23. Taemin (1/2)
“What is this?” She asked trying to laugh it off. I looked at her dead in the eye.
“Naeun, I’m serious.”Taking a step closer to her I felt her lean back as I invaded her personal space. She wouldn’t give me her eye contact. “Why don’t you believe me Naeun?”
With both hands she firmly pushed me away. The physical touch was out of rejection and it was a blow to my pride. Naeun dipped her head down. “You should leave, it’s late.”
True I did have a schedule early the next morning. But that wasn’t until eight. Turning away I had to think of what to do. She was refusing my words, refusing the truth, even when I had humiliated myself to do so.“What can I do to show you how sincere I am being?”
She held her hands together tight. “There’s nothing… I gave you more than enough chances to show me your real self and you… You blew them all.” She whispered the last part. “So, don’t waste your time anymore because…” I felt as though I knew what she wanted to say at the end even if she omitted it.Naeun went to pick up the wrapping paper from my gift. While she wasn’t paying attention I walked over to the fridge and opened the door. “You had a party right? So there has to be… Ah ha,” I took out a packet of beers, two of which were missing.She looked up and her face fell. “I’m guessing that Eunji brought it along since you aren’t such a strong drinker.”
“Taemin, you wouldn’t…”
I took one can out, opened it and had a large swig. I let out a breath of relief, the alcohol giving me a buzz. “Naeun, would you believe me if I was drunk?”
“Please stop.”
Shaking my head I drank more until it was almost empty. “Well it seems to be that way.” I finished the can and then had another drink. “Naeun, do you know that your heart is blocked by a thick wall made out of stone, brick, steel and even wood? How can anyone be good enough to enter your life and not be chased out by guard dogs?”
Naeun did not answer. “Yes that’s what I deal with, silence.” I squashed the can and then opened up another. “I don’t think you really understand what I’m saying.” I swallowed some more, feeling a little light headed. “I’m in love with you. I admired you when I saw your group and you in the middle. I liked you when we were on the show together and now it’s the big word.”
I don’t know if my words made any impact. I blocked a burp that threatened to rise. Squashing that can as well I got another, somewhat dizzy. “So my only option is to tell you this with beer.” Naeun glanced at the beers on the table and reached down to take them out of my reach.“I still love you Naeun.”
“Taemin, it’s too late. “
“Not while we’re still—“ My legs seemed to become limp and everything went black.
Opening my eyes I groaned as my head hurt. My phone was ringing away. Sitting up I grabbed the device to answer. The time said five forty five in the morning.
“H-hello this is Taemin?”
“TAEMIN WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!” I sat up and almost threw up. Covering my mouth I listened to Minoh hyung reprimand me on the phone.
“HOW COME YOU DIDN’T GO HOME LAST NIGHT? WHY COULDN’T I REACH YOU UNTIL NOW? YOUR HAIRDRESSER’S APPOINTMENT IS IN HALF AN HOUR AND I CAN’T FIND YOU. WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL THE BOSS?!”I think I started to realise what was going on. “Oh umm… I was visiting a friend and I guess I lost track of the time. I’ll come out.” I told him where I was and he flipped out even more.“Taemin you’re really screwed now. Don’t leave I’ll be there in fifteen aish.”After hanging up I had to hurry to the kitchen sink. Turning the tap on I wiped my mouth with a wet hand, wondering how I would explain to our manager my hang over.Glancing around the white walled room I realised that the place was clean. Naeun was gone but a note had been left on the table. Going over to it I picked up the piece of paper which had been written in familiar hand writing.It explained that she had to leave and told me to shut the door behind after making sure everything was left in its place. There was a slight bang as a door closed. She must have just left. Not bothering about shoes I hurried after her.Ω“Naeun, Naeun!” She waited at the lift, moving her head with a silent swish of her hair as I called her name. There was a beep as the metal doors slowly opened. I pressed my thumb against the button which kept the doors open. She was dressed in a black dress, stockings and a brown small cardigan thing that stopped at her waist as well as her coat.“Naeun, please give me an answer.” I didn’t need an explanation as to what happened because I had gotten the picture easily. I wanted to know whether this really was goodbye. “If you want me to tell the world my feelings than fine I’ll organise a press release. If you want me to fight then I’ll fight. I’ll do anything you want. Please… Just tell me that things aren’t over between us.”
She hesitated. Panting and getting my breath back I wondered whether she had gone into hiding. Would she answer me or still leave me hanging on with pure worry and confusion?After a couple of minutes went by she released my thumb and stepped out of the lift. “Grab your things, we’ll ride down together and you’ll leave first.”