"I wont let this FAITH ta (1/1)

--Your POV-- We went back to the hotel after we got back from Chiang Mai Temples. I thought that after I said I wanna befriend Kyu we'd be closer. But the exact opposite happened on our way back. We didn't even talk to each other at all on our way back. I guess it was a little awkward. It was a little late but because the buffet was still open , Kyu asked me if I wanted to eat with him and I just said yes. We went to the buffet and went to the area where we take the food from. Kyu gave me a plate , spoon and fork and I went over the tables. There are lots of things to eat. Lots fo meat too. But i'm not allowed to eat carbs. Donghae told me not to so I don't eat meat even if i want to. So I just took a plate of vegetable salad and went to the table. When Kyu got to the table , he was looking at my plate.      Me: Yah. Whats wrong with my plate?Kyu: Thats all your gonna eat? Seriously?Me: *nods* Yeah. Why? Is there something wrong with just eating this?Kyu: You only had a sandwich a while ago. I'm not sure if you ate breakafast or not and now , just this? You're not on a diet , are you?Me: No. Do I look like I need a diet?Kyu: No. You look like you should eat some meat.Me: I'm not allowed to eat meat.Kyu: Vegetarian?Me: No , I eat meat but not that often. I'm not allowed to eat carbs and everything here is ... full of carbs.Kyu: You need some protein in that stomach of yours! No wonder you're always grumpy. Come with me. Lets get some of some of those steak over there! *pulls my arm*Me: Andwae!Kyu: Do you even eat?Me: I do! But not that. the portions here are too big. One portion of steak is worth 1 month of steak that I can eat.Kyu: You know , you're with me right now. Be sinful for one day and eat! Ok?Me: Andwae! I already said no! You go eat on your own.Kyu: If you think someone will get mad if you eat those , don't worry about it. No one is here. You're with me. I'm sure its ok to eat sinfully for just one day. You know , Eunsuh eats a lot but never gets fat. Thats why she always thinks straight and she's always energetic. You should eat right to feel right too.Me: You really won't stop with the lectures unless I eat what you want me to eat, wont you?Kyu: Ne. Kaja?     He’s just unbelievable. He wont stop until he gets it his way. He’s like a kid too. When I first had this experience of eating in a buffet with Donghae in the US , he was the one who chose everything I ate for me. Not that I can’t choose for myself , He just wanted to choose for me. He told me what to eat and not to eat. It just feels weird that when I’m with Kyu , he even lets me choose what I want on my own. He firmly stood me up infront of the buffet table and told me to choose what I want. Anything. No limits. No restrictions. Anything. Donghae will probably get mad at me now if he sees me taking every meat I see but I guess I should just have fun while it lasts. This doesn’t happen that often. I went back to the table and Kyu’s eyes widen as I was taking my plate down on the table.     Kyu: Woah. A while ago , you didn’t even wanna touch the meat but now.Me: Kyuhyun-ah. Don’t think that I’m a monster. You told me to choose what I like and when I saw all the food , I started to crave for them. Besides , this is your fault! You wanted me to eat.Kyu: Everybody deserves a day where they forget about these diets and eat sinfully. So eat all you can!Me: Arasso. Well , here goes .... *eats some steak* Aigoooooo! Its like I already tasted meat but I just forgot since its been a while since I ate some! This is really good!Kyu: See? You like it a lot , ne?Me: *nods* Here. Kyuhyun-ah! You have to eat some of this too!      I cut some of the steak and put the fork w/ some steak infront of Kyu for him to eat it. He looked a little hesitant at first but then he took a bite of it. He smiled at me while chewing which made me feel …… weird. His smile really reminded me of something. Like something's coming back. I was having dinner with some people then I was being sweet to this guy ... My head is hurting so much again. I put down the fork and looked away from him. Who were those people? Tears just escaped from my eyes. I don't know why too.      Kyu: Sunmi-ah .. Are you alright?Me: I don't know why i'm like this too *wipes my tears* Sorry. I don't feel like eating anymore.Kyu: Is something wrong? Are you ok? Are you feeling something bad?Me: Ani ... I just thought of something. I don't really feel like eating anymore. I wanna rest.Kyu: If something happened , if something's hurting you , you can tell me.Me: Kwenchana. Maybe i'm just tired. I just need some rest.Kyu: You're not gonna finish your food?Me: *shakes my head* Have fun eating. I'll go get some rest.     I just smiled at him and ran back to the suite. Why do lots of things suddenly go back when i'm with Kyuhyun? Maybe I need Kyuhyun. Maybe he can help me get my memories back. But I can't tell him what happened to me. I can't tell him anything. My head was hurting real bad so I took the medicine again and I kinda felt calm right after but it made me feel sleepy and I forgot everything I remembered. Why am I like this? Why can't I remember even if I try to?  --Kyu's POV-- I wonder what really happened to her. Maybe she felt awkward when she fed me. But she was the one who offered , not me! But still , it looked pretty serious. Just incase she was still awkae , I brought some food to her suite but when I went in her room , she was sleeping already. I put the food on the table and went closer to her. I looked at her face. I can see the trails of her tears that passed through. Maybe something did happen. Its weird. I feel hurt seeing her like this. Every moment I spend with her reminds me of Eunsuh and thats probably what hurts me the most. I just went out of the room since I was feeling so weird. I can't explain my feelings but everything i feel when i'm with Eunsuh , I feel when i'm with her. I should stop thinking that she reminds me of Eunsuh or else , this'll get worse.  In the morning , I still couldn't get the feeling off , that she was problematic about something last night , so since we don't have anything to do today , I decided to take her around. Well , I don't know where tourists go in Thailand too but i'm sure she'll feel better if we look around. She came out of the comfort room after she brushed her teeth.      Kyu: Sunmi-ah ...Sunmi: Hmm?Kyu: Are you bored?Sunmi: A little , why are you asking?Kyu: Lets go somewhere together.Sunmi: Where? Should I trust?Kyu: Lets just go and look around. Its my first time in Thailand and its pretty boring going around by myself.Sunmi: Why don't you just ask some random girl in the building to go with you?Kyu: I'm already asking her.Sunmi: Why do you wanna go with me? Its my first time in Thailand too. We'll both get lost.Kyu: We wont get lost!Sunmi: We're both Korean! We don't even know how to speak Thai and we don't know anything about Thailand at all.Kyu: Thai people can talk in English. Come on!Sunmi: You won't stop til I agree , won't you?Kyu: Nope.Sunmi: Fine! But if we get lost , you're the on to be blamed.Kyu: Arasso. Arasso. Kaja?? Get ready!Sunmi: You don't have to rush me. Are we going with anyone else?Kyu: No. Just us. The others wanted to rest instead. It felt awkward insisting them to go when they don't want to.Sunmi: And with me it doesn't feel awkward at all?Kyu: It does but you said yes so you can't it back anymore! Kaja ?      She agreed to go with me when I asked her but she didn't seem like she was in the mood. Maybe it would be fun if we go to Grand Palace and Wat Prakaew. The van we're using here was also the one we used now but we had to take a boat to get to Tha Chang Pier. The driver said its gonna hard if we take the van there so they just dropped us off to where we'll ride on to get to Tha Chang Pier. When we got to the pier , There were lots of people and its a little hot but it didn't stop us. We got near to the Grand Palace and it was beautiful.    Its just the two of us so even if we wanna feel confortable with each other , it was still a litte awkward. Maybe because of what happened last night? She's just looking around the scenery but if you look closely in her eyes , her mind is somewhere far far away from here. We walked around a lot more and a guy suddenly approached her. He was speaking in Thai so she couldn't understand. She just kept shaking her head and when she tried to walk away , the guy pulled her arm back. I went over to her and put my arms around her shoulders and pulled her away from him. She was gonna take my arm off of her but then I stopped her.      Kyu: Hang in there if you wanna get rid of him.Sunmi: This is so awkward.Kyu: Well , its either you just hold then awkwardness in for a while or get chased by that guy.Sunmi: Fine. Don't leave me.Kyu: Hold my hand.Sunmi: Hand? What hand? Why?Kyu: The hand of my arm around your shoulder! The guy is still looking.Sunmi: Jinjja? *turns my head back a little*Kyu: Don't look back at him! He'll think you're interested in him!Sunmi: Seriously? Why are guys like that? Just because we look back doesn't mean we're interested!Kyu: Thats not what I was trying to say! Just don't look back at him!Sunmi: Ok. Ok. I wont. *holds Kyu's hand* There ............... *sighs* ................. This is so awkward.Kyu: Sorry. Its only way to avoid him and other guys planning on approaching you.Sunmi: Thanks Kyu.Kyu: Hmm? For what?Sunmi: For this ..........Kyu: Its been a while since I do these things too. Years ago I was still used to it. It feels weird doing it now.Sunmi: Does Eunsuh always have strangers approaching her?Kyu: Yeah. Like you. Thats why its pretty hard to leave her by herself.Sunmi: Though i'm used with random strangers approaching me. It just makes me nervous because you don't know what they're thinking. Eunsuh's so lucky she has you. She probably always felt protected when you're like this to her.Kyu: Don't you get protected like this?Sunmi: I don't go out so much in the US so I didn't have to be protected too much too. The modelling school I studied in have lots of guys too but my friend is the owner's son and he made sure i'm protected when i'm in school. I go straight home right after so I don't get problems like that so much.Kyu: You don't even go out clubbing or malling?Sunmi: No. I don't have time for clubbing and malling. I'm not allowed to. And even if i'm allowed to , I still wont.Kyu: I thought thats what people in the US usually do. I guess not everyone .... By the way , It just hit me. Are you ok now?Sunmi: Yeah. I was ok this whole time. You're with me all this time. You should know already.Kyu: But a while ago you didn't you look like you wanna talk and your mind is flying off somewhere far far from here.Sunmi: Really? I didn't notice. Sorry. I was just thinking of something.Kyu: Can you tell me what it is?Sunmi: I'm sorry. No.Kyu: Wae? Is it serious?Sunmi: Its a secret. I just can't tell. I have so many questions. You'll have many questions too if I tell you. So I cant. But if I find the answers , i'll tell you.Kyu: Ok. If thats what you want. Will you really tell me?Sunmi: Yeah. Sure. If .....Kyu: If what?Sunmi: If you ............................ treat me somewhere to eat! I'm hungry! You didn't even let me eat breakfast!Kyu: But .... I don't have that much Thai money! The only money I have is tranportation money. Besides that ......... I only have Korean Won here.Sunmi: Then lets go to a money changer. I'm hungry Kyu. Sheez. You ask me to go with you but you didn't even bring money? Thats just really smart. Really REALLY smart.Kyu: If you knew you're gonna want to eat then why didn't you bring money?Sunmi: I didn't know! I thought you were gonna treat me! You're the one who invited me to go with you .... My stomach is singing already.Kyu: Fine! Fine! Stop complaining! But even if we go the money changer and change the money I have , it wont be enough. I cant treat you to fancy restaurants.Sunmi: What? Fancy Restaurants? I said i'm hungry but I didn't say you had to treat me to fancy restaurants! Didn't we see many food stalls when we got off the pier? Lets eat there!Kyu: Are you sure that what you wanna eat?Sunmi: Of course! Why are you asking? Don't you eat from stalls?Kyu: I do but .............. its really ok for you to just eat at food stalls?Sunmi: Wae? Is it bad? When I was in the US , I usually sneak out when we eat at restaurants to go and get some real food at food carts. Can you imagine the difference? They serve you like , just a teaspoon full of meat in restaurants! Its crazy. Plus , I don't like it there. In those kinds of places. The atmosphere is too quiet sometimes. Its too awkward. The simplest noise will make everyone look at you.Kyu: You're such a meat addict. You should've eaten last night!Sunmi: I wasn't in the mood anymore.But lecture me later! Please! I'm hungry! Lets go!     She grabbed my arm and pulled me near the pier but we had to go to a money changer. Sunmi just waited for me outside while I exchanged the money for some we can use here in Thailand. When I came back out , she was just looking around like a kid waiting for someone while her hands were in her pants pockets. Everything about her just makes you think that she may be Eunsuh ....  =====FLASHBACK===== Eunsuh and I are going out for the first time today! Ahh! What should I wear? Its a little cold since winter season is coming so I should wear something warm. I just hurried and tried to find the best clothing I have and I ended up wearing this.   I guess this is ok already so I went to my meeting place with Eunsuh. She doesn't want me to pick her up from her house yet because her parents don't know about us yet. I waited for about 5 minutes and she arrived. She wore something very very simple , since she's not the type of girl who wears a lot just to get noticed , but she still looked beautiful. To my eyes , she always is ...     Eunsuh: Sorry i'm late! I had ask permission from my parents that i'm going out.Kyu: Can't we just tell them about us?Eunsuh: Ani ~ Not yet. But lets wait before we do that. I don't know how to bring it up yet.Kyu: But its harder if we're like this. We have to tell them. I don't want them to think i'm irresponsible and not serious with you.Eunsuh: And thats why I love you. I'm just waiting for the perfect timing , Ok? But i'll tell them soon. Kaja? I'm hungry! Lets go eat some street food!Kyu: Its our first date as a couple. Don't you want something better than street foods?Eunsuh: What are you saying? Do you have money to treat me to the fanciest restaurants? Well , even if you did , I wouldn't wanna eat there! Its so awkward at those kinds of places! And Korean street food is *shows two thumbs up* THE BEST!!!Kyu: Arasso. Arasso. You win. *pats my head* You're really the best girl a guy could have. This is why I love you.Eunsuh: YAH! You love me because i'm cheap?Kyu: No ... *hugs Eunsuh by waist facing each other* I love you because you're my Eunsuh. You're different from all the other girls out there. And i'll never let you go. I'll take care of you forever and ever and ever.Eunsuh: Really? You'll never let me go? What if I have to go to the comfort room?Kyu: Hmmm? I'll come with you? *grins*Eunsuh: YAH! *hits his head* You're such a prevert! Let go of me. Now. *tries to push him away*Kyu: I just said I wont let you go! You can't make me!Eunsuh: Then how are we supposed to go to our date if you don't plan on letting me go?Kyu: Can't we just walk like this?Eunsuh: Aniyo ~~ Thats so embarrassing. Do you want me to introduce you to my parents like this?Kyu: Well ....................... if we can then--Eunsuh: Yah! *takes his arms off my waist* Even if you let go fo me physically , its ok. As long as this *points to his heart* ... If this really loves me , I hope it doesn't let me go.Kyu: *holds my hands* It'll never let you go. So you can't let go of it too. Deal?Eunsuh: *giggles* I love you. Kyu: I love you too *hugs Eunsuh*Eunsuh: *hugs him back* Shouldn't we get going?Kyu: Molla ~~ I wanna stay like this for a while.Eunsuh: But i'm hungry already! I didn't eat before I left home!     I pretended not to hear her and hugged her tighter. She just kissed my cheek and pushed me away. Her smiling face makes you forget all the problems you have. She kept telling me on how hungry she is and held my hand and pulled me to the bus stop. We went to N Seoul Tower , where we placed our locks and then went to eat street food afterwards. She eats Korean street food like crazy. She eats like , 10 pieces of rice cakes in 1 minute. She eats meat like she doesn't even get full. She's always full of energy and smiles like a kid yet so matured. I realized even more how precious an dimportant she is. That I have to take care of her real well or else , I might lose her. But today , we promised to each other that we wont ever let go. I'm already happy about that and I know we'll last long.   ====END OF FLASHBACK====   I shouldn't have let her go off alone ... I'm the reason why Eunsuh died in the first place. And now i;m having this weird nonsense where I think Sunmi is Eunsuh. There's still no way. They found her body. But whats weird is ... when I'm with her , I don't even miss Eunsuh. Its like she's just next to me. The hard adjusting and the doubts I had 2 years ago are all coming back. But like what I did before , I have to get used to it again , even with Sunmi around. If I continue this kinds of thoughts in my head , everything I did when Eunsuh died 2 years ago , its all gonna come back. Besides , This is like the things that happen in a drama. A girl comes looking like the past girl but it really isn't her. Even if she's like Eunsuh a lot of times , they're still different.  --Your POV-- I was outside waiting for Kyu. Just looking around the place .... I don't usually go out like this with lots of people around me so its weird. But everytime I look at Kyu , something wants to pop in my head but it stays in the 'want to pop out' mode and never pops out. The more time I spend with him , it feels like i'm used to it. To him. Its like I longed for some hang out moments with him. Donghae's probably gonna freak out if he hears all these thoughts in my head. When i looked back at Kyu in the money changer , he was out already and was looking at me with that look he always has when he looks at me serious. I just approached him to wake him up , I guess.      Me: Yah! Cho Kyuhyun. Is everything ok already?Kyu: Y-yeah. Lets go and eat.Me: Whats wrong with you again? Still worrying about spending on me? If it bothers you that much then i'll pay you everything in Korean won later when we get back to the hotel so remember the exchange rate!Kyu: Thats not it .... Its ok ...... I just had a weird thought.Me: You always look at me weirdly everytime! Do I look like a ghost to ............you? ............... Ohh .. Nevermind what I said. The answer is so ............ obvious. Sorry.      Why the heck did I say that? Of course when he sees me he'll probably see a ghost because I look like Eunsuh. How could I forget? I deserve a EAT FOOD from him for saying that. (a/n: See what I did there?? XD lol. ELFs will get this)      Kyu: Sunmi-ah ... Is it ok if I ask you something?Sunmi: I guess.Kyu: You just came back to Korea some time ago , right? When did you ..... leave? I mean , before. Before you came back. When did you leave for Korea to the US?Sunmi: Why are you asking?Kyu: I was just curious ....     Donghae told me not to tell anyone exact details about me especially THAT part. If I tell Kyu , Donghae will surely get mad but why does he even wanna know?     Sunmi: W-well ... I've been there for so long , I cant even remember how long anymoreKyu: Ohh .... *sighs*Sunmi: Waeyo?Kyu: Nothing. Sorry I had to ask random things. Lets go get you something to eat.      He smiled and walked passed me. But his smile looked like he just did so I wont ask anymore things. He looked a little upset again. Maybe its so awkward for him to be with me since he sees Eunsuh when he looks at me. I turned to him and followed him. After he bought me some food , we sat down a bench to eat. In the middle of eating , now I can't help but ask him questions.     Sunmi: Kyuhyun ... You asked me something a while ago. Can I ask you something now?Kyu: I guess so.Sunmi: Its kinda private ... Is it ok?Kyu: What is it?Sunmi: How did Eunsuh die? Why did she die?Kyu: *stares at you* ............. *looks down*Sunmi: I'm sorry if my question's just so private. You don't have to answer if you don't--Kyu: Eunsuh died due to an accident. She was on her way to Daejeon when the bus she was on hit some approaching vehicle which caused an explosion. She was burnt in the bus.     Tears were forming in his eyes. I rubbed his back and said sorry. Why did I even ask? I don't know why too but tears were forming on my eyes as well. He said she died in Daejeon. Isn't that where I woke up? Things are starting to flash back. The explosion ... Yeah. There was an explosion. I don't remember where or when or what .... But there was. I keep seeing it .... then after that .... I was ........... I was ...........     Sunmi: I was ........... hit.Kyu: *wipes his tears and looks at you* Sunmi-ah ...Sunmi: Thats what happened ...... *tears up* I remember it. Thats what really happened ......Kyu: What do you mean by that? Sunmi-ah ...     My tears kept falling. I remembered what happened to me. But ... After the part where I got hit and fell down the ground , I couldn't remember what happened next. But my tears can't stop falling. I must be so unlucky ... getting hit by a car after seeing an explosion? Thats the weirdest thing that could happen to me. Kyu hugged me and tried to stop me from crying but I cant ... I feel happy and sorry for myself at the same time. Donghae did tell me I got hit before but seeing it , remembering it ....... It hurts. Should I tell Donghae? He didn't even call me last night or all day yesterday too. Even if he told me about what happened to me , why didn't I remember anything before?  --Donghae's POV-- Henry is very irritating. He took my phone away yesterday because he doesn't want me bothering Sunmi. What if something happens to her and I wont have any idea?    Hae: Henry! give me back my phone!Henry: You! Didn't your father say you should focus on what you're doing?Hae: I couldn't care less! I need to call Sunmi!Henry: Give the girl a break! Ever since the day you took her , she never had freedom.Hae: She didn't have freedom but she had a good life. Thats what matters.Henry: Hyung , how long can you keep her? Isn't your conscience even hitting you in there *points at his chest , at the part where his heart is*? Its been 2 years.Hae: No conscience will hit me because in return , I gave her a good life.Henry: But still , you were the reason why she got hit in the first place. Then you turned her into Sunmi. Even if she has a good life , she's trapped as Sunmi , the girl who only belongs to Donghae.Hae: And she'll always stay as Sunmi , the girl who only belongs to Donghae! ............ Wait a minute! Henry-ah! Are you turning against me?!Henry: Ani! Its just .. I'm your friend , Hyung. Even in the first place , I didn't agree with this plan but its been 2 years. My conscience hits me everytime Eunsuh asks me something.Hae: Don't even call her Eunsuh or mention what happened and what I did to her before! if someone hears you , we're both ruined here! She has a good life now. Once she marries me , then fine ... I'll give her a chance to be free. But i'll only do that when we're already living in the US.Henry: That doens't make me feel any better at all. She'll get even more trapped if she marries you. But fine .. Its what you want. Just dont get me involved so much.Hae: Then give me my phone.Henry: Hyung ... There's something you should know first too.Hae: Just tell me later. She's not busy today so give me my phone!Henry: But hyung. Its important!Hae: Nothing is more important than this!Henry: Hyung , its about Sunye.Hae: .................. What about her?Henry: I heard she's back in Korea. I even heard from some of our friends there that she's looking for you.Hae: .................. It doesn't matter. She left me before and ran away to Europe. Now she's gonna come back after all those years she left and hid herself , looking for me? I have Sunmi now. She's the only thing that matters to me. She only belongs to me. She can't run away from me like how Sunye did. She wont.Henry: If you say so ..... here's your phone *gives Hae his phone* You're no fun hyung. Too serious all the time. If that was the damage left by Sunye when she left , it makes me wonder why Eunsuh A.K.A Sunmi can't fix it back to the old Donghae ..... The fun and cheerful Donghae. Think about this Hyung .... Are you keeping Eunsuh because you love her or because you just don't want to be left again?Hae: What a stupid question Henry. I kept her because I dont want her to leave me. Because I have feelings for her. Because I want her by my side and I don't think I can take the feeling of being left behind again. I don't care who comes back or goes as long as it isn't her. As long as my secret is safe. You have to promise me again this time. Don't ever tell anyone about Sunmi.Henry: I'll just pretend I don't know anything. If this plan falls apart , i'm not part of it. But honestly , most parts of your answer sounded like you just kept her because you don't wanna be left behind again. BUT. Thats just my opinion so don't get mad at me hyung .... I'll just leave you before you get the chance to hit me.    Henry turned back and walked out of the room. Sunye's back after she left me before. How ironic. I wanna feel happy and sad but i'm not. Cause all the love before turned into anger when she left like I didn't mean anything to her at all. And even if I kept Sunmi because I love her or I just don't wanna be left behind again ........ No matter what the reason is , i'll still keep her. Faith brought us together but if it wants her back to her old life , I wont let this FAITH take back whats mine already...  ===================================================================================== I was supposed to update earlier but then CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR came plus .......I'm so addicted to Tetris on Facebook. Help me O.o lol.One of my New Year's resolution is "To do things I have to do soon and not get distracted all the time ..... especially with Tetris"Thanks to everyone who is staying patient with me and still waiting for me to update T-TSeeing that lots of people are waiting for an update makes me feel happy and sad at the same time.HAPPY because lots of people enjoy my fic and SAD because I don't update regularly and I probably disappoint you guys.  MIANHAE YEOROBEUN!!!!!!!! *kneels down on my knees and bows my head to the ground*  I'm just not always home because I go out alot and spend time with my friends so i'm ALWAYS tired.I'm going back to Japan soon. Me and my friends here in the Philippines didn't see each other for 6 months so you probably understand why we hang out a lot now. But as soon as I come back to Japan .... I'm all yous again people =)) I'll try to be better at everything! Better at updating regularly.Better at writing.EVERYTHING!

I hope everyone stays patient with me and continues to support ALL my fics (or the ones that you love).I'm sorry if i'm always lacking and i'll try to change that this year!Thank you for supporting my fic and have a HAPPY 2012! Your support and everything ... Its all appreciated!I hope everything works out fine for all of us this year!

Yeorobeun! Gomawoyo! TAKE CARE! =D -MsShaiKyu :3