It is when that New Years moment of truth, becomes their THE END. If you resorted to hurt yourself because youre too high up from love the pull of the gravity towards reality results to a better you...might as well fall harder, face down. It is when your favorite number played a joke on your enviable fate but 2018 made her that golden bitch who chose not to look back, who chose to leave you behind. It is when you will spend days and nights wondering about what ifs, but she will never give you the chance to know what is. His words betray his actions. All the letters and lyrics he s written for her, each left a stabbing pain in her whole being. "But I did not love you any less." it was his desperate plea. In fact he loves her too much, he is still hoping that his mistakes will not define who he is to her because he believes that their love, was enough. "Of course...because you did not love me at all." she muttered, finally she accepted it. It was liberating but at the same time suffocating. With a deep breath, she had difficulty in saying, "Lets not hurt each other anymore." It was her goodbye. Apparently, love is not enough to stop her from saying goodbye.  ForewordWAS:Forget a promenadeLets juggernaut down memory laneLeave no thought alive to the slaughterhouseIm takin my painIts time to sever my brain from my heart and soulMy knees are burnin hot but God is coldIve been told "One day, youll know too much of heavens a sinAfter the show, its only hell that it bringsSo take it slow and let time heal everything"They say that time flies but you keep breakin its wingsYoull never fadeFade to black“If I wasn’t young and stupid probably, we’re happily married with a daughter that looks like her.”he looked down with tears brimming in the corners of his eyes. He had to look away from the camera to prevent it from falling. He bit his lips and chuckled to hide the sadness, but the slashing pain he felt when his heart beat, cannot be stopped.A desperate move to get a reaction from her. Stupid and pathetic but he is desperate.Set a year after his military training, a year after his release from that god-forsaken training, it is the long-awaited TV comeback of the KING of Kpop.“Our daughter could be three years old this year, and she will have a palm tree hair, because her mom would definitely play with her like a doll.” Whispers from the audience were heard. Mentioning palm-tree hair is almost like saying who she is.“OH…Is she…?” the MC raised his eyebrows mouthed her name. Her name made his heart flutter that caused him a stabbing pain in his chest.He did not name drop but it was a dead giveaway.It is a known fact GDragon have “dated” a lot of women during his glorious days of 20’s. Every year a different woman in the news but, there was only one.Sandara Park is the only woman he really loved, but like he said he was young and stupid.After a year from his military discharge, or a very torturing year of trying to talk to her, he realized it was too late. Dara is now armed with indifference.He wants her to hate him at least, but indifference is what she only has for him.He can still remember Youngbae’s Wedding where she avoided him, totally ignored him. He is looking at her the whole time, but she did not even glance his way. That one time he looked away, she disappeared.Days before his enlistment, he was waiting outside her house, he camped outside her building but she never came out. He went to the places she frequents to, but he never saw her again. He wrote to her everyday, when he gets the chance to, but she never replied. He almost gave up on his life while inside the camp but the chance of seeing her again encouraged him to keep going, to stay. She’s the most beautiful woman he ever laid his eyes on. Her beauty and her love fueled the emotions inside of him which allowed him to create beautiful songs.She was her muse.His one great love.She was his.WAS. You left me paralyzedNo cure, no rehab for meFunny that you got the nerve to keep askin meHow Ive beenYoure the victor in this pageantryBut the only trophy you deserve: catastropheId rather we be dead to each otherNo eulogies said for each otherNo rest in peacesThe memories, got my chest in piecesIm prayin that your eyes are the first to goThe way they looked when you smiled, the way they opened and closedThen your nose, every single breath against my neckAnd then your lips, every empty promise made and said“Did he really say that?!” she smiled when the interview of her ex-lover was mentioned by the interviewer of an international magazine. The interviewer was asking her about the buzz Gdragon created when he mentioned about a daughter with a palm-tree hair, technically creating a scandal, confirming their relationship but at the same time announcing that they already broke up without really dropping her name. “Smart bastard.”She laughed lightly, unable to quickly respond to that question. “I don’t really know what to say but I guess he was really young and stupid. Find strength Gdragon-ssi.” she smiled half-heartedly. Her mouth responded quicker than her brain.If Dara was being honest, she has seen his interview and it only made her quirk an eyebrow. Kwon Jiyong getting emotional on broadcast did not faze her. She knows deep within, it was his heart talking but not for her to romanticize it. Somebody give him a fucking cookie.Never mess with a woman who survived a broken heart because like gold, they become indestructible. She wanted to personally thank Kwon Jiyong for hurting her, because she never knew she can always be a better version of herself.After calling it quits, she did her best in disassociating herself that has anything to do with him. She said goodbye to YGE, to start anew. Her acting was well-loved by the public when she played Jang Bora, that earned her a lot of offers but she decided to end the contract with YG Family.Labels were making lovecalls left and right, but she chose a small-time independent company, then after three years, she made it grow. There’s no denying that indeed she was gold.Interrupting her trail of thoughts, she was asked, “Are you willing to be friends again with Gdragon-ssi?”She answered, “No. If you become friends with an ex, it’s either you still love him, or you never loved him at all.” It’s better this way, because clearly, she does not love him anymore, but she loved him too much. She cannot gamble again, it’s risky. His name still gives her butterflies though she has no idea if it’s because she still has a shard of love or it’s her bitterness.He gave her all to that man. He was her everything, he was her universe.Even her soul was stripped off her, because she allowed him to.Jokes on her though, he does not deserve to know her like that.She was in love with him.He was her man.He was hers.WAS.