Kim Jongdae considered himself to be a fairly confident guy until he met a boy at his SM audition who was quite similar to himself, named Byun Baekhyun. They both somehow make it as SM trainees, and though Jongdae is excited he can share the experience with his newfound friend, he begins to fall into the depths of his own mind and problems that all start to arise seemingly because of one person: Baekhyun. Or, where Kim Jongdae has psychological trauma debatably caused, and debatably resolved, by Byun Baekhyun. Foreworda/n: This is the first time Ive written my own prompt, as I usually scroll through the exopromptmeme for ideas!  This fic was inspired by a tumblr post, (I have since lost the link) wondering if Jongdae has been on a diet or something like that as of late, because he looked like he was water bloated.I dont personally agree with the statement, (seeing as I dont really look for things like that in the boys), but it inspired all my angsty feels into Jongdae being the one who felt insecure, not Baekhyun - for some reason, all the angsty Baekchen fic about self image and insecurity that Ive ever read have Baekhyun as the self concious one, so I thought this was a good opportunity to see Jongdae in that light.  Warnings: mentions of panic attacks/ panic disorder, mentions of eating disorders, somewhat graphic depiction of vomiting Please note: Ive never had an eating disorder (and the characters in this fic dont have an eating disorder either; it is simply mentioned), nor have I ever been diagnosed with panic disorder (though I have suffered from a few panic attacks), so therefore, I hope I portrayed these conditions to the best of my abilities, and Im sorry if this is not that accurate. I tried. Btws: Titles is taken from a quote from the book Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, and the book is actually about eating disorders and self harm. I really recommend reading the book; its rather insightful.Quote: “I believe that youve created a metaphorical universe in which you can express your darkest fears. In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves, and sometimes we do such a good job, we lose track of reality.”