[M] Chapter 10 (1/1)

Going back to Seoul was strange.Jinyoung had grown use to the quite hum of the cafe's small neighborhood in Icheon. The eerily silent streets were something Jinyoung looked forward to every night he walked home to Jaebum's apartment.As they got closer and closer to Seoul, the night descended on them, but the bustling streets never ceased. All the noise wasn't helping Jinyoung's headache. It only amplified it. He just wanted to rest, but his mother and Mark had other plans. Their car ended up stopping near a brightly lit dinning area. The neon green lights of the restaurant blinked mockingly at Jinyoung's discomfort.Well, it's not like Jinyoung is absolutely miserable. He's incredibly thankful to have his mom and Mark back in his life. They've spent almost a year apart, so it's nice to have them around again. It's just that, there's been such a dramatic change of pace in Jinyoung's life in a rather short amount of time. His world has been knocked off balance in the blink of an eye. This morning he had been having breakfast with his boyfriend, enjoying the routine of their simple life, and now he's about to have dinner in Seoul with his mother and best friend who thought he was dead.Jinyoung steps into the frigid air, shivering in his light jacket. The noise is even louder outside of the car, and his head throbs more. He sucks in a deep breath to steady himself. Everything is so bright and loud and overwhelming. He wraps his arms around himself, already wondering how Jaebum is doing by now. His mother grabs his arm and offers him a comforting smile as if saying Things will be okay. It calms Jinyoung a little, and he finds himself breathing a little bit easier when his mom rubs his arm."We'll wait until tomorrow morning to take you to the doctors for a full check up." His mom says once they've all been seated inside. "In the meantime we should just enjoy ourselves. Order as much food as you want Jinyoung. I think we need to celebrate tonight.""Only the best wine for our little Jinyoungie." Mark ruffles Jinyoung's hair with one hand and calls the waiter over with the other.Jinyoung eyes the menu, everything looking too exquisite for his taste. He doesn't even know how to pronounce half the items on the list. He is too accustomed to eating Jaebum's meals which were just strange combinations of whatever was left in the fridge or street food."Sweetie," his mom calls out softly to him, seeing how Jinyoung is frowning at the menu. "Do you remember this place? You came here all the time."Jinyoung's eyes widen at his mom's words before looking at the menu again. Nothing looked appealing. There was no way this had been his favorite place."You use to take Mark here on...oh what did you call it? Best friend dates?""O-of course I remember." Jinyoung stammers, flushing hotly, still not really recollecting those specific memories. "I was just gonna say, I can't wait to try the uh-" Jinyoung frantically scans the menu for anything that looked vaguely familiar."Steak," Mark finishes for him. "You always got steak. You said everything else on this menu was too fancy, but you'd deal with it because this was my favorite place.""Right," Jinyoung says, "I was just about to say that." He fiddles with the napkin on his lap, suddenly aware of his mother and Mark's gazes inspecting him.His mother reaches out to grab his fidgeting hand, "It's okay if you can't remember every single detail right away. We don't expect you to. Take things easy, okay?""Yah, Jinyoungie. I know you always want to be perfect at everything you do. But really, we understand if you can't remember everything. You don't have to pretend around us. We are your family." Mark grabs his other hand. "We are just happy to have you back. That's enough for us.""T-thanks." Jinyoung feels a rush of affection for his mom and Mark, and he blinks away the prickling feeling behind his eyes."No more crying," his mom urges, "It's time to be happy."Mark looks like he might add something else when his gaze shifts somewhere over Jinyoung's shoulder. His eyes go soft as he waves his hand, "Over here!"Jinyoung whips around to look at who Mark is yelling to. It's a woman. Light brown hair reaching her shoulders and large glasses adorning her face. She walks with an air of confidence and coolness. As she gets closer and closer, something clicks in Jinyoung's brain. It's Mia, Mark's wife."I hope you don't mind me inviting my wife to dinner with us. I figured you guys should meet again considering we will all be living together for a while." Mark whispers in his ear.Jinyoung's mom shoots Jinyoung a concerned look. Her hands reaches under the table again to squeeze his knee. But does he really need the comfort? It's not like he's still hurt by the fact Mark married someone else. At least not anymore. And he's sure Mia is a wonderful girl. Then why do I feel nauseous.Mia finally reaches their table and greets them all cheerfully. She bends down to give his mom a quick hug and Mark a quick peck. Her hand lingers on Mark's shoulder and Jinyoung can't help the way his eyes latch onto that movement. Possibly an old habit resurfacing from the past."Jinyoung! It's so good to see you." Mia exclaim and grabs him by the shoulders. "We have been so worried! We were sure you were dead.""Sorry to disappoint." Jinyoung tries to use humor as a refuge.Mia hits Jinyoung's shoulder as she bursts out laughing. She turns to Mark, "Didn't I say Jinyoung was my favorite out of all your friends. He so easygoing, even jokes about his almost death!""Yup. He's great I know." Mark winks at him, and Jinyoung feels himself blush.Jinyoung spends the next hour, relaying the same story he told his mom and Mark to Mia. She is enthralled by all the details, especially the ones about Jaebum.She leans forward to prop an elbow on the tablecloth. There's a curious glint in her eyes. Jinyoung has a feeling he is about to be interrogated."So, you have a boyfriend. Is he hot?" She asks."Oh he's very attractive." Ms. Park chimes in with a wry smile and a sip of wine.Mia squeals with delight, "I want pictures!"Jinyoung thumbs through his phone, "I might actually have a few." He eventually lands on a picture from when they first started dating. It's a selfie of Jaebum sitting on the couch with Jinyoung's face tucked into his neck in attempt to hide from the camera. Jaebum is sporting his classic heart stopping grin, and the reading glasses slightly askew on his face only make him more adorable.Jinyoung remembers that day vividly. They had a day off from the cafe, so Jaebum had sat them down on the couch with two cups of hot chocolate. He had gotten out his poetry book and had begun to recite love poems to Jinyoung. It was so cheesy and cliche, but Jinyoung had loved every second of it.Jaebum's hand is warm where it lies on Jinyoung's hip. Jinyoung snuggles happily into Jaebum's sides as he continues reciting."And the sunlight clasps the earth,And the moonbeams kiss the sea -What are all these kissings worthIf thou kiss not me?"Jinyoung responds cheekily with, "Are you trying to ask for a kiss hyung?" "You tell me." Jaebum grins as he turns to look at Jinyoung. Their noses bump against each other. "Did it work? Have I wooed you yet?""I think it did." Jinyoung whispers against Jaebum's lips, right before their mouths fall easily against one another in a lazy kiss. Jaebum hums in pleasure as Jinyoung presses harder into the kiss.The book falls forgotten to the floor as Jinyoung falls on his back onto the couch. The cardigan he's wearing slides slightly off his shoulders, exposing the threadbare tank top underneath. Jinyoung's quiet giggle when Jaebum kisses his exposed shoulder is quickly consumed by a gasp as Jaebum slithers a feverish hand under his tank top. Jinyoung's spreads his legs open so Jaebum can easily fit in between them. It's invitation for Jaebum's nibble fingers to undo the drawstring of Jinyoung's sweatpants in a matter of seconds.Lines of poem aren't recited again for a while.Jinyoung clears his throat and shows off the picture to Mia."Wow! Ms. Park you were right. He's is so hot.""But I'm still hotter right?" Mark chides.Mia waves him away, "Sure. Sure. Jinyoung you have got quite the catch. He looks so intelligent with those glasses on! What does he do for a living? I think I might die if you say he is a CEO of some company or a doctor, ooh or a lawyer!""Actually, he works at a coffee shop."Mia's smile falters a little, "Oh, like a part-time job? Is he studying something then?""Not really. The coffee shop is really important to him though. He practically raised it with Jackson. Besides working at the coffee shop he is also a photographer.""A photographer?" The light in Mia's eyes is reignited. "That's kind of sexy. Never knew they were your type.""He seems exactly Jinyoung's type." His mom interrupts, "Jaebum seems hard-working, loyal, and respectful. That's always what Jinyoung has looked for in a man. No matter the profession."Jinyoung gives his mother a thankful smile."I think your scaring Jinyoung with all your questions," Mark remarks. Mia just rolls her eyes, "I'm just curious. Like is Jaebum okay with Jinyoung leaving so suddenly?""W-well," Jinyoung splutters, "He was slightly upset. But I think he understands too.""If Mark did something like that to me I would be more than just slightly upset with him. I might even think of breaking up with him!" Mia adds dramatically. Jinyoung's throat closes up at the thought. His heartbeat starts rising in panic. What if she was right? He hadn't even thought about that possibility, what if-"You know what they say about long distance relationships." Mia cuts through his thoughts. "They never work out." At this point, Jinyoung is full on sweating. He is about to excuse himself from the table to call Jaebum, he needs to hear Jaebum say things will be okay, that they won't lose each other.His mother seems to notice Jinyoung's squirming because she interjects, "The circumstances are quite extraordinary. I think it's hard for any of us understand what Jaebum and Jinyoung are going through at the moment. I saw how Jaebum looked at Jinyoung at the cafe. I doubt Jaebum would let a little distance get in the way." That seems to finally quite down Mia. Mark shoots Jinyoung an apologetic glance, but Jinyoung just shakes his head."Why don't you guys tell me what I've missed instead?" Jinyoung tries to shy the topic of conversation away from him."Great idea!" Mark jumps at the opportunity.The rest of the dinner ends up being uneventful, just filling Jinyoung in on random information about the past year. Mark and Mia enjoying the newly wed life. His mother expanding her beauty stores to more parts of Seoul. Jinyoung finds out he use to work for a prestigious editing company as one of the chief editors. He was such a valuable employee that they are delighted to have him back if he so pleased. There are also a few uni friends that Jinyoung had that he should probably catch up with.After dinner Jinyoung's mother is dropped off at her friend's house, and the rest of them drive back to Mark and Mia's apartment. It's centered in the middle of Seoul, on a high rise building. Mark leads the way into a polished lobby. There's chandeliers around every corner and a bellboy to bring his luggage up for him. Jinyoung feels so out of place after spending a year in a dingy apartment with Jaebum.The apartment itself is even more impressive. Jinyoung compliments Mia on her choice of color scheme. She repeats to Mark that Jinyoung is her favorite friend. Well at least I'm on her good side."There's two bathrooms. One in our master bedroom and another down the hall on the left. Make yourself at home. You'll probably want to rest after a long day, so I'll just leave you to it." Mark says once they've hauled Jinyoung's suitcase in the guest bedroom.Jinyoung sits on the bed, it looks awfully big and lonely. "Thanks, hyung. I really appreciate the trouble you're going through.""Don't be silly. I love having you here, especially after not seeing you for an eternity.""You'll get sick of me soon enough." Jinyoung mumbles.Mark grins down at him, ruffling his hair for the second time that day. His hand lingers on top of Jinyoung's head and gingerly travels to hold the back of Jinyoung's neck. Jinyoung holds his breath. He's still not completely use to how affectionate Mark can be."It's good to have you back.""Aish, don't get all sappy on me.""You love sappy." Mark counters. He wasn't wrong. "Alright, I'll stop bothering you. Have a good night.""Night."As soon as Mark leaves the room, Jinyoung lets out a long sigh and flops back against the bed. He fishes through his pocket to get his phone. There's already a message waiting from Jaebum.It's a picture of the moon through Jaebum's bedroom window captioned, 'Oh baby the moon doesn't shine as bright without you here beside me'Jinyoung bites back a smile and texts back, 'Have you been reading poetry again?''I'm trying to be romantic''It's making me miss you more.''I love you'Jinyoung grins like a fool.'I love you more.''Not possible'Jinyoung definitely can't stop smiling now. 'Go to bed silly. You have work tomorrow and it's late.' Jinyoung finds himself yawning. The toll of the events of the day finally crashing on him and sleep winning over him. His eyes flutter close just as Jaebum's latest text comes through, 'I don't like going to bed without you'    The days go by quickly as Jinyoung pieces his old life together. He has coffee with old friends and calls up a few distant relatives. After a week, he begins to spend his mornings at the editing company adjusting to a work schedule again. In the afternoon he usually spends time with his mom. At night he comes home to eat dinner with Mia and Mark. On occasion the couple goes out for dinner dates and Jinyoung just spends the night on Skype with Jaebum.Like tonight.Jinyoung stares at the Skype loading screen with impatience. A week without seeing Jaebum had given him serious withdrawal issues. Waking up to an empty bedside was quite depressing after growing so use to Jaebum's arms encasing him every morning.He bites his nails as he waits for Jaebum to pick up the call, it's getting pretty late and Jinyoung just wants a few minutes with Jaebum before Mia and Mark come back. Jinyoung sighs in relief when the call finally picks up and Jaebum's tired face flickers onto the screen."I miss you." Is the first thing that Jinyoung says.Jaebum blinks in surprise, before a slow smile creeps onto his face. "Hi to you too." Jinyoung takes in Jaebum's droopy eyes and hunched shoulders, "How are you? You look really tired. Is now a bad time to call? I can call back later, if you'd like.""No!" Jaebum sits up immediately, "Don't-don't leave." Jinyoung's heart tugs at those words, as if they weren't just meant about the skype call."It was just a tough day at the coffee shop." Jaebum says settling back down in his seat. His shoulders look so tense that Jinyoung just wants to reach through the screen to rub the knots away and kiss Jaebum to sleep."Tell me about it.""A group of kids were trying to steal from the register, and I had to chase them out."Jinyoung gasps, "You chased them out? Why didn't you call the police? Hyung, that's really dangerous. You could have gotten hurt, oh go-""Jinyoungiee," Jaebum drawls, a small smirk adorning his face. Jinyoung immediately quietens, "Yes?" He squeaks out in a meek voice, Jaebum's charms haven't lost their effect on Jinyoung even after all their time together."I'm fine. Everything's fine. They were just rowdy teenagers. I know how to handle them. Remember, I was one of them as kid."Jinyoung snorts and rolls his eyes, "Yeaaaa I'm sure you were baddest rebel in town."Jaebum winks at him, "Of course I was. All the girls were falling at my feet."Jinyoung frowns, remember the girls who like to flirt with Jaebum at the cafe, "They still do that."Jaebum grins sleazily at him, "You're right"Jinyoung glares at him, "Now that I'm not around..."Jaebum's soft laughter rings out, his eyes squeeze into thin crescents and Jinyoung feels the breath knocked out of him at the sight. He's so gorgeous even when he's tired and through a crappy laptop screen."Millions of pretty girls could fall at my feet. But they would never compete with you. The prettiest boy in the world.""Hyung...." Jinyoung whines, and hides his blushing face in his hands."I love you." Jaebum murmurs. Jinyoung peeks up at Jaebum through his fingers. His blush only growing hotter and Jaebum's smile growing bigger. Jinyoung places his hands on both sides of his cheeks in order to hide his red face, even though it's a hopeless cause at this point, "I love you too." Jinyoung fans his cheeks before continuing, "So how is everyone at the cafe? Are Bambam and Yugyeom causing any trouble?"Jaebum groans, "It's been pretty busy lately. I think we are gaining more popularity, so Jackson is really happy. Youngjae has been helping out a bit now that's he's back. Jackson is pretty happy about that. Between you and me, I would say Jackson is more than a little fond of Youngjae, but that's another story." Jaebum rubs his eyes tiredly, "Bambam and Yugyeom are causing as much trouble as ever. Did I tell you that they put blue dye in my shampoo bottle? I noticed it before I actually put in my hair. Thank god.""I think you would look hot with blue hair."Jaebum raises an eyebrow, "Really?""Mhm.""I think you're too enamored with me," Jaebum grins.Jinyoung scoffs, although Jaebum is probably right, "Whatever.""Speaking of Bambam and Yugyeom," Jaebum clears his throat before his voice turns serious, "They're graduating in just a few months. You'll be back by then right? They wouldn't want you to miss it.""Oh wow. Already? Just tell me a date, and I can ask for a week off from work. That should be enough time for me to come and visit."Jaebum's face falls, "Uh, that's not what I meant.""It isn't?" The plan sounded perfectly reasonable to Jinyoung."I didn't mean if you are going to come visit us then. I'm asking if you will have moved back with us by then." Jaebum frowns a little."Oh." Jinyoung's stomach lurches nervously. He hadn't really thought that far ahead. He actually hadn't thought much about the future at all. All the changes had kept his mind on the present.Jaebum's arms are crossed now as leans back in his chair to squint quizzically at Jinyoung through the laptop screen, "You are coming back right?"Jinyoung wants to say something, anything, but he can't. It's as if he's lost his voice. He racks his brain for something unproblematic to say, something that would ease Jaebum's worries. Jinyoung takes too long to answer and Jaebum takes his silence as a no.Jaebum looks at him in disbelief. "You weren't planning on coming back were you.""That's not true." Jinyoung protests quietly."Bullshit." Jaebum accuses and it stings Jinyoung like a slap on the face."I haven't really thought about the future yet. I'm still trying to figure out what I am doing right now. I'm trying to adjust to a new life."The hurt is evident on Jaebum face as he leans forward, his voice getting louder, "Do any of us back at the cafe fit into your new life anymore?""Of course you do! I just-I need time. I don't know how to combine both of my lives before and after I lost my memory." Jinyoung begins to feel a little irritated, "I thought you understood that.""I just want you back." Jaebum raises his voice even more, he's almost shouting and if their conversation keeps going in this direction Jinyoung is sure Jaebum will actually start yelling. But his honesty rattles Jinyoung to his core, making his heart ache at Jaebum's words. Jaebum blinks rapidly, and Jinyoung realizes Jaebum might be on the verge of tears. Jaebum had always gives off the tough-guy aura, but after spending so much time with him, Jinyoung knows that Jaebum can actually be really emotional.Jinyoung softens his voice, "I-I'm sorry. I really am. I know this is all a mess. But I just need some time to figure things out and everything will be okay."Jaebum stays silent and looks away, blinking even more. Jinyoung feels like the worst human being in the world. "J-Jaebum? Please, talk to me."Jaebum clears his throat before turning towards the screen, his eyes are rimmed red and Jinyoung feels the knife of guilt twist even more in his gut, "Sorry, I didn't mean to get heated.""Don't apologize hyung. This is my fault. It's my mess of a life that you have to deal with. I didn't mean to leave so abruptly, things just happened." Jinyoung rubs his face with hands, fighting the prickling in his own eyes, "You deserve better than this, than me. I'm sorry.""No." Jaebum says vehemently. "I don't care if your life is a mess. I'll deal with it because it's you. And I love you. I'm sorry, okay, for shouting." Jaebum sighs, "I-I do understand that I can't ask you to forget your past. If going back home for a while, even if that means long distance, is what you want and need." Jaebum gulps, "I'll support it and suck up my own needs.""Have I ever told you how perfect you are?" Jinyoung says.Jaebum scoffs, but his lips quirk up into the smallest smile."I love you, hyung. More than anything in this world. Will you wait for me?""Depends." Jaebum's old cocky self, slowly returning, "Do you really love me more than anything? More than kimchi pancakes?""10 times more." Jinyoung smiles."I can live with that." Jaebum relents.    The days had become weeks, and the weeks became months.  The previously obnoxiously noisy streets of Seoul grew on Jinyoung. He falls into a cyclic routine of waking up, going to work, and coming "home" to Mark's apartment to eat dinner - with some variation in between. It wasn't the most exciting life, and the buzz around his reappearance had finally died down. His current routine was definitely quite different from the crazy days at the coffee shop working under Jackson. He misses not knowing what Bambam and Yugyeom would throw at him each day and he missed coming late in the mornings because Jaebum had gotten a little carried away with kissing him on the way out the door.Realistically speaking, this "new life" or technically his old past life, was practical compared to the life he led at the cafe. Here in Seoul he had a steady, well-paying job and a group of friends who were all succeeding in life. It was almost surreal to go to high-end bars with Mark and few co-workers when he was so used to drinking cheap beer in the back of Jaebum's pick up truck. Or spending the weekend at yacht parties with Mark when he was use to spending his weekends barefoot at the beach playing silly games of truth or dare.But Jinyoung adjusted. He even started taking more workload at the editing company to save up money for his own apartment. He felt like he had invaded Mark and Mia's privacy for long enough. Mark and his mother had insisted on helping Jinyoung pay for a large and luxurious new apartment. But for some reason that felt like too much commitment for Jinyoung at the moment. He wanted to do things on his own terms. Even if that meant more work. That's why he was thankful to be given the weekend off, and Mark declared it a "bro-day", so Mia left to visit a friend.Mark had set up a Harry Potter movie marathon on his large flat screen tv and ordered take out. Jinyoung was prepared for a relaxing evening after a stressful week of work. He propped his feet up on the coffee table, feeling comfortable in Mark's home after living there for almost 2 months.Mark comes back from the kitchen with two bottles of soju - cherry flavored - Jinyoung's mouth quirks up into a smile, "Interesting choice of drink."Mark shrugs returning Jinyoung's smile, "I'm feeling a little nostalgic." Mark sinks into the cushions next to Jinyoung and kicks his feet up onto Jinyoung's lap, "Mia is judging us for spending our only day off watching that 'children's movie'"Jinyoung shakes his head, "You can never be too old for Harry Potter. It's a classic." He takes a swing from the cherry soju, and the taste stings on the roof his mouth. It's been a while since he's had anything to drink. The situation feels familiar, drinking cherry soju on a couch, but for very different reasons.Mark taps his knee, "I can tell you're thinking too hard."Jinyoung startles out of his thoughts, "That's creepy.""I'm your best friend. It's normal.""What am I thinking about right?""How you wish that I would take my feet off your lap because they smell."Jinyoung blinks, "That's right...""Told you so. And no I won't move my feet." Mark defiantly digs his heels into the side of Jinyoung's thighs, and Jinyoung wrinkles his nose disapprovingly. Mark just laughs, "It's your fault for having such a comfy lap."Jinyoung snorts, and then gets a mischievous idea. He sets the soju bottle down and begins to tickle the bottom of Mark's feet with his fingertips, knowing how sensitive the older man is. Mark writhes on top of him, puppy-like laughter spilling from his lips, "Jinyoung-ah!" He kicks at Jinyoung's hands, but Jinyoung just holds him down with his other arm.Jinyoung giggles at Mark's valiant attempts to free himself, he looks so young and care free. "It's what you get for using me as furniture, hyung."Mark manages to shout, "Mercy!" in between giggles.Jinyoung finally release Mark from his clutches, and Mark holds his stomach as his breathing returns to normal, "You little shit.""You love me.""Only sometimes." Mark retorts.Jinyoung laughs again, and goes to press the play button on the movie. He takes another swing from the soju bottle to clear his dry throat. They sit through the first and second movie in a comfortable silence. By the third movie, Jinyoung is beginning to feel tingles through his body from the soju. Mark stands up to get himself another bottle. Half way through the 3rd movie, Mark blurts out, "You never told what actually happened that day of my wedding."The soju bottle almost slips from Jinyoung's fingers, "W-why the sudden question?"Mark shrugs again, "I'm just thinking.""Aish," Jinyoung taps the bottle nervously with his fingers, "I've already told you. I got too drunk."Mark pursues his lips, "I want the details, like why did you get so drunk?""Does it matter?"Mark struggles to sit up a little, but when he does he's frowning at Jinyoung, "You drank enough to forget your own name. I've known you for years and I know how responsible you are. You wouldn't do something like that unless something really bad happened to you. I want to know what drove you to that point."Jinyoung shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Mark had always know him to well, and now he was poking at an old wound. "It's nothing, really." Jinyoung refuses to look over at Mark and stares intently at the screen, trying to focus on what the character's are staying instead of the fear curling in his belly."Don't say it's nothing. I lost you for a year." Out of the corner of Jinyoung's eye he can see Mark means business. His bottle of soju has been set on the coffee table and he's leaning towards Jinyoung with a patronizing look. Jinyoung racks his brain for a way to escape Mark's interrogation. He hadn't planned on ever telling Mark the truth. Falling in love with Mark was a secret he hoped to take to his grave."I don't even remember why I did it." Jinyoung lies."I can tell when your lying."Shit, he really doesn't want to do this right now. It would just make things unnecessarily uncomfortable and awkward. Why couldn't everyone just move on from this?"I'm your best friend. You can confide in me. Don't you know that?"Jinyoung stares at his lap, where his hand clutches the soju bottle with a deathly grip. "I-" He doesn't know where to start and his throat is too dry. He takes another sip, but it only seems to make it hard to speak. "Let's not talk about this right now.""Why won't you tell me?" Mark insists, sounding a little frustrated. He's digging his fingers further into the wound that Jinyoung thought he had finished patching up. Mark shakes his shoulder, "Jinyoung." His voice is sharp, "Look at me."Jinyoung shakes his head, pressing his lips tightly together for the fear of the soju letting something slip. He is so, so scared. Even though Jinyoung had had time to move on, the scars of enduring an unrequited love were still there. The sleepless nights of crying and self loathing were something Jinyoung would never truly forget. But it was something Jinyoung had hoped to bury for a very, very long time. And here Mark was trying to unearth a confession that could change their relationship.But did it really matter, if they were both committed to other people? Wouldn't now be the safest moment to confess his old secret? Maybe confessing would be the best antidote, and then Jinyoung would really be able to leave it all behind.Mark seems to sense his distress because his voice is softer the next time he speaks, he places a gentle hand on Jinyoung's arm, "You can trust me."Jinyoung finally looks Mark in the eyes and he sees trust, "You have to promise, that whatever I say won't change things." Jinyoung is pleading now, "You won't think of me differently afterwards or hate me."Mark squeezes his arm, "I could never hate you, don't be ridiculous. Whatever it is, I will understand."Jinyoung gulps, trying to find the strength to finally say the words he had never planned on revealing to anyone. "I-I" Fuck, why is this so hard?  "I use to be in love with you," Jinyoung winces, saying the words out loud felt like ripping the bandage open on that old wound.Mark's hand freezes above his own. His eyes go impossibly wide and he says quietly, "What?"Jinyoung swallows around his shame, "That's why I was so drunk at your wedding. It hurt to see you marry someone else. I was stupid and heart broken, so I drank my feelings away." He can't meet Mark's eyes anymore, it's too embarrassing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It just happened."Mark removes his hand and Jinyoung wilts a little on the inside. He must be disgusted. "I-I would have never guessed." Mark stammers."I tried really hard to hide it.""How long?" Mark blurts out.The memory of lying under the stars with Mark on the playground replays in his brain, and Jinyoung cringes, "Since we were in high school."When he finally meet's Mark's gaze again, he can't read his expression anymore."Mark, I don't want this to change anything. I am over it now. After I lost my memories, I moved on."Mark's eyes soften, "Oh Jinyoung." He reaches towards Jinyoung to pull him into a tight hug, and the weight pressing on Jinyoung's chest is no longer there. "How could you think I would hate you for this?"He rubs Jinyoung's back in comfort, "I only wish you had told me sooner, maybe I could've caused you less pain. God, I feel like an asshole. I even made you plan the wedding with me.""S'fine," Jinyoung croaks into Mark's shoulder. He can't really grasp the situation, Mark isn't mad?"It's not fine. I hurt you so badly that you had to lose your memories to get over me. I am the worst human on earth." Mark pulls away a little and he looks worried. "You must hate me now.""No, of course not." Jinyoung wriggles out of his hold, "This was all on me. My stupid feelings."Mark shakes his head, "I just wish I hadn't spent all these years hurting you.""You didn't." Jinyoung lies. There's an old voice inside of him, a year ago it would have yelled, yes yes you did hurt me. you made fall in love with you. then you married someone else without remorse. But now that voice had long lost it's fire."I've moved on." Jinyoung is genuine. "That's all matters.""You don't hate me?""Even I'm not that petty," Jinyoung says, "I'm happy now. Trust me, okay?"Mark hesitates before saying, "If you don't mind me asking, why did you like me?""Now you're just fishing for compliments," Jinyoung teases in attempt to diffuse the tense atmosphere. "Well, I guess it was your caring nature. You were always someone I could rely on. Always so kind and charming. I guess that was enough for me."Mark nods thoughtful. Jinyoung shoves at his shoulder, "Hey, let's just forget about it okay? I honestly didn't want to bring it up again."Mark turns to look at Jinyoung again, eyes looking oddly sad, "Because it hurts that much...""N-no." Jinyoung splutters, "It's just embarrassing.""Okay, we don't have to talk about it again." Mark bites his lip, "Just one more question. Would you have ever told me if this whole situation hadn't happened?"Jinyoung is truthful, "{robably not."Mark blinks, and Jinyoung wonders if he's imaging the hurt flash in his eyes. Mark's smile seems a little forced, "I'm glad you told me now though. I don't like having secrets between us."Mark turns back to the movie and it's as if no words had been exchanged. The sun sets as their movie marathon continues. Jinyoung realizes that for the first time in years, he really does feel free. No more 10 year old secret to carry on his shoulder. Everything is out in the open. He can finally get on with his life without worrying about the past. Jinyoung smiles to himself as he kicks his feet up on the coffee table. The future can only bring good things now, at least that's what Jinyoung likes to think.But Jinyoung was so caught up in his own reflective thoughts, that he missed the way Mark kept glancing at him with a sad sort of air.    Jinyoung rolls around in his sheets attempting to find a comfortable position to sleep in but failing. He blinks blearily at the alarm clock by his bed, it reads 2:03 am. He groans, stuffing his face into his pillow.He tries to close his eyes again, but his thoughts just drift to Jaebum again. They hadn't gotten to talk for a few days because Jinyoung had been especially busy with work, and kept missing Jaebum's calls. Jinyoung dreams of how Jaebum use to make him breakfast every morning and spoon feed him pancakes. His imagination wanders over to the mornings where Jaebum would press him against the kitchen counter, filling his face with sloppy coffee flavored kisses and Jinyoung would slip his hands under his shirt to keep them warm.Jinyoung groans, he isn't about to start fantasizing about his boyfriend when his best friend and wife are sleeping soundly in the next room. Seeing no remedy to his problem, Jinyoung gets up to drink water in the kitchen. He takes his phone to use as a flashlight. In the midst of pouring out some water for himself, his phone rings ominously on the counter. He gingerly picks it up."Jinyoung-ah." Jaebum breathes into the phone, and Jinyoung's heart picks up speed in the span of 2 seconds."Hyung," Jinyoung gulps, throat feeling suddenly dry. "Why are you calling so late?" Although he really has no complaints after not hearing Jaebum's voice for a few days."Why are you up so late?" Jaebum counters."Thinking of you." Jinyoung decides to be honest.There's a smile in Jaebum's voice when he says, "What a coincidence. I was thinking of you too."Jinyoung clutches the phone closer to his ear like some schoolgirl talking to her crush, "Really?""I'm always thinking of you though. So it shouldn't be a surprise." Jaebum says, sounding a little breathless. Jinyoung worries, had Jaebum been crying?"Hey...are you okay? You sound a little off. Are you sick?"He is surprised by Jaebum's soft chuckle on the other side, "I've always admired your innocent mind.""I'm not innocent!" Jinyoung protests."Prove it.""What does that even mean?" Jinyoung's heart is racing and he's not even sure why."Mmm, you know how I said I was thinking of you. Do you-" There's some rustling on the other end, "Do you know what thinking of you does to me?""No," Jinyoung manages to whisper into the phone. His palms sweat where they clutch the phone."I was thinking of how your eyes crinkle up in the corners when-"Jinyoung rolls his eyes, "When I smile. Yes I know, you've mentioned several times." What a sap."No." Jaebum sounds smug.Oh. "No?""You didn't let me finish. I was thinking of how your eyes crinkle up in the corners, whenever you squeeze them shut, because you can't handle the way I touch you."Jinyoung stops breathing for a second, "Jaebum..." There's a warning in his voice but Jaebum ignores it and keeps going."They also crinkle up when you were on top of me that night, on my birthday. When I had filled you to brim with my-""Jaebum..." Jinyoung says again, his heart might fall out of his chest if Jaebum continues like this."They even crinkle up when you had your lips wrapped around-""J-Jaebum!" Jinyoung says a little too loudly. His gut twists with unmistakable arousal."Yes, baby?" Jaebum's voice is husky now and Jinyoung shudders at the nickname. It's term that Jaebum uses sparingly - usually only when they are alone or in the bedroom.Jinyoung is at a loss for words, "I. Um. Just wait one second. T-till I get in my room." Jinyoung doesn't wait for Jaebum to respond and rushes to the guest room, almost tripping twice on the way there. He locks the door behind him before flopping onto the bed, already flustered. He prays Mark and Mia are sound asleep."Are you still there?" Jinyoung's voice trembles a little as he speaks into the phone."Of course." Jaebum's voice still sounds as husky as before."Are we really doing this?" Jinyoung feels as if he was burning from the inside out. He fans himself desperately."You tell me." Jaebum responds smoothly."Hyung..." Jinyoung whines. He feels like he should be embarrassed by what they are about to do, but he's craved Jaebum for so long now. "W-what are you doing right now?"Jaebum hums, "Wishing.""Wishing what?""Wishing I was there to see how flustered you are. You're so cute when you blush. You turn pink...everywhere.""Perv." But there is no bite in Jinyoung's words. He feels like an even bigger perv as his own hands slips slowly into his pants. It's been long.Jaebum chuckles darkly, "Well at least I'm not a tease.""Are you saying I'm a tease?""Mhm." Jaebum's voices drops even lower than it already was, "Walking around my apartment with those loose t-shirts that fall off your shoulders. Wearing my boxers around too. They're so big on you that I always think they're gonna fall right off your little hips. Makes me want to-""Want to what?" Jinyoung rushes."Always impatient. Tsk. Tsk. Got to behave better than that, baby.""S-sorry." Jinyoung can't help it and slowly wraps his hand around his length. He hisses at the cold touch, blood roaring in his ears as Jaebum continues, "As I was saying," Jaebum's voice makes Jinyoung's body shudder, "It makes me want to just yank those boxers down and start sucking marks into the inside of your soft thighs. You're really pink down there.""What else?" Jinyoung begins to stroke himself, breathes slowly becoming shorter and shorter. He can't believe they're actually doing this."Your thighs would start trembling and shaking under my breath, but I'd just hold them further apart. Nice and wide. Spread open just for me." Christ. Jinyoung keeps stroking himself as Jaebum keeps talking, "I would drag my tongue from your thighs, further down, until I was licking my way inside of you. But first I'd just tease you're rim until you start shaking all over as you get closer and closer." He hears Jaebum inhale sharply, probably imaging the same obscene scene, "You wouldn't be able to control yourself, so you'd start rocking back to fuck yourself harder on my tongue."Jinyoung whimpers into the phone, his strokes become more rapid. Jaebum groans when he hears his noises, "Yea you'd make those sounds. You would try to hold back as you always do. But you can never hold back for long. Especially if I use one of my hands to twist your nipples while I'm eating you out. That would have you crying out my name over and over again.""Ja-Jaeebum." Jinyoung moans softly, his wrist flicks back and forth at a brutal pace, the fire in his gut becoming unbearable. He can feel the back of his t-shirt clinging to his back with sweat."Yes baby?" Jaebum says, "Tell me what you need." God, since when did his voice sound so sexy."N-need you.""Need me to what?""Need you to make me come."Jaebum's breath hitches, "You're killing me Jinyoungie. I wish I could see you. I bet you look so cute trying hold back your noises right now. I bet you're pink everywhere, just the way I like it.""Hyung!" Jinyoung hiccups on another moan, he clamps his hand over his mouth. He is half in a right state of mind to know he can't be too loud."Say my name." Jaebum groans again."Jaebum. Jaebum." Jinyoung sounds wrecked."Oh-" Jaebum is cut short by the a loud knocking on Jinyoung's door.Jinyoung's phone clatters to the ground as he jolts upright in surprise.It's Mark. He's banging on the door, calling out, "Jinyoung? Are you up?"Jinyoung scrambles to pick up his phone from the floor and Jaebum is already speaking, "Who is that?" Jaebum sounds annoyed. "Are you with someone? It's 2 am.""It's just Mark." Jinyoung whispers into the phone. "Listen hyung I got to-""Mark?!" Jaebum hisses. He's definitely pissed off now. "Why is he there so late with you?""I'm staying with him until I get a new apartment." Jinyoung winces when he reveals the piece of information he had managed to hide from Jaebum so long, just for the sake of his sanity."Are you fucking kidding me?" Jaebum voice gets louder. "Mark of all people. Since when-""His wife is here too. It's not a big deal.""You use to be in love with him, of course it's a big deal!""Can we please not talk about that.""Why? Does it bother you?""Listen Jaebum I've got to go. I'll call you in the morning.""Fine."Jaebum hung up on Jinyoung before he could say anything else. Jinyoung sighs, things had gone down hill too fast. He turns his head to scream into his pillow. Why did everything have to be so complicated?? At this point, he hard on had quickly gone down. Wonderful.He goes up to the door to unlock it. Mark is leaning on the frame with a concerned look on his face, "Is everything okay? I heard voices."Jinyoung hopes it's dark enough so that Mark can't see him blushing, "Yea, Jaebum just called.""So late?""Couldn't sleep. And I was awake anyways so.""Why are you awake?" Mark places a hand on his shoulder, "Is there something wrong?""Yea I'm fine. I just couldn't seem to get comfortable in my bed."Mark hums, as if in thought, "Want to go for a walk?""I don't want to keep you awake too.""It's no problem. Come on." Mark pulls Jinyoung out of his room by the hand, and Jinyoung sends one last guilt glance at his phone left on the bedside table.     The next morning Jinyoung's phone is crowded messages from Jackson.'Did you and Jaebum fight?''He is an especially grumpy mood"'He's actually snapping at customers'Jinyoung groans, just when things had been getting better with Jaebum he fucks it up again. He types out a quick text to send to Jackson, 'There was a misunderstanding. Has he said anything about me?'Jackson replies within minutes, 'No. I sent him to work the back because he was too moody. You need to talk to him.'Jinyoung rubs his tired eyes, the familiar feeling of guilt pools at the pit of his stomach. His phone pings with a new message and he scrambles to unlock it again. 'We miss you Jinyoungie, not just Jaebum, all of us do.'Jinyoung reads those words over and over again, each time feeling like another punch to his gut. He feels sick as he types out, 'I miss you guys too.'He finds himself dialing Jaebum's number, even though he's at work Jinyoung prays Jaebum will pick up.He doesn't.Panic crawls up his throat at the thought of Jaebum being so mad that he won't even answer his phone call. Jaebum never doesn't pick up. Did Jinyoung fuck up that bad? Jinyoung tries two more times, before Jaebum finally answers.Jaebum's voice comes through, "I'm at work.""I'm so sorry." Jinyoung lets out the breath he had been holding the entire time.Jaebum ignores his apology, "I'll call you back later.""Wait!" Jinyoung insists, and rushes out an explanation, "Let me talk. I'm only staying with Mark because my old apartment is gone and my mother's apartment was being renovated. And it's not just me and Mark, his wife is there too, obviously."Jinyoung is just met with silence."Jaebum?""Why didn't you tell me this before? It's been 2 months Jinyoung.""I was scared of you reacting like this!"There's a sigh, "I don't like you staying with him, especially after your past together.""There is no past. It was an unrequited love. Mark is happy and in love with his wife. And I'm in love with you. How many time do I have to tell you?""O-okay." Jaebum doesn't sound as irritated anymore, and Jinyoung feels his shoulders relax. "I guess you're right. Listen, It's been a long week. I should probably get back to work. I'll call you after okay?""I'll be waiting." Jinyoung hopes the quick phone call had mended things a little. He hates when they fight. They barely did before he left for Seoul, but now that Jinyoung had moved back to Seoul they seemed to be fighting constantly. It made his heart ache.He wanders around Mark's apartment bored. He didn't have to go to work until tomorrow. A risky idea popped in his head. He knew Jaebum still hadn't fully forgiven him, but maybe this would help ease the tension.Jinyoung retreats to his room just to be safe. He rummages through his drawers for a few minutes until finally coming across his favorite item. It was one of Jaebum's old oversized college t-shirts that Jinyoung had managed to sneak into his suitcase just before leaving. His heart begins to hammer against his chest as he chucks off his sweat pants, suddenly becoming aware of what he was about to do.He's left in tight black boxers and Jaebum's long shirt barely manages to cover his ass. He opens his phone camera with slightly shaky hands and decides to start with an innocent picture. He takes a selfie of himself hugging a pillow, pouting up at the camera. It's sent to Jaebum with the caption, 'I wish I was holding you instead.'It takes 10 minutes before Jaebum responds, 'Is that my shirt'Jinyoung licks his dry lips, "Yea, I took it before I left."'Why''Because it smells like you.' Jinyoung debates with himself for a bit before sending another text. 'Whenever I wear it, it reminds me of how it feels when you hold me against your chest''I can send you more shirts'Jinyoung snorts at Jaebum's extra-ness, but replies with, 'I'd like that.'The messages remains unread for a few minutes, and Jinyoung assumes Jaebum must be busy with something at the cafe. There's enough time for Jinyoung to consider sending something a bit more risque.Jinyoung puts his phone to the side for a second and closes his eyes. He begins to think of last night, and the way Jaebum's voice had sounded so deep and husky over the phone. He thinks of all the things Jaebum said he'd do to him if he were there. Shamelessly, he begins to palm himself over his boxers until he is half hard. His hands are clammy as he fumbles to unlock his phone and open the front view camera.He raises his phone high enough so that the tent in his boxers is visible in the picture. He snaps the picture quickly before he regrets taking it. He types out a caption even faster, 'You say I've forgot about you. But don't you see how much I miss you.'Jinyoung stares at the delivered symbol next to his message with a racing heart. He has no idea how Jaebum will react, they've never done this before. It's unexpected as the phone call last night.It's a while before Jaebum responds. 'Jinyoungie...what are you doing'Jinyoung responds with another picture, this time he's actually palming himself in the frame with his head tilted back against the headboard and eyes closed.'Fuck, you look so pretty' Jaebum replies. 'Why are you trying to give me a boner during work'Jinyoung giggles with delight. His confidences is growing, so he slips out of his boxers completely. The outline of his cock is even more visible underneath Jaebum's shirt. He takes another picture, the shirt rides up precariously high on his thighs, just enough that the base of his cock is slightly visible.'Oh my god.' Jaebum texts back.Jinyoung grins, its serious when Jaebum starts putting periods at the end of his sentences.'Do you want me to stop?' Jinyoung teases.'No.''When do you get a break? Call me.''Give me 5 minutes, I'm telling Jackson I'm going on break now. I'll call you once I'm alone in my car.'It's no surprise, Jaebum had always been a sucker for tease-Jinyoung.    Jinyoung wakes up to a finger poking at his rib cage. He grumbles as he pulls the covers stubbornly over his head, "Go away.""Is that any way to talk to your hyung? After I gave you a bed to sleep in?" Mark scolds. Jinyoung responds with a grunt. Mark yanks at the bottom of his blankets, effectively untucking him, "Get up you lazy oaf." He succeeds in peeling back the sheets to reveal a rather disheveled and irritated Jinyoung, "We are making strawberry milkshakes for breakfast."Jinyoung perks up, "Milkshakes, you say?"Mark yanks the pillows under his head this time, "Yea, so hurry up.""I'm up, I'm up." Jinyoung insists and stumbles to the bathroom, knocking over a nearby chair in the process. He can hear Mark's delighted laughter in the background. Once he's finished washing, Jinyoung strolls into the kitchen. He walks in on Mark feeding Mia a spoonful of whipped cream. He smiles at the domestic picture. A year ago the picture of them together would probably cause him pain, but now he's just happy for Mark. It feels liberating. No more hard feelings.Mark sees him and rushes over, "Sleeping beauty awakens! Come on, and help us wash the strawberries."Jinyoung heads over to the bowl of strawberries and bites into one. He winces at the feeling of the cold fruit against his sensitive teeth, lips forming into their usual pout. Mark pokes his cheek, "Cute.""Mark," Mia interrupts, voice rather curt. "Will you finish clearing the table? Jinyoung can help me in the kitchen."Jinyoung quickly pries himself from Mark's grasp. Mark, blissful unaware, heads out of the kitchen. Jinyoung's eyes follows his retreating back, trying to send telepathic signals for him to come back.See, there had been a new sort of development.It was amplified by all the time the three of them had spent together. A year apart had done nothing to cease the touchy nature of Jinyoung and Mark's relationship, in fact it had probably made them even more touchy than usual. They easily fell into their old habits, and being affectionate wasn't unusual for them, at least not back then. The only difference now is that Mark is a married man now, and his wife is around to see every arm Mark threw over Jinyoung's shoulders, or every back hug Jinyoung would receive from Mark while he did the dishes.It all really didn't mean anything. At least not to Mark or Jinyoung. It's all friendly touches, nothing more. But to an outsider, someone who hadn't know Jinyoung and Mark's history, they might suspect something more. Everyone always did. It was the cause of many misunderstandings during their childhood.It was after Mia had found Jinyoung fast asleep against Mark' chest on the couch on multiple occasions that she had started to change her demeanor towards Jinyoung. She use to claim that Jinyoung was her favorite of Mark's friends, but that quickly changed when she saw exactly how close Jinyoung was with her husband. She never said anything though, just watched with an air of cold distaste. It's another reason for why Jinyoung was frantically searching for a new apartment to move into. Mia was great and all, but he sensed a growing hostile vibe form her as the days went by.The kitchen was weighed heavy with tension, now that Mia and Jinyoung were left alone.She hands him another bowl of strawberries, "Can you wash these?""S-sure." Jinyoung gingerly takes the bowl and faces the sink. All that can be heard in the quiet of the kitchen is the stream of water from the faucet and the clinking of silverware from Mia's side.Mia suddenly begins to talk, "Everyone was pretty freaked out when you disappeared."Jinyoung's hands still where they rub at a dirt spot on a strawberry, Why can't we all just move on from that already?  "Yea, I can only imagine. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble."Mia shrugs, "The circumstances were out of your control. But I am curious..." Aren't you always? "It's amazing how you got so drunk."Jinyoung bites his tongue as he screams a little on the inside. He is so tired of trying to come up with an excuse for himself. It wasn't like he could reveal to Mia that he use to be in love with her husband."It happens." Jinyoung shrugs.Mia hums, "Your mom was so broken after your disappearance. Which was expected, of course. You are her son." Jinyoung grimaces at the mention of his mom's suffering. "What I didn't expect was Mark's reaction," Mia continues, "I know you're best friends, pretty much joined at the hip," She sounds a little bitter, "But I was a little thrown off by how badly he reacted. After the honeymoon, after we accepted the fact you were probably dead...it was like a switch was flipped. He wouldn't come out of his room, wouldn't talk to anyone." Mia pursues her lips, "Great way to spend the first few weeks of your marriage, by the way."Jinyoung splutters, shocked by the news, "I-I didn't mean to get in the way."She dismisses him with a wave, "It got so bad, I took him to a therapist in hopes of that being able to get through to him. That's when we find out he was suffering from a depressive episode."Jinyoung's eyes widen, "He never mentioned anything to me."Mia ignores his comment, "It was like he was heartbroken."Jinyoung felt uneasy at the accusatory tone creeping into Mia's voice, he wonders if this conversation is going to have a point, "I mean we have known each other for years, so it's reasonable for him to be pretty upset if he thought I died."She cuts him off, "I know he use to be in love with you in middle school."And there's her point.The bowl of strawberries that Jinyoung held between his hand clatters to the bottom of the sink, "What??"  He's still facing away from her, now too scared to turn around and face her.Mia makes a disapproving noise, "You didn't know that?"The ground beneath Jinyoung's feet seems to be moving. The domestic picture of the newlywed couple from minutes ago shatters. He grips the counter's edge to steady himself, "No. I didn't." You've got to be kidding me.That's not possible. He never-"Oh." Mia sounds confused now. "Well, don't get any funny ideas."Jinyoung finally turns around and narrows his eyes at her, "What is that suppose to mean? I would never try to interfere between the two of you. Mark is married and I have a boyfriend.""I didn't say anything like that." Mia meets his eyes. "I'm just saying to remember that Mark is a married man."Jinyoung bristles under her gaze, he wants to say something mean, the words are on the tip of his tongue. But this is Mark's wife, he can't just get into a fight with her for the sake of his pride. Mark pops his head into the kitchen before any words are exchanged, "Why are you guys taking so long? I'm starving.""Oh just getting more fruit ready. I think we are all good now though, right Jinyoung?" Mia says in a sickeningly sweet voice. She hands him a bowl of pastries, "Why don't you guys go set these at the table, they'll be great with the milkshakes. I'll finish making the milkshakes in here." She pats Jinyoung's shoulder, in a seemingly friendly gesture, but Jinyoung can't help the cold shudder that runs through his body.He follows Mark into the dinning room, hands shaking a little around the bowl, and a lump in his throat as Mark throws him a casual smile.