[M] Of Sinful Love and Excruc (1/1)

Jungkook came in like flashes in the night Taehyung spends chest pressed against a beautiful lady's back.At least, more like waves on a shore, layer by layer.  Taehyung and Irene have something in common, they each love an individual. They love like its something both desperately wants. They squirmed silently in those nights they lay beside each other, violently writhing for miracles to appear.It's not like they were forced to love, they both were bestfriends in high school, both promised to share an apartment after college. Giddily obliged that they're gonna spend their eternity with each other, till the end of time happily. Which apparently, 'end of time' came sooner then expected. Both moved together in their choosen place at Irene's 21th birthday. Somewhere not far from home but very near to Seoul, near to beautiful bright lights and busy streets. Shoved delicate limbs on furnitures that very night to define the happy life they wanted. Move furnitures at 11.30 pm to dance to Mad Soul's new comeback.And at 12 am, signalling the end of Irene's being born celebration, Taehyung screams out of the balcony with Irene in his arms.Thank you for being born noona!And they were happy, Irene knows that. At least she thinks they were once happy, that Taehyung were once happy with her.  Taehyung was someone she can't quite put her finger on. At times she feels like she's in love with a seven year old boy, searching for soulful eyes in the dark because he doesn't apprehend the idea of love itself.She doesn't really gets him sometimes even though they were what people defined as, each other's secret. But one thing that intrigues Irene was he's vulnerable about the idea of love. He refuses to accept the definition of it. He welcomes the love people pour on him but he never understood what he fill in the glasses of people in return. And Irene tries to teach every moments with him.It'd occur to her that one day the vulnerability in him would crack because he succumbed his life to people's love to please himself in refusing that yes, yes maybe this is what i deserve. Maybe.And it never faze her that she was living the shadow of Taehyung, accepting the fact that she just wants to love not to be loved.　　　Sometimes Irene thinks that they moved in together was to be away from other people. It all started on the day, Taehyung goes out during her first day of work, Irene thinks because the happiness in Taehyung shift a little deeper than usual.It was a subtle day, something that goes from a morning kiss and Irene whispering are you going to Uni today, and a whine from Taehyung, its not fair noona why do you have to go to work.Because i'm a year older and i've aready graduate darling.Even though Taehyung's the guy in their -- love story, Irene's the reserved but shows love to the younger and Taehyung's the kid, the sweet sweet kid.With a soft kiss pressed to her cheek, she goes to work in her little shop she'd opened and Taehyung goes to Uni.Maybe some sort of Fate plays a part in their meeting, Taehyung's 20th birthday ring went missing when he ordered his ice cream on the way down the street to school and Jungkook staring nonchalently at a perfect stranger running up and down the street outside Starbucks with hands flailing everywhere.What an idiot, he rolled his eyes at the sight of it but Jimin, he's nosy co-worker, suggests that why don't he find out what's his problem.Why the hell would i even-I'll tell Hoseok hyung you laughed at the idea of his icon name, HOSE-With a given smacked on the head of his stupid hyung, Jungkook walks out and did some flashbacks, J HOPE what kind of an icon name is that tsk, and at the back of his head he thinks he hears nosy nosy Jimin swearing at him.Taehyung wasn't sure what made the perfect human being came for his help, for he was perfectly fine, he was just calmly searching for his ring in the streets but when the boy said that it's fine he can help him look for it, Taehyung fists the guy's collar with pleading eyes.PLEASE LOOK FOR IT, NOONA'S GONNA STOP LOVING ME IF-Jungkook thinks this guy-child-like is super cute but too bad he's completely insane, before Taehyung could let himself finish, Jungkook whips his head down to look for that stupid ring he promised to find.Taehyung missed school that day because he thinks Machiatto was better than sitting with a bunch of fools in class (except he's not a fool he thinks, he thinks he the most sane). He spends the whole day chattering with Jimin because Jungkook, the guy who found his ring was busy and in Taehyung's irrelevant opinion thinks Jungkook shoud be more enthusiastic because the customers don't look quite please.Taehyung thinks if staring is a sin, he'll make sure he'll turn himself to hell because Jungkook looked like the devil. Dressed in black leather pants, complexion pale, sharp features and Taehyung squirms in his seat because it makes him uncomfortable about how goodlooking the other was.He doesn't get why.I'll come again tomorrow, don't worry. Don't miss me too much.Jungkook blankly looks at Taehyung because they just met, nobody would miss him, except for Jimin of course since the're both idiots, he thinks.But boy, he was so wrong, very wrong because he sees Taehyung when he closes his eyes at night.And he dreams of twisted beginnings, silky tousled hair and happy smiles which perfectly described that idiot who lost the ring.That night in the kitchen, Taehyung told Irene about it and Irene laughed at how abnormal sweet Taehyung is and Taehyung suggested the idea of them meeting.Of couse, whatever you want Tae. Except she didn't know that she won't be laughing if she know what Fate had in hand. Irene couldn't take a day off on the day Taehyung wanted them to meet so she promised another day and told Taehyung to go have lunch there with his new friend.Taehyung was upset but when Irene gave a kiss on the crown of his head, Taehyung jumps to his feet and volunteered to send her to work together.Taehyung chose strawberry cake and a very bored Jungkook for his lunch so you can tell that the conversation that comes was from Taehyung and he listens to Taehyung blabber about how hard third year Uni was and suggests or rather force that they should go to the fare after lunch.Jungkook rolled his eyes at the remark and whisper something that made Taehyung stopped talking.At least you're not in the first year with all those retards.And with something in common between the two, that they both is in the same Uni and they both agree that their classmates are a pain in the ass (Taehyung made that point and Jungkook thinks the elder was a pain in the ass too), their conversation went on and on until they both bid goodbye on their way home from the fare.Irene listened to Taehyung's day or adventure as he calls it, on the sofa with Taehyung's head on her lap that night. After half way to the ending, Taehyung fell asleep and Irene chuckled at the irony of it. She slide out of Taehyung and shoved herself in between Taehyung and the couch's backrest.And when she squeezed herself to Taehyung's chest, she hears giggles from Taehyung because she knows how Taehyung likes it. They're everything sweet but sadly sweetness runs out when water are poured. Days comes and passes really quickly just like how Taehyung and Jungkook become closer.They both goes home together every time after classes with laughters and smiles.It wasn't a rush, it came slow like someone lighting a matchstick, knowing that the light will go out at the end of the stick and that another needs to be light in order for them to see again but tries to avoid the idea that another 'matchstick' will be needed when it's needed, refusing the idea of believing that it'll end.Irene spends lesser nights with Taehyung because Taehyung said he needed to think so she stands out in the balcony thinking about what Taehyung needs to think about when Taehyung goes out to sit on their front porch.And Taehyung stops going to meet Jungkook because it suddenly hit him that he's in deep trouble. That one day when he wanted so much to kiss the younger when Jungkook were saying something about hyung, you're really beautiful and Jungkook tries to call him after, finds him after class to tell him he's sorry that he told him that, but he can't.Why are you even sorry, i don't want you to be sorry, Taehyung screams one day they met after class, Jungkook stood really still because he was so scared and confused. Because Taehyung's screaming in tears and Taehyung never does that.　　　I'm not sure but i really love you.Jungkook couldn't breathe and he goes really really silent because why isn't Taehyung sure about it. They never talked about it after the last sentence which made them drift apart in words.They see each other but never really touched on it because Taehyung seems to drop it whenever Jungkook says anything about that day.Irene starts to realize that Taehyung's been drifting in between the lines during dinner times and she knows something's off because something in his eyes shifts when they have eye contacts.And Taehyung've gone quieter.So one night after dinner they sat on the blue sofa like that night, though this time, neither of them talk. Taehyung's laying on his side, back facing the couch with his head on her lap, listening to Lee Hi's Am I Strange bouncing on the walls. As Irene stroked Taehyung's brown soft hair through her fingers, Taehyung whimpers silently in tears. He tries to muffle the sound of chokes in his throat with both his hands but Irene whispers softly with her voice shaking slightly.Whats' wrong Tae?With a nothing coming right from those sinful lips, she's relieved, so relieved - and a little disappointed. One afternoon after class, Jungkook invites Taehyung over for games, like those normal boys they are, and Taehyung was excited. They sat close, shoulders and knees bumping and neither moved away.And Jungkook started the coversation this time because it's been bugging his mind for some time then. Who's noona?Taehyung hums with his head tilt to Jungkook, confused.The noona you mentioned when you lost that ring, and Jungkook thinks he has said something obviously wrong with that look Taehyung throws at him.I'm sor-But Jungkook was kept shut because Taehyung's all over him, hands at the base of his neck and lips slipped in between spaces. And Jungkook greatly welcomes all of Taehyung to him because this is what he's been wanting, been waiting and Taehyung hums in agreement when Jungkook pulls him down with him.He feels obtrusive intensity in the way their limbs are against each other, all over each other and he've never felt like this before. His heart skips a beat as Jungkook's lips ghost softly against his neck, fingertips shakingly grazing Jungkook's collarbones as he yearns desperately for the younger to touch him.And oh, how he wants so much to keep Jungkook in his pockets, to feel the boy's hands in his. And when they stopped to stare at each other, heavy breathing turns to loud laughters and soft touches turn into desperate needs.Sinful things are done because they couldn't stopped the love that flowed in their veins and he thinks about how something so sinful can be so beautiful, about loving Jungkook is something so addictive. During the nights where Irene's asleep, Taehyung tends to have conversation with his mind as he looks down with guilt at the lady laying beside him.Beautiful. You're so beautiful, he brushes Irene's lips with shaking fingers, stroking her bangs to the side which covered her eyes, but i see him in you and i don't know what's happening. I want you to help me but that's selfish. So terribly selfish of me, as he kiss her eyes lightly.　　Except Taehyung spoke his mind loud and clear enough and Irene wasn't asleep. Love is a kind of funny yet painful thing, Irene thinks because she can never stopped loving someone that makes her heart clutches in all sorts of way. Perhaps because they were each other's first love, each other's first everything and its her first heartbreak as she picked up the pieces by herself.Of course you're selfish, so damn selfish Irene screams in an empty house that one evening when she decides to take the day off and Taehyung's gone to Uni. Even when the throbbing in her heart moves wildly and her breathing cames hagardly, sympathetically in the spaces between her ribs, she feels empathy for Taehyung because she love him too much to say it in his face.And she couldn't blame him. She couldn't have the heart to do so.Because Taehyung's lost, lost in the love he misunderstood.Sweet, sweet Taehyung gets the love he thinks he deserves until the day he fell on his face when he does the loving for someone.She tried to love her him as a friend, as a bestfriend then his lover. And it shift back to being his bestfriend.Because he never loved me in the end, Irene whimpers to herself with balled fists in misery, he never could.　Taehyung goes to classes catching glimpses of Jungkook shy smiles during lunch and grin warmly when the other catch him looking. And he thinks he'll say things to Irene tonight because he isnt' sure.Though Taehyung goes home that evening, staring at fragments of glasses smashed on the floor and the back of someone he never thought could be broken that way. Taehyung doesn't say a thing about his confuse heart because when he sees what could happen to her, he pulls all the word right back in to his chest and lock it that way.Get out.The smallest voice could break you in thousand ways, Taehyung thinks because as he came closer to put his arms around her, she said something that made him think for a second.If you don't love my flaws. You might love someone's else perfection to cover up mine.At times Irenes wants to be selfish, wants Taehyung all by herself. She doesnt want him to be happy, she just wants happiness from him.And as more confusion unravel around Taehyung, he hears Irene whimper an I love you Taehyung. I don't know how to stop loving you.And Taehyung hugs her because he didn't have an answer to it. He's at a loss of words. Taehyung became more silence as the days passed and Irene became more agitated by the acts of it because when is he going to tell her. When is he ever going to find himself.As they sit on the sofa every night, Taehyung lies on the laps of Irene but have thoughts of Jungkook.Voice of pure ecstacy that the younger posessed kept him all night when he hears Irene breathing against him.Have thoughts about how it feels to have Jungkook's lips ghosting on his when Irene's under the sheets. Desperately thinks of limbs that are not hers.And he sees Jungkook's eyes in the dark when Irene traces his hipbones with her index finger above him.And as a Jungkook accidentally slipped out of his lips when Irene kisses his neck gently, Irene flipped and dropped on her back beside him with hands cupping her face.Taehyung panics because i'm so sorry noona, i'm so sorry, he shakes, lips trembling as he leaves the bed standing in fear for what that will come.I told my mother about us, how you were the best thing that's been happening in my life, Irene continues dismissing the idea of Taehyung asking forgiveness from her, I told her how you took great care of me-Noona, Taehyung chokes up but she still continues, Taehyung listen to me, for once.I think i praised you too much, praising is a nice act, i know but mum says not to overdo it.She lifts herself from the bed she shared her love with and walk towards Taehyung, even when Taehyung takes steps back.Noona he sobs in fear, Taehyung can't look her in the eye because he thinks it's the guilt, guilt of his actions. He flinches when his back touches the wall and as Irene's hands cupped his face.And I'll never stop praising you. You're someone i can't have but wants. A lot like admiring my favourite doll on a glass diplay, Irene laughs but heart choked with despair.Taehyung drops down on her feet, with hands clutching Irene's fingers desperately because he feel so numbed. He can't feel anything and he desperately wants to feel everything.Noona, hit me. Why aren't you doing anything, do something. Punch me, scream at me push me, i need to be punish and as he cries, the octave in his voices drops lower until he's merely whispering.I'm so stupid, he chants it like he wants Irene to believe he is as he leans his head on Irene's stomach.You're stupid for not knowing it sooner Tae.Sweet, sweet Tae always accepting the love he thinks he deserves, Irene smiles softly caressing her fingers against the younger's head.Love him Taehyung, it's not wrong.Noona-, he utter desperately under his breathe because she shoudn't say things like this when her heart is in pain.Shut up Taehyung, I was never the one for you even if you try so hard to stay with me - even when all of you wants him. Love him.And Taehyung weeps harder than he has ever before because he thinks he broke someone's heart in order to love someone's elses heart.Taehyung brought both his arms around her lean waist, bringing her impossibly closer but within seconds Irene shifts and crouch down on her knees and she lift her index finger to his left chest.And if you're lucky-I mean if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet-in which you are, Irene smiles as the younger looks at her wistfully, the person you love decides to love you back.With that, Taehyung pulls her into his arms as his heart feels a lot more heavier than all those days he felt grief.I really love you noona, i really did.Of course you did Taehyung, i'm your bestfriend. Of course you did. And I'll still love you as your friend even if you don't because i give to not expect so i don't anticipate something that doesn't exist in the first place. I love without any hope of being loved because you're everything to me. Don't blame yourself, you didn't break my heart. I'm fine. I'm just a little moved, in a way i've never felt before.Even if she convinced Taehyung a hundred times for not causing her pain, Taehyung won't ever believes her because she really did was in great pain, like that one time when Taehyung found her with an empty bottle of vodka in the balcony yelling to the world about how unfair it is. That one time where there were dirty dishes in the sink and she cries herself in the bathroom at 3.16 when Taehyung wanted to go to the bathroom.And he blames himself for not seeing the pain she was in.  But some parts of Taehyung's cruel cruel heart, believes her, believes that love is given to some people without them wanting the love in return.Taehyung just let things be.And Taehyung moves out the next day because he felt wrong, so wrong to witness the sadness lingering in her eyes. Even when Irene persuades him that it's fine if Taehyung shifts in the other room. Because Taehyung's kind of love wasn't expecting either but he anticipates the times he gets to see Jungkook.  Three years flew by softly but Irene and Taehyung's friendship never goes missing so when Irene went to Taehyung's Gallery showcase, she smiles warmly in adoration at the sight she was welcome to.She takes in Taehyung in a suit, features sharper and definitely happier, in the arms of a man dressed in everything black (an opposite of sweet, sweet Taehyung) an inch taller than him. And she watches how Taehyung smiles when the guy squeezes his hands whenever someone came praising his art pieces.Who's that beautiful girl in the frame she hears a guy says and she looks at how Taehyung moves around on his feet to search for someone and she takes in a suck of air when his gaze stopped abruptly at her.　　　Because everytime Taehyung looks at her, she fells deeper in love, she always does when it comes to him and nobody else.She knows it's wrongful of her to do so and she prays for a phase in her life when she'll stop loving.And its like everybody stopped breathing and she's just floating in the air . Hi, aisha here!! This isn't prood read, i'll do it tonight. I'm sorry if it's horrible.Thank you for reading, please do leave comments, i'll love to hear what you think of it;)