Final Chapter: Love is (1/1)

Final Chapter: Love is  Love is pain."Why does it have to hurt like this?", she whispered, her head on her sister's shoulder as they watched Minho and Sohee played by the sea shore. They were  currently in Sokcho, since Jiyoung was in a leave on his company and the family took the opportunity to bond. They hauled Yoona with them of course, it's a good way to relax her weary mind and troubled heart. And although the purpose of this vacation is to make her forget even just for a while, it didn't happened. For there she goes again, mulling over the never ending what if's and if only's inside her mind. On certain moments, she'll be blurting out a question, just like now, into which she's not really waiting to be answered, she just felt the necessity to voice it out loud. It's somewhat ironic. On how she kept on asking for questions, seeking for answers and yet she refuses to hear them because she's afraid that what she'll have won't be the ones she wanted to. It's twisted. Like life is playing a one big joke. Love is cruel.  "It hurts.. because you feel, because you love..", Sunye answered. Yoona lifted her head to face her sister, her expression a little bewildered. Either by Sunye's response or the fact that she didn't really want to hear that reason, no one has a clue. But then she had different thoughts in her mind."Unnie..", she called, and her sister wiped some fringes off her face and tucked it tenderly behind her ear as an answer. "H-How did you know.. that Jiyoung-oppa was the o-one?", she probed. That time Yoona's not sure if she's actually waiting for a reply or just wanting to say that out loud just like her previous musings. But then she decided that maybe.. it was both."Well, he was someone I couldn't imagine myself living without..""That was so stereotypical unnie.." "Well it is.. but it's true.", the older smiled at the thought. "For me that is. In some cases, that reason doesn't really apply that much. Often times, it would just make one confuse than he already is."Yoona didn't answer. It's true. How can she know it's the right one if it's with someone she could never visualize sharing her future without. She knows he will always be a part of her life. Past, present, the years to come. Always. And so is he."You see it's different. I only have Jiyoung. While you..", Sunye uttered as she grasped on her sisters hand and enclosed it in hers. "You are torn between someone who had always been there.. and someone.. whom you wished to be that one the other person is."Again. It's true. It's the harsh reality. Which is which? The person you've always had, or that one you wished was yours?"Why does it has to be so confusing?""In time you'll understand. In time, you'll know the answer.", Sunye replied yet Yoona had already flew off to her reverie. Love breaks your heart.He was late. He was being oh so enthusiastic over the fact that she had called him to meet her that he forgot the fact that he actually has a car. Instead he had run his way towards the park, where she had been waiting. He mentally scolded himself for being such a fool, he was so close on turning back to get his car but since he was already half-way there, he just filled his lungs with air and run all his might. He was still panting when he reached the park but the view compensate all the weariness he was feeling. Yoona was sitting in one of the benches, her head held a little high as she stares at the clear sky. Orange leaves from the rows of maple trees at her back danced in the wind, signifying the start of autumn. The view is breath-taking. She's breath-taking.He walked closer and that's when he noticed she had her eyes close. She looked so peaceful, and yet he couldn't help but notice how big and dark those bags were under her eyes. His expression turned into a hint of regret. And sadness. He wished he could just have all that pain all to himself.He was a bit startled when she suddenly opened her eyes. She stared at him for a bit before flashing a soft smile. Kyuhyun took it as an invitation for him to sit down.It was a quiet afternoon. There were a few children playing somewhere near and some students giggling over from what it's like was a boyband poster. Kyuhyun was basically clueless on what was ahead, on why Yoona had called him, but he was willing to wait. He wasn't in hurry anyway. Well, there will be a very important meeting with the hospital doctors later and some discussions with his new research but he guessed it can wait. Everything could wait. The only thing that matters now is this woman beside him and what she's about to say.It's been so long.Way too long.He had already stopped calling her, giving her the space she needs. Victoria wasn't insisting anymore either, but she still refused to sign the papers. He had not heard of Changmin, all he knew was that he constantly visits Minho, but he didn't know if he's on speaking terms with Yoona again. But then he decided he didn't care. Just what he had said before, all that matters now is this moment. Their moment."I was thinking..", she started and Kyuhyun was all ears at once."If I did wait for you then, will we end up together?", she muttered and Kyuhyun didn't respond. "I thought that if I did confessed to you then.. will you accept me? Will you be my husband now and not Changmin?", she asked another and though Kyuhyun wanted to answer her, he felt his tongue left him all of a sudden."What if I waited more? Would you come and have me run away with you?" Yoona smiled a little as she let a tear flow. "I've only look at you.. just you. I remember myself dreaming of the day I could finally have you.. as mine."Kyuhyun remained shut. Later on he realized that he himself was cying too."Back in the wedding hall.. I've hoped up to the last minute that you'll come. But you didn't. You didn't come after me. You never did..""And then there was Changmin.", she smiled upon the memory of her husband. "He's the best friend I could ever had."It pained Kyuhyun hearing those but he didn't have the heart to tell Yoona to stop. This conversation is starting to make him feel weak, but somehow, he thought it should continue, like there's something awaits by the end of it."When I missed you, he was there to cheer me up.", she said, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. "When I longed for comfort, he would treat me anything I want.""He was there when you're not.. He had always been there.. And I feel to selfish and disgunting for still wishing that he was you..", she sobbed, hard. She clapped a hand over her forehead as she whimpered, the man before her had been biting his bottom lip, glancing upward so as not to cry anymore."Changmin.. he had been my Superman. He protected me, took care of me, shielded me from all the hurt and pain.. loved me like no other else could.. H-he's basically all I need.. A hero. But I still looked for the prince..""I guess the reason why he cheated is partly my fault.", she concluded. "Maybe he felt that I couldn't give myself to him wholly. I hate myself. Because I've hurt him so much..He maybe cheated on me first literally.. but the truth? I've been fooling him ever since the day I agreed going out with him..""I've been awful..", she whispered. Listening to Yoona, hearing how much pain all these fucked up situations had caused with her, himself and Changmin, he could feel his chest constricting, feeling the hurt he had also went through all this time. He knew he had been at fault too and he's eager to resolve these.He looked at the distraught looking woman next to him with determination."I know. We have been awful. And we'll set things straight, by telling him the truth!", Kyuhyun countered, grabbing her hand and squeezing it quite tightly."You don't understand.. I need to set him free. It's time to let him find the happiness that I can't give.""Yes.. set him free and we..""There's no we, Kyuhyun.", she said, her eyes not tearing up anymore, but her dampen cheeks remained the same. The seriousness and sadness reflecting in her eyes scared Kyuhyun."I'll set Changmin free, you start fixing your life.. and I'll go fixing mine..""Wh-what do you..""I need to find myself.", she uttered as her eyes moistened once again. "I need to find that girl you and your bestfriend met at the noodle shop several years ago. That little girl whose life doesn't solely revolve around her fantasies. That girl who would have the courage to confess to her first love.. or to say no to her best friend. That girl who wouldn't be able to hurt others anymore.. I need to find her.. so that I could start again..""Yoona..", Kyuhyun held her hand with both of his, eyeing her desperately. "Don't.." Don't do this. Don't leave me."I have to do this. I've been loving you so much I forgot to love myself. I need to do this for me, for you, for Changmin.. for Minho.", she bit her lip upon the mention of her son. "I want to be a strong and dependable mother for him. And I could only do that if I learned standing on my own, if I could be brave enough to do what I really want to do, or say what I want to say.""It's not us, Kyuhyun..", she said, a soft smile beneath the stream of tears. "This is not our time."A sob escaped Kyuhyun's lips, as he bowed his head, his forehead touching his clasped hands where Yoona's hand was enclosed."Why does it hurt so much?", he whispered and Yoona smiled yet again. Because we feel.. because we love.Because this is real. Because this is life. Love is never having to say you're sorry.It was already late at night, Victoria packed what was left as she was leaving for New York the next day. A folder of papers laid over the table. They were all signed. She was done fighting. Not that she had given up on her husband but.. she had accept the fact that maybe, she can never make him happy. If it's just her she knew she was willing to try harder, to go for it no matter how long it takes. But with Kyuhyun's happiness at stake, she chose to give him what he wants. Never mind that she's in pain. She truly loves her husband after all.She needs to take a break. To heal the wounds and start anew. Yes, she's starting over again. Beginning her life without her husband.She laughed to herself upon realizing she was crying again. She's totally in despair. She really do needs some time to get used with the sad truth.Knowing everything's all set, she reached for a towel to shower before sleeping when the door bell rang. She frowned. Who could be visiting at this late hour? She walked towards the door and opened it, revealing the person she least expected to appear.There stood Kyuhyun.Her husband.Is he back?"Qiannie.." She was astounded on how her husband's voice broke, and that's when she noticed how wasted Kyuhyun looked like.And with that, Victoria cried. She threw her arms around her husband and shed the tears she didn't know that were still there. She thought she was done crying. She thought she was moving on. She thought it was all over."I-I'm sorry, I had nowhere else--""Sshh.", she whispered, burying her face on her husband's neck. "This is your home. T-This is our home", she murmured as she hugged him even tighter.That night, they both let themselves be consumed on the comfort of each other's arms. Love sets you free."Thanks for meeting me up.", he said, almost inaudibly as he stared at his wife. "Of course. You're still my husband after all.", she uttered, a faint but genuine smile on her face. Changmin returned the gesture, the heavy load that was there inside him slowly dissipating. It's been months since he last had a talk with her like this. He wished it'll be all well soon."Have you heard?", he asked and Yoona looked back at him, waiting for what he's about to say. "Victoria and Kyuhyun went back to New York. I've heard they're gonna start anew."Yoona bit her inner cheek with the news. She knew that, Kyuhyun had told her. For a moment she could hear her heart shattering in pieces. But this is what she had told him, right? To fix himself. This was all for the better. It's time to settle all these issues. It's time to stop hurting everyone and start all over again."Yoona.. I'm really sorry..""Don't be. If there's anyone who have to say sorry here.. It was me.", she said, fighting back the urge to cry. No. She won't cry. She'll be strong for Changmin. "I'm sorry for hurting you Changmin..""You never hurt me. Well, not in that way but.. what I'm trying to say is.. I could only love you.. therefore there's no way you could make me feel hurt. I can only love you.."Yoona felt the corner of her eyes stung, but she succeded on hiding it by beaming back to him."We'll start over again.", she declared.He dared to reach for her hand and she let him be. He thought that the toughest part was over, until he noticed that she's still not wearing their wedding ring. But Changmin didn't gave up at that. He knew he only had to try harder. If Victoria could win her partner back, and so can he."I was thinking..""We should let each other go." The statement shocked Changmin, to say the least."But, didn't you say we'll start all over?""Yes. But separately.." Yoona hated the way pain crossed over Changmin's handsome face with the news. She's doing it again. She's hurting him again."Yoona, I-I can't..""You can.. you're a strong man. It might be hard for now but you'll be okay.", she uttered, moving closer as she cupped his face. "Someday.. you're going to find that woman, who will love you the way you love her. Who would be thinking of you and just you. That woman whom you rightfully deserve Changmin-ah..""W-Why can't you be her?", he asked, helpless. Hopeless.Yoona bit her lip. She was loathing herself more and more by the minute."B-Because I can't..", she answered, wiping the tears of her beloved best friend and forever hero Changmin with her thumb. "Because you worth the best there is..""But I want you! Yoona, I want you.. I need you..", he mumbled the words over and over, whimpering and Yoona couldn't hold her tears back any longer."It'll be fine.. Y-You'll be fine.""No!""Changmin-ah.. listen to me.", she said, forcing Changmin to looked back at her since Che refused to do so."You can do it. You're strong.. and brave. Braver than me or Kyuhyun.. You'll get through this. And someday? Someday you'll find her.. and you'll look back to this day and be grateful.. because I stopped being selfish and sets you free. Find your happiness Changmin. Find the one who will truly completes you.."It was hard. Harder than they both thought it'll be. It was hard to let go. Much harder to move on.But like what Yoona said, it'll be fine. It might take long but..It'll be fine. After 5 years..Love isn't forced. It's been years since she last breathed this not so warm yet not cold either breeze of autumn. She was back, back in this place she didn't expect she'll be returning again. And what's more amazing was.. the fact that she's fine. More than fine actually.Victoria had returned to her modelling, exactly three years ago. It wasn't that easy, since she had quit the business even before her career actually blooms, but since she had the natural given talent, she gained the trust of an agency and on her first catwalk, she made the name Victoria Song the subject of all fashion sites in weeks. She had also signed various endorsements and print ads which made her quite remarkable amongst fashion enthusiast on the whole Northern America. Right now, she was venturing on making it big across Europe as she was scheduled on her first ever European shoot in Italian Vogue.Having a one-week break before the said photoshoot, she asked her manager to visit Asia, heading to one particular place who will forever hold a special spot in her heart. Seoul.And there she was now. Standing at that particular spot where she and Kyuhyun had their first date when they moved to Korea, Victoria could still remember how it all had been as if it had happened  yesterday. Everything. She could even see the vague images of her and the man on that certain coffee shop's window. Or the playful side of him when he mercilessly beat him in every archade game. She laughed to herself, never minding the fact if she's looking like a crazy person now. If she had been here, on this very same spot five years ago, reminiscing and all, she might have been crying already. She must have looked so pathetic. She must have been so depressed. But that was her five years ago. It's not the same now."Qiannie, wh--""It can't be the same Oppa. We both know it'll never be the same.", she uttered. She was close to tearing up but she held on it. She needed to say this once and for all, right now. For if she won't, she doesn't know when will be the next time she'll find the courage to do so."I love you, and I still do. That's why I'm setting you free.""What? But--"She cupped his face and drew him closer, placing a soft kiss on his lips."This.", she whispered as she pulled them slightly apart to gaze at his eyes. "This means nothing anymore, right?""N-No.. it's..""Oppa.. we can never insist something.. that wasn't there anymore.""I don't want to hurt you..", he whispered, his eyes closed, pressing his palms over her hands that was on his face. "You won't hurt me..", she muttered, biting her lips as she finally let the tears flow. She was glad Kyuhyun had his eyes close, or maybe he intended to do so, because he knows she wouldn't want him to see her cry."But you will.. if we keep on going. I don't want to be trap in a lie, in something you were doing because you think it's the right thing to do. I'd rather lose you, than be with you when I know you're not happy.""I am happy.""You're not. Your happiness doesn't lie with me. We need to stop this cycle once and for all oppa. It's time to be true to ourselves. We need to be honest.. so we can finally find our real happiness.", she explained, caressing his cheek as she let herself stare at that beautiful face for one last time."Let's be happy.", she uttered, still crying but with a smile on her face. Kyuhyun returned it, his expression the same as hers."Thank you.. thank you.."And she's happy. She perfectly is. Love lights the world. Victoria wondered where she'll be spending her tokens when she caught sight of a familiar figure. The tall, handsome man was laughing like crazy, a very good imitation of a five year old could be seen on his expression as he shoot balls on that hoop. A loud cheer followed suit as he raised both of his hands, showing a gesture of victory as a boy pouted behind him, not liking the fact that he had lose."You're unfair dad! Of course you'll win, you're a lot bigger tha