Chapter 53 (1/1)

Raymond stood before the full length mirror in his room adjusting his bowtie.  Everything must be perfect.  Tonight was the night his dreams would finally come true.  He had waited so long for this night to come and now that it was finally here, he can't fight the nervous apprehension that was filling him up.  He tugged at his bowtie again just as Jazz walked in."Ray, the limo is downstairs and waiting," Jazz informed him while he bent and began packing some of Raymond's toiletries into a small duffel bag.Still poised in front of the mirror, Raymond asked softly, "Did you give her the passes to come tonight?"Jazz met Raymond's gaze through the mirror and nodded his head slowly.  "I called her again this morning and tried to persuade her to go but she said she's busy with work.  She did tell me to congratulate you for her when you accept the award."Raymond knew Charmaine wasn't busy with work.  And even if she was he was sure she could have made time to attend if she really wanted to.  She simply didn't want to go or better yet, in his point of view, she had moved on from their relationship.  But that day in Court, he felt as if she wanted to get back together with him.  She had grabbed his hand and the look she gave him said it all.  She had been on the verge of saying something but he didn't get the chance to hear what she wanted to say because those annoying reporters got in their way and started firing questions at them left and right.  He immediately felt her tense beside him and when he glanced down at her, she had pulled her hand away and her face was one of disdain.  Then just as suddenly she left with Wayne Lai and he never heard from her since.  Later in the evening he had tried calling her but she never answered.  He left a few messages that night for her to please return his calls.  She never did.  The next day when he still hadn't heard from her, he began to lose hope that they would ever work things out between them.  Soon, he was too busy to fret over her.  The awards ceremony was coming up and he needed to prepare for that.  It was only yesterday that he had asked Jazz to invite her to attend as his guest.  Now hearing that she won't even be part of one of the most important evenings of his life dampened his spirits.  He turned from the mirror to give Jazz a weak smile and said, "Let's go."Jazz caught the flash of disappointment on Raymond's face and wished he was able to help him.  He knew that Charmaine was still crazy in love with Raymond.  When he saw her last night and mentioned Raymond, he saw the same regret and hopelessness on her face that he was now seeing on Raymond's.  Jazz just didn't understand why the two of them are fighting against their own feelings.  It's obvious that they are both in love with each other.  Why can't they put aside their differences and make it work?  Wanting to comfort Raymond and yet not knowing how, Jazz said, "I know Charmaine will come around soon."Raymond didn't think so.  Charmaine was a very stubborn person.  Once her mind was made nothing and no one can change it.  "I hope you're right," he said quietly, although his tone lacked conviction.Jazz hated seeing his two friends like this.  For the past few days he's been racking his brain to see if there was any way to pull these love birds back together.  He knew that the only major thing standing between them was the paparazzi or, in other words, their lack of privacy.  He wondered whether Raymond was willing to sacrifice all his years of hard work and fame for the woman he loved.  Curiosity made Jazz pull on Raymond's arm, stopping him in mid-step.  "Have you ever considered leaving the entertainment circle and living an ordinary life?"Raymond was a bit surprised by the question from Jazz but something in the way he was looking at him made him think the question was somehow related to Charmaine.  He had at one point thought about giving up everything for her but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.  Acting and singing had always been his dream.  Now that he was finally being recognized for all his hard work and efforts, he didn't want to give it up so easily, at least not yet.  He was going to be the lead in a few upcoming films.  The roles were interesting and he wants to see how versatile his acting was.  He knew he would forever regret it if he were to back down now.As if reading Raymond's thoughts, Jazz gave him a look of understanding and said solemnly, "I don't know why I asked that when I know the answer to it already.  All these years that I've been with you, I know how hard you work.  You're already a successful superstar but that's not enough for you.  It's not about the fame or even the money.  It's because you really enjoy your work."Clasping Jazz's shoulder, Raymond said hoarsely, "You're the only one that truly understands me."Jazz gave him a small smile and then asked quietly, "But is that worth giving up the woman you love and hurting her in the process?"Raymond's fingers tightened involuntarily on Jazz's shoulder as the question sunk in.  And it all boils down to one thing, which was more important to him: his dream career or spending his life with the only woman that he had ever loved.  Not willing to answer that or even think about it, Raymond moved towards the door and said, "Let's go or we'll be late for the ceremony."----------------------------------------------------------Charmaine curled her legs beneath her on the couch and flicked on the TV.  Tonight was the night of the Hong Kong awards ceremony.  Although Raymond had invited her to attend she felt it was better, for the both of them, that she didn't go.  Going would only give him false hope on their relationship.  At this time, she just wasn't sure what she wanted.  Yes, she wanted Raymond.  She wanted to be with him so badly that just thinking about him hurts her more than anything ever would.  Yet, she knew she will never be completely happy knowing that their relationship would forever be in the spotlight.  That was something she just can't come to terms with and doubt she ever could."Is it on yet?" Myolie asked as she came out of the kitchen carrying a plate of freshly cut fruits.Charmaine focused her attention on the screen and responded dully, "Yes.  They're introducing the nominees for the Best Supporting Actor award."Myolie heard Charmaine's bleak tone and turned her attention towards her.  "You're still thinking about him aren't you?"Meeting Myolie's gaze, Charmaine answered truthfully, "I never stopped and it hurts so much.""Then why are you being so stubborn?" Myolie asked quietly."It's complicated," Charmaine said as if that response was enough.Shaking her head, Myolie said a bit firmly, "It's only complicated because you made it so.  You two should really sit down and have a long talk."  Not getting a response to that, Myolie added, "You said you love him then why can't you at least do that?"Charmaine knew Myolie was right.  That day in Court, hadn't she been on the verge of asking for a second chance before the reporters interrupted them.  Raymond had called her numerous times after that but not once had she acknowledged any of his calls.  The scene with the paparazzi made her see that a life with Raymond would be anything but simple and ordinary and it scared her.  Yet, a life without him would be lonely and miserable for she can never love anyone else.  Just then Raymond appeared on the TV screen.  He looked so dashingly handsome in his black tux that Charmaine can't help but admire him and feel a sense of loss.  He was announcing the nominees for the Best Actress Award.  Seeing him so at ease on stage and in front of the cameras made her understand that he truly loved what he did.  She recalled their first meeting and how they got together in Shanghai.  It had been such a happy time for the both of them.  She would never forget it for as long as she lived.  As she watched him on screen, entertaining the audiences with his charismatic presence, a small smile formed on her lips.Myolie saw the smile and said with encouragement, "Charmaine, go to him.  I know he gave you passes to the ceremony.  I think he would really love it if you were there when they present him with the Best Actor award.  It would mean so much to him."Charmaine suddenly stood up and ran into her room.  She threw on her one and only evening dress and without a goodbye to Myolie ran out of the apartment.Myolie laughed aloud as she got up to close the door behind Charmaine.  Just then she heard the nominees for the Best Actors award.  There was a stretch of silence when Raymond's name came up and the cameras spanned to his empty seat.  On screen, the presenter of the award looked awkwardly around him as if waiting for someone to tell him where Raymond Lam was.--------------------------------------------------Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, Raymond used the other to loosen his bow tie.  He can't believe he had just walked out on the biggest night of his life.  He must be crazy for doing so.  And yet, he knew he wasn't.  Instead he felt right and exceptionally happy with his decision.  The tough part now was convincing Charmaine to give him a second chance.