Facing the truth (1/2)

-Taemins point of view-

My schedule continued. But this time, as I was out of sight from my fans, I shed tears. There were tears that I did not ask to come, not had I any control of it. I kept wailing and sobbing between performances that I grew dehydrated. Jinki hyungs words had now stuck, his gentle scolding eventually tiring me out. He was right. I need to take that step. Although I am scared out of my mind.

A week had passed since I unblocked him from my phone. Every now and then he would message me. They would be filled with sorrow, sometimes channeling into despair and disappointment.

His words hurt more than anyones because they were true. I did not deserve to see him, I did not deserve to see her.

Why did I run away? I was scared indeed, but how could that stop me from looking at my child?

I sit on the floor in Jinki Hyungs practice room, kneading a wet tissue between my fingers. I press it against my right eye, removing a tear trying to escape the corner of my eye. I sniffle, listening to the sound of my tiny mobile printer.

Out of the little printer came small sized pictures of my child. As one pop out, I gather it in the pile of pictures that was newly taken by Choi Minho. I turn the tiny printer off, gathering the images in my hand and flip through them one by one.

Here she was wearing a pink onesie, having a pink bow in her hair. Her black hair was longer than I expected. She was growing more and more each day, eventually letting her personality shine through the pictures.

Her smile was gorgeous, at least telling me that she was happy with him. He would eventually have to start working, wouldn’t he..? Would my child be with… her grandparents, or… his helpful ex?

The thought sent shivers down my spine. I stare at myself in the mirror before me, looking miserable, eyes red, nose stuffy. I looked horrible.

“You need more tissue than that.” Jinki Hyung enters after a soft knock. He sits down next to me, rubbing my shoulder a few times. I slowly flip through my daughters pictures, feeling another cry tickle my throat.

“Look what you are missing out on..” He whispers,

“I don’t deserve them…” My voice shivers.

“Well… I don’t know what to say to that, Taemin ah. I always knew you were a difficult child but you are really raising the bars. How about you message him back?”

I quickly shake my head tears dripping to the floor between my legs.

“Look at his messages. He wont respond if I text him now! I mean, who would?! I am useless. I couldn’t even look at my own child after having her! W-Who does that?!” I raise my voice, Jinki hyung taking out his phone.

“We have had this talk for weeks now… I thought maybe somebody else could help me push your stubbornness…” He mumbles while calling someone.

“You’re not calling Minho, are you?!” I shriek, grabbing his arm but is shrugged of.