III/IV (1/2)
<i style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;font-size:12.222222328186px;line-height:19px;text-align:justify;background-color:rgb(248,248,248);">[the closest you can get to catching the wind <i style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;font-size:12.222222328186px;line-height:19px;text-align:justify;background-color:rgb(248,248,248);">is to lose yourself in the process]
--
“Is this really necessary?” Himchan asks as he places the letters in the old biscuit tin. He feels a certain ache in his heart as he steps back to join Daehyun. They are barely dressed warm enough for the night but they’re young and they hardly think twice when Daehyun holds Himchan’s hand and pulls him away from the dormitories towards the old park that lays waste behind Himchan’s faculty block.
“Mmhmm.” Daehyun hums as he places more envelopes into the tin. Himchan rolls his eyes and grumbles, and you call me dramatic.
They sit on the grass and Daehyun strikes the match, but Himchan gathers enough courage to throw it in. The orange glow grows into a splendid flame amidst the paper and it grows brighter still amidst the pitch skies. Daehyun is holding Himchan’s hand the same way he did when they had just met- tentative, gentle, like Himchan will break if he applies any more pressure. Himchan leans in closer and Daehyun’s warmth wraps around him like a scarf. There’s something strangely beautiful about watching the papers crumple and disappear into flecks of gold drifting closer to the stars. He can feel the heat from the flames licking at his face, mixing in with the excitement from Daehyun’s system and he thinks this may have been a good idea after all. “It’s not good to hold onto the past.” Daehyun says again and Himchan agrees, especially since the fire is dancing in Daehyun’s eyes and he feels the thrill from the smell of burning paper and ink.
“I have you now, and I won’t let you go.” Daehyun says and it’s strange because all Himchan seemed to be good at was letting go of people he cared for, to lose them to the winds that rush past his ankles. Himchan makes the same promise because he cannot imagine ever living in any other way. He’s amused by Daehyun’s sudden bouts of romanticism and he kisses him to show him just how brightly their fire can burn and they do-
The sparks are ignited in their chests and they burn a brilliant blue.
Maybe even more so when they get a little drunk on cheap wine and they’re dancing, bare footed, with dizzying steps and breathless laughter.
<i style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:19.6000003814697px;">I’ll never let you go, I’ll never let you go. Daehyun shouts to the stars, his words slurring and he’s tripping over his own feet and Himchan finds everything funnier than they actually are. Daehyun says it again when he’s sober and he’s whispering it into Himchan’s ear the next morning when they’re under the covers and they’ve both caught colds from their nightime adventure.
<i style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:19.6000003814697px;">I’ll never let you go.
--
Daehyun takes a detour one day before school. He takes the bus a few blocks down and walks the opposite direction. He checks the time on his phone and decides he has enough time to stop by the convenience store for a look. Someone bumps into him on the way out, right onto his injured arm. It still hurts and Daehyun flinches.
“Hey!” they both say accusingly at the same time and Daehyun realizes that the stranger has a very familiar voice.
“Youngjae?”
“Oh it’s you!” Youngjae smiles, putting his wallet back into his pocket. “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing. Just- Nothing…” Daehyun say, he’s kind of angry at Youngjae. Kind of. Because he hasn’t replied his messages for almost a month.
“Great! You can have lunch with me then.” Youngjae shoves Daehyun by the shoulder towards the direction that he plans to walk.
“W-what? But-“ Daehyun stammers.
“Come on. I’ll treat you. Treat it as a celebratory lunch.” Youngjae grabs Daehyun’s wrist and pulls him along. Daehyun is bumping into people on the sidewalk and his apologies don’t come quick enough as he tries to catch up with Youngjae.
"Jesus! Be careful would you?" Daehyun feels his stitches straining against his skin. At this rate they probably wouldn't last the day.
"Yesterday, a patient came in and had his arm amputated." Youngjae states, rolling his eyes as he proceeds to drag Daehyun with as little care as before.
“What exactly are we celebrating anyway?”
It’s quiet most of the way and now they’re sitting in a bus stop and Youngjae is drawing patterns on the ground with the tip of his shoe.
“Oh! Me finally getting rid of you. I owe you a treat for being good, don’t I?” Youngjae says in the most matter of fact way possible and Daehyun groans because you’re the most dreadful person in the world. Youngjae laughs and gets Daehyun to his feet when the bus arrives.
“I hate you.” Daehyun mumbles as they board the bus, but Youngjae has already made his way to the backseats and is patting the spot beside him. Daehyun rolls his eyes and trudges to the back.
“If this is about me not replying your messages I’m sorry okay.” Youngjae nudges his shoulder playfully. “I really am. I got really busy. Evaluation and stuff.”
And Daehyun softens. Whatever. He grumbles and Youngjae laughs it off.
He has had to assure Daehyun throughout the bus ride that they were just going somewhere nearby because Daehyun had afternoon classes and he didn’t want to be missing more than he already has. But they’ve been on the bus forever and the taller buildings have disappeared to make way for narrower roads and stubby buildings. Daehyun falls asleep mid-way and when he wakes up, he’s still on the bus. He’s nervous and he knows he’s going to be late for sure. It doesn’t help that he’s hungry. He isn't the best person when he's hungry. He’s about to get off when Youngjae announces that they have arrived. Daehyun panics and looks around, he checks his watch and realizes they’ve been on the bus for more than two hours.
“Fuck Youngjae! Where are we?”
“I lived here before I moved closer to the school then the hospital.” Youngjae inhales, closing his eyes as he holds the air in his lungs then exhales.
“Okay look. I’m leaving. I’m going to be late for class and it’s all thanks to you.” Daehyun turns to cross the road, genuinely frustrated. His stomach tells his brain that he should be.
“Suit yourself. But you’ll miss your class either way might as well have lunch first.”
Daehyun kicks a gravel against the side of the road in a mature display of his displeasure.
They arrive at a small store selling stew and Daehyun wants to die. He wants to push Youngjae face-down into the nearest pot of stew and die. But he has to constantly remind himself that he is in fact famished and he would need the energy to kill the said boy later. The owner seems to recognise Youngjae and settles them at a quiet table by a small window facing the streets at the back. Youngjae wriggles into his seat and sighs in contentment, and Daehyun clenches his fist around the plastic table wrap.
“Whoa.” Youngjae says as he looks up at Daehyun, “Do you ears always turn that shade of purple? Because I’ve never seen them like that.”
“You’re unbelievable.” Daehyun groans throws his hands up and leans back against his seat. He gives up. It’s partially his fault for falling asleep in the bus but now he’s fully convinced that Youngjae just wants to see him burst a vessel. Daehyun wonders if Youngjae does this to all his patients. He wonders if it's revenge because Youngjae had to change his pee bag for more than a week. Daehyun shudders at the thought.
“I know.” Youngjae says sarcastically as he signals his order to the waiter over at the counter, “I brought you to the best stew place in the world. Like who would do that? You should be grateful.”
“You know what? I-“
Daehyun keeps quiet when the waiter places two bowls on the table and the smell hits him because yes, this probably is the best stew place in the world and Daehyun suddenly loses his strong passionate feelings for the class he is about to miss in fifteen minutes. He catches Youngjae’s smug little shit eating grin but he can’t be bothered anymore.
“I miss this place. I used to come here all the time.” Youngjae says over the messy clang of cutlery and the dinging of the order bell.
The place is small, you can’t pull out your chair entirely without colliding into another customer and trot music flows from the radio. Daehyun tries to imagine Youngjae as a child, sitting here with a big bowl of stew in front of his face, his eyes unclouded by the stress of work and school. And with Youngjae’s satisfied slurps and the way his eyes light up when he digs around for another piece of meat, it isn’t all that hard to imagine at all. Daehyun hums a reply, his books have slumped against the fabric of his bag and they are now pressing against his back. Daehyun stiffens.
“It’s okay to cut class once in a while. Honestly you don’t need half the things they’re teaching you. You can handle on your own.” Youngjae says because Daehyun looks like he's about to get up and flee the eatery like a small startled animal. He steals a piece of meat from Daehyun’s bowl and Daehyun gets defensive.
“I was in hospital Youngjae!” He says in utter disbelief, snatching the piece of meat back from Youngjae with his chopsticks. He puts it in his mouth and swallows without much chewing.
“Yeah!” Youngjae says, a laugh gathering at the back of his throat, “so was I!” Daehyun exhales slowly through his nose and rubs ay his temples. He feels something pop in his head and he wonders if this is Youngjae’s plan to cause big enough damage for his memories to come back. If it is, it’s not working.
“Ha ha ha. Very funny.”
Youngjae hunches over and Daehyun tries to shush him because the entire restaurant is looking at them, but Youngjae indulges in his own jokes a little too much.
They finish the rest of their meal in silence, much to Daehyun's relief and he watches as Youngjae settles the bill. It's the least he can do, to give Youngjae a chance to redeem himself. He doesn’t manage to go to school and Youngjae takes him for ice cream at the convenience store nearby.
--
“I’m sick.” Daehyun texts Youngjae when he wakes up in the morning with a fever and Youngjae’s text messages have been telling him that he should’ve been up hours ago for school. He thinks against texting Himchan because the latter would probably be busy with work.
“Do you want to come down to the hospital to check it out?”
Youngjae’s reply comes faster than usual and Daehyun declines because it’s just a normal fever, so he drags himself into the kitchen and pours himself some water.
“I’ll drop by to check on you.”
And Daehyun texts him to tell him that it’s okay really, he doesn’t have to at all it’s just a damned fever but Youngjae doesn’t reply until he turns up at his door in the evening.
“Hey you called for the doctor?” Youngjae giggles and Daehyun rolls his eyes and makes sure he coughs in his face. “Well it might be serious considering you just recovered and all…” Youngjae says as he plops down beside Daehyun on the couch only to find out that Daehyun’s fever had gone away and soon they’re having tea and Daehyun is asking him about his day.
“You owe me 5 favours then. Since you made me come all the way here and all.” Youngjae says, righteously and Daehyun just stares at him like he’s insane because really, Youngjae had just used him as an excuse to pop by. But Daehyun just laughs it off and obliges.
The door of his apartment clicks open and they hear a surprised ‘oh’ from the door.
“Oh! Himchan!” Youngjae says first and Himchan follows suit, raising a brow at Daehyun in question as to why the nursing intern was here.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Himchan says when Youngjae is out of the house and he feels something within him stir and he doesn’t put a name to that feeling because he has never thought himself the kind to react in that sort of way.
“Because it’s nothing serious.”
“But still-“
“Wait are you jealous?” Daehyun teases and Himchan defends himself becaue he’s certainly not the type to be jealous at all period. “You so are.” Daehyun chuckles and he kisses away the pout on Himchan’s face. And Himchan tugs at Daehyun’s collar and pulls him down towards the couch again.