LIE| 12.03.17| Save me, I (1/1)

Inside me is a thunderstorm raging, i am filled up with rain up to my chin and i feel breathless and cold. even if i try to run I can't get away from it. It's me who brought the rain. it's me who can stop it.   Normaly this room was a place of fights, laughter, life, but not today. Today it was different and every once was watching the tv program while sitting in silence. The happiest person in the room would have been Taehyung that smiled from time to time. Yoongie was rather lost in thoughs keeping his eyes on the charm of his phone as he brushed his fingers over it repeatingly. Namjoon was busy with sleeping and Hoseok just starred at the tv with his tired eyes. The maknae suddenly gets up and walks through the room, leaving quietly just to shut the door behind him. Jimin follows him with insecure eyes before gripping the charpet lightly, biting down the inside of his cheek and he gets up as well and follows the maknae, just to find his door locked. "... Jungie...", Jimin calls softly as he knocks on the door again, but silence is the only answer he gets, ".... at a certain point you will have to talk to me..", Jimin sighs deeply as he rests his head against the door and brushes his hair back, he turns around slowly and eyes his hyung that is watching him with a sarcastic expression before walking towards him and passing him without a word. "Hyung...", Jimin mutters as he raises his eyes at Seokjin and he gasps softly as his hand is being brushed off. "Jimin... let's talk at another time.. Hyung is busy.", Seokjin speaks soft but cold as he walks off again quickly. Why are you lying hyung? What did he do to be punished with such silence?The blond man makes his way over to the bathroom as he eyes his tired reflection i the mirror and he stands there, staring at himself. Sometimes, he asked himself if that relection of his was real, if this face was his. At some days he would look in the mirror and be unable to recognize himself. Then he would touch his cheeks and try to feel what he would expect to feel but he would feel numb and his touch would feel like nothing, like touching clouds. If this face of his was real, he'd ask himself. It could be an illusion made up by his mind, an empty shell filled with a darkness and sadness, fear and childlike habits. Then he would touch his face, pinch it, to know that his soul is resting in this strange shell. Were his cheeks always like this? Jimin shakes his head trying to avoid his own glance as he splashes his face with cold water, again and again, until it feels like he's drowning. This is where he finds comfort. Where the fear is the loudest, the lungs scream in pain, then he knows that he is alive and that he will stay alive for the time on. "We agreed that this will stop..", Namjoons voice sounds through the bathroom and causes Jimin to stop as he raises his head, his hair and shirt completely soaked from the cold water. "Are you going to tell me, what's the matter?"Jimin grabs a random towel quickly as he stands up straight and he avoids his hyungs eyes while drying his armd and face carefully, feeling ashamed and embarrassed to be caught in the act. "I won't let it control me.. I'll deal with it..", Jimin answers as he turns around and he leans back against the sink while eyeing his feet as he suddely moves back his hyung, waiting at the door and she shyly turns his head to briefly catch a glance at the band leader. "I need to dress myself, or I'll get a cold..""Well you know Jimin...I wish you'd take care of it. I always do, but we both know that you don't have the resources to handle such a matter." Namjoon speaks softly and he lets out a soft sarcastic almost bitter chuckle, "I wish you do.. infact take care of it.. tell me if you need some help.", Namjoon sighs deeply as he closes the door and locks Jimin out that is just standing there for a few seconds, bitting the inside of his tongue again. So many flaws, so many flaws needed to be straightened out. He was a shell filled with... flaws.  "Jimin are you coming?", Hoseok asks as he tries to catch his breath and he eyes the clock at his phone, realizing that the new day has started and he drops his sweating body onto the floor before emptying his bottle almost in one go. "It has beome late again. Let's grab some food and go home."The young blond haired male eyes himself inside the mirror as he takes the same steps over and over again, a few hundretsof times this evening, he stopped counting, his sweat dripping down his chin as he suddenly yells loudly in frustration and bends his body. "Shit!.. left then right! Left then right!! You stupid shit!!", He yells at himself as kicks his waterbottle away and he drops onto his knees crawling over to his phone."Woah... Jimin.. everything okay?", Hoseok mutters surprised as he packs up his stuff and he stares at the younger member before tying his shoes again. "No. Nothing is okay.. I fucked it up. I always fuck it up.", Jimin sighs deeply as he lies down and he takes a quick look at his phone opening his hyungs message. "Don't be too hard on yourself.. Are you coming?" Hoseok asks carefully again as he grabs his bag and bottle and he makes his way over to the door, watching the young male shaking his head quietly. "I hope you'll pack up soon and come home.. I'll wait until you'll arrive."Jimin nods lightly as he reads the message:Jimin...I don't know. Maybe it's better if we just do our job right now and live quietly? If you need to talk to me, then we can find some date, but right now hyung is very busy, as you know. Jimin closes his eyes as he covers his face and takes a deep breath. "Live quietly.. huh? Are you fucking kidding me?"He gets up slowly as he holds his belly feeling his stomach ache as he breathes out and he groans softly before walking over to his bag, opening a package of pills hastily pushing out a pills before swallowing it nervously. "First left then right...", he mumbles as he turns on the music again and gets into position. So many flaws needed to be straightened out. Saying that he did a good enough job would be a lie.   "Why are you lying?", Namjoon asks Jungkook as he places a hand beside his head. "I know that you are trying to excuse youself. We agreed to meet tice a week to talk about your solo track. Where have you been." Jungkook  drops his head to the side and stands there quietly as he bites his lower lip."Have you been drinking?""He was with me.", Yoongie leaves the bathroom as he rubs his belly and sighs softly. I told him to come with me. So stop pestering him with your questions and let him live."Jimin closes the door again slowly as he walks back to his bed and he drops himself into his cold blankets as he covers his eyes feeling drownsy. Lately he had been feeling drownsy constantly, his stomach ached all the time and was just shut down with drugs and he couldn't really sleep at night. He felt weak and liveless even tho he worked out almost 12 hours daily. he felt sick even tho he only had one meal and at most times, that made him feel even more sick. This wasn't the happiness he was expecting. But he had to push through in order to get rid of his flaws, after that he would be able to be a happy person again. Right? Did Jungkook drink because he couldn't handle what happened the other night? Jimin sits up as he runs a hand through his hair, his wrist has become skinny, it has never been that skinny before, but still it looked strong. Saying that Jungkook did just randomly drink too much, maybe cause the mood was perfect, would have been a lie. Thinking about the maknae getting drunk, even tho he disliked alcohol, frustrated him deeply and Jimin felt empty eyeing himself in the mirror on the other side of the room. He was a shell filled with guilt."Where are you going?", Hoseok enters the room with wet hair as he almost crashes into Jimin, that runs past him with his sports bag and he can carely see him as he hears his answer. "Practice room. I'll be late."  "Who put those seats there?", Namjoon sighs softly while sitting on the couch, he's wearing his glasses, due his eyesight problems and he tilts his head back, his ipad in his lap, somenotices being visible on the screen. "I think it was Taehyung. Cause the controller works better there.", Hoseok answers as he looks up from his book and he eyes the seats quickly, before shrugging. "I don't know..", he folds over a side and keeps on reading until he eyes the slim figure of the 3rd maknae leaving the dorm with his sportsbag. he turns back to his pages staring at them without reading before placing the book on the side table. "Namjoon..I think we need to talk about Jimin.""Finally someone speaks up.", Namjoon takes his glasses off and places his ipad onto the couch where it slips off and lands onto the carpet. "What the..", he mutters as he picks it up again and places it on it's right place. "I thought you all will just let him die.""You know that this is an issue... did you every talk to him?", Hoseok narrows his eyebrows as he takes a deep breath."No.""No?", Hoseok sits up straight now and eyes the younger one bewildered as he almost trows his book at him. "How can you say that "we" let him die if you  know about it but you're not even doing anything yourself?""What can I do?.", Namjoon stretches his body as he yawn loudly and he gets up. "It's not like words would be enough to help him..""You could try at least or talk to our manager so that he forces him to do less.", Hoseok gasps and gets up as well, just to push Namjoon onto the couch again. "What can I do?!.. seriously? Maybe you should reflect on that for a second." Hoseok brushes his hair back before walking off annoyed, packing his sportsbag and leaving through the door.