Moon, 12:04am (1/2)

The air is cold but Hanbin feels warmer than he’s felt in a while, like he’s caught in some kind of thermal, wings spread out to catch the heat as it lifts him up into the clouds. He contemplates making the comparison to Bobby, but he doesn’t know if he’ll get it. Maybe it’s a little too poetic? Hanbin’s been on a poetry binge lately, to the point that sometimes he gets thoughts in his head, romantic lines he wants to speak, but he’s not sure if they’re his or someone else’s.

Not that it matters, because Bobby hasn’t been around much lately with his conflicting schedule, and whenever he has been here usually the others have been around too, and by the time Hanbin finally goes to sleep Bobby’s already been out for an hour at least, exhaustion granting him earlier nights than usual. Hanbin can’t bring himself to be disappointed, because Bobby’s been pulling double duty, promoting in Korea only to fly back to continue their Japanese promotions.

Hanbin remembers what it’s like to fly that often, thinks back to their debut period. Hopping on and off planes all the time, rushing to make events. It’s a shitty way to spend your time, but they made do then, because at least they were together.

It’s been weird watching Bobby go, and then watching him come back. Hanbin always wants to tell him how much he’s missed him, but he feels like maybe that’ll just make things worse.

Tonight was the first night in a while that Bobby was still awake when Hanbin got back to their hotel room, and he wondered if Bobby had been waiting for him. Their eyes met briefly, as if in question, but before Hanbin could say anything Bobby was up and off the bed.

“Wanna go for a walk?”

Hanbin was surprised by the request, and even though all he really wanted to do was go to sleep, he agreed without question.

Now they’re together, strolling the quiet streets of Osaka, just the two of them. They haven’t been alone like this in ages, and Hanbin can’t believe how alive he feels. Sometimes you don’t realize how oppressive everything in your life is until you’re out from under its thumb.

It’s not that he’s unhappy with idol life. It has its ups and downs, and he’s experienced both. But he’s certain that there’s so much in life that he’s missing, constantly cooped up in a studio, working himself until he’s got nothing left. Those are the nights when he forgets to look up at the stars on his way home (if there are even any left in the sky at that point) when he pulls the covers on his bed up and over his face and pretends that he doesn’t wake up an hour later when his members wake up.

It’s like he’s got some weird internal clock that operates on group-time even when it conflicts with Hanbin-time. His own fault for finding inspiration in the twilight hours, so he can’t even be mad. They try to be quiet when they know he’s still sleeping, but there are six of them, and quiet only lasts for so long.

He’s been existing like that for the past year, struggling to find time that works for him around their schedules. It’s been a never ending series of concerts, and as great as those are, as nice as it is to know that they can tour right away, it leaves him feeling anxious.

This is no way to attract new fans. They all know it, even if none of them say it.

“I can hear you thinking,” Bobby says, and Hanbin doesn’t have to look at him to see his expression, “no bad thoughts, you promised.”

Hanbin grins and shakes his head. “Sorry, it caught me off guard.”

“I think your brain needs a vacation,” Bobby teases, and even though the hour is late and no one’s around, Bobby’s fingers brush over his hand but they don’t take it. They can never be too careful.

“My brain wouldn’t know what to do on vacation,” Hanbin jokes, and as sad as it is, they both know it’s true. Hanbin just can’t ever switch himself off, he’s been existing in a constant state of work for so long.

“That’s why your brain needs to go on vacation with me,” Bobby replies, and Hanbin would love nothing more than some secret vacation with Bobby. Somewhere far away, other side of the world far away. Somewhere in the Caribbean, maybe? With crystal clear water and schools of fish. Bobby can go snorkeling, and Hanbin can lie in the sand and let the waves roll up and over his toes. Bobby will probably try to catch a fish bare handed, and when he does he’ll come back up out of the water and throw it on a peacefully dozing Hanbin.

Hanbin can’t stop the laugh before it bubbles up and out of his mouth.

“It’s rude to not share jokes, Bin!” Bobby scolds him, walks closer until their shoulders are touching.

“You probably wouldn’t find it funny,” Hanbin teases back, “one of those jokes that’s only funny when you’re there for it.”

“Oh yeah? And where was I when you heard this joke?” Bobby asks.

“You were part of it,” Hanbin replies, “you were actually the catalyst.”

Bobby sighs and Hanbin wishes they were in the Caribbean right now so he could kiss him. “Would you quit talking in riddles?”

“I was just fantasizing about our Caribbean vacation,” Hanbin starts to explain, and he laughs again when Bobby gives him an exasperated look.

“When did we book a Caribbean vacation?”

“Just now.”