[M] Pain (1/1)

“How long?” the pale man asked breaking the long uncomfortable silence.The taller of the two briefly looked at the other before dropping his guilty gaze into the table top between them.The table who witnessed alot of memories through out their relationship. The same table where the shorter, more beautiful of the two would place his home cooked meals to be shared between them. A witness of the more happier times. It also witnessed the forgotten cold food and seemingly endless tears of the pale beauty.Yunho, the taller man, contemplated his answer.Should he lie? He did that already, multiple times for the passed few months. He wasn’t happy about it. He wasn’t even sure now why he did what he did, but he’d done it anyways.Now he doesn’t know what to feel. What he should feel. The other man was not acting the way he should, or what Yunho thought he should, like in the dramas.He was calm, like he already knew about all these along time ago. Like he already resigned to it and was just asking for confirmation. Sure, he looked sad. His big beautiful brown eyes are red and puffy, indicating that he cried, but right at this moment there is no sign of tears, and Yunho doesn’t know how to handle this.“Three months.” He said. Finally deciding to to the truth, with a voice just above whisper, but the other heard it anyways.The pale man smiled dejectedly. Fighting to keep the tears at bay. He doesn’t want to cry again. Not in front of Yunho. Not in front of the man he loved and still love for the passed 7 years of his life. He kept going instead, he wanted to understand what he had done wrong. Why the other man had to hurt him like this.“Does she know about me? That we are together?” He asked.“Yes.” Yunho answered.“And yet she still fucked you.” He said sharply, voice not raising but the suppressed anger is apparent. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself.“So the conference in Jeju, the late night meetings, you were with her.” It was more of a statement than questions and Yunho winced remembering those times. It was true.“Do you know what you did? Are you not gonna say anything?” the pale man said.“I'm sorry.” Yunho said solemnly. The shorted man laughed bitterly, eyes turning misty but still no tears leaving his doe eyes.“You are sorry for cheating or that you got caught?” He asked not expect an answer. The taller man still not able to looked at the other in the eye.“You should have just told me.” He said again after a moment. “You should have told me you are not happy with me anymore more, that you don’t love me anymore. Why did you have to do this to me Yunho? Why?!” the shorter man asked, voice raising gradually. The hurt and anger he feels showing.“Why did you have to hurt me like this? Did you not love me even a little? Why Yunho why?!” He shouted.“Are you ever gonna tell me or you’ll just leave me without any explanation whatsoever? I bet you both are laughing behind my back. “oh poor Jaejoong, he is at home waiting like an idiot”. Was it fun?!”“No Boo-"“Don’t!” the pale man said sharply.“Don’t ever call me like that again! You have no right! Not anymore!” Jaejoong said. Tears escaped his eyes without his permission but hastily wiped it. Taking deep breath in the processes.“I just want atleast an explanation Yunho. You owe me atleast that much.” Jaejoong said when he was able calm himself again.“I want to find out the reason why you thrown away 7 years of our relationship just like that.”“I’m sorry. I wasn’t planning on doing it I swear! It just sort of happen. Everywhere I go, she was there. Showering me with attention, he made me feel desired, wanted.” Yunho said, finally having the courage to look at the man in front of him in the eye, and he almost whimpered. Those eyes that he loves so much are full of pain.. and it almost killed him. Those eyes that always looked at him with so much love and adoration are now full and anguish...and he has caused it. He hurt this man, this beautiful man, and for what? For a little excitement? For a temporary ego boost? This thought made him hate himself more.“And I didn’t?” Jaejoong asked. “I wasn’t giving you the attention you wanted or it’s just that you don’t want it coming from me? Because damn it Yunho! I was just here! I am always here!” He said.“I cooked you breakfast, lunch, dinner. I do your laundry, I do all the house work! I gave up everything for you! I am also a man but I am here acting like your little housewife while you go fucking your pretty office mate!”“And I thank you for that but I didn’t asked you to do all of this!” Yunho tried to defend himself but it was pointless, because he know he was at fault.“You didn’t, but I was willing to do all that because I loved you!” Jaejoong said a little breathless. Fighting for control.“And by the looks of it, I was the only one.” He said“That’s not fair Jaejoong, you know that I love you.” Jaejoong gave a humourless laugh.“Not fair? What's notvfair is what you didbto me! If you love me you wouldn’t find someone else to fuck.” He spat out bitterly.“If you loved me you would give me the respect I deserve. Even just that Yunho.” Yunho winched at the blunt word but said nothing.“If you ever loved me even just a friend you wouldn’t hurt me like this. You would have talk to me and tell it straight to my face that you fell out of love and that you have found someone else better than me!” He said.“I didn’t fell out of love Jaejoong, I still do love you. It’s just, I don’t know how it is! For the first time in a long time I felt excited. It isn’t love I know it because I don’t want to lose you. I still want to come home to you. I just, she was new and alot of men wanted her and she wanted me! It made me feel important, and that blinded me! I’m so sorry Jaejoong.” Yunho started to feel restless.He wanted to hug Jaejoong and make him feel how much he was sorry.“So, you are not planning to leave me?” Jaejoong asked, Yunho shook his head no.“What did she say to you then? That she just wanted a short time with you? A casual sex? A good fuck and that was it? Because for woman there is no such a thing as that! She knew you are in a relationship but she still seduced you anyways. She wanted you for herself Yunho and it’s either you are blind or just plain stupid if you don’t noticed that.”Yunho kept quite because he did notice that but because of the knew found high that he was feeling he ignored it. He ignored alot..including Jaejoong.Now he is regretting it. He knows that this isn’t gonna end well. His tears started falling at that thought.“I have alot of things that I wanted to tell you. When I found out, I tried to reason with myself. I wanted to beg you to stay with me. Even if it means you have her in the side, atleast you are coming home to me. I told myself that I would try my hardest to keep you by my side and forget her and then it hit me.” Jaejoong paused for a moment to gather his thoughts.“For 7 long years, I am already doing just that. I am by your side. Supporting you, encouraging you to go for your dreams while I was cheering for you in the side.You are my whole world, I loved you more than myself and still you did this to me so what made me sure that you will change your mind? That you won’t do it again? Nothing.""And then I asked myself, If you don’t love me, then who would? So I have decided to do just that, love myself first. From now on I will do what would make me happy and do what is good for myself first.” Jaejoong stood up after the long speech.Yunho looked at him not bothering to wipe away his tears. Panic started to rise on his chest. ‘No’ he thought. His heart beating faster in hurts. “I wanted to punch you, to hurt you even just a fraction of what you made me feel, but I won’t. It won’t do anyone any good and I would just hurt myself more in the process.” Yunho is sobbing by now.Jaejoong looked at him in pity. He wanted to hug the man and tell him everything is alright but he can’t, he won’t. Because. Everything is not gonna be alright, or atleast not for the both of them together. He knows he has to end it. For his own good.“I should go.” Jaejoong finally said.“W-where are you going? You live here.” Yunho said panicking. He stood up and tried to go near the beauty but he stopped when the other raised his hand to stop him.“I moved my things out earlier. The other things that was left you can keep, donate or just throw away, it’s up to you.” He said.“No, please Jaejoong.” Yunho begged, he can’t finish because of how hard he is crying now but he know the other understands.“I was gonna leave without saying goodbye but I wanted to hear the explanation from you so I wouldn't waste my time thinking of all the ‘why's' . This way it will be faster for me to move on. I wanted to end it properly.”Jaejoong said, more in control of his emotions now.“N-no please Jaejoong. Don’t leave me. I love you. P-Please.!” Yunho is hysterical. He kneeled infront of Jaejoong hugging the man by the waist. He is crying so hard he could barely breathe. Jaejoong’s shirt is getting wet by Yunho’s tears but both didn’t care.Yunho can’t let go.He wanted Jaejoong to stay.He NEEDED Jaejoong to stay.For a while Jaejoong let the other like that, he isn’t pushing nor pulling the other close to him. With both hands on the on either sides of his body, Jaejoong just watched Yunho cling to him while crying, begging him to forgive him.It pains him to see the love of his life like this but this has to be done.He’s been hurt so much to the point that he can’t even shed a tear anymore, like he run out of tears to cry already.When he finally gathered all his courage, Jaejoong finally decided to pull himself from the other man’s hold. Weakened by so much emotional Yunho was not able to resist that much.“Thank you for making me happy for the 7 years together Yunho. I still love you, I really do but I can’t pretend that this didn’t happen. It hurts too much Yunho..I'm sorry.”He step back.“When you started the affair you must have known this could happen, but you still did it. You chose this. Maybe not this exact outcome but the path you chose to take led to this, so be happy with your choice Yunho. Have a good life, because I will do the same.” Slowlystepping backwards towards the door Jaejoong gave Yunho the best smile he could muster at the moment."Goodbye Yunho.”And just like that, Jaejoong was gone.Taking all the light and goodness in Yunho’s life with him.    AUTHOR'S NOTEHi, it’s been a while. I wasn’t planning on writing this but these thoughts keeps replaying on my head and it’s irritating because it’s too much angst and I hate cheating Yunjae especially Yunho so I wrote it down so it would go away. I used to read all these cheating stories but this past few months on quarantine(that I spent re-reading my favorite Yunjae fanfics and finding new ones AND reading almost all, and I mean ALMOST ALL completed fanfics here at AFF(I am on the year 2015 now, I went backwards.) I find it hard to read the ones that include yunjae cheating. I always skip those parts coz my heart hurts. Yeah I’m weird but it’s not like I only read fluff, I just don’t like them cheating the other ok?!Make each other jealous is one thing, full blown cheating no thank you.Anyways! This is so long already and I don’t even know if you read this thing so, as always.. I only typed this on my phone so please forgive the mistakes, grammatical errors etc, ok?Stay safe..Always. Xoxo crysane08