I Love You (1/1)

I... never really paid attention to relationships. I've had a crush or two but they were never strong enough for me to really act on them. I just minded my own business, just there to be there. There to be a good person. There to be a good friend. If there's one thing I know how to kick ass in - it's being a damn good friend. However, I never knew that being such a damn good friend actually had its downsides.        It was the first week of the new semester. I was in a new city - so naturally, I felt out of place. Luckily, I wasn't alone - most of my new friends, including my roommate Suzy, were not from this city. Anyway, one of them, Sulli, brought two of her new friends to our room to introduce us.         "Hey Suzy. Jae. I'd like you to meet some pretty cool people."        "Hi. My name is Kim Jonghyun. This is my roommate Kim Kibum - but you can just call him Key." Jonghyun then flashed a bright smile. One full of a sweet kindness that brought out a strange feeling from me. At the time - I honestly didn't know what the hell it was.        As the days went by, Jonghyun and I spent a lot of time together. It wasn't long before I slowly - but surely - realized what the feeling was. I was falling for Jonghyun. I was falling for him bad - to the point where I felt hurt whenever I saw him hurt. I was contemplating what I should do. Should I tell him? Should I just keep it to myself? Unfortunately, I didn't really have to dwell on it for too long. September 11th:        "Can I talk to you for a little bit?" he asked me.         His tone said it all. I had noticed for at least a week now that there was something going on between him and our friend Sekyung. He didn't know how to talk to me about it, so I put the pieces together for him. I, however, didn't realize that he knew for a while that I liked him. And then...        "I've always seen you as a sister to me. I'm sorry if I led you on in any way."        That hurt. But I didn't want Jonghyun to see how much hurt that it did to me, so I did what I always did best - be a damn good friend. I told him that he never led me on because he was too nice of a guy to do that to me. And that if he could find happiness with Sekyung, then I was happy - because all I wanted was for him to be happy. I am not going to be the douche that kept him from his happiness. He was at the brink of tears so I gave him a hug while he apologized over and over again while telling me how awesome of a person I was.       "You'll find someone who is a lot better than me." I laughed at that, which slightly confused him.       "I don't know about that. Out of all the guys I've liked - you are, by far, the best." It probably made him feel even more sorry, but I had to tell him the truth.       It had been a few days since we had talked. Jonghyun and Sekyung embraced each other as a couple. We still talked every now and then but it just wasn't the same. I couldn't be as open as I wanted to be with him. I just couldn't be around him anymore without feeling my heart being weighed down by a concrete block. I tried to go out to one of the dances with my friends but I just didn't feel like dancing so I left early. It worried Sulli that I chose not to dance because she knew how much fun I had when I danced so she left the dance to check on me.       "Hey - are you okay, Jae?" I told her that I was. I wasn't necessarily lying through my teeth, but I didn't want to let anyone know how hurt I really was. Sulli figured that out pretty quickly and gave me some advice - advice that I'm forever grateful to have received. "Since you don't feel like talking about it, I think what is best for you is to write it down. Write down all of the things that you're feeling in a journal or something. You need some sort of outlet for your feelings. If you can't tell someone - tell your journal."        I ended up writing poetry, which surprised me since I haven't written poetry since the tenth grade. It seemed decent enough and it did help relieve me of some of my feelings - but there was a lot more that was stored in my heart. One small poem wasn't going to help and I couldn't touch the journal I had because I had written so many great memories I made with Jonghyun. So I went on YouTube.        Anyone who has seen me or known me must know that I am an avid fan of K-POP. If you didn't hear me listen to it - you'd definitely hear me sing to it. Anywho - I was watching some new videos that came out during the week while I was thinking of something to write. I was listening to 2NE1's "I Love You", reading the translation to their lyrics when suddenly, I looked down on my notebook. I was surprised to see that there were words on it. It took me a few seconds until I realized - I was writing lyrics. Cover lyrics. Yeah - I heard the light bulb flash above my head invisibly. It took me two nights to finish it. 2NE1's I Love You You think it's easy - watching from here?Seeing something that you thought once was dear?I said ooh - come on, boy, you must be kidding.Ooh - oh my god, you must be lying. I remember when that smile was for me.But I know now that we can never be.I said ooh - thinking about all those days.Ooh - when I'd hope to hear you say... I love you (I love you)I love you (I love you) When you're in love, it's like nothing around exists.It's as if time seems to stop just for that one little kiss.I was so innocent, I didn't know.You really fooled me - I didn't know. (Hey!) I can't deny, you were all that I wanted to see.The fake love and your affection - it had blinded me.You were so cruel that I didn't know.You never loved me. I didn't know.Look at me now. How could you never see my heart?It was here - always here.But stone cold - now it's gotten so hard.Because of love, it's so afraid. I love you (I love you)I love you (I love you) I wanna forget about the past.Acting like a fool in love each and every day.I say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahI say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah But just for old times - how bout a dance?A last dance before we go our seperate ways?I say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahI say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah (Mmm..) Saying goodbye's never easy.I would know - here come the tears.It's time for me to let you be - Before I say eh eh eh We can't go wrong! Bring it back~ It's gonna take a little time to forget.But I cannot forget all the regret.I said ooh - I can't help but feel the pain.Ooh, love - you're gonna take the blame. It's so crazy, all the time I had used.Being mistreated and frickin' abused.I said ooh - why I fell, I'll never know.Ooh - gotta let these feelings go. I love you every day,Don't get away,Take me away,I love you every day,In every way, 널 사랑해I was so innocent. I didn't know.You really fooled me. I didn't know. (Hey!) I love you every day,Don't get away,Take me away,I love you every day,In every way, 널 사랑해You were so cruel, I didn't know.You never loved me - I didn't know.       So this was what I wrote a while ago. No, this did not mirror my current situation, but it damn sure helped ease my heart a bit. It still hurt, but after writing this, it was on the road to recovery.       A few weeks after I had finished this cover, I went to the beach with my friends. While we were there - I ran into my best friend Sunny, who was ecstatic because she had just gotten a boyfriend. It was then I finally met Amber, my true friends... and Donghae.