam and gently stroked hissoft dark locks.  “Don’t worry about it hehe.  I must have been so lost in thought that I didn’t hear himcrying.”  We just looked at one another and smiled for a moment until I spoke when I looked over at my son.“You must be special…… Normally Karam doesn’t let just anyone go near him, let alone hold him, exceptJessica and I.  If anyone, especially a stranger, goes near him he’ll wail and cry until the leave.” Junho looked down at Karam and said “Is that so?”  He looked back to me and I nodded my head yes. “*Chuckles*  He gave me no trouble at all when I picked him up.  Actually when I picked him up when hewas crying, he stopped and giggled at me…… He Jaejoong can I ask you a kind of sensitive question?  Youdon’t have to answer if you don’t feel up to it.”  ‘He’s probably going to ask me about Karam’s mother.’“Sure go ahead and ask.”  Since he was still lying with Karam in his arms, he couldn’t look at me but only atmy son.  “W-where is Karam’s mother?”  ‘I knew it.’  I smiled sadly and spoke as best I could hoping not to getchoked up while answering.  “I don’t know who Karam’s mother is…… nor his real father……”  Junho must havebeen shocked at my answer because he was oddly silent.  “Even though Karam’s features resemble mine a lot……I am not his real father.  One day it was raining and I was running home from Jessica’s house.  When I reachedmy house I noticed something was sitting on my doorstep and sounded like a small child was crying.  When Igot closer I realized that it indeed was a small baby boy wrapped up in a blanket with a letter on him. I quickly picked up the little boy and took him into my house.  Thankfully he wasn’t too wet but his little bodywas shaking probably because he was cold.  He continued to cry and since I had never really been aroundbabies all that much, I had no clue what to do.  I rocked him in my arms and managed to put him to sleep soI decided that it would be a good time to read the letter and see why he was there.”  I paused as I reached intoa drawer next to my bed and pulled the letter out.  I thought that reading the letter to Junho would be easiestsince he really couldn’t move from the position he was in.  “Dear Jaejoong,If you are reading this letter then you probably have my baby boy with you.  His name is Karam andhe is a very good baby.  He is only a year old so he is still really young to know anything,  I know you probably think I am a bad mother but giving Karam to you is the best thing for him.  I cannot givehim all that he needs for his life so please give him all the lover and care you can.  Love him as if he isyour own child.  I know you will do the right thing in raising this innocent child.  I know I made the right choice in giving him to you.  Take good care of him and yourself so you both can live long healthylives.Sincerely,Karam’s mother” I felt the tears fall from my eyes as I finished reading Junho the letter.  He placed his hand on the small ofmy back and rubbed small soothing circles on it.  “I don’t even know who his mother’s identity is butapparently she knows me.  How can she expect me to give Karam a better life when I am broke and living inthis hellhole?!  I’m not fit enough to be a parent either but I love him too much to give him to another person.”I dropped my head in my hands as the tears continued to flow from my eyes.  Junho skillfully detached himselffrom Karam and pulled me into a hug.  “Jaejoong you don’t need to live in a giant house or have lots of moneyto be a good parent.  You must be also remember that you are young too…… As long as you love him unconditionallyand raise him to be a great man…… then you will be successful as a father.  And from the what I see…… you’realready a great father even if you may not feel like you are.” I tightly gripped onto Junho and cried my heart and eyes out.  “All I want is to give Karam a better life than I had.I would do anything for that little boy.  I just wish that he didn’t have to grow up this way.”  “It’s going to be okJaejoong…… You’re not always going to be living this way so keep your head up and be strong for your son. Ok?”I nodded my head and replied “I will be…… No I have to be.  I’m all he has in this world and…… he’s all I reallyhave…… Anyways you’d better hurry up and eat before the soup gets cold.  I’m going to go and take a bathso I can regroup myself.”  “Ok take as much time as you need.  I’ll be here since…… well I can’t really walk orleave baby Karam now right? *chuckles*”  I laughed a little at his words and walked out of the room.  “Oh bythe way Junho…… thanks for listening to me……”  He smirked and rolled his eyes playfully.  “You don’t need tothank me.  It’s just me being the cool guy I am.”  I snorted at his remark and started back towards the bathroom.‘I’m actually kind of glad I met Junho today.  He seems like a person I can really depend on.  He’s actually reallygood looking too……’  Suddenly an image of Junho danced into my mind and it shocked me quite a bit.  I felt myface go red and my heart rate increase.  I ran into the bathroom, shut the door, and locked it.  ‘What was that just now?!’  I gripped my shirt right by where my heart is and tried to calm myself.  ‘I think…… I think I may like him……more than I would just a mere friend!.....’  A/N:  Another chapter is done yay!  I hope you guys enjoyed reading my update hehe.  Thanks for the wonderful comments and subbing I really enjoy seeing each increase on a daily basis almost!  Thanks for reading/ commenting/ subbing and all that good stuff.  See ya byyyes (^w^)/