Alive in Truth (1/2)

I see Woohyun.

What is he doing?

He stands on the edge of a cliff -

Tall and straight,

As if he is unafraid.

Below him the ocean roars.

Its sound is so loud it cracks my bones like glass.

In the water below wait many jagged rocks -

There must be a thousand at least. They are merciless and unforgiving;

Their sparkle forebodes a tragic ending for him. The water hits them with all its might,

But still they do not give way. Their purpose is definite -

They wait for him to fall.

He is dressed all in white. The light that rebelliously peeks out from behind storm clouds

Hits his garments and makes him shine through the downpour.

His skin is paler than ever,

Almost as white as the garments he wears. His arms and neck are thinner, too,

So thin they could be snapped with a shout

Or a strong-enough stare.

His clothes are much too big for him,

And his gaunt limbs provide him with no anchorage to the ground. He looks like he will blow away;

The wind laughs maniacally as it scatters strands of hair

And puffs out his shirt like a sail. It wants him to fly away -

It is greedy for his blood.

He looks like a kite sailing through rain;

I want to run and grab him before he is lost to the sky.

Despite the severe elements working to destroy him,

He looks otherworldly and peaceful. His eyes are closed.

He face is composed.

His body is still as it is pelted by raindrops.

He hums to himself as the wind curses the water. I wonder if this is how angels look in person.

Even this far away,

I can smell the fear he is hiding behind his calming countenance.I can see death's arms tightening around his neck.

It is like I am up close,

But I am so far away.

"Woohyun!" I cry out into the storm.

His eyes remain closed.

"Woohyun!" I call again, this time to the wind.

His face remains unchanged.

"Woohyun!" I try again, throwing my voice to the rocks in the sea.

But his body does not move,

No matter how much I wish it would.

I take a step closer to him.The moment I do,

I hear the earth split beneath him.

I stop.

Pieces of the cliff crumble into the ocean

Where they are engulfed by the gluttonous waves. The cliff jumps freely into the ocean,

Noble in its dark cause -

Ready to condemn the innocent. As it disappears,

Woohyun keeps still. His eyes are still closed

And his face is still calm.

Is he asking for death

Or waiting to be saved?

"Woohyun!" I shout above the thunder,

"Move away from the ledge! Quickly!" But he does not seem to hear me;

He still remains still.

I cannot watch him fall

Along with the rocks.

I run madly to Woohyun.

Just as the last of the ledge crumbles beneath his feet,

His eyes snap open.

He sees the storm and the waves

And the rocks licking their lips. He can't even scream

Because he is overcome by fear,

Utterly in shock.

He is standing in air.

He falls.

His arm suddenly snaps.

He feels a hand around his wrist.

He looks up behind him.

I am holding onto him tightly.

My breath is burning my throat;

My sweat cannot be scoured by the rain.

Carefully I reach for his other hand.

He swigs his arm up and clutches my hand desperately.He is absolutely terrified;

He is not ready to die.

I grit my teeth

And use all of my strength

To pull him up onto the remains of the cliff.

When his chest hits the rocky soil,

I collapse in relief. I am out of breath.

I am exhausted from the scare.

I am overcome by his presence.

I cannot believe I have saved him.

Woohyun's arms are too weak,

He cannot pull the rest of his body up onto the cliff. So he grabs onto my arm and swings his legs

Until his head is resting on my chest,

Listening to my heart mimic the thunder with its sound.

He cannot stand up

Because he is too shaken. Or maybe he doesn't want to stand up

Because he finds comfort at the contact of our skin.

I open my eyes

And look at him in awe. He is still here;

I cannot believe he is alive.

I love him so much.I cannot think straight.I am filled with him.His head is on my chest

And the weight isn't weight at all - It is air,

Lighter than air...

Something that just is.

I smile at him.

I love him so much.

I reach to hold his face.

Both of my hands are on his cheeks.

Tears run down his cheeks

And are not washed away by the rain. They leave behind canyons in his skin.I fill them with my own tears

As I sit upwards and cradle him in my arms

Like a child new to the world...Because I cannot cradle the world

That is new to him and I.

Where his tears touch the earth,

Beads of light form. I wish I could cup his light in my hands

And keep it there forever. But the light on the earth

Is nothing like the light in his eyes.

Woohyun moves against my chest.

He sits on my lap and looks into my eyes.

He can see his crying face in my eyes -

He would much rather see me in my eyes.But my eyes are meant for him only,

And that is how I know I love him.Because I have given myself to him.

I have given all of myself to him.

He wraps his thin arms around my neck

And cries into my chest. We cry together,

And our tears merge and repel the rain.

Our tears slide down my chest

And fall onto the rocky ground.

And as our tears meet the soil,

A large beam of light forms and surrounds us.

We are covered in light,

And we cannot see anything but each other

Through the wall of light

And the rim of tears on our eyelids.

Woohyun touches my face.

His whole body shakes as he whispers his heart to me.

"You are so beautiful.

Everything about you is beautiful. Your face,

Your eyes,

Your skin,

Your arms,

Your chest...Everything.

Everything about you is beautiful.

I'm so sorry for not being beautiful...

For always being difficult."

I want so badly to speak to him,

But I am crying too hard to think straight.

'I love you and I need you,

Even if you don't need me. I don't stop thinking about you

And I feel like I am bound to you. This love must be boundless

Because it is so far out of bounds. If I died right now,

I would regret nothing.'

I close my eyes

And let Woohyun's words fill me.

I send my thoughts through my embrace. When he shudders,

I know he has received them.

"Sunggyu, I...

I..I..I love..."

Before he finishes,

The rest of the cliff breaks beneath us.

We fall through the air.

My eyes are still closed;

I cannot see him.

I can no longer feel him either.

I command my eyes to open.

My eyes betray me. I am falling blind;

I am falling alone.

Where has he gone?

I need to say goodbye before I hit the ground.

As terror clouds my senses,

I feel something warm against my hand.It takes me a moment to register the warmth as his warmth,

And my fingers become numb when I recognize the feeling of his skin against mine.

He holds my hand,

And his hand feels soft and strong -

Like he won't ever let go.And suddenly I feel safe.

The fall seems less terrifying now,

Now that he is next to me again.

In an instant the fall stops -

I can no longer feel air circling my body

Or see every moment of my lifetime play out inside my eyelids.

But I feel nothing.

Have I even hit the ground?

Everything is dark;

Where am I now?

It takes me a moment to realize

That my eyes are still closed.I command my eyes to open,

But I have no control over myself anymore.I forgot that I gave myself to Woohyun;

I no longer live for myself.

A loud voice hits my ear drum.

I grab my ears and scowl at the sharp pain.

Even through my fingers I can hear the voice.

Whose voice is this?

The voice is deep and cruel,

And I can make out every single word it is shouting.

'You are filthy. You are dirty.

You are so wrong! Damn you, you are so wrong!You are not a man!

You're the farthest thing from being a man! And never will you be a man.

You'll always be a disgrace.'

Another cries out -

I recognize it instantly.

It is Woohyun's voice.

It is crying in retaliation to the harsher voice.

"I'm not afraid to hide the truth anymore, father! I know who I am,

And I know who I am is wrong. And if I am never enough of a man to you, so be it. I won't live in your shadow anymore.

I won't let you tell me that I am worthless and disappointing.This is who I am.

This is Nam Woohyun."

The cruel voice still yells,

But it grows fainter and fainter

Until it can no longer be heard.

Slowly my eyelids crawl open

And I see Woohyun. We are obscured by darkness;

Woohyun's skin is glowing with light.

I reach out to Woohyun;

He is so far away.

He walks up to me,

Kneels down,

And takes my hand in his.

That is when he says the words he has been too scared to say;

That is when he tells me he loves me.

I feel happy from my face to my toes.

A smile climbs onto my face and makes a home in his presence.

Woohyun smiles back at me -

He looks best when he smiles.

I cry tears of pure joy.

My tears shine through the darkness,

And they land on Woohyun's scars. As each tear drop hits his skin,

His scars disappear. Soon his skin is flawless again,

And part of the darkness gives way to light.

His body fills out as I dry my tears. Soon it looks just as it did before,

Healthy and strong and full of life.

This the way I remember Woohyun;

This is the Woohyun I love the most.

A red stain appears on Woohyun's shirt.

Woohyun looks down at the stain and then looks back to me.

He talks with his eyes,

And his eyes assure me it is okay to investigate his body.

I lean in closer

And unbutton the buttons on his shirt.

When I open the shirt,

I find his chest covered in blood.

The blood bubbles up above his heart. The blood comes from his heart,

The blood pumps through his heart -

His heart is beating again.

I laugh, loud and lively,

Full of gratitude to the gods for raising him again.

I have fulfilled my promise;

He is born again.

Woohyun puts his hand on my chest

And slowly pushes my body onto the earth. He lies down next to me and closes his eyes.

"Goodnight, Sunggyu," he says with a smile on his face.

I watch him as he breathes.