A Bitter Day (1/1)

Oh okay, this is it. Why do I have to be paired up with him again? I thought ‘Change’ was my first and my last performance with him. I hate this shit. I hate all about him.Now I won’t be able to see him like I used to do. He’s with someone else. He’s happy now. And I swear to death, I have nothing to do with it, yet I’m the one who get hurt.I remember the night he rapped for me, I remember the rap he wrote for me. I can’t erase it, yet it hurt so much. He was so sincere and I was mistaken for loving him. No, it wasn’t love. But it is love now.I laugh as I stare at my desk. I can’t write anything. The paper’s still clean. And I don’t want to write anything wrong. This feeling is overwhelming me. I can’t think of anyone else but him. And seeing him like that, it’s like a thousand knives are just stabbed at my already broken heart. Can’t he see that?Can’t he see that I’m breaking apart?

It’s not like I’ve done anything wrong. Just tell me what did I do so wrong? I know I’m breaking, I just don’t want to lose without a fight. Please come back, I’m lightless here.The first time media revealed about his relationship, I thought it was some kind of joke. But it wasn’t. The way he held her hand warmly really slapped me into the pit. I couldn’t breathe. I was dying back then.The tears welled up my eyes, I just didn’t want to shed those. I wouldn’t shed those. I was hurt, I was hurt up to my soul that I couldn’t conclude neither I was dead nor alive. For the nth time I only stare at my paper. The pen in my hand won’t move. The heart of mine either. It’s bounding to him for sure.I don’t get it, why in such a sudden the President wants me to have another solo single. And again, he’s going to be featured in rap along with me. For fuck’s sake, and why do I have to write about a broken heart?!I sigh in pain. I can’t write anything when my mind isn’t in its place. What do I do now? What do I do now?I remember he once told me how to write. He’s a song-writer after all. He said that the song must represent what the writer felt. Geez, I’m the writer who lost her purpose. I don’t even know how to begin, how come I end this?Sincere. Be sincere. I sigh one more time. The pain is unbearable. I can’t stand it any longer.I just can’t.

I brush my tears away from my cheeks. Yet they’re streaming down over and over again. I can’t believe this fact. I won’t.When I realize the world is spinning around as always, I’m hurt. When I realize the Sun rises and sets as always, I’m deeply hurt. A when I realize he smiles like nothing happened, I’m deathly hurt. It’s not fair.Don’t I mean anything to him? I can’t bear with his presence. It’s killing me. I can’t bear seeing his smile, I can’t bear hearing his voice, yet I can’t bear living without him around.I’m a selfish, I know. I can’t let myself as happy as him. This farewell is a fiction. This farewell is a lie. I can’t let myself happy seeing him with her.She’s actually one of my best friends. I mean, she was. And now she’s with the person I love to death. Because of her I lose him. Because of her I swear I can hardly breathe. Because of her I live in a bitter day everyday.