[M] Goodbye (1/1)

"What's with your parents and why do they keep wanting to see me lately??" Mino muttered under his breath. Jiho who looked nothing less stressed rose his hands. "Dude I should be asking you! What did you do, why is she here?" "Don't ask me, she's your mom!!" Mino said in a calculated breath. Jiho tsked and hurriedly took out the most decent looking mug from Mino's counter. Mino peeked at the boiling water, carefully brought it up from the stove. Despite the panic, Jiho managed to tell Mino to make his mother a cup of coffee. Which is really just a way to give him time to hide in the kitchen, think, and not faint. Mino felt his heart drop from his chest to the floor and further to the deep underground of the earth. Jiho's mother. Mino only ever saw her at his graduation, watched her from afar. Whilst thinking to himself, 'ah so that's her'. She looked nervous, was all Mino could see. He left his phone in another room, so there was no way for him to contact Seungyoon. And Jiho, being as panic as he was too, left his phone in his own room. They're a mess. Mino watched as the coffee dissipated into the water. Coloring it into pretty black. The smell filled his senses and although it's supposed to be calming, the coffee being ready only meant he'll have to see her soon. Mino gulped. A hand tapped his shoulder strongly. "Look you should make your decision right now. If this is about Seungyoon, what are you gonna do?" Jiho asked. ¯ Seungyoon watched his quiet phone during class, not being able to focus at all. The birthday surprise yesterday made him feel mixed up. What did his mom mean? Seungyoon was too scared to ask. He felt like she was talking about him being who he is. But if Seungyoon was to bring it up, it might be a mistake and his mom will be erratic again. So he simply looked at her in the eye, questioning. But she only smiled. And let his dad drop the topic altogether. Was so weird, Seungyoon kept telling himself. He wondered if something happened between the two of them. The professor coughed and Seungyoon thought it was a warning but seemed like he was genuinely not feeling well. Still, he covered his phone with a book and tried to focus. ¯ Mino put down the mug with shaky hands. So damn embarrassing but he couldn't help it. His heart was running faster than his mind. Seungyoon's mom watched his every move, every glance. Mino backed away and sat on the chair awkwardly. Jiho sat on another chair, eyeing his mother suspiciously. After a few seconds of staring, she finally let Mino breathe by looking away to Jiho. "Jiho, you should go back to your own dorm." She said. Jiho was a beat late to widen his eyes and asked in disbelief. While Mino's lips hung open in horror. "What?" Jiho asked. "Go to your room and wash those remaining clothes before I come back." She commanded with a smile. Jiho looked at Mino and back to his mom. "I can wash that late--" "Woo Jiho go and wash your underwear." She demanded strictly. "Yes, ma’am." Mino glared at Jiho’s quick loss, but Jiho only shrugged. The full name-calling came out, he had to say yes. That's how the world works. So Jiho left the dorm as Mino watched him in misery. Mino looked back to the still fuming cup of coffee, hands clasped together. She took the cup quietly, blowing on it. “How is your study going?” She asked, amidst the awkwardness.  "It's going well... auntie." Mino answered without missing a beat, though hesitating at the last word. She hummed and sipped on the coffee.  The coffee was way too sweet she winced a bit. The boy probably never made it with sugar before, she thought. She took glances towards the boy. Found the piercings on his ear. Messy shirt, splashes of paint here and there. Some more on his own skin. Does this boy even shower, she wondered? Well, the room smelt somewhat nice despite the mess, so she reckoned the boy is probably clean. Just very, very messy.  “And your parents? How are they doing?” she asked. She came with a resolution in her heart but it was not as easy to pull out as she thought. Hence the random harmless questions like you'd hear in awkward family meetings.  "They're.. healthy, auntie." Mino answered.  The hesitance made her squint her eyes. She assumed the boy to be a naughty, distant son right away. But then she looked around the dorm room and spotted a frame of his family picture. So she raised her standards and made other reasonings just to support her belief. Then she spotted a board filled with timetables and notes she couldn’t really read. And another pic of his parents, printed and pinned above all the mess. With a note attached under it, saying :  ‘DO WELL FOR MOM AND DAD!’  Her heart wavered.  "Jiho— is he hanging out with good people? I trust my son, but I can't help but be worried about people in a foreign city," she said.  "Ah don't worry, auntie. Jiho always sticks to his principle, so no matter how people around him try to get him doing bad things, he won't." Mino said surely. And she didn't know why, but his words sounded so sure and convincing. Her heart just... Leaned to his promises.  But then she realized that this attitude might be why Seungyoon fell for him. She hardened her heart and sighed as she put down her cup.  “Mino, you must be taken aback, seeing me here all of a sudden." She said. Mino's face turned firm. "And I assume you know my stand on you and Seungyoon’s... thing.”  Mino flinched. His heart went mad and every brain cell in his head running around, ready to form words and reasons. She gulped, hands grabbing on her purse tightly. Was she nervous too, Mino thought?   “Listen, I’m just...” she sighed “I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t understand this thing you both have. And I’ve gotten all the explanation, all the reasoning that says this is normal. It’s just how it is sometimes but—“  Mino felt a knife was floating in front of him, ready to slit his heart open. He sat quietly and obediently.  “Mino I'm not young anymore. I'm more than twice your age and this is just... not how it is, it's never been like this. If anything, I grew up being told that defying the society's norm will do nothing but hurt me. And just... imagine the way my head wrapped up around the fact that my son is like this.” She said, her voice quavering.  Mino kept his eyes down, letting the words rain on him. He promised himself to endure. Anything.  “But... These days.. I don't know anymore. Right and wrong have been so blurry." She looked down at her lap, lips tight.   "I'm sorry. I’m actually not here to talk. I’ve talked enough.” She said. Mino looked up in surprise. Finding her still looking down.  “I’m here to listen.” She said.  ¯ Jiho sprinted to his dorm room, one floor below Mino’s. He quickly took his phone from his bed and typed real quick. Jiho 14.03-Seungyoon, where r u answer asap Seungyoon didn’t answer immediately and under the suspense, Jiho texted Eunji. Jiho  14.06-URGENT where you at???  Jiho sat on the edge of his bed, licking his lips and running his hand past his hair. The way his phone stayed still in silence made him wanna run to Seoul and drag Seungyoon here. He just hoped Seungyoon is not in class or is having an important quiz today because this will wreck him. A ding. Jiho took it quickly.  Eunji 14.07-Home why????? Jiho took a deep breath and sigh. Finally, someone to tell. Jiho 14.07-My mom is here, he’s talking to Mino Eunji 14.07-???????????FUCK Jiho 14.07-exactly  ¯ Mino’s mouth open and close like a fish out of water. He imagined talking to her—Well, to be perfectly honest, ranting at her—but when the chance came he’s nothing but an empty shell. Soul left his body to find protection. Mino closed his eyes a beat linger than a usual blink and licked his lips. “I’m sorry... I...” He took a deep breath and exhaled quietly "Um... I'm honestly.. very surprised about this visit so..” Mino scratched the back of his hand that wasn’t at all itchy. “May I know... the reason for this?" Reason. Yes. She couldn’t have just woke up one morning and decided to see the boy she probably hated the most in the whole world. Mino built courage just enough to look at her in the eye and stay. She looked up at Mino and frowned. Mino got scared. “Why? Are you having doubts about your relationship with my son?” she asked, unsatisfied with the way Mino didn't answer right away. “No.” Mino answered. Quickly and without a doubt, it caught her off guard. “I’m sure about myself. And Seungyoon. But...” Mino gulped “I’m sorry to say that I understand pretty well that you’re very much opposing us. And this.. moment—“ Mino gestured at the room absent-mindedly. She took a deep breath while Mino struggled to utter the right words. “Is just too sudden. And I feel like—“ “I saw you. You came to visit Seungyoon on his birthday, did you not?” she shot back. Boom. The growing confidence Mino tried to build popped like a thin cheap birthday balloon. Mino looked away, to the wall with absolutely nothing to see. He opened his mouth to say some insignificant words but she beat him into it. “It’s alright.” She said. Kindly, almost. Far from the arrogant, selfish image Mino had always drawn her to be. Mino looked back at her with worried eyes. She looked down at her hand, clasped them together in modesty. Mino felt like he’s sitting in front of a queen who put down her crown. Vulnerable and humbled. Mino felt... almost guilty.  “Just give me a piece of your point of view. I kept looking at you both as an outsider. But I’m a mother and I’m trying to be one. At this point I...” Her voice almost broke and she took a second to breathe “I just want to understand my son. That’s it. Whatever choice I made after this, Song Mino, will come from a neutral head."  The room felt different at that point. Better or worse, Mino couldn’t tell just yet. But he decided to push away any ill thoughts and see her not as the woman he used to hate. But simply as the person sitting in front of him that very second. A mother. ¯ The lecture spent every single one of Seungyoon’s ability to process. Probably the heaviest topic he’s had so far. Seungyoon massaged his temple and sighed. He put all his books away to his bag and took his hidden phone without checking it at all. Too tired. Seungyoon walked out of class with a hint of relief, knowing that’s the only class for the day. The week is actually pretty relaxed, reports wise. But damn the classes were not helping. Seungyoon imagined menus in his head, thinking about what he should get for dinner. Maybe something good, using the birthday allowance he got from his aunties. Seungyoon smiled to himself, thinking about good stuff already.  “Kang Seungyoon!!” a familiar voice called on him. Seungyoon turned his head to find Chanhyuk with a heap of paper and book on his arm.  "Huh?" Seungyoon frowned. First of all, what was he even doing on that part of the faculty? His building is on the other side. He ran towards Seungyoon, messy and with much difficulty. When he reached Seungyoon, he naturally shoved everything to his chest.  “My brother, my soulmate, my companion! Will you take these project documents to our shared dorm room in the name of our time together??” he said, dramatically.  “Wha—What?” Seungyoon blinked his eyes numerous times, the weight of the books and random papers dropped on his arms.  “Wow thank you so much, I knew I can count on you! See, I got this study group like RIGHT NOW so yeah thanks for taking these! And I won’t be back until tomorrow morning, okay!!" he winked and Seungyoon couldn't even process anymore.  “Oh!! And please take this sunbae with you, he’s bringing the project documents too!!” Chanhyuk turned his head and acted as if he was looking for someone until he waved at a direction.  “Matthew Hyung!” He called. The name rang a bell in Seungyoon’s mind and he squinted his eyes to see the guy. Before Seungyoon could even register his looks, Chanhyuk left him and ran to him. Seungyoon called out for Chanhyuk but he was ignored easily. Seungyoon had to squat down and tidied the heap of books on his hold, huffing tiredly. Just before he managed to take all the weight to his arms, a shadow loomed over him and the books under. Seungyoon looked up expecting Chanhyuk to be there smiling like the usual piece of annoying hell he is, but he found someone way too tall. And too big to be Chanhyuk. The shadow squatted down to Seungyoon’s eye level and smiled.  “Hey.” He said, “Kang Seungyoon, right?”  Deep voice, masculine face, shoulder probably twice Seungyoon’s width. He was charming and Seungyoon felt a light blush at the way he smiled and stood rather too close. “I don’t know if Chanhyuk made the introduction yet, but I’m Matt. From Business Faculty.” He said as he picked up most of the book Seungyoon piled neatly so easily. As if it was just a pile of tissue.  Matt?  Oh. Matthew.... Matt. The... 'are you single' Matt. Right. Seungyoon felt his heart climbed up the speed limit.  “Ah, yes. Hello Sunbaenim,” Seungyoon said softly.  He rose up to his feet and Seungyoon followed, no Chanhyuk to be found. Seungyoon gulped and looked up at the man in front of him, more than half the pile of books on his hold. The small number of books left on Seungyoon’s arm was so light. Seungyoon couldn’t ignore but realize how big that guy’s hand is.    “Chanyuk said you need help bringing this.” He asked, already carrying the books. Seungyoon bit the inside of his cheek, feeling small.  “It’s okay, Sunbaenim! I can bring these myself.” Seungyoon said. Mentally cursing Chanhyuk for the sudden request. And what kind of freshman ask for a senior’s help carrying their books??  “Nah, it’s fine. It’s mine and Chanhyuk’s work for our club project, I’ll help you out. I gotta put this extra material in his place anyway.” He said relaxedly.  Seungyoon answered a beat too late but he welcomed the help nonetheless. No reason to say no, were there?  “You’re from Medical, right?” He asked along the way.  “Yes. First-year." Seungyoon said, "How did you know Chanhyuk, sunbaenim?”  “Spanish Cultural Club. We’re both in the language department and because of this upcoming project, we’re basically seeing each other everyday.” He answered.  “Ahh.. I see.” "Ah. Okay... Hyung.""Oh and please, just Matt is fine. Or hyung if you feel uncomfortable." He smiled.“Not curious about how I know you?” He asked. Seungyoon gulped. He peeked to the side, finding Matt’s eyes on him. “You… know me?” Seungyoon chuckled. Matt smiled. “I know Chanhyuk told you about me. And yeah, of course I know you.” Seungyoon thought he could just ignore this very guy asked Chanhyuk if he’s single. But with the man right beside him, being very open about it Seungyoon physically couldn't.  “Well, you were just walking past the main hall with Chanhyuk and I thought you were cute. “    90bpm   "So. Thought I'd try to hit you up somehow."  Heck. Seungyoon laughed awkwardly, looking away and hoping his reed cheek would pass as being tired of carrying the book.  They reached the dorm room not too long, and Seungyoon let Matt in. He put the books down and Seungyoon offered a drink out of politeness.  “Nah, it’s fine. I’ve bugged you enough for a first encounter.” Matt said. “Bugged? You helped me carry those books, what are you saying?” Seungyoon chuckled. Matt kept his gaze on Seungyoon calmly, hands on his pocket. Seungyoon felt nervous at the intense gaze and gulped. “You can’t really think that’s what it’s all about.” Matt said, smiling. Seungyoon looked around the room, arms folded in front of his chest. “Well.... what else should I think?” Seungyoon asked timidly. “I'm about to ask for your number so I can ask you out for a movie next weekend. I think that's...clear enough?” A skip of a heartbeat. “Oh. Oh...” Seungyoon mumbled. Matt chuckled. “Look, sorry if I’m being way too fast I’m just not the type to make hints and all that. I’d rather tell you what I’m tryna do and get a straight answer if I have a chance or not. And... I’d do it myself but Chanhyuk just has cupid as his side job I guess, so here I am. Awkward and weird." Seungyoon felt lightheaded. It was a confession, right? Like ok fine, it's just a date offer but still. Maybe not a straight forward ‘date me’ kind but it's a confession of attraction? And Seungyoon frankly couldn’t handle. He’s only ever got one of it his whole life.  Only one.  “Well?” Matt asked, bursting his bubble of thoughts. Seungyoon almost jumped.  “Dude, I’m so sorry if you turned out to be straight though," He said, trying to make sure he's not hitting the wrong spot. “No. No. I’m... I’m not.” Seungyoon abruptly said. He didn’t plan the coming out at all. Hell, even the issue with his mother was not resolved yet why would he come out to anyone at that point? But he did, for some reason. And it felt good, admitting it to someone who's not related to the issue back home. It's like Matt is from a different world and Seungyoon is free to do what he wanted. “I’m just...” But something was on his chest. On his mind. It's a whole different city, a whole different phase of life. But Seungyoon realized clearly there are things from his messed up home life that he doesn't want to leave. And it's him. Even then, it still gotta be him. "Sorry. I can't. I'm currently with someone else."  ¯  By Eunji’s order, Jiho crept his way back to Mino’s dorm room and stuck his ear to the door. He frowned, hearing barely anything.  Inside, the workers of Mino’s brain started to run around gathering words, bravery, and self-assurance. At first, he thought about saying a piece of his mind, about how she should stop hurting Seungyoon with her words and whatnot. But he tried to be fair and be on her side. Just this once.   “I’m as confused as you are at first." Mino shrugged "I mean, of course, you'd see how it's always men and women since forever. And when I was so scared to admit it at first, it felt like I was a broken kid. A bad product." She couldn't help but imagine if Seungyoon felt that too. "But I'm lucky to have friends around me who just don't care about it. For them, it's the most unimportant thing." Mino smiled "I remember them saying, as long as I still play Mario Kart well, I'm still in the gang." She smiled. Despite the heavyweight the story held. "Right after I accept myself, life is just so much easier. Breathing is easy, then." "Was Seungyoon... Like that too?" She asked. "Like what?" "His friends... He found people who are okay with it?" "Of course." Mino nodded "I mean, young people these days, we're okay with it. We understand. Most of the times, it's the older generation who doesn't because it's less known back then. People don't openly talk and discuss it as we do now. And yeah, it's not surprising. We get it." Get it. She never thought in these time and day, it's young people who had to 'understand' and tolerate the older people. Then who will help them? Protect them? She suddenly felt how the younger people felt lonelier than they look. They're on their own, in a time of transition. "And Seungyoon... loves you very much." Mino blurted out of the blue. She flinched, barely noticeable. “He could drop anything if you told him to. And honestly,” Mino smiled bitterly “I was upset about that. I found out I was nowhere near his number one priority. Well, I was a kid back then though, and now I know it was wrong to get be upset about it. Seungyoon was...” Mino took a deep breath, looking down at the coffee table. “Seungyoon was right to break up with me for you. You’re his mother after all.” She frowned at the words. “You two broke up?” she asked. “Right after you got sick. And we cut off all sort of contact. Not even through Jiho.” “But.. a few days ago...” she mumbled. “Ah.. well... I got back during Christmas. And I met him. And well...” Mino tried to make sure he doesn’t say things no parents should know about that night. “We.. talked and... decided to be friends and stay in contact. Because,” Mino chuckled sadly “We were both not doing so good after the breakup." She looked sad and uncomfortable but she wouldn’t interrupt. She had to finish the convo and she knew it. “I was just visiting him that day. Because it was his birthday. That’s it.” Mino said, almost felt like defending himself. But it was true. He came as a friend in mind. How it felt like in his heart was out of his control. She smiled bitterly “He seemed happy.” Mino wanted to agree but he kept quiet instead. “Mino, I’m sorry if my words hurt you. But all this time, I simply had one worry in my mind.” She said, looking up at Mino with serious eyes “Other people... you know... are they talking about you? Discriminate you?” Mino shrugged. “Well, sure some people would act like that. Someone I know who is publicly gay gets shunned and whispered about by a group of people. There will always be people like that.” Her expression hardened and Mino didn’t regret his words. What’s the use of sugar coating? She was there to lay everything bare. “But it’s not something I can change. This is not some ‘bad influence’, or a ‘phase’, or confusion. I’m not a kid anymore, I know clearly what I want. This is just who I am. And for me, if I were to hide or suppress it my whole life just to please some people I don’t even know nor care about... what’s the point of living anymore?” She gripped on her purse so tight. Something inside her stirred. Mino looked up to her, straight to her eyes. She realized calling him a ‘boy’ is just wrong at this point. She was not talking to a child anymore. “We’re not hurting anyone. We just want to be together. Like every other people wanting to spend their days with the person they feel happy with. That’s it. That’s really just it.” She took a deep breath and looked down to her lap. It was so simple. How could she have missed it, she thought. “The world is bigger than you think. And the number of people who will try and separate you just because they think they have the right.. will be everywhere. What will you do?” she asked.   Mino looked down to his lap.   “I have my mom.” He said.  And she could feel the sound of her own heart cracking and bleeding.  “She told me that it doesn’t matter if the world hates me. She said her love is bigger than the whole world trying to fight me. And so... I think,” Mino had to stop his own trembling voice. Remembering his mother and the way she didn’t waver at his confession always made him fall apart.   “With her by my side, I know I’ll be alright.”  Outside, Jiho sat on the floor with his head hanging. He smiled bitterly, holding his phone with both hands and he left the spot while texting Eunji.   ¯  I’m currently.. with someone else  Seungyoon chuckled to himself.   “With someone else... Really?” Seungyoon whispered.    Matt looked a bit surprised but smiled his way anyway. “Ah... I see. Alright then, sorry for fussing you.” “No! No, I wasn't.. bothered. Just... Sorry." Matt chuckled, “Don’t be.” Seungyoon smiled at his easygoing answer and felt less guilty about the whole thing. “Well, taken or not you’re still cute. So if you decide to kick the dude’s ass out of the picture, hit me up.” He said.  Somehow, he didn’t really feel like getting his phone. He kinda liked the quiet of not checking for notifications. After Matt left, he sat on the couch of their living room and sighed.  “With someone else...” Seungyoon mumbled.  Technically, they’re not together anymore. Seungyoon was allowed to open a door for Matt. Or anyone, really. Yet the moment Matt knocked on his door, Seungyoon didn’t think twice before addressing the fact he belonged to someone. To that man. But the moment Matt left the door, Seungyoon realized he was really alone. Mino is... Mino is not around. Not that way. Seungyoon hugged his knees and rested his forehead on it. Sighing tiredly. He's got college, friends, roommate, mom, dad— but why is it so lonely nonetheless? Seungyoon thought he was slowly filling the hole Mino left bare with other people. And yes, he did. His heart is now left with only small cracks here and there, places that were supposedly Mino's. Yet how come the small cracks felt as bare as the dark empty hole anyway? It's getting dark. Seungyoon felt hungry. But he had no appetite anymore, he just wanted to sleep. Seungyoon really wished he could ignore his phone until tomorrow. But sometimes they get surprise morning classes and he really can't afford to miss any. Or assignments he forgot to do. Or just... urgent calls. Chanhyuk kind of urgent or other serious kinds of urgent. Seungyoon sighed and opened it anyway.  And Seungyoon felt betrayed by the calm, looking at the number of messages and missed calls on his screen that got him panicking almost immediately. His jaw dropped and he quickly opened his phone. Very much scared to read what's coming. "Jiho. Mino. Eunji too? Fuck." Seungyoon muttered. He's got his mom on his mind. did something happen? Prayers flowed past his lips immediately, eyes almost teary. He would usually open Jiho's messages first. But Mino's last message appealed to him like a warm tea. Calming. Mino 18.42-It's alright, call me when you can.  Seungyoon opened his messages first and he took a sharp intake of breath at the message string.   Mino 18.36-Seungyoon, your mom came to my place. Mino 18.39-We need to talk. Are you home yet? You haven’t answered Jiho’s texts yet.  Seungyoon felt nauseous and dizzy. His heart raced, trying to escape his body.  Mino 18.40-Everything’s alright now.   Mino 18.41-I love you  “What—“  A ring. ‘Mom’ popped up on his screen. Seungyoon would usually pick up the call right away. But he froze. He didn’t know what was going on yet, should he reject the call first?   Mino 18.41-I love you  Seungyoon picked up the call, hands shaky.  "Hello?" Seungyoon said. Voice unmistakenly staggered.   “Seungyoon-ah? Are you home?”  “Yes, mom. What’s wrong?” "Ah... Nothing. Seungyoon-ah, mom is..." She took a deep breath and Seungyoon felt like something is in his airway. Seungyoon’s hand formed a fist without realizing.  "Mom is on a train. I went to Seoul to see Jiho. And I suddenly wanted to... hear your voice." She chuckled. It felt fake.  “Seungyoon-ah, I don’t think I’ve ever told you this... But a week after you were born, the family was.. in a pretty bad condition. And I was so sad, I took you to a train ride to Seoul.”  Seungyoon frowned. He slowly put the call on speaker so he could see the phone screen and chats again.  “All the way, I’ve thought about separating with your dad. It was too much. But along the way, you kept looking at me not crying nor sleeping at all. You just... looked at me with you small clear eyes.”  Seungyoon opened Jiho chatroom.  Jiho 14.03-Seungyoon, where r u answer asap Jiho 14.08-Seungyoon, mom is here. She’s talking to Mino. Jiho 14.17-Seungyoon, I think mom saw him at your place yesterday TT Jiho 16.55-Seungyoon, you should call Mino  Seungyoon closed the chatroom and gulped.  ”And somewhere along the way... Your eyes made mom realized that I need to be strong. For you. I love you so much and I need to protect you from anything. From anyone who will hurt you in any way.”  Seungyoon opened Eunji’s chatroom next.  Eunji 14.09-Seungyoon. It’s okay. Everything will okay, alright?? Eunji 15.05-No matter what, you can tell me. I will help you with anything! Never hesitate to call me, okay?? Eunji 15.35-You’re my bestfriend. I love you. Eunji 16.45-Seungyoon call Mino ASAP!   Seungyoon’s hold on his phone tightened.  “Seungyoon-ah, I’m so happy to see you all grown up. And Mom just want to apologize.. for everything I’ve done that might’ve hurt you. Alright?”  “Mom, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.” Seungyoon said in tense. In the fast rumbling train, she gazed towards the fast passing scenery. Her eyes looked distant and empty.  "Seungyoon-ah... Do you really like that boy so much?" she asked. Voice so soft and almost unheard. But Seungyoon's focus was on her and only on her voice that he caught every word perfectly. Seungyoon gulped. His gaze dropped at the floor and his breathing quickened. He failed to say a word.  "Seungyoon-ah... Mom doesn't know what to do anymore." She sighed "I want you to be happy, I really do. I don't know if letting you do what you want is truly the right thing. But, at the same time.." She chuckled sadly. “Seungyoon... It’s just never that easy.”  Seungyoon felt like a tear is coming but he held it in. He wanted to stand his ground. Now or never.  “Seungyoon-ah, what do you want me to do?” she asked.     “I just want you to love me.” Seungyoon whispered.  “Baby... please...” her voice shook “I love you. So much... how can you not know?”  “I don’t know, mom. I don’t know what to think.” Seungyoon mumbled.  She sniffled and Seungyoon felt guilt creeping up to his chest, making it hard to breathe.  “Sometimes I feel like... I have all the love in the world, all from you. But then I also felt like... I’m not enough for you. I can’t just be what I am, I have to shape myself to make your life better. And it made me feel so guilty.” Seungyoon begged his voice to stay steady. But the tear slipping out and the tremble in his chest make it all too hard.  “Mom, I’m so sorry. But I just can’t be what you want. I feel so—“ Seungyoon choked “I can’t go on like this mom, I’m so sorry.”  Seungyoon cried. For a few seconds, his mother apologizes and pleas were a blur to him. He felt so naked and exposed.   “Seungyoon... please...” Her sobs sniffled but what seemed to be cloth above her lips. Seungyoon covered his eyes with the palm of his hands, trying to stop the tears and the upcoming headache.  "Baby, just give time. Alright? I'll sort this out. And you... Please think this up well, okay? I'll call you, soon. Please just... take care, baby. I love you."  The moment she finished the call, Seungyoon dialed Mino’s number. He answered quickly only to hear Seungyoon sobbing. Desperately trying to calm the distressed boy.  “What am I doing?” Seungyoon cried.  "It's alright... Seungyoon, calm down..."  “What did she say to you? What did she want?”  Mino hesitated. He licked his lips, finger massaging his temple. “Mino... tell me.” He urged “What did she say?” “Listen, I’ll handle it okay? We’re so close, we’ll get her to understand. Just... let me handle this.” Mino assured.  “What? No, why are you being like this? Tell me what she said!” Seungyoon raised his voice. He didn’t know why he got so on edge and frustrated. In the back of his head, he knew he’ll regret the way he talked.  “Seungyoon, calm down.” Mino said, a notch colder than he would’ve. “Then tell me! Stop making this harder than it already is!”    Mino sighed. Tired. Headache.   “Look, sort yourself and call me back. I really can’t handle this right now.”  The moment Mino cut off the phone call, Seungyoon felt the world shut him off. It got so damn quiet. He almost wanted to call him back right away, apologize and beg him to keep talking just because it felt so quiet. So damn quiet it's deafening.   Eunji 22.34-Oh, dear...  Seungyoon 22.34-It’s my fault. Eunji 22.35-I won’t say it’s not. Seungyoon 22.35-I’ll call him tomorrow Eunji 22.36-Seungyoon-He’s leaving tomorrow Seungyoon 22.37-What??-Where?  ¯  “Please tell him to answer my call,” Seungyoon said. Jiho sighed on the other side of the line.  “I’ve tried, a thousand times. He said he’ll call you after.”  "It will be too late after," Seungyoon whined.  “I know, I know. But... I dunno, Seungyoon, maybe he knows what he’s doing. I mean, his mom knows so maybe?” Jiho said. Seungyoon laid on his bed, eyes puffy with zero sleep.  Chanhyuk knocked on his bedroom door and Seungyoon turned to look at him.  "Don't you have class?" he asked. Seungyoon sighed. He got up from the bed but the world spun right away.  “Uh.. fuck.. no, I can’t even walk...” Seungyoon grumbled.  “Crap.. you got meds?” Chanhyuk quickly looked around.  "Yea yea, it's ok... I'll just... skip it today." "Okay.. just... hit me up if you need a doctor yea? I'll pick you up." Chanhyuk said. “Yeah. Thanks.”  Chanhyuk left for the day and Seungyoon slowly let his head fall and rest. He took his phone back to his ears and the other line was also quiet.  “Hyung... this isn’t right. If he... If he wanted to do it, I don’t want it to be for me. What should I do?” Seungyoon mumbled.  "Okay, but he want it, Seungyoon."  “What if he’s just confused? What if he’s just... I dunno, pushed to this? I don’t want him to get hurt. And all.. because of...”  Seungyoon sighed.  Me.  ¯  Mino’s hands were cold. It’s dark outside. And his mother looked so scared. Mino was rambling, he didn’t know how it would sound from his father’s ear but all he knew was that the message was loud and clear.   And his father left the room.   ¯   Seungyoon was close to tears when he finally called.   “Hello?” “Hey,” Mino said.  Seungyoon bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath before saying anything.  “I’m so sorry.” Seungyoon whispered.   “It’s alright. I’m sorry too.”  "I shouldn't have been like that to you. You're having a hard time."  “It’s okay. I was wrong too. We were...” Mino exhaled tiredly “Both on edge. And angry. And... so many things.”   Seungyoon hugged his knees closer to his chest.   “I love you.”   “I love you too.” Mino answered. It was a smile you can hear and Seungyoon melted.  “Where are you?” Seungyoon asked.  "On my way back to Seoul. In a bus." Mino said. His voice got sad. Just a pint, no one other than Seungyoon could've told. They spent a while in silence. Both at loss of the situation. It would take a sentence to know, but the sentence needed so much from both of them. Seungyoon took a deep breath and braced himself.   “How was it?” Seungyoon asked.   A soft, sad chuckle.  Mino wiped his eyes.   “He... uh...” Mino licked his lips “He didn’t say a thing and.. left to the bedroom.”   Seungyoon covered his mouth. He shut his eyes and the budding tear.  “I’m so sorry.” He whispered.  “It’s alright.” Mino smiled.  “I know it’s not.”  Mino looked down at his lap. The backpack by his side in the half-empty night bus the only witness to his pitiful, dejected back.  “I’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.” Mino said. More to himself, than to Seungyoon.   “I love you, so so much.” Seungyoon said. And Mino suddenly wanted to cry. His lips trembling and eyes blurry.  “I’ll be with you no matter what. I won’t leave you as long as you let me by your side.” Seungyoon said.  Mino took a while before answering. Toughening his chest and his voice just to answer a faint and soft,  “Okay.”  ¯  She saw anger. A mother’s anger.  She let her in and was not surprised to hear her introduction.  “I am Song Mino’s mother.”  She took a deep breath and nodded.  “I see. I am Kang Seungyoon’s mother.” “I know.”  She let her in and even the steps she took felt angry. She was about to make her a cup of tea at least, but she sat on the couch and spoke a piece of her mind right away.  “You may drop the unnecessary politeness. I’m not here to please you on your stock of tea.”  She sighed and walked over to sit on the other side of the couch.  “What do you want?” She asked.  Mino’s mother looked almost offended by the question.  “Want? Do you think I’m here to beg for your help?” she cackled.  Seungyoon’s mother looked away, not wanting to hear an angry rant.  “Am I really talking to a mother right now?”  Seungyoon’s mother looked back at her with new found anger in herself, as if an exact button was pushed to make her flood. “You’re a woman, you know better than to judge other woman’s principle on motherhood.” Seungyoon’s mother said.  "Stop your nonsense. You think I would give even the smallest time to think about you after seeing what my son had gone through last night?" she answered, tone raising every word.  A little shaken, yet Seungyoon’s mother kept her stance and stoic face.  “How dare you pushed him to come out to his father, just to please you and your damn principles! And for what? To be able to see your son, hours away without you screaming at their faces?” Mino’s mother nearly shouted, "He's a child!"  “But he is not. He is a college student, an adult. I simply asked him to admit and take control of the situation he put my son into rather than leaving my son to struggle on his own—“  "Exactly what bullshit are you spouting to me right now? Struggle on his own? You are the one putting struggles on your son’s back!” Mino’s mother cursed. It got Seungyoon’s mother shutting her mouth efficiently.  "Our sons like each other. Now tell me, what on earth is bothering you so much other than your goddamn neighbor's judgment? Because if that’s what’s been making you torture your son and mine, I am really close to slapping your pretty face.”  Seungyoon’s mother rose up from her seat, angry and fuming. She never felt so violated in her own house before.  “I did not let you in to hear your insults and threats, Mrs. Song. I have stated my stance to your son and he understood it very well. How your husband accepted his confession is out of my control!” She said, failing to control her own temper.  Mino’s mother rose from the couch as well, nothing less angry than when she rang the bell.  "You need to stop this. You need to be a mother, Mrs. Kang. A mother for Seungyoon, not a mother the society asked you to be. Because society is not your son, Seungyoon is."  “And what made you so sure you will be enough protection, letting Mino live like that? You think the world is only about you and your son? Even your husband couldn’t take it!” She spat back.  “My husband will understand!” Mino’s mother struggled.  “Then why are you here, Mrs. Song? Answer me. Than rather be at home, telling your son how much you can accept him, together with your husband? Exactly, because your husband didn't! How can you not understand I am simply showing your son the fact he’ll have to admit, the world is not only about you and it never will be!!” She shouted.   ¯  "Does your father know?" She asked Mino. And Mino flinched. "No. He doesn't yet." "Why not?" "I'm--" "Are you scared?" Mino felt cornered. She read his mind. "Mino, it's hard for me to believe you'll care for my son as you're trying to convince me when you can't even keep your father on your side." She said.  Mino felt so lost. He was losing the fight and he wanted to run from her. Run where she couldn't see him. "You're a child after all." She mumbled. "Then I'll tell him. Is that what you want? You want my dad to know? Fine. I'll tell him." Mino said out of spite. She looked away from Mino, the lines under her tired eyes looking prominent. "He is but one person, Mino. But if that's the range you can reach, for now, go ahead. If your father can't accept this, I hope you can learn more of my words and concern. And do the right thing."  ¯  Seungyoon’s mother didn’t call him since that day. Seungyoon kept talking to Mino everyday. But sometimes he felt like he’s losing the man. Slowly slipping out of his embrace.  “Mino, can I come over this weekend?” Seungyoon asked over a phone call.  "Come over? To Seoul?"  "Yeah... sleepover at your place, I'll leave on Sunday?" Seungyoon said hesitantly. Afraid he’d actually say no. But he didn't. And for the first time of the week, things felt mildly alright. A day before the weekend, Mino called him late at night just to cry. He said he's sorry. He said he should've been there with Seungyoon when hos mom rejected him. And Seungyoon used all the words he knew to tell him it's alright.  Everything will be alright.   ¯   Seungyoon arrived around 2 AM on Saturday morning. Mino picked him up at the bus station next to his dorm and they smiled to each other wide and sincere. They walked the path to Mino's dorm quietly. Hands barely brushing each other. In front of Mino's dorm room, Seungyoon asked how about his roommate. Mino kicked him out for the weekend. Seungyoon stifled his laughter. Once they're in, the dorm dark except for the night lights from outside the window, Mino felt secure. Hidden. Safe. Mino pushed Seungyoon's heavy bag down to the floor and hugged him as his life depended on it. Like if he didn't he'll disappear with the shadows of his room. Seungyoon sighed at the tight hold, not at all uncomfortable. Mino's arms around his back and waist and his hands on his shoulder and the back of his neck. Mino snuggled his nose to the curve between his neck and his shoulder, inhaling his scent.   “I miss you.” Mino whispered. Like someone would hear them. And it’s a secret.  “I miss you more.” Seungyoon hummed.  Mino insisted Seungyoon don't shower so late at night and tell him just to change into Mino's shirt and sleep some more before the sun comes up. Seungyoon did what he asked. And soon, they're on Mino's bed. Mino laying his head on Seungyoon's chest, hands holding him by the waist as if Seungyoon might slip and escape when he sleeps. Seungyoon stroked his hair slowly to lull him to sleep. Mino hasn't been sleeping right these days. So did Seungyoon. Hearing Mino's breathing even out after time, and his soft snores rumbling against his chest, made Seungyoon finally feel the want to sleep. When they woke up, it was from Jiho knocking on the door. Seungyoon abruptly woke up from the sheer image of his brother seeing them cuddle on the bed. Seungyoon swiftly let go of Mino's hold and walked to the door. He opened the door with squinting eyes and Jiho looking nervous.  “Hey hyung!” Seungyoon said, smiling despite the heavy sleepiness. “Thank god you’re not naked...” he mumbled. Seungyoon gave him a look and Jiho chuckled. Jiho came with plastic full of breakfast.  “Eunji is coming, by the way.”  Seungyoon’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, mouth full of food. "Really??" Seungyoon said past the food. Mino looked up at his happy puffy round face and smiled as he swiped stray ketchup from the side of his lips. Mino realized Jiho was watching him with deadly eyes when he was sucking the ketchup on his finger. Mino gulped.  "So like, let's go together to the amusement park! Right?” Mino quickly tried to divert the situation. Seungyoon looked down at his food, chuckling because Eunji is coming and also Mino almost getting butchered.   Eunji has always been the sunshine. Her mere existence with them that day lifted the mood like nothing else could. Seungyoon laughed harder than he did for a while. Mino too, and it was all that mattered for Seungyoon. Seeing him broken to pieces for the last few weeks got him feeling like a monster.  At some point, Eunji and Seungyoon went separately to get ice cream, just the two of them. And Eunji tugged on his arm.  “You holding on okay?” she asked.  “Yeah.” Seungyoon smiled “Mino though, I’m not sure.” “Was it... that bad?” Eunji asked. “It was bad because he was left in silence. It’s worse than a shout. It made him feel... abandoned.”  After a series of roller coasters, haunted house, teacup ride, and space ship simulator, they went to the huge maze. Just like in ‘The Shining'. They could only go in couples of two, so the separation plan was obvious. In the seemingly empty maze, Mino took Seungyoon's hand. And Seungyoon felt the way his heart race. Just like school days. They walked around the maze, trying to accentuate any difference that could help them.  “This! I marked this weird looking branch before... we’ve been here then—“ Seungyoon protested in frustration. They wouldn't get lost, after 30 minutes if they couldn't get out of there, a guide will come and get them out. But Seungyoon still felt frustrated.  Mino just laughed and at a quiet corner shut him up with a long, warm kiss on his lips. Seungyoon melted into it. It’s been so long.  Why?  Oh. Right. Technically, they’re not together anymore.  Technically.  But really, Seungyoon couldn’t have cared less. The moment Mino leaned away Seungyoon grabbed his collar and kissed him deeper.  He tasted the same. Less cigarette, more sweet drink he just had. He’s still so warm. So soft. So—  A sound of another couple desperately trying to figure out the maze made them separate and continued the aimless walk around the maze. Cheeks flushed, lips wet. But after what seemed to be exactly 30 minutes, a drone flew above them and a guide followed soon after, they were guided into paths they've gone through but didn't figure it to be the right one. A miss of one turn made all the difference. Surprisingly enough, Eunji and Jiho made it. Mino chuckled quietly as they both went to get their prize.  “What is it?” Seungyoon asked.  “Nothing. We... didn’t figure out the maze huh.” Mino mumbled.  It hurt something inside Seungyoon. And he decided to just ignore his words altogether. Realizing the shift in mood, Mino quickly grabbed on his wrist and stopped him from moving away.  “I’m sorry.” Mino said. "No. Just... No, don't apologize." Seungyoon whispered. They both stood in silence as Eunji seemed to want an elephant pillow but Jiho wanted a fake superhero shield.  "Please, even though I know it's hard... Hang in there." Seungyoon said. Mino looked at him and he saw a strong, now sure face.  “I’ll anything to make you believe that we’ll make it. I’ll make you see it.” Seungyoon said. Mino smiled to himself.  And he took Seungyoon’s hand into his. Entwining their fingers.  “Okay.” Mino said.  Seungyoon flinched. But he didn't take his hand away.    What they got varied. Some looks. Some whispers. But after a while, perhaps because they didn’t care or maybe because they’re walking around areas with more young people around, it felt okay. Holding hands, clearly telling what they are. Not friends. Not brothers. After a while, it felt okay.  Seungyoon didn't feel any sort of discomfort. So did Mino. They were simply... existing. Between the hoards of other people.  A snicker. And annoyed face. It hurt a bit. But Mino’s hold only got tighter. And Seungyoon’s feeling only got clearer.   A Ferris wheel to end the day, Eunji said. Before she gotta run for her bus. Again, split into couples. The sun setting down from above the Ferris wheel sucked the last bit of energy they had. Mino and Seungyoon just stared at it until Mino broke the silence.  “My dad might never talk to me again, you know.” Seungyoon looked at him, patiently waiting for Mino to form his words. "It will... honestly be hard for me. But I really want you to understand that I didn't regret it. He needs to know sooner or later anyway. I just..." Seungyoon really wanted to hold his hand. But he let Mino talk.  “I hope you’ll be patient enough... to stay with me and help me walk over these times.” “I will.” Seungyoon said. Quick and sure. Mino looked back at him and nodded, a slight smile on his lips.  They walked back in comfortable silence, sending Eunji off to the bus station. Eunji hugged Seungyoon tight. Whispering a promise to see each other again soon. Eunji and Jiho awkwardly just waved. Mino chuckled and Jiho slapped his back. The moment Eunji got on the bus, Mino sighed.  "Geez, you awkward piece of shit. Just hug her or something..." Mino mumbled. Jiho looked flustered and Seungyoon suppressed his laugh. “That’s... weird. You guys are here and all...”  “Ah, hyung you should’ve told us if you want us to leave you alone,” Seungyoon sighed. “Shutup you... assholes...” Jiho spat.   ¯  More. More. Seungyoon wanted more. He was starving for his touch it made him crazy when he actually got his hands on his skin. Traveling and caressing softly, hiding under the night sky and the dark bedroom walls. Seungyoon kissed him like it’s breathing to him. The bed creaks with their every desperate move. Seungyoon felt like they can still melt even closer, even when their bodies are already flush against each other. Warmth slowly turning into blistering heat. He wanted so much more. Mino escaped his lips to breathe and snuggled to his neck. Seungyoon whined. He ground his hips up against Mino, asking for it bluntly. Mino moaned against his skin and Seungyoon felt like he was floating.  "Touch me," Seungyoon begged, "Please, please—"  Hands on both of them, made it tight and hot. Made it feel right and just a bit wrong. Against the war raging in the back of their heads, they fill their minds with pleasure and the euphoria of shared senses. It soon got slick and wet, Mino moving faster and Seungyoon felt good without moving. So he held on, hips rolling without a fixed rhythm, while Mino caught his breath to a hungry kiss once more.  So hot. So close.  Seungyoon came with a mess, head thrown back and lips bitten down to control his voice. The left out weak whimpers poured out as Mino still moved against him. A minute later and the mess Seungyoon made added up with his. It felt hot on Seungyoon’s naked stomach. Hot and raw. Seungyoon felt wanted and owned. Claimed.   ¯  “What time is your bus tomorrow?” Mino asked, voice slowly getting heavy from fatigue. Seungyoon was still tracing his face with his forefinger, facing each other under the blanket draping over them as they lay on their side. “3 PM.” Seungyoon answered.  “Wanna go to my campus? See the studio.” Mino said.  "Sure. I need to see that place where you keep staying everytime I call." Sungyoon pouted. Mino smiled.  They slept hours later, spent most of the night staring at each other. Memorizing each other’s lines and color.  Seungyoon looked at the paths imagining how Mino walked over them everyday. They walked into the huge campus building, not many people around. Mino pulled him by the hand, brought his knuckles up to his lips and kissed it softly. Seungyoon laughed.  “What?” Mino asked. Seungyoon shook his head. He was just happy. The studio Mino showed was this huge, wooden walled auditorium. The roof was painted a blue sky with white cotton clouds all over, a replica of a beautiful sky. With more than 50 canvases, all circling the platform in the center. The model would be there, Mino said. And choosing a spot for the painter meant everything. The front is not always the best. The painter must see what part of the model they want to paint. From a whole body, they might only want to draw their hand. Or their feet. Or for some, they would only draw the aura they feel. Nothing sort of look-alike with the model themselves.  “We paint what we see and people see different things.” Mino shrugged “One time we came into this studio with no model at all. The professor said, draw me your minds.”  “And what did you draw?”  "It was near your birthday. So I drew your eyes." Mino said.  Seungyoon smiled, walking over to Mino who was sitting on the table “Why my eyes?”  “Because I really want to see it.” Mino smiled back, hands naturally snaking around Seungyoon’s waist.  “Just my eyes?” Seungyoon said, voice getting lower as their lips got closer.  “Well I want to see a lot of things, but you wouldn’t like my professor seeing you naked now would you?” Sungyoon laughed, slapping his arm before kissing his lips. The sound of faint footsteps in the hallway, oblivious to their doings inside. Mino’s hair felt so good brushing against his finger. And Seungyoon grabbed a handful of it, drew a smile on Mino’s kisses.   ¯  They had a simple late lunch, Seungyoon’s bags already beside him.  They talked about so many things but nothing about their family. They talked about meeting again, ignoring the probability of it not happening soon. The sky got dark without a warning and they hurried their steps to the bus stop. It rained right after they're under the roof. Other people were waiting for the same bus. But Mino held Seungyoon's hand anyway. And Seungyoon held him tighter.    “Call me anytime.” Seungyoon said. "Okay."   The bus came and they hugged tighter than when Seungyoon arrived.   “I love you.” A whisper no one could hear but both of them.   ¯ Seungyoon’s mother came to visit her ex-husband. Crying as he tapped her back patiently. "I feel so lost. I miss my son so much but I don't... I don't know..." “You don’t know what?” he asked. “What should I do? I felt... I felt like I did the wrong thing—“ He kept on rubbing her back, trying to ease her sobs and cry. Once she calmed down, he went to his bedroom and went out with an old album. She sighed and looked away. But he sat beside her anyway, opening page by page.   “Remember this day?” He pointed. She looked at the picture reluctantly.  “This was the day he did a musical in his kindergarten. You cheered for him and struggled to get the best spot to take his video. That day, you didn’t care about any other kids. Only Seungyoon.” She looked away.  "And this... was that time he lost on the English spelling competition. You didn't care about that girl's mother who kept bragging about her daughter. All that was important for you, was that Seungyoon managed to join it. You cooked for him as if it was his birthday." He sighed.  “Please, that’s all different.” She mumbled.  “Please. Stop lying to yourself. You’re torturing so many people. Even Mino.” He pleaded.  “His father didn’t accept him. It was not my fault. Seungyoon should leave him now, I hope he understands soon.”  He sighed tiredly “If I know how to help you, I would.”   ¯   She knew she was losing the battle. She knew she would one day lick back all the poison she spewed out of her mouth. But she thought it would be after fire and tears. Flame and distress. But she was shot down to the core by a child.  Poking a middle-aged woman's thigh is a child probably less than six years old. She was shunning the little kid while carrying her own child as if trying to protect her. The kid she kept shoving away couldn't seem to talk. And it hurt Seungyoon's mother's chest, in many ways than one. She was about to come over and took the poor child away before a young mother came running to him. Quickly taking her into a tight embrace. Pushing back the woman who shoved her child.  “I don’t like my son playing around with a—“ "Don't you dare." The young mother cut her off "Don't you dare say that in front of children. Not only mine but yours. Act like a mother, please.” The older woman looked so offended but she got no word on her tongue so she left. Angry and immensely defeated. The young mother walked over to a nearby bench, talking to her child softly, and soon, broke down while embracing the poor confused boy. "I'm sorry... Here, I have some," Seungyoon's mom walked over to them without thinking much, offering a tissue. The young mother looked up at her and smiled. Whispering a thank you.   "His father is.. not around." She smiled sadly "And he's also... late to learn to talk. And read. It doesn't matter to me. But apparently, it mattered to other people." Seungyoon's mother watched as the poor boy played alone. No kids allowed to be with him. For a sick reason. The young mother, despite looking tired and spent, smiled wide and cheerful everytime her son looked at her. "Sometimes I feel bad. I feel guilty, letting him be born in such a hard situation. If only I met a better man... But some days I realized if I don't have my son, I'd be a nobody."  Seungyoon’s mother felt like she’s looking at her son.  “I don’t care about other people anymore now. All I want is for him to be healthy and happy. Doing what he wants with his life. Some people want their children to be the smartest, to be rich, to be famous. I just want my son to smile and feel all the love I can give.”   ¯ "Mom?" Jiho called. "Jiho? Hey, what's wrong?""Ah, nothing mom. Just checking in. How are you?""Ah, I'm okay..." She smiled. "You're taking your meds regularly?" Jiho asked. She chuckled, feeling funny how her son sounded so mature already. "Yes, I am taking my meds. How is college, Jiho?" "Is great, don't worry. I'll graduate on time, mom." "I know you will." Jiho, the older brother his husband taught to be mature and calm. She felt immense proud just looking at his back, sometimes. "Mom, you're waiting for me to tell about Seungyoon are you?" Jiho asked. And it pulled a knife off her heart. She smiled away, not answering Jiho's question as she looked down to her hands. "He's healthy, mom." Jiho said. "I'm glad. I know you're far but... take care of him, Jiho." She said. "Mom," "Yes?" "This... will have to stop sooner or later." Jiho said. She felt her face hardened. She knew Jiho's stance. He's been clear and vocal about it. "And it will, Jiho. In the right time." Jiho stayed silent for a few seconds before he said in the softest voice; "Mom, I only wish... when this is all over, he'll still be the little brother I know. And the son you used to know."  ¯ One bad day, she went home from work feeling messed up and burdened. Guilty. Accumulation of so many days spent in the silence bubble she created herself. She walked past her living room and tried to ignore the picture of her and Seungyoon on his elementary school graduation day. And junior high. And senior high. She opened her bedroom and sat on her bed, drinking the water she put on her cupboard and put it down. She opened her drawer to get a headache medicine, but her finger brushed onto a heap of letters inside. She pulled it out and her headache got stronger. All Seungyoon's letters the boy wrote as a kid. And some during teenage years. She knew every single word of every single paper by heart, she re-read it once in a while. All words pouring love and gratitude. And she just cried. Fingers grasping her scalp, hoping the headache would ease down.  She sobbed and cried and only then the pain faded away. She poured and poured everything out. Until it’s all over. Until it’s all out. And all she knew, was how lonely it felt. How empty the house felt. How wrong everything felt.   ¯  With the last power in her legs, she drove to the Song family house. Knocked on the door, begging the world to let them be at home. The woman she harshly pushed out of her house opened the door with a surprised face. "Is your husband home?" Seungyoon's mother asked. Eyes red and hazy. Mino’s mother frowned, retaliating.  “Why would you look for my husband?” “Please, I... We need to talk,” She said. “About what?” "I'm here to clear everything— please, let me help. I have ruined so much, let me help you... Please,"  Mino's mother was skeptical, but before she got to make any decision her husband approached from behind her. Asking what was wrong.  ¯ The next day, Seungyoon got home in the afternoon finding his mother standing in front of his dorm. Nervously knocking on his door. Seungyoon approached her carefully. “Mom?” She got startled and turned to Seungyoon looking like she was caught off guard. Looking at Seungyoon crumbled every single defense she has left. And she cried.  Seungyoon quickly walked up to her and hugged her small, hunched figure.  "No, no— Mom please don't cry..."  ¯ Mino tried to do an all-nighter at the campus studio but gave up when it reached the middle of the night. He sighed and packed his tools, leaving the now empty and dark campus area. He walked while looking at the full moon, thinking what if it's a hole in the sky and the outer space is all white like that. Mino sighed. He painted a lot lately. He should paint the moon.  He reached the dorm with most rooms already closed but sounds still coming out from the small opening under every door. College kids don’t sleep, we live the night. Mino walked the stairs lazily to his floor, hands exploring his pockets for his keys. He felt the cold distinct metal and pulled it out. When he looked up, he found a man. Sitting on the floor beside his door, head leaning to the side uncomfortably. Mino didn’t need to walk closer to know it was his father. Fell asleep on the floor, waiting for him to get home. Mino felt a hand on his airway, choking him. Mino walked up to his dad slowly, hesitated before calling him.  “Dad?” he called. No response. “D—Dad?” he called once again. His dad stirred, eyes slowly opening. When he looked up at Mino, Mino felt the need to run away. The man he always looked up to, always looking fierce and strong, was on the cold floor looking abandoned and lonely. “Dad, what are you...” Mino mumbled. “Ah.. you’re back?” he said, checking the watch on his hand. He got up with much difficulty, his whole body probably sore. And it made Mino’s heart ache. “It’s so late, where were you?” he asked. Mino gulped, holding his bag strap tightly. "Campus. Doing a project." Mino said in a soft voice. "Until so late? How do you live like this," he groaned, picking up his bag. Mino quickly opened his dorm room, for once annoyed why isn't his roommate home. He let his dad in, ready to make him some warm drink.  "Dad, do you want tea or coffee?" Mino asked, avoiding his eyes. “It’s fine.” He said, putting down his bag “You just got home too.” Mino felt so uncomfortable. He didn't know how to act. He was scrambling around the room, picking up random things that looked like trash and threw it away just to avoid sitting with his dad.   “Did you... eat dinner yet?” he asked. Mino scratched his nape. “I haven’t. Did you?” “Haven’t either. Let’s eat this thing your mom brought for you. Where is your kitchen?” He pulled out a bag of food and Mino quickly offered to take it. "Ah, I'll warm this. Just rest, dad." Mino said. He didn't give his dad any time to complain and disappeared right into the kitchen. His dad stared at his back and so many things went past his mind.  ¯ Chanhyuk left the dorm room naturally, leaving the space for Seungyoon and his mother. Seungyoon put her bag away and made her tea. While she sat on his bed, still wiping her eyes. Seungyoon came back with the tea but his mom told him to put it on the table and come sit with her instead. Seungyoon sat beside her hesitantly. Unready for any kinds of talk she was about to initiate.  She took his hand to her own. Stroking it’s pale back while smiling.  “My son. My lovely son.” She said. Seungyoon looked away. “Mom, you should rest. It’s late.” “Seungyoon-ah. I’m sorry, okay?”   Other apologies. Seungyoon could only forgive so much. Now everytime she apologized it only made Seungyoon wonder what else could go wrong.  “I’m sorry too, mom.” Seungyoon answered halfheartedly. It was a long day and he just wanted to rest. “No. Seungyoon-ah, it’s not your time to apologize anymore.” She looked up at Seungyoon. Seungyoon avoided her eyes. “Son? Seungyoon-ah?” She called. Seunyoon looked back at her reluctantly, finding her red puffy eyes.  “Seungyoon-ah, Mom is very sorry. Let me take back everything I say. Okay?” Her words rang so much hope. But Seungyoon learned not to hope too much. "Seungyoon-ah, from now on... I will... I will trust you. I will be behind you, making sure you're always safe and doing what you want. I won't stand with other people anymore, I'll stand with you. Can you trust me once more?"  Seungyoon felt his heart crack. And he shook his head. Eyes feeling hot.  "Seungyoon, I'm so sorry... Mom said so many despicable words to you, did I? I'm so sorry. Seungyoon, I understand now. I understand what you want. I'm sorry I've been... painful to deal with." Seungyoon looked down and feel the drop of hot tears on his thigh. His mom held his hand tighter. “It doesn’t matter, Seungyoon. It doesn’t matter to me who you love anymore. Okay?”  Seungyoon sobbed, covering his eyes with the back of his hand.  “Are you sure?” Seungyoon asked. And she pulled him close, hugged him so tight. Just like when he was little, knocking on her door because he was afraid of thunders. Or the ghost movie he watched with Jiho. He’s her forever baby. “Yes. It doesn’t matter, Seungyoon-ah. I was wrong. I’m so sorry.”  And Seungyoon broke sobbing loud and painful.  "Why now?" He asked. She was crying too. But against her expectations, she felt... alright. She felt her mind clearing. Nothing bugged her thoughts and heart anymore. Seungyoon on her arms felt like her son again. Her baby again.   Seungyoon's cry grew softer after each soft stroke she gave on his back. Just like when he was a little child. "I don't know... I don't know, Seungyoon. But lately, I just felt.. so wrong. And then I thought... Then how it must've felt for you? So I tried going the other way and I think... Now... it feels okay now. Perhaps this is the right way after all." "I love you so much. In the right way now. In the right way from now on. Please, just come back to me." She whispered.  ¯  Mino didn't have any appetite. Three spoons were all that could enter his stomach. His dad ate all of the food, he was starving. Mino felt a punch in his gut, imagining his dad waiting for him since daylight until so late. He tried to shove some more into his mouth, seeing his dad finished with his bowl. Mino looked down at his bowl and his bowl only. Boring a hole to the food with his eyes. His dad drank the glass of water and sighed.  “How is college?” he asked. Mino nodded, “Is good.” He hummed. Looking around the dorm with no particular attention. But he spotted the picture of him, Mino, and his mother. Hung on the wall by his study desk. And he felt all sort of things. His hand turned cold and he fisted both of it, hoping it will somehow help him to be stronger. Because words have always been his weakness. He felt like he never said the right thing, at the right time. He spent many moments in silence. And perhaps it was silence who also hurt his son.  He cleared his throat and Mino had a hard time swallowing his food.  “Mino.” He called. Mino didn’t look up. He just stopped eating.  “Dad... is an old man. From the old times.” Mino felt his chest tightens. Getting smaller by the second, making him weaker. “Dad is just a stupid old man. I didn’t understand so many things. And I am sorry. I hope you can forgive this stupid old man.” Mino closed his eyes, trying to hold in the tears threatening to fall with every vulnerable word his father say. “Dad, don’t say that.” Mino whispered. "I have to. If I don't... I will—" His voice broke and Mino felt his heart shattered. His dad took a long breath, bracing himself.  “Son, I’m sorry I didn’t say the right words at the right time. I hope it’s not too late for me to say it now. That it’s okay. You can live however you want.” Mino gave up holding his heart after the first tear fell. He pulled his hand back from the table and onto his lap. “Song Mino, you’re my son. Live like a brave man. As long as you live wisely and in honor, it doesn’t matter to me. Can you promise me that?” he asked.  Mino smiled through his tears, nodding as he did. They spent some quiet seconds, Mino sniffling his nose. Then his father started to break the whole mood.  “Are you crying?” he asked.  Mino smiled wide, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as he mumbled, “No I’m not.” “Then what’s that snot? Aigoo... So messy. You told me nothing could make you cry anymore after 9th grade,” He nagged all of a sudden. “Aish dad... why are you bullying me,” Mino whined. "Bully? If I want to bully you I'd stop sending you money to buy all those games on your phone!"  “What games?? I’m so busy, I don’t play anymore!” Mino nagged. "Oh ho... Look at this kid thinking his old fashioned dad would believe that. I know you still do that... what do you call it? Those games you like so much?" Mino cackled, his tears dried up on his cheek. "Yah, are you laughing at you dad? I will cut your monthly money!" he fake threatened.  “Aaah dad, stop threatening my economy!” Mino whined, half laughing half complaining.  ¯  “Hello?” Seungyoon called.  “Hey. She’s there? Your mom?” Mino asked. “Yeah. Asleep. And you dad is there?” “Yep.” They spent a few seconds in silence until Mino broke a chuckle. “It’s cleared out. Somehow.”  “Yeah... same here.” Seungyoon mumbled. Mino frowned, “You don’t sound so happy.” “What? No... I’m...” Seungyoon sighed “I dunno... Just wary I guess.”  “Worried she’ll wake up and change her mind?” Mino asked.  Seungyoon hummed.  “I mean... You know. I don’t know what made her change her mind, it's so vague. And I just don't want to.. have a way too high of expectations."  “Yeah. I get it. But... you know, at least now... It felt nice. It’s chance. Don’t you feel nice?”  Seungyoon smiled. “I do, I guess.” “Hey,” Mino called. “What?” “Will you be my boyfriend?”    79bpm   Seungyoon chuckled. “What?”  85bpm  Mino smiled wide on the other side of the phone, leaning to the window on his living room.  "What, we're not back together yet. I don't like unclear relationships." Mino said.  "Well, you were certainly unbothered by it last weekend." Seungyoon teased. Mino covered his chuckle with his hand.   “Why don’t you come see me and show me if you’re being serious?” Seungyoon asked. "Come there? What if you're trying to drag me to your bed again? Sorry, I'm practicing abstinence." Seungyoon snorted, “Rich coming from a guy who kissed me first years ago in his HOUSE.” Mino tried hard sniffling his laughter, “Oh shut up, you liked that. It’s one of those bad boys aesthetic everyone swoons for.” "Nah, these days we call it harassment." Mino had to move away further from the room his dad is sleeping in because he was laughing. So did Seungyoon. “You crazy.” Mino chuckled.   “You’re crazy.”   “Crazy for you? Maybe.”  "Ugh... Ew... So cheesy what the hell," Seungyoon whined. Mino laughed.   “Hey,” Mino called. “What?” “I like you a lot.” He whispered.    ¯ Beyond loveThis thing comes to meHeartbreak did thisHe was made to believeThat he should live without itOur nerves would've seenNo change in hisVision sprung into dreamsOf a world left without it Beyond Love – Beach House   ¯   "Kang Seungyoon!!" His mom called. Seungyoon frowned. He woke up to a clean, familiar room. Oh right. Holiday. Christmas. He’s home.  “Kang Seungyoon!! Did you silence your phone?? Mino is here!” His mom yelled from the first floor. Seungyoon frowned.  Mino.......Mino??  Seungyoon hurriedly rose from the bed, running from his room to the stairs. And there he is, on a hoodie, eating Seungyoon’s mom’s homemade Christmas cookie. Mino looked up at him and sighed.  "Aigoo... Look at that, auntie..." He said. His mom looked at him and sighed.  “Aish look at that... Is that drool on his cheek?”  Seungyoon frowned at both of them, wiping his cheek feeling wronged. “Go and take a bath!” Mino ordered. "He never takes a bath on a holiday, he avoids it like cats." Seungyoon's mom actually complained to Mino. Mino cackled.  "He's been living like that in Busan too auntie, he goes to morning classes like this." Mino sighed.  “No, I don’t!!” Seungyoon spat before running up the stairs to take a warm bath. He’s got a date today before dinner with mom, dad, and Jiho.   ¯  Seungyoon was right. It took them two years. Two years to make it truly comfortable between both families. Because no, accepting their children is one thing. But a relationship took another effort to be swallowed. Seungyoon's mother has her ups and downs. One day she'd be okay about it but other days she looked distressed and she'd sent Seungyoon pictures of her friend's daughters. And it peculiarly hurt him, really, her ways of... adapting. But it went away over time. She would also look nervous and uncomfortable when Mino comes over at first. They worked it out slowly. Seungyoon's dad though, would check on Mino like he's his third son. Sometimes Mino has longer chats to him than Seungyoon does. But Seungyoon didn't bother because Mino's mom sent him food every once in a while.    ¯ Seungyoon came down already looking nice and proper. A blue turtleneck under his black warm coat. Mino smiled at the sight. "Well, now that is my handsome son again. I haven't seen him for so long," His mom joked. "Ahhh, mom!" Seungyoon whined. They left the house with Seungyoon’s mom warning Mino to bring him home on time, like some school kid. Mino just laughed and said yes. On the bike, Mino teased him.  “What’s with the high collar, want me to do something you need to hide?” Seungyoon just pinched his sides, making Mino wince.   ¯   When his mom started to open up more to Mino, Sengyoon felt like he won a lottery. She started by asking Mino's address because she wanted to send kimchi. And then she started to ask how he's doing and such. Seungyoon would try to answer cooly but really, a whole garden was blooming inside his chest.  So was Mino's dad. He was back to his quiet self about Mino and Seungyoon at first. Trying not to talk about it as much as he could. Mino's dad also started his acceptance subtly. He sent extra money for Mino, saying; ‘Don't you have someone you want to treat? A man has to treat decent foods.' And Mino actually teased him, that bully. Good thing his father could bully him back and shut him up. Seungyoon laughed at those stories every time.   ¯ Seungyoon and Mino arrived at the busking spot and parked in front of a toppoki stall. Mino bought some snacks while Seungyoon called for someone.  “Oh, hey! Where are you? I’m here already... Near the spot? In front of—Oh, okay I see it!” Mino came back to him with a cup of snack and handed it to Seungyoon. Seungyoon led him to the spot he was told, to find—  “Yo!! Kang Seungyoon!!” A shout. People were turning their heads but it’s really not the kind of thing this one guy would care about. He jumped on Seungyoon and hugged him tight like a clingy panda. “Ya, Kim Hanbin!” Seungyoon laughed. Running steps came approaching and Seungyoon saw Jaewon next. He piled the hug and Seungyoon tapped his arm.  The high school music club has routine Christmas busking. And they came as graduated seniors. Jiho and Eunji eventually showed up too. They all talked regularly on their group chat so there was not much to catch up to. Except smiling like idiots at each other's faces, wondering how can they look so different but at the same time just the same. Mino walked to the side to join Jiho and Haesol. Haesol looked so good. He went into vet school.  “I dunno man, I just can’t stand humans.” Was all the reason he told Mino and Jiho.  He looked tidier, but still the same old eccentric weird Haesol.    ¯ At home, Seungyoon's mom was walking around the phone. He prepared something for Mino's family. A jar of Christmas cookie. She wanted to just give it to Mino and call it a day. But somehow she felt like she should visit them at least once a year. It's not like they're strangers at this point. Sometime during her dilemma, her house bell rang. And she opened the door to find Mino's mother. With a package on her hand.  “Oh! Mino’s.. mother...” She stuttered. "Ah, unnie! I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just that... I made a pie for you and Seungyoon..." She shyly said. And she couldn’t help but smile. Warmth all over her chest, despite the cold winter wind. “Please, come in!”   ¯  The music club grew more and more diverse. They have more divisions now, and the old divisions looking better and better in terms of skill and tools they have. Jiho looked at them proudly, almost fatherly. "Wah, what is this dude being all cocky for... It's not like his poor ass contribute any instruments," Eunji muttered under her breath. “Yaish, I’m a fresh grad! I’m working with minimal wage right now!” Jiho spat. Seungyoon laughed in glee, having too much fun seeing his brother having someone in the same rank to argue. Mino leaned closer to his ear and whispered. “This kinda brings back memory.”  “What memory?” Seungyoon asked.  "Remember when we met again after the break up of the century? Jiho tricked me to watch your performance." Seungyoon tried to recall and chuckled when he did. “Aah, yeah. That one.” “That song was definitely for me was it?” Mino raised his eyebrows. Seungyoon gulped, drinking his coffee nervously. “Song? What song?” Mino tsked and put a hand on his waist, “It has this ‘rain’ words on it... Come on, don’t act dumb.” Seungyoon chuckled against the rim of his coffee cup. “Wow so confident. I was full of ideas and inspiration during high school, it’s probably not about you at all.” Seungyoon acted coy. Mino frowned, ready to fight his right. “Stop being a smartass or I won’t come over to your dorm next month.” "Oh, you're not coming? Fine by me." Seungyoon shrugged. Mino felt dejected for real, frowning and huffing like a real kid. Seungyoon smiled and leaned his side to Mino. “Stop pouting.” Seungyoon said. “Pouting is your thing.” Mino mumbled. "Exactly, because I look cute. Your face doesn't match." Seungyoon laughed. Mino glared at him and checked behind them before slipping a hand and squeezed Seungyoon’s ass so hard so quick it made the boy yelp. “Rude,” Seungyoon muttered under his breath. Mino smiled smugly. Seungyoon looked back at the band currently performing a Christmas song and smiled.  "You know what, it was for you. It was a breakup song." Seungyoon finally admits "Bad times."  Mino hummed. They stood in silence, taking in the sweet voice of the female vocalist blessing their ears. Seungyoon slid a hand to hold Mino’s quietly. “We went through a lot.” Seungyoon chuckled.   Mino squeezed his hand and rubbed it with his thumb. These days it felt like they can talk with their minds, with their touch. Words are getting more and more limited to express their feelings. Mino graduated. Will soon start to work in Seoul. Seungyoon will still have two more years. after that, is when the real mess will begin. Will the relationship survive? The hectic adult world, full of work and self-needs. Will they be able to understand each other still? Mino often told Seungyoon to calm down. Let everything happen. Because feelings are not something you can prepare. You won’t know how your heart will change, so why bother? Why not feel the moment?  “Look at my eyes right now and see how much I need you. Because future me is not here yet and old me is over. Love this version of me. Right now.”  Haesol performed. At the free stage time. Everyone focused their eyes on him. Seungyoon stepped closer to the stage, eager to hear his ex-mentor sing live after so long. He gave his phone to the violinist and she nodded. He sat on the keyboard, looking serene and calm. He smiled just before he hit the notes.  Zion T – Snow I wish white snow would be outside tomorrow morningThen I’ll make you a warm cup of teaJust keep staying by my sidePromise me Will it snow?When we are asleep?Will it snow?On top of your closed eyes?Will it snow?When we draw back the morning curtainsWill it snow? Don’t rush, there are things I haven’t told you yetAfter we fall asleep, today will become yesterdayJust keep staying by my sideYou promised Look closelyIt’s so white outsideSnow, it’s snowing It’s snowing outsideJust like we said yesterdayI’ll make you a warm cup of tea  Seungyoon turned his head to Mino, smiling as he did.  “Hey, want to hear another song I wrote for you?” he asked.  And Mino smiled.  ¯  That night, Seungyoon came home to his mom all ready for the dinner. Seungyoon helped her set the tables and the foods. She showed the pie Mino's mom brought and smiled. His dad came on time, along with Jiho. The Christmas tree Seungyoon decorated looked pretty on the corner of the room. They all laughed and talked about so many things. Jiho told them his plans and dreams. The place he’ll work in, how he’ll do his job. Seungyoon sighed when they asked about his studies because it’s stressful but in the end, he knew it’s what he wanted. And his father looked so proud that night. His mother said she'll quit her job this year. She felt like she's done enough for the company and in her age, she preferred to do charity work from now on. It made Seungyoon and Jiho so glad. His mom could finally rest more. Christmas was great. Was warm. Was calm. Was happy. As the whole family watched the ever repeated Christmas movie, Seungyoon took a second to answer his phone.    ¯ At the busking, Seungyoon sang a song he wrote sometime not long ago. He didn’t write much anymore but it’s one of the only pieces he actually liked. And once again, to boost his forever blooming ego, it was for Mino.    ¯ “Hey. Merry Christmas.” He said through the phone.  “Merry Christmas too. Have a good one.” “Love you.” Seungyoon smiled sheepishly, “Love you more.”    ¯  Everything disappears and changesThere’s no such thing as foreverThat’s what I believedBut the one thing that’ll never change That’s probably you, my love is youThat’s you, my everything is you Everyone is the sameLove is a waste of emotionA useless actI look so foolish in the mirrorEvery time, I know thisBut I fall in love again The end is always the sameWe’ll hate each otherAnd I’ll be left aloneI know I’ll get hurt This time, the one who is left behindWill be me againYou’ll leave me hereAnd disappear anyway I know this but strangelySomething about you is differentIt’s different from yesterdayYou stick to me and whisper to meSaying that you won’t leaveI want to believe you Everything disappears and changesThere’s no such thing as foreverThat’s what I believedBut the one thing that’ll never change That’s probably you, my love is youThat’s you, my everything is you Kang Seungyoon – You    ¯  It was a high school love. A first love. One that usually wrecks you, mash you heart into nothing and made you think love is a hurtful thing after all. And it was nothing different for Seungyoon. It hurt him so much, over and over again. Like a rolling pinwheel with knives on its sides.  But it got him so far. It matured him in the best way possible. It got him feeling so much happiness it scared him sometimes. What if this happiness popped like a balloon, leaving him gaping and empty? Happiness grew and the anxiety of losing it grew even more. Seungyoon is still learning to live with it. To be vulnerable. To love with all you have and all your being. To pull out your heart and give it up to that person.  Every ‘real' love stories you hear out there are terrifying. Full of betrayal. Lies. Bad endings.   Not one being in this whole wide world can guarantee Mino and Seungyoon to be together forever. Everlasting and completely in love.   But as Mino said, what mattered is now. Right now.   “Look at my eyes right now and see how much I need you. Because future me is not here yet and old me is over. Love this version of me. Right now.”  "I love you so much. Right now."    ¯ “Welcome to the middle of nowhere, stranger.” “You will see a second Jiho today.”  “My name is Kang Seungyoon, it’s nice to meet you all.” 144 Beats Per Minute, Chapter 1      *Alice’s Note*Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!HehehThank you for waiting for so long :”)And that, ladies and gents, was the last chapter of 144 Beats Per Minute *cue confetti*It’s been almost a year, can you believe—TT TTThank you so much for all the comments, subscribe, and upvotes!!! I read every single comments and I try to reply to every single one! But if I didn’t I’m very sorry, perhaps my pea brain skipped it by accident TT TTIt has been fun, guys. I got friends from this fic, you won’t believe how it means so much to me TT TT See you in the next project!!      P.S.Lol there will be bonus chapters, that’s why I didn’t mark the ‘complete’ tag ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟSEE YOU SOON!!!!!ALL THE SM*T AND FLUFF AND JINHOON WILL BE THERE OK?? I.LOVE.YOU.ALL.FOR.REAL