Chapter 8 (1/1)

Next morning. Yeah, morning. It was actually 9 o’clock when I woke up with a massive head ache. Funny thing is I found myself on the sofa and in Zico’s lap again. Nana and Kyung were again on the couch. I am not really sure I want to know what happened. I got up and went to drink some pain pills. Grandma was in the kitchen and I spent half hour telling her what have happened in the past days. ‘Halmeoni who gets home so drunk after a bingo night?’ I asked finally. ‘… Um… well… un… Did you eat?’ I made a face. ‘You win this time but I will be back.’ I said in English. I left her laughing in the kitchen and went to wash off my makeup. I had no clean clothes so I put on my painting shirt that reached my thighs. Right now I didn’t care about the scars on my thighs. I pulled my hair up high and after that went in the basement. There I took out everything on the canvas. I must have painted for at least an hour. I had just finished painting the cub and the crowd in it when I heard Nana. ‘She is deaf to the world.’ I turned around to see her standing on the stairs next to Zico. I stuck my tongue at her and put on new canvas. I recalled the picture of the night city and tried to paint it. While painting I started thinking about random things connected to the townscape. Suddenly I caught myself thinking about the kiss in the club. I had been thinking about it replaying that moment in my head for half an hour now. I was shaken by the sudden door slam. I looked around the room but didn’t see anyone. I stepped back to see how the painting turned out. There was something in it. Maybe the colors were different from what I remembered. I had put too much purple and pink. I shuddered. It had turned out good so I wasn’t doing to redo it. I went to the only furniture in the room- a sofa and sat down. There next to me was my sketch book but there on the page was a drawing that wasn’t mine. In fact it was a drawing of me with my back turned. Someone had drawn me while I was dressed like that! This someone had even drawn my scars- the three little “x”-es on my left thigh and the big pink one on my right. On top of that there was one “Z” in the edge of the drawing. I was furious! I ran upstairs yelling his name but instead of him was met by Kyung. ‘He went home. Why? What happened? What did he do this time?’ I showed him the drawing. ‘He must really like you because he doesn’t usually do that.’ Kyung said pushing me back so that we were now both sitting on the steps. ‘I don’t care! I didn’t give him the right to draw my scars!’ I felt Kyung’s fingers run along the three ‘x’-es on my thigh. ‘YAH! What the hell do you think you are doing! ’ I slapped his hand away. ‘Sorry. It is just you don’t see girl with scars like these every day.’ Kyung defended himself. ‘I bet you don’t see girl beat up guys too.’ I was joking but Kyung nodded. ‘You know Zico was really impressed. This is a lot coming from him. The first time he saw you he called you depressed nerd.’ ‘What?! When was that?’ We haven’t met before he moved next door. ‘On the graduating. After that one night we saw you making graffiti and he got interested. That is why he moved here. He is determinate to make you fall for him.’ I got up and went to my room. ‘ZICO!’ I yelled over my lugs on the balcony. It took him a few seconds to show up. ‘I will never fall for you!’ I yelled at him and he smirked. ‘Great then I am ordering you to be my girlfriend until the end of the month.’ ‘And If I don’t you will put that video in the internet.’ He nodded. ‘Are you going to keep sitting on the balcony dressed like that?’ he asked and I realized that I was wearing only oversized shirt. I quickly hid in my room. I was still angry. I dressed and went to the flower shop with Nana. There I did the usual work like watering the plants, cleaning and spraying against pests. I was cleaning the leaves of a flower when someone bumped in me and I fell on the ground. ‘I am really sorry!’ I looked up and saw my oppa offering me his hand to help me get up. I took his hand and he pulled me up. ‘Can you tell me to who I must pay for that flower?’ He pointed to the pot in his hands. I forgot how to speak. ‘I am the cashier today.’ I said in English but corrected myself and repeated in Korean. ‘Really? Aren’t you too small?’ ‘I am just helping. I am the owner’s sister.’ It wasn’t practically a lie. The gang was like a sisterhood. I took the flower to pack it. ‘Is it for someone special?’ I said coolly. Why did I ask that? Am I jealous?’Should I pack it as a gift?’ Nice safe Lijung! ‘No, it is for me.’ He gave me the money and I started advising him how to take care of the flower. I knew I should shut up but couldn’t. I must have sounded like a geek. ‘If I have some questions can I come to ask you? ’ I nodded. ‘For whom should I ask?’ ‘It is Lijung.’ I smiled politely. ‘Nice to meet you I am Kim Myungsoo.’ I almost said I know but stopped myself and smiled politely. After that he left the shop. I needed a few minutes to realize that I was holding the towel for leaves a little too hard. I put it aside and went to find Nana. She was just coming out of the backroom when I pulled her in a bone crushing hug. ‘L! What is wrong with you! Let go you are going to break my bones!’ I was smiling like the Cheshire cat. I jumped up and down a few times and said: ‘Guess who was in the shop and guess with whom I finally talked!’ She stared at me. ‘No. Freaking. Way! Kim Lijung did you just talk with who I think you talked?’ she yelled in English and I nodded. And from that moment on we acted like school girls from shoujo anime. For the rest of the day I was flying from happiness. When our work time was over we locked the shop and went to the bus stop. ‘You missed the buss.’ We were greeted by Kyung who was sitting under the street light near the bus stop. ‘Want me to walk you home?’ Eventually we agreed and started walking home. ‘So why is Lijung so happy?’ He asked. ‘Go with L she doesn’t like it when people use her real name.’ Nana warned him. I jumped on her back and hugged her. ‘I am happy because I saw my oppa!’ ‘Well I guess I am happy for you but please don’t tell that to Zico.’ ‘Why it is not like we are d….’ ‘Dating. They are dating. Can you imagine Kyung! Zico ordered her to be his girlfriend for the month!’ Nana was yelling a top of her lugs. Kyung bursted out laughing. ‘Too bad they are. Oh well I guess I can’t like my best friend’s girl. Then Nana do you want to go out on a date with me?’ ‘YAH! I won’t be consolation prize!’ Nana yelled but soon she was laughing. ‘We can go on a double date.’ She offered and soon Kyung was laughing along with her. I growled and I turned homeward. At home I didn’t miss to praise to grandma. I made dinner and then ate with grandma. I warned her that my panic attack is close. She looked at me with sad eyes but smiled. ‘You will be fine. Look it has been over month and a half it is getting better! You are getting stronger! My girl is growing up!’ She made me laugh and I felt better again. She went to her room to sleep and so did I. There I was greeted by Zico who was lying on my bed, again. ‘What do you want?’ ‘Why can’t I come to see my girlfriend?’ He asked and sat up. ‘No. Now get out!’ He shook his head and tapped the place next to him. I stood where I was not moving but he reached out and pulled me down next to him. ‘I will handcuff you to me if I have to but you are not leaving my sight again. Have you eaten?’ ‘Yes. Why are you so worried about me so sudden?’ he shuddered. ‘Have you eaten?’ He thought about it for a bit. What the hell? How can you not know if you have eaten? He finally nodded. ‘I will bring you something.’ He didn’t stop me. There were some riceballs left from dinner so I brought them to him. He ate them happily. ‘Why did you think about it?’ ‘I don’t know if what me and my brother made could be called food since we actually threw it away. He went out to have dinner with his girlfriend.’ ‘You have a brother?’ he nodded. ‘Where are your parents? Couldn’t your mother cook for you? Isn’t that what mothers do?’ he shuddered. ‘I don’t remember. My parents haven’t been at home for at least a year. They travel a lot.’ I got interested and started asking questions. Simple ones like: What is the feeling to gather around the table like a family? I know he said he doesn’t see them often but still they were alive. I must have fallen asleep lying on the bed next to him. The nightmares came out of nowhere and it felt like my head was being ripped open. There was again that tattoo, blood and pain. Actual hard pain in my thighs. Someone was shaking me and whispering my name. I thought it was grandma but remembered that Zico was with me when I fell asleep. I couldn’t focus anything. It was dark in the room but I knew everything was spinning. I felt something on my hands that could be only blood. I must have dug my nails in my thighs. ‘Lijung, L! L wake up! Are you awake?’ I nodded. ‘What the hell was that nightmare about that made you cry and yell?’ ‘I have those nightmares ever since I saw my parents get killed. It repeats every night it just gets worse once a month or two.’ I knew by the look on his face that he wanted to know more but didn’t dare to ask so I keep on. ‘My parents were killed by a gang when I was eight. I was hiding under the table in the sitting room. They told me to hide there. My parents were in a gang too. They were tough and fought well but in the end the others killed them. There was a lot of blood. Did you know that in the human body there is from 5 to 6 liters blood? That in front my eyes wasn’t like in the movies. It was way worse. Then the other gang pulled me from under the table. They were girls, only girls. They had a tattoo- heart with wings and a little ball. The leader left those scars on my thighs and after that they set the house on fire. They thought I wouldn’t be able to escape with those wounds and I actually wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Nana. She was living with us. She is half Japanese and actually half Dara’s sister. We were supposed to go over to sleep at Taehyun. She was already there and Dad was supposed to take me there but… Nana got worried and made the rest come to see if everything was fine. When she saw the burning house she went straight in. She saved me and burned her legs in the process. From then on we are inseparable.’ I finished with the tale and I actually felt a little bit better. However I wasn’t prepared for the hug Zico gave me. I tried to shake him off but he didn’t move so I gave in and fell asleep again. Nightmares didn’t stop. Nana POV I woke up in the middle of the night. I had the feeling something wasn’t right so I tried calling Lijung but her phone must have been dead. I got up and started walking around in the room. I didn’t want to wake up the girls because we had school after a few hours but I needed someone to check up on L. Then it hit me: Zico was only one balcony away from her. Too bad I didn’t ask him for his number. But then again I did have Kyung’s number. We exchanged numbers the previous night while Zico was caring L. ‘Hello Kyung?’ I heard humming sound from the other side. ‘Sorry for weakling you up but could you call Zico to chick up on L? I think she may be having her panic attack.’ ‘Of course I will call him right away.’ He sounded awake already. Does he like L that much? ‘I will call you when I find out.’ ‘Thank you.’ I said and hung up. I kept walking around the room but after five minutes or so the phone rang. ‘What happened?’ ‘Zico is with her. She is having horrible nightmares. Is that the panic attack?’ ‘Yes, good think that at least he is with her. She tends to hurt herself in her sleep.’ ‘Zico said she dug her nails in her thighs and arms. Have you thought of cutting her nails?’ I shook my head but remembered he can’t see me. ‘We tried but then she started biting and we decided it is better that way. I really hope she doesn’t kill Zico in her sleep.’ ‘Don’t worry he will handle it. So did you thought about the date?’ I laughed. ‘See you at school Kyung.’ I hung up and went to bed.