Guilt (1/1)

As the mid afternoon sun slowly crept its way across the room, Yunho slept peacefully in the chair next to Jaejoong’s bedside. The sounds of the city made their way through the slightly opened window and softly echoed in the peaceful room. As the sound of a nearby car horn broke through that peaceful and serene melody of life dancing around Yunho, he began to slowly stir from his slumber. Opening his eyes, he looked upon the candle which had lulled him to sleep many hours before. As his eyes began to come into focus, he noticed that it was no longer burning.Reaching out and touching the candle softly, he realized that it’s comforting and warm light had been extinguished many hours ago. Turning his gaze from the table towards the bed before him, he saw something that he didn’t expect. He had hoped that he would see Jaejoong still sleeping peacefully beside him, but the bed was unexpectedly cold and empty.  Standing up from the chair, Yunho looked down at the bed and wondered to himself where Jaejoong could have gone. Turning back to look at the bedside table he noticed a note sitting under that once comforting candle. Reaching down, he picked the folded message and opened it.“I’m sorry.”  - JaeAs he read those words, Yunho dropped his head in disappointment. Where could have Jaejoong gone? Why did he leave without telling him? Did he do something wrong? While thoughts of self-doubt and confusion continued to cross his mind, Yunho stared blankly at that note. After a few minutes his attention was suddenly grabbed by Yoochun as he walked into the room.“They left hours ago.” sighed Yoochun.“They?” questioned Yunho as he stared at Jaejoong’s note.“Junsu and Jae.” answered Yoochun.“Why didn’t you wake me?” questioned Yunho with a tinge of heart ache in his voice.“He asked me not to.” said Yoochun “Jae didn’t want me to wake you.”“Since when do you do what you’re told?” griped Yunho.“I wanted to wake you…” started Yoochun “but the look in Jae’s face when he begged me not to…”“I just couldn’t say no.” added Yoochun "He looked as if he was seconds away from falling to pieces."“What about Junsu?” questioned Yunho.“He left with him.” answered Yoochun “Jae woke up about four hours ago. He came into the living room and woke Junsu up. He begged Junsu to take him home."“Junsu looked disappointed in Jae's request but he didn’t argue with him.” added Yoochun “They left ten minutes later.”“Did Junsu say anything before he left?” questioned Yunho with a heavy sigh.“He asked me to tell you, thank you and that he’s sorry.” sighed Yoochun “That was it.”As Yoochun spoke those words, anger began to grow in his Yunho’s mind as he started to feel as if Jaejoong and Junsu had abandoned him. Crumpling up the note left to him by Jaejoong and throwing it across the room in his frustration, Yunho couldn’t help but feel that he had been deceived somehow. “Why the hell would they leave without saying anything to me?” questioned Yunho in his mind “Do they even care how I feel?” A few moments passed by before Yunho lifted his eyes up to Yoochun and flashed a disappointed and heartbroken look his way.“Don’t worry Yunho.” started Yoochun as he caught the look on his face “I’m sure they had their reasons for leaving without saying goodbye.”“Junsu will call you. I just know it.” added Yoochun “So please calm down and just wait.”“Calm down?” scoffed Yunho “After everything that happened last night how could they just up and leave me like that?”A split second later, Yoochun watched Yunho dart for his changing room. Following him into the room, Yoochun watched in utter confusion as Yunho frantically searched through his suit jackets hanging near the back of the room. After fervently searching through the pockets of ten or so jackets, Yunho smiled with a slight smirk as his hand finally touched the object he was looking for. Pulling out Jaejoong’s business card from the jacket he wore Friday night, Yunho ran back to his room and grabbed his cellphone from the bedside table. He quickly dialed Jaejoong’s number and waited impatiently as he listened to it ring through. The phone rang and rang until Jaejoong’s voice mail kicked on. Yunho immediately hung up the phone and dialed the number again. After four more times of redialing Jaejoong’s number and getting no answer, Yunho changed tactics and called Junsu’s number. As the phone call rang through, and continued to ring until Junsu’s voice mail service kick on, Yunho started to feel as if he was truly being rejected by Jaejoong as his anger continued to grow. He immediately hung up the phone and went to call Junsu’s number back, when his text message alert sounded. Looking down at his phone and noticing the sender was none other than Junsu himself, Yunho quickly opened up the message and read it.“Leave him be Yunnie. He's hurting.” – Junsu.With his anger and worry for Jaejoong chaotically mingling inside his head and his heart, Yunho read those words and immediately lost his temper. As Yoochun watched Yunho sling his cellphone across the room and saw it hit the far wall and break into pieces, he knew that Yunho was feeling rejected. To see him so upset was a new world for Yoochun. Yunho was rarely emotional about anyone. His once cold and distant personality had seemed to change over night and he had become an emotional mess. Only once before had he ever seen Yunho this emotional, and the thought of Yunho reverting back to that time in his life, terrified Yoochun. “Could this mean he...” questioned Yoochun to himself softly.“Impossible.” dismissed Yoochun with a shake of the head.Yoochun slowly walked from his viewpoint near the door way towards Yunho. Whatever was going through Yunho's mind right now, caused him to shake softly as he hung his head down low and Yoochun feared that he wasn't really there. He had to do something. If he left Yunho like this, there was no telling what he would do. Yoochun reached out his hand and placed it on Yunho’s shoulder in hopes that his action would somehow comfort him, but Yunho instantly pulled himself away from Yoochun’s touch.“Leave me!” growled Yunho.“But?” questioned Yoochun in a shocked tone.“GO!” yelled Yunho as he turned and looked at Yoochun with a glare of pure anger. “Leave me alone!”“Alright…” stuttered Yoochun.Yoochun walked out of the master bedroom and closed the door behind him. Once closed, he leaned his back against the door and sighed deeply “Su? What were you thinking?”"This is not good." frowned Yoochun as he hung his head in disbelief. [Meanwhile] Junsu looked up from his cellphone and watched Jaejoong with concern. Save for the very little Jaejoong spoke at Yunho’s apartment before they left, he had been eerily quiet for the last few hours. When they had returned to Jaejoong’s apartment, he immediately went to his room and took a bath. Refusing any sort of help from Junsu, Jaejoong was acting very distant, as if he was both hurt and angry. After cleaning himself up and changing into a white cotton long sleeve shirt and white pajama bottoms, Jaejoong walked into the living room and sat down in the soft sofa chair next to the decorative stone fireplace and pulled his knees up to his chest. For the next few hours, Jaejoong never spoke nor moved from that spot, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Junsu tried to talk to him, offered to make him food, and even made him a cup of hot tea, but Jaejoong gave no reaction nor spoke about what happened the night before.Noticing that the first untouched cup of tea he had placed beside Jaejoong had gone cold, Junsu immediately got up and made him another cup. Walking back from the kitchen and placing the saucer and cup on the table beside Jaejoong’s chair, Junsu looked up at the face of his dear friend and worried that maybe Jaejoong had finally had a full blown nervous breakdown. Dismissing that horrifying thought from his head, Junsu flashed a caring smile at Jaejoong before he backed away and sat down on the nearby couch. Silence danced its melancholic way between Jaejoong and Junsu for sometime before it was broken out of the blue by Jaejoong.“He knows doesn’t he?” questioned Jaejoong softly. “You told him everything, didn’t you?”“I had no choice.” sighed Junsu “He was extremely worried about you.”“How could you?” questioned Jaejoong with the tinge of heartbreak in his voice as he flashed Junsu a heartbroken look. “You should have never told him!”“Soo Hee left me no choice Jae!” argued Junsu “He had the right to know! You scared the hell out of him!”“What did you want me to do?” questioned Junsu angrily “Would you have preferred that I lied to him and made something up?”“You said that you would never lie to him.” added Junsu calmly as he tried to regain his composure “Did you want me to lie to him instead?”“No.” sighed Jaejoong “I wouldn’t ever ask you to lie to Yunho, just as I never want to lie to him.”“It’s just …” sniffled Jaejoong as tears slowly began to fall down his cheeks “I never wanted him to know about that part of my life.”“I had foolishly hoped…” moaned Jaejoong softly “he would never need to know.”“Now that he knows, he won’t have anything else to do with me.” cried Jaejoong as he dropped his head into his knees. “He will never talk to me again.”Junsu immediately got up and walked up to Jaejoong. Instantly wrapping his arms around him and giving him a comforting hug, Junsu sighed heavily. As Jaejoong continued to cry softly, Junsu finally realized how truly precious Yunho really was to him. Even though Jaejoong had always said so, Junsu never understood how much so until this moment. He knew he had to fix this, for both of them.“Yunnie isn’t like that.” reassured Junsu “He cares about you.”Releasing his grip and leaning back a bit, Junsu grabbed Jaejoong’s chin and lifted his eye to meet his own.“I’ve known Yunnie for a very long time…” smiled Junsu reassuringly “and I’ve never see him as concerned about anyone as he was about you last night.”“Never.” emphasized Junsu as he reached up and rubbed Jaejoong’s head lovingly.“Don’t lie to me Su.” begged Jaejoong as he began to drop his head again “Please?”“Have I ever lied to you?” smiled Junsu brightly as he lifted up Jaejoong’s head once more and gave a slight nod “You can trust him, I promise.”“Alright…” stammered Jaejoong softly as he tried to fight back his sadness.“But…” started Junsu as he dropped his eyes away from Jaejoong’s stare “the way you left …”“I know…” stuttered Jaejoong disappointingly “I … I just couldn’t face him.”“Not after what I did last night.” added Jaejoong softly. “I just couldn’t.”"Why did this have to happen?" moaned Jaejoong as he buried his head in his knees once more.“Please forgive me Jae.” begged Junsu sadly “All of this is my fault.”“I shouldn’t have let you go.” said Junsu regretfully “Nor should I have never let you out of my sight!”“If it hadn’t been for Yunho…” sniffled Junsu “We would have lost you.”“The fault is mine and mine alone.” replied Jaejoong as he looked back up at Junsu “It was my choice to go.”"Because of my selfishness..." sighed Jaejoong before he trailed off for a moment.“I wanted to see him again.” admitted Jaejoong “And, I didn’t think about the consequences.”“I know…” admitted Junsu.“Don’t worry.” smiled Junsu “I promise I will explain everything to Yunnie for you.”“He will understand.” added Junsu before he stood up and nodded at Jaejoong “You know you can trust me, right?”“Always.” Nodded Jaejoong with a soft smile, even though deep down his heart, he wasn’t so sure that Yunho would truly understand why he left or even if he would ever speak to him again. As Junsu turned and walked towards the kitchen he added, “Now that you’re talking to me, you should eat something!”“Ok.” smiled Jaejoong.  After several hours had passed and he was sure that Jaejoong would be alright by himself, Junsu decided to head for Yunho’s apartment. He knew that the way they left that morning wouldn’t have sat right with Yunho; especially after everything that they had went through worrying over Jaejoong the night before. Junsu also knew that he would have to be very persuasive on Jaejoong’s behalf to make sure that Yunho didn’t harbor any ill will. As he drove through the busy streets of Seoul, Junsu worked out what he was going to say to him once they met again. He wasn’t sure he would be able to convince Yunho to forgive Jaejoong, but he had to try for all of their sakes. Junsu arrived at Yunho’s apartment shortly after nine. He parked his car and quickly made his way up stairs.Yoochun hadn’t left Yunho’s apartment all day even though he had several appointments scheduled for that evening. The way Yunho had acted earlier in the day, and how he had been acting ever since, had Yoochun not only concerned but afraid. He had never in his life seen Yunho this angry and he was terrified of what Yunho might do, to himself or others, in his current state. Ever since Yunho ordered Yoochun to get out, he had kept his distance from him. Yoochun watched Yunho’s bedroom door like a hawk for any signs of moment, of which there were none, all night. Yoochun had spent almost two hours watching Yunho’s door before he first ventured near it, in hopes of getting him to talk. Yoochun had only asked one simple question “Yunnie what do you want to eat?” hoping to get some sort of coherent answer, but instead his question was immediately answered by the sound of a water glass shattering against the closed door and Yunho yelling "Go away!"Yoochun sat quietly on the sofa watching Yunho’s door when he heard the front door's locking mechanism chime then immediately unlock. Standing up and turning towards the door he stared in utter shock as his eyes fell upon Junsu smiling brightly. Yoochun immediately bolted for Junsu, placed his hands on Junsu’s chest and started forcibly pushing him back out the door. As Junsu protested, Yoochun reached up and covered his mouth, shook his head no, and continued to push him back out into the hallway. As Yoochun gently closed the door behind them, he immediately grabbed Junsu by the shirt and slammed him up against the wall. “What the hell are you doing here?” growled Yoochun as his temper flared.“I came to talk to Yunnie.” answered Junsu with a confused look as he reached up and grabbed Yoochun's wrists.“Are you out of your mind?” questioned a frustrated Yoochun as he shook Junsu slightly.“What do you mean?” asked Junsu “Is there something wrong?”“Is there something wrong?” scoffed Yoochun as he realeased his grip on Junsu with a shove “You bet your ass there is!”“Ever since Yunho woke up and realize you two disappeared on him…” started Yoochun as he began to slightly pace back and forth “he has been in a downright vicious mood.”“What?” questioned Junsu in a slightly amused tone “Vicious, Yunho? No Way!”“I’m not kidding!” growled Yoochun as he stopped and glared at Junsu “He’s extremely angry. He won’t talk to me. Hell he won’t even let me near his room!”“The jerk shattered a water glass on the damn door the last time I tried.” grumbled Yoochun.“What the hell set him off?” asked Junsu “Is he seriously that angry because we left without waking him?”“That’s part of it I’m sure.” admitted Yoochun “But you also know how sensitive he really is. You know damn well he’s had abandonment issues ever since Min Hee's death and you turn around and just disappear on him? How the hell else did you expect him to react?”“For goodness sakes, it was your idea to get Yunho and Jaejoong to be friends in the first place.” griped Yoochun “And now that he’s gotten attached, you guys just ditched him with no explanation.”"He's angry and hurt." added Yoochun "And for Yunnie, thats a dangerous combination."“Alright!” replied Junsu “I know I screwed up. Let me in so I can fix this!"“Fine…” growled Yoochun “but if he jumps you I’m not going to save your ass this time.”“He won’t.” smiled Junsu "Yunnie would never hurt me."“I wouldn’t be so sure.” mumbled Yoochun under his breath as he opened the apartment door.Junsu made his way across the living room as quickly as he could. As he reached Yunho’s bedroom door, he heard a crunch as he stepped down that prompted him to stop. Looking down at the floor beneath him, he noticed the pieces of the shattered water glass were scattered all over the floor. Junsu let out a heavy sigh and shook his head in dissapointment before he slowly reached up and knocked gently on the door.“I said leave me alone!” screamed Yunho from the other side “Go Away!”“Yunnie…” said Junsu in a calm tone “It’s Su. Open the door.”“I don’t want to talk to you, JUNSU!” growled Yunho “Go away and never come back!”“Do you really mean that?” questioned Junsu in a sad but manipulative tone “Do you really want me to leave and never come back?”Yunho didn’t answer.“Yunnie…” sighed Junsu “let me come in.”“I know you’re mad.” admitted Junsu softly “Please let me explain?”“Say what you have to say there!” replied Yunho in a hurtful tone “I don’t want to see your face!”“Yunnie…” sniffled Junsu “Don’t act like this.”“Fine!” sniffled Junsu manipulatively after a few moments of silence “I guess you dont need me anymore. I'll leave.”As Junsu turned away from the door and took a few steps he suddenly heard Yunho unlock his bedroom door and walk away. Smiling to himself coyly, Junsu turned and headed for the door. “That always works.” laughed Junsu in his mind.Being careful not to slip on the shattered remnants of the broken glass, Junsu slowly opened Yunho’s bedroom door and walked in. Closing the door softly behind him, Junsu looked up to see Yunho sitting on the far side of his bed looking out the balcony doors at the Seoul skyline. He apprehensively made his way across the room to Yunho’s side. In an attempt to comfort Yunho, who was obviously hurting, Junsu reached out his hand and placed it on Yunho’s shoulder. The second it landed, Yunho snapped. He jumped up from the bed, grabbed Junsu and slammed him up against the nearby wall by the throat. For the first time in their friendship, Junsu was truly afraid of Yunho in that moment. He had never seen him so angry nor had he ever seen Yunho ever lay a hand on a friend in anger. The mixture of fear and rage in Yunho’s eyes told Junsu that what they had done to him was far more serious than he had previously imagined. As Yunho squeezed his neck tighter and tighter, Junsu knew that he had lost all self control. Junsu could only think of one thing to calm him down and he knew if he didn’t do it quick, he’d end up in the hospital. Junsu immediately reached up with both hands, cupped Yunho’s face, and flashed a sad and frightened look at him.“Yunnie,” gasped Junsu softly “why are you hurting me?”"Please let me go." begged Junsu softly as he looked deeply into Yunho's eyes.The sound of Junsu’s plea tore through Yunho’s rage like a knife as he suddenly released his grip on him and took a step back in utter disbelief of his own actions. Dropping his eyes to the floor, Yunho turned away from Junsu before he whispered “Forgive me.”“It’s alright Yunnie.” sighed Junsu “This is all my fault. We shouldn’t have left.”“Why did you leave?” questioned Yunho softly “I really thought something else had happened to Jae.”“In truth, something did.” admitted Junsu.“What?” questioned Yunho as he immediate turned around and looked at Junsu with a mix of surprise and fear.“Guilt.” sighed Junsu as he walked over to Yunho and placed his hand on his shoulder.“Jae was so embarrassed about what he did last night and what he put you through...” started Junsu “that he didn’t have the courage to face you.”“He was afraid.” continued Junsu “Afraid, that you would treat him differently, that you wouldn’t trust him anymore, and you wouldn’t want anything to do with him now that you know about his past.”“You know I’m not like that!” dismissed Yunho.“I know, but Jae doesn’t.” admitted Junsu “So, please don’t be angry with him, alright?”Yunho didn’t answer.“Yunnie…” begged Junsu “After everything you went through last night, you know now that you two were truly meant to be friends, don’t you? You realized that last night, didn’t you?”“Yes.” answered Yunho softly with a nod."You were meant to be his friend." smiled Junsu "To protect him. To help him.""I know." answered Yunho.“Then don’t be mad at him anymore.” sighed Junsu “Call him and tell him that everything is alright.”“He’s afraid to call you.” admitted Junsu “He’s sitting over at his place, brooding as we speak.”"His heart is broken." added Junsu “Yunnie...he’s hurting.” "He thinks he has lost you forever." sniffled Junsu."Please just let this go and call him." sighed Junsu disappointingly.“Alright, I’ll call him.” agreed Yunho with a drawn out sigh “But you have to swear that the both of you will never do this shit to me again!”“I swear.” promised Junsu.